


Will You Play House With Me?

by Snowberry90



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Family Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 86,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowberry90/pseuds/Snowberry90
Summary: Juvia and Gray have been assigned a Special Request: Live in our house and take care of our baby. For two wizards that have never so much a touched a dirty diaper but have taken on Necromancers and Demons and Dragons, how difficult can a thirteen month old be? Hijinks and Fairy Tail style lunacy ensue in my first every FanFic.Warning: Long Story. Also Cursing. Like a lot.
Relationships: Gray Fullbuster/Juvia Lockser
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	1. Happy Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. 
> 
> As you can tell, this is long story. My word count informs me that chapter one alone has 6515 words. That may seem long, until you find out I've written close to *60,000* words.
> 
> For.
> 
> Just. 
> 
> Three.
> 
> Chapters.
> 
> And no, this story isn't three chapters long, I actually have no idea how many could come for this, but based on some of the scenes I've already written up, I say close to fifteen if I keep up with story.
> 
> *I really want to keep up with this story.*
> 
> It's my first one, so please be gentle, I've never put myself out here like this before, and just thinking about makes my arms shake with nerves.
> 
> Just a few things to note before the story begins- 
> 
> By the way, thank you so much for reading so far into the AN. I really appreciate it. Even I've been subject to tl;dr, and skipping ahead to the story, sometimes.
> 
> Anyway, my notes.
> 
> Though I'm uploading three chapters fairly close together, the meat of the story doesn't begin until chapter four. That's when the baby shows up.
> 
> 1\. I know this sounds a little ridiculous, but I tried to write this like an actual story in an anime, and got carried away with the background story.
> 
> You have my deepest apologies.
> 
> Anyway, if you just came for the cute baby fluff you'll have to wait until chapter four. Follow, subscribe, for the update later. If you like hijinks and general Fairy Tail lunacy, *read on my fair knight!*
> 
> 2\. I'm not sure how many are aware of this, but the money system in Fairy Tail represents how Yen behaves. So J7500 isn't $7,500 but ¥7500, which is closer to $75 American. I always remove the last two digits to clear up my confusion. I just think of them as the cents column.
> 
> 3\. There are OCs in this, but they're only background characters to move the story along. I couldn't find actual characters to fill in some of the roles, so it couldn't be helped.
> 
> Um, I think that's all. If you have any questions, I'm super open to DMs. And if you have headcanons or things you'd like to see in the story, please feel free to tell me. I love new ideas, and wont be bothered in the slightest.
> 
> Okay. Grab a snack, cuddle in a blanket, pee if you must, (*Hopefully not in that order.*) and enjoy the first chapter of Will You Play House With Me?
> 
> Mwah!

~×J×~

Juvia Lockser was staring blankly out of her window.

She wasn't focusing on the swaying pines or the glittering frost that covered the grass. Her mind couldn't seem to take in the stars that gleamed so much brighter in this altitude, nor was she watching out for the polar lights three locals had already told her would dazzle her senses, and make her question her place in the universe. 

No, all she could do was think. Try as hard as she could to wrap her mind around what had occurred today. Rather than taking in the sights, Juvia was busy thinking back to all she'd gone through earlier, to finally reach this point. How could so many ridiculous things happen in such a short amount of time? She'd been so carelessly happy this morning, her thoughts had been inane and down right peaceful. Daydreams and memories. That's what she'd been smiling about.

Her eyes shuttered.

An hour and a half was all it took to turn that upside-down.

She turned away from the window and took a deep breath, the first waves of exhaustion truly hitting her. Flopping face-first on the bed, she felt her blue hair falling in a messy heap where ever it wanted. Her thoughts were melting into white fuzz, she couldn't bring her emotions into check. She didn't know how she felt.

Was she happy? Hungry? Bored? Nervous? All she could identify with was tired.

Too tired to change out of her travel clothes, too tired to shower, to brush her hair, to read, to flip on to her back and prevent her own suffocation. Tired in her mind, tired to her bones. 

She'd gone through a lot today...

~×J×~

Juvia had begun her day around 8:15 am. It was a cool Saturday morning. The sun was shining brightly, the trees were mostly bare, and the perky bluenette could be found kicking her legs through the red and gold leaves covering the stone path connecting the Fairy Hill's girls dormitory to Fairy Tail's main guildhall. 

Though winter was by far her favorite season, for obvious reasons, autumn always came with it's charms. The wind rustling through her bright blue hair had a pleasant bite to it, and the sunlight that filtered through the naked maple trees was a bit sharper, clearer. It was unusually quiet in that moment, because the birds had already gone south, but Juvia wasn't complaining. As soon as she walked through the doors of her favorite wizard guild, noise would be in abundance.

The water mage wondered what would be in store for today. Who would be fighting who? Or more likely, who would be fighting Natsu? 

She sighed audibly. 

Hopefully, it was someone other than Gray. She'd had yet to have a conversation with him I two weeks, he was so busy with work. It would be nice if for once, rather than show up to the guild and pick a fight with the first boy he saw, he instead walked up to Juvia and engaged with her.

And not even with marriage! She understood they had to take it a little slower, after all, her handsome prince was shy, but...

Well, of course she was always willing to cheer on her beloved as he round house kicked his friends, bandage the wounds Erza inflicted after someone inexplicably ruined her shortcake, get him a drink of the strongest alcohol Fairy Tail had in it's possession to help distract him from his injuries, and recap on how well he did, but... 

But for once she just wanted them to talk. *Really* talk. 

About what, who knows? 

Her day, his dreams, the middle names of their first three sons. (Juvia liked Tundra, Ulrich, and Teru, but maybe he had a difference in opinion?) Anything was alright with Juvia, as long as they talked.

And maybe today was the day. Maybe today she would find Gray-sama sitting alone, waiting for her. He could invite her over, and tell her he spent all night waiting outside the guild, just so he could get them a private table. Juvia would laugh and say that there were plenty tables in and around the guildhall, there was really no need for Gray-sama to sleep on the cold ground. And Gray would laugh in turn, telling her that he had a hard time thinking straight when it came to her. Juvia would blush, and he would comment on how pretty the color looked on her.

"You should wear pink more often," he'd murmur in a honeyed voice.

Her eyes would widen, shocked, "Do you truly think so? Juvia has been wearing blue for so long, and, well, it reminds her of you..."

He'd stand then, a glimmer in his eyes, and announce, "Then *I'll* wear pink from now on, so I can remember the cute look you make when we're alone together!"

"Oh, Gray-sama!" She'd reply, fluttering her lashes.

Just then, his friends would arrive, interrupting their very private, very intimate conversation. 

"Hey, Gray," crowed her beloved's pink haired rival, "come with us, we have a mission that's too difficult for us without you. After all, there's no Team Gray, without Gray!" 

Gray spun around, punching Pinky right in the face. "How many times have I told you not to interrupt me when I'm alone with my dear Juvia?!"

She gasped, long hair flowing behind her, "Oh Gray-sama, don't fight over Juvia! Violence is never the answer. It's just they love you so much, they can't do anything without you!"

"I understand," he said gallantly, gathering her in his arms, "but I can't stand when your sweet, delicate voice is interrupted by anyone, let alone him." He looked away sadly, tears glistening down his cheeks. "You know, he's been in love with you from the start. All those fights you saw? They were for your hand!"

"Say it isn't so!" Her hands leapt to her mouth in surprise. "But surely Gray-sama knows there is only room in her heart for one? For you!"

Gray released her, completely turning away, as the tears continued to flow freely down his face. "Juvia please, do not tease me, my heart couldn't take it. If you have any doubts about your feelings for me, speak it now, before I fall irrevocably in love with you!"

"Gray-sama, if you fell that deeply for Juvia, you would find her standing there all along. For she fell in that chasm of love years ago," she turned his chin, wiping the last of his tears away, *"for you."*

He squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them, the depth of love had deepened to impossible lengths. He leaned into her embrace, his hands tangling in her hair. "Then there's only one thing left to do."

He bent his head, lips aligned with Juvia's, who was standing on the balls of her feet. Millimeters separated them, his mouth opened a bit, ready to cover hers-

*"WAIT!"*

The lovers turned their heads in the direction of the offending screech. Of course, they should have known, it was the blonde bimbo. Truthfully, it was shocking she had waited this long to interfere. For years the pitiful girl had been hounding Gray, in a feeble attempt at finding love. Everyday she could be found wearing fewer and fewer clothes, but more globs of make-up. Juvia never felt threatened by her, of course, she just wished the poor girl could find her own path to happiness.

"We need you to come on this mission Gray, how else will I be able to stick my claws in you- I mean, pay my rent?!"

"Enough, Bimbo!" The knight had finally spoken, derailing the hussy's financial woes from appealing to Gray's too soft heart. The red headed warrior was a true ally, after all. "I do not wish to impale you, but to protect this lovely young couple, I will do what I must. Concede defeat, and allow them to live in peace, maybe then a spirit will smile down on you, and gift you a boyfriend of your own."

"Do you really believe that will be possible?" She asked, rightfully unconvinced.

"Of course, there are plenty of blind men in Fiore, and once Juvia's beauty has been swept off the market, they will have to settle for anyone. Why would you be an exception?"

Blondie nodded, encouraged by those potential prospects. She readjusted the rubber band she called a shirt, and melted into the background, allowing Gray to do what he had wanted to do for years, but he was too much of a gentleman to do in front of his pining teammate. 

He climbed onto the bar, pulling Juvia along with him, and kissed her, in front of the entire guild. There were cheers, tears from the rejected women, and calls for their wedding date, but Juvia heard none of it, too happy to be proudly embraced by her love. 

~×J×~

Juvia sighed, happily.

Yeah, any day now, she would walk into the guild and experience that very same thing. Really, the only thing missing from that fantasy, was a plate of chocolate croissants, but that could just be the early morning hunger talking. 

The guild would have only just opened, which meant Mirajane Strauss, Fairy Tail's resident flaxen haired barmaid, would either have just come back from a trip to the bakery, or would be found pulling something fresh from the oven. Either way, Juvia hoped she had those sweet chocolate filled pastries waiting for her. That, a cup of Earl Grey, and a quiet conversation with her Gray-sama, would start off her day nearly as perfectly as that daydream coming to life would have.

*Nearly* as perfectly. 

Rounding a corner on the path, which brought the beach into clearer view, Juvia's thoughts began to drift again. She wondered when Gray would arrive today. She wasn't even entirely sure where he'd been whisked off to now, but chances were he wouldn't be there before her. 

She loved him dearly, but she also knew he was not much of an early riser. The dark look he used to give her, when she woke him with her cooking, cleaning, and singing at the crack of dawn, could rival those of some of her fiercest opponents. 

She giggled softly, remembering the early days of their life in the cabin. Acquiring the little cottage was the simplest part, the entire village had been abandoned. They simply chose the one with the most garden space that could be could be tended to quickly. 

Juvia'd believed it would lessen the burden of food expenses if they grew their own fruits, vegetables, and herbs, and if they had trouble finding work, the bluenette could always sell the extras to the larger town, a few miles over. 

She was sure she had it all figured out. 

What Juvia hadn't expected were the pains of adjusting to each other's habits. 

Juvia and Gray had worked together frequently on missions and jobs before. Those jobs would often last for days on end, which meant either bunkering down in a nearby hotel, or camping out under the stars. Mostly the latter. So she thought she understood what he would be like just waking up. How much different could it be; making camp and having a home? Juvia skipped over a large stone, shaking her head; the difference was monumental.

When they had taken those missions, there was always either a time crunch, or a level of discomfort so pronounced they couldn't wait to start the day. In their home, not so much. 

Gray liked to train, he liked to take jobs, he liked looking for information on E.N.D., but above all else, Gray liked sleeping in. He genuinely believed there was no difference in starting out the day at 6 am or noon, except that he'd be in a better mood at noon. 

When everything that needed to be done, could be done at their own schedule, he wanted that schedule to start when the sun was nearly down. 

It boggled Juvia's mind.

She'd tried everything to convince him to rouse earlier; she made his favorite foods, whispered sweetly in his ear, pointed out all the animals he'd missed out on while he was asleep, showed him articles on sleep health on the small lacrima they'd owned, went to bed at ridiculously earlier times, hoping he would get bored and sleep earlier too, but nothing worked.

Instead, he would eat his breakfast hours later, stone cold, pointedly ignoring her glacial looks. He swatted her words away in his sleep, nearly knocking Juvia out one time. He would shrug nonchalantly and remark that Happy honestly turned him off to most animals, anyway. Any articles would be closed so he could watch a drama that he liked, with a scoff that she didn't know who those quacks were, or where they were getting their information from. And when she went to bed at 2:30 pm, sunlight bathing their living room with a warm golden glow, he would announce how much he appreciated her thoughtfulness, he couldn't express how much this alone-time meant to him.

That had hurt her feelings a little.

It went beyond the sleep differences, though. Fundamentally, their individual sense of peace and balance was almost laughably different. Juvia liked contrasting meals, fresh vegetables and savory meat, sweet pastries and slightly bitter drinks. Gray disliked most things with sugar, and Juvia found herself having to find creative ways to hide vegetables from his notice. 

Gray always took showers at night, Juvia took showers whenever she wanted to feel refreshed, sometimes multiple times a day. Which meant bumping into each other in the hall, both intent on bathing, it meant limited hot water being used up and stoney silences filling the house, afterwards. (Though why Gray would get mad at having to take a cold shower, Juvia couldn't understand, he was always bragging about his tolerance with frigid temperatures.) And inevitably, it meant run-ins. 

*Naked* run-ins. 

When he'd walked in on her with one foot in the shower, full frontal on display, he swore that from that day on, it would be baths in the river for him, or no baths at all. (A week later, a family of leeches brought that bright idea to an end.) When he'd returned to bathing in the house, they had to set "*ground rules.*"

And by they, she meant him.

It started small; the bathroom door had to have a new lock. 

Well, that seemed reasonable on the surface. The old one didn't work, and sometimes the door opened on its own. It was a feature of their home that had frustrated Juvia to no end. So she'd agreed, setting aside the amount of Jewel Gray said he'd need for the project. Juvia had gone to sleep that night, foolishly believing that that was that and all of their issues had been resolved.

But he started pushing further, because then they needed a knocking system.

One tap for sink, two for toilet, three for shower.

Sounds simple right? 

Well it wasn't.

First off, as Juvia tried to explain when Gray came up with this silly idea, the shower was nowhere near the door, it was on the other side of the bathroom. Which meant anyone *in* the shower couldn't knock on the door because it was too far away, and they couldn't hear the door being knocked on, because of the running water.

Also because of the running water, it should have been pretty damn clear *someone was in the bathroom!*

And secondly, if someone was on the toilet, in the middle of their very important business meeting there, Juvia hardly thought they would just *get up* from the toilet, to knock twice on the door, assuring the person outside, that someone was indeed occupying the space. 

She was pretty sure both them would just scream through the door that they were using bathroom right now, come back later.

'Cause that's what normal cognitively functioning humans would do, and Juvia just so happened to be one of them.

Gray... The results still needed to come in.

Because he wasn't willing to hear any of her arguments, and even more disastrously, he decided that the knocks were *too simple*. They didn't cover broadly what the other person could be doing in there.

Like there was so many options.

Ah, yes, let's remember tap tap double tap knock knock slap, just in case Juvia decided to host Princess Hisui in their bathtub, *that made a lot of sense.*

The tapping game didn't last a week, mostly because Juvia couldn't be bothered remembering all those combinations, but also because Gray couldn't, either.

Two hours they'd spent huddled on the floor, coming up those combinations, all to end up thrown out the window overnight...

Though if she were being completely honest, Juvia hadn't minded the huddled on the floor for two hours part *one bit.*

He'd also wanted to try color coding, but that plan was blurry on it's best day, and he never bothered buying the paint necessary, so that was one headache adverted.

But then he'd come up with idea that they needed a schedule, and not just for showers, no. Every possible use of the bathroom had to be predetermined, and planned out. Gray made them sit in the living room once again till two in the morning, going over who would get which time and for how long. He wouldn't listen to reason. 

How was she supposed to know what time she'd need to pee tomorrow night, and every night after that? 

What *difference* did it make if she reserved washing her face for 7:14, or 7:17 AM, if he wasn't going to be awake at either time, anyway? 

He'd reasoned, 'Just in case you decided to brush your teeth naked', as if that were a clever response. 

Who, in the middle of brushing their teeth, thinks, 'You know what this menial task needs? Less clothing.' It was the most preposterous thing Juvia had ever heard.

And the hypocrisy on his part was both astounding, and yet, completely lost on him. 

Gray, *Gray Fullbuster*, first of his name, last of his line, the infamous naked ice wizard from the north, was really going to give other people pointers on modesty and public decency?

Were they honestly supposed to pretend, after years of being in Fairy Tail, that they'd never seen a peek? Like she'd never witnessed him in a brawl, just as naked as the day he was born? Why was nudity suddenly such a problem, just because they were living together? When she tried to press him on it, he'd get evasive, muttering that this was different. This was more serious.

That response had not improved Juvia's mood.

So, *Gray* could flash a group of Grandmas knitting sweaters for the homeless, and that was no big deal; '*The cops should focus more on thanking us for saving the senator, not trying to arrest me for a petty misdemeanor.*' he'd scoffed, after she bailed him out with a third of their reward money, her lips pressed in a firm line, to keep silent.

Juvia, though, had to wear three coats when she sold fruit in the village by herself, and a corset after she'd picked up his stripping habit. She tried her hardest not to be petty, but she couldn't imagine him shoving a dozen parkas over Lucy's head, every time she took a stroll. Which meant this wasn't male versus female thing. This was a *Juvia* thing. Literally only Juvia's body was not to be seen by anyone, according to Gray.

Why? 

Would the masses go blind if they caught sight of her elbows? Was he protecting everyone from the next Great Plague, by asking her to dress like a Zentopian nun? Did he think men would projectile vomit in the streets, while women died of aneurysms just because her neck was exposed?

Gray had fled the house that night like he was on fire, and hadn't returned for a solid *fourteen hours*, if other people saw Juvia naked would they just abandon Earthland, entirely? Hide their kids, hide their wives, pack up their homes and flee? Find some way to open the gate to Edolas, and reside as refugees there?

Forgive Juvia, but it had all seemed a little overdone, not to mention, thoroughly insulting.

And she could have moved past that, but there were other things. 

While Juvia loved adding little knick-knacks to make their place feel more homey, Gray didn't care as long as she stopped making her plushies. Of course, Juvia loved her plushies, so that just meant a new problem had arisen between them. 

When the bluenette had left Magnolia to follow Gray, it had happened so promptly, that all of her things had been left behind, including her collection. 

Which meant she had to make a new one, it wouldn't be home without them. 

So Gray, instead of understanding this and acting like an *adult*, would hide her sewing supplies, insist they couldn't afford extravagant indulgences like *fleece* or *buttons* (which cost less than his beer, by far), and used the ones she'd managed to make as airborne target practice, during their training.

She hadn't really understood what was happening when Gray had brought an armful of her plushies to the clearing in the woods, the first time. It hadn't registered in her mind what his intent was. She simply hadn't noticed the preditory gleam in his eye. Not until a seven inch spear of ice impaled the tiny chest of her beloved Scowl Plush Gray-sama™, did she realize what was going on. Only when he fell to the ground, dirt marring his felt, filling spilling out from his stomach, ice melting all over his body, did she realize she'd been witness to a brutal assault on the innocent.

It felt like the wind had been completely knocked out of her body. It was horribly surreal, Juvia had no doubt she would have started screaming if the initial shock hadn't muted her.

She had, however, managed to make a sound when Gray raised a second one, (the one with dimples!) ready and prepared to commit the violent act again. She'd managed to make a few sounds, actually.

That was the first time Juvia had ever yelled at Gray. Yelled, screamed, stomped, and more. Her tirade lasted over 15 minutes, and it was filled with the kind of expletives she'd only heard from Gajeel, after he'd stubbed his toe. She must have looked crazed, eyes so slitted she couldn't really see, hair flying everywhere, legs turned to water, steam billowing from her sleeves, hands curled into fists. 

She may have even shoved him. 

They were both at bit shocked by her visceral reaction, but for some reason that hadn't stopped him from doing it a second, third, or fourth time. She had felt like pulling her hair out. His blatant disregard for her things left her *boiling.*

And so, while lying in bed feeling truly fed up, she'd had the brilliant idea to run to the weekend marketplace and buy as much fabric as she could carry. She'd rushed back home before the sun had even really risen, and got to sewing.

Juvia had worked that needle until her finger tips were numb, and then worked it a little more. She painted, stitched, crocheted, and knitted, barely aware of the sun making it's way from one end of the sky to the other. She didn't move from her spot at the table all day, the water mage hadn't noticed hunger, boredom, or pain. It almost felt like being entranced. An insatiable need to avenge the fallen.

And that's what she did.

Gray had arrived that night, from a solo mission he'd taken for the extra cash, to find himself littering the cottage, ranging from thumb sized chibis all the way up to one larger-than-life plush, who's head easily touched the ceiling while sitting in a corner of the living room. No matter where he looked, his face stared back at him, scowling. 

Well, no, that's not entirely true.

Juvia had managed quite a few expressions besides that.

There was winking Gray, cocky Gray, shirtless Grays and princely Grays. One plush came out with a smolder so intense, Juvia had almost passed out.

She'd put her creations in every crevice of their home that she could find. In the sink was a Gray-sama Dishrag™, their bathroom rug was stitched with his name, a thousand times, in a thousand different fonts. She'd made plushies, and towels, and curtains, and sweaters, and washcloths, and tea cozies, and socks, and a blanket that could have covered the whole house. She'd painted over the mirrors with his face in water colors. She'd added patches to all his clothes. His face, body, and name, added to everything from his shorts, to his wallet, to his towel.

Even the garden had been transformed to reflect his visage. She'd painted the potters with a couple of oil pigments the vendor had thrown in for free, as thanks for the sale. And the two trees behind the garden, had a Gray-sama Hammock with bonus Body Pillow™, strung between them.

Perhaps this was a bizarre way of getting revenge, but his reaction to seeing them, after all that hard work, was the most hilarious and gratifying thing she'd experienced in a long time.

Whenever he'd come across something new, he'd try to school his features so he wouldn't look as affected as he was. But Juvia always caught the stunned look, and she worked hard to hide her giggles. She simply talked to him, asked about his day, what he wanted for dinner, as if she hadn't noticed their place had received an Extreme Make Over: Gray Edition.

He in turn tried to respond as though nothing had changed. When he asked for something to drink, and she pulled a pitcher of lemonade from the fridge with his winking head wearing Rufus's hat. He'd flinched, but then asked for a cup as though he hadn't. When she pulled down a glass that was part of the pitcher's set, featuring Gray suggestively covering his front with said hat, he'd pinched his nose and announced he was no longer thirsty.

Which was funny, because those glasses always seemed to give Juvia the opposite reaction. 

Finally, after trying to take a bath and finding all the bar soap sculpted into his head, and trying to enjoy dinner, only to discover he was eating with a Shirtless Gray-sama Fork™, and cutting his fish with a Pantsless Gray-sama Knife™, he'd given in. 

Gray conceded that the target practice prank was wrong, and he'd never do it again if she swore all of this stuff would be gone within an hour. The water mage agreed fairly quickly, and skipped throughout the house, gathering all her new collectables and placing them in her room with care. The rest of the house seemed more bare without them, but Gray had breathed deeply for the first time since he'd arrived, so she left her comments to herself, for his sake.

She'd won that round because he'd seemingly forgotten how much raw power she held at her fingertips when provoked.

(Juvia lost the next round when he'd discovered she'd spent two weeks worth of savings on her little escapade. She was forced to sell 98% of all her new memorabilia the following week, in the same market she'd bought all of her supplies. They sold quite well. Too well, they'd turned a profit. But no amount of money could return the tears she'd shed as she sold Jumbo Gray-sama Plush-Plush™ to a five year old who couldn't even lift his arm by herself. That had been a devasting day.)

In that instance, she'd been on parr with him though. 

There was one pet peeves that she would never be able to handle, no matter how much time she spent with him. Because his worst habit, the most ridiculous trial, the biggest offender to her sanity, the greatest pain in her ass, had to be awarded to: The Clothes.

Juvia's eyes shuttered, and a groan escaped her, thinking of all the clothes she'd had to pick up, while living with Gray Fullbuster. She could swear her back was getting sore simply from the memory of his clothes scattered up and down that village.

Pants on the lawn, shirts on the roof, socks in the sink, underwear in the river, jackets in trees, and on the water tower.

Juvia became convinced Gray was trying to beat some high score in his mind, recklessly flinging his clothes as far as they could be catapulted, while her back was turned. Or maybe he just wanted to see how far she'd go to retrieve them. If that were the case, she hoped she'd sufficiently amused him.

It had to be intentional. Juvia had picked up his stripping habit, but had never seen her clothes go further than a few feet from her. She tossed them just like he did, why did his clothes make three trips around world before landing? She couldn't seem to wrap her mind around it. 

She'd asked him about it, but he'd shrugged, saying she was exaggerating. She tried watching closely as he ripped his clothes off, but got distracted, because, well, he was ripping his clothes off in front of her, that's kind of distracting. She tried to sense if it was his magic, unintentionally adding force behind his throws, but felt nothing.

It was a puzzle she had yet to figure out.

*An incredibly aggravating puzzle.*

But there were good parts. Really good parts about living together that made most of that headache worth it.

Every morning for those six months, Juvia was the giddiest girl on Earthland. She woke up in the same home as the person she loved most, and seven hours later, she would be greeted by him. She was the first person he saw in the afternoon, and last person he saw at night.

They were each other's confidantes and companions, for the first time Juvia was with someone who was incredibly interested in her childhood, in all the pain she went through thinking herself lesser than, because of her magic. 

She never realized how difficult it would be to open up. One moment she could be talking for an hour and a half straight, going into minute detail about how dry the morning glory muffins in the orphanage were, and then something would resurface, hitting her so hard she would just stare at him mutely, mouth moving, but no sound coming out. 

That memory in particular, of the morning glory muffins, had suddenly reminded her an incident when she was twelve. 

It was deeply surpressed, so when she started recalling images and sounds and the laughter that had surrounded her, but never once *came* from her, it had left her frozen in place.

A couple of those terrible boys had pinned her down, and crushed those muffins into tiny crumbs. They made sure to get as much as possible under her clothes, and tangled into her hair. She'd showered twice that day, but the itch remained for close to a week. After that, Juvia had started wearing hats, insisted on wearing clothes that covered every possible inch of her body.

The water mage wasn't sure why she was surprised at how caring Gray was, this was her love after all, but when he'd held her that day, not asking her to explain why she'd suddenly gone into shock, she'd felt surprise radiate in the back of her mind. 

Maybe because he wasn't much for hugs or open affection, maybe she thought he'd want her to tell him all the traumatic details, she didn't know. 

But in moments like that, when she could breathe in the cold, minty scent of his body wash, while he ran his fingers gently through her hair, asking her soft, distracting questions in an attempt to pull her from the past, it truly cemented in her mind how far she'd come, and how much she loved him. 

Clothes piles, and all. 

~×J×~

Juvia sighed happily again, warmth spreading through her that had nothing to do with the sun, and everything to do with her pleasant memories. She looked up, and realized she had stopped directly in front of Fairy Tail's front gate. 

Time really did fly by when you occupied yourself with pleasant thoughts.

She slipped through the gates, and walked across the shadowy courtyard, humming a little to herself. Juvia loved arriving this early, she found it amusing how chaotic and lively everything could become as the sun made it's way across the sky, and the guild's rowdiest members arrived to add their stamp on the day. 

By 1:30, Fairy Tail's guildhall would be nothing like it was currently; quiet, peaceful, nondescript. A unlabeled sanctuary to those seeking silence. Bunnies could nap, undisturbed, in the guild right now.

Or they could have normally. 

Though Juvia's description of an early Saturday morning here would have been correct on almost any other weekend, today Fiore's best wizard guild had decided to start it's day a little earlier. Juvia swung open the heavy wooden front doors to find an image that would be burned into her memory for a lifetime. 

At first she didn't understand what she was seeing. So many things were happening at once, it took her a moment to comprehend it all. It seemed the entire guild was present, something unheard of this early in the morning, unless there had been a wild, drunken party the night before. 

Which wasn't possible, Juvia had been here Friday night and everyone remarked how unfair it was when Master Makarov announced the continued ban on anything resembling a party for the remainder of the month, for something as silly, and reoccurring, as *property damage.*

(Three mountains, that had served as national landmarks and a pretty profitable tourist trap, were blown up, it's a long story...)

(Actually, no. It's really not. Natsu and Gajeel were to blame. They returned home covered in bandages, with a scroll that had a palpably menacing aura. When Makarov had read it, he'd become steadily whiter until he came upon the ticket price, and promptly passed out. It was the most serious I.O.U. Juvia had witnessed since joining Fairy Tail's ranks. Mavis had burst into tears, flew through the rafters, wailing, and hadn't been seen since. When Master had finally been revived, he bellowed that with a fine that big, the Slayers should never be allowed in the same room again, let alone the same team. Any profits that month had to go to the fine, or the guild would be shut down, and the two Slayers plus Makarov, would be imprisoned by the crown. Which meant that any guild-wide luxuries had to be postponed, i.e. parties. But since Erza had come up with some mystery plan behind the scenes with the master, most of their punishment had been recinded last night, everything except for parties. Huh, what do you know, it actually was a long story...)

Anyway, unless that was all just a cover to get Juvia to go home early, while they enjoyed a wonderful soiree minutes after she left, there was simply no way this could be a hangover crowd. 

Besides, Juvia had been to plenty of events held by Fairy Tail before, but none of them resulted in the sheer chaos reigning in front of her at the moment.

There were iron rodes taller that Juvia impaling the floor, and shards of what looked like letters, made from bits of metal and marble, scattered everywhere. Someone seemed to have hacked away at the guild's support beams, most were covered in scratches and dents, two were completely destroyed. Large steel bars, presumably supplied by Gajeel, were blocking almost all of the guild's windows and doors. 

Though it could be noted tables never seemed to last very long in this guild, someone had a real vendetta against them this time, it looked like they put an effort into getting them as irreparable as possible. The celestial spirit, Sagittarius, was galloping around the perimeter of the room, arrow nocked and ready, his hooves adding additional dents to the floor. The door to the basement was off it's hinges, and was slowly smoldering away from a badly put out fire. 

There were puddles of water everywhere, big and small, with broken bowls and soggy cards floating in most of them. Purple rune cages popped in and out of existence all over the guild, in an almost random pattern. The walls were coated in more of the incrypted script, moving at a speed that was almost dizzying to watch. An electric charge filled the air, causing everyone's hair to stand a bit on end. 

But most prevalent was the ice. Ice hanging from the ceiling, frost covering the floor, melting slush piled at various points around the hall, a sharp jagged wall of it completely blocked the bar from view. Laxus Dreyer's beloved jacket was impaled on one of the sharp points. 

All of this she could contended with though, what concerned her the most, was the state of her guild mates.

Cana's legs were encased in the ice, cards at the ready, while Lisanna was in her cat form, trapped on all fours. Lucy Heartfillia was half kneeling on a table, sweat beading her brow, a key held at arms length. Gajeel made an imposing guard, watching over a petite pair of seemingly knocked out bluenettes, Wendy and Levy. Natsu was also out cold, though the only one standing over him was Happy, blue paws softly smacking his cheek. Jet, Droy, and Bixslow, were stone statues, a frozen look of surprise etched on all of their faces. A Lizardman Elfman was holding Evergreen aloft, and Juvia wasn't sure if he was holding her back, or planning on launching her across the hall. 

Three people were flying above all the others. Freed Justine in his Dark Écriture form, Erza Scarlet in her Fire Empress armor, and Mirajane Strauss as a Helphas Demon. 

And smack in the middle of the landing, presumably the cause for all this ruckus, was her beloved Gray Fullbuster, hog-tied in the center of the only stationary rune enchantment, with Laxus's boot firmly placed on the back of his head. 

The lightning Dragon Slayer noticed Gray's muffled cries being directed at the door and turned his head in the water mage's direction as well, smiling easily. 

A smile Juvia had only ever heard of, but never witnessed before. It was something deviously pleased, infamous for it's wickedness. Like a cat left alone with a mountain of fish.

In his deep baritone, Laxus announced to everyone present:

"Well, if it isn't the lady of the hour!"

Juvia took several frightened steps back, almost tripping over herself, "Eehhh?!"


	2. A Marginally Less Happy Morning (Fortnight)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 needs some cleaning up, but I hope to have it out before the 10th, definitely before the 15th!
> 
> Should be noted, because I forgot to in the last chapter, that this is set after the guild reunited after the one year skip.
> 
> Another thing, this chapter isn't particularly romantic. It's told entirely in Gray's perspective. It's more funny and action packed with a lot more cursing than Juvia's. The chapter shows how Gray ended up the way Juvia found him, along with some ridiculously long recap that takes up most of the chapter. 
> 
> Lastly, I'd like everyone to know that commenting on my stories isn't essential. I've been on the reading side of FF for years, so I can understand that shyer readers might have a hard time telling the authors how much they like their story. And that's okay! Just read, and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Mwah! (◠‿・)—♡

~ ×G× ~

**It could be said that Gray's day did not begin like Juvia's.**

**Juvia had started her day with sunshine, skipping, humming, and hope. Her biggest worry was whether or not she'd get to have her favorite pastry today. Her thoughts were full of daydreams and memories. You didn't have to see auras to know her's exuded loveliness. Her day started with peace.**

**Gray's day never truly started. It was more an extension of yesterday, and yesterday had been shitty...**

The disaster all started two weeks ago, when Dumbass #1 (Natsu), and Dumbass #2 (Gajeel) came back from a mission they'd been paired up for. 

It was unheard of for anyone to request those two together for a mission. Mostly because they were infamous for their in-fighting, destruction, and general stupidity. No one who wanted a job done well would pick the Slayers, not without some kind of backup. Someone with a sense of responsibility and backbone that could keep one or both of them in line, like Levy, Lucy, or more likely, Erza.

But this guy, Sir Dreed DeRoug, was impressed by them at the Grand Magic Games two years ago. He wrote a *glowing* letter with his request form, about how much they had inspired him with their impassioned speeches on friendship, and how remarkable it was that they'd singlehandedly brought Fairy Tail from last place to first. (Gray didn't remember Natsu being there for the final Battle Royale, but he didn't care enough to write a letter back, just to burst this guy's bubble.)

Makarov had felt a proper amount of trepidation at the request.

He'd called up DeRoug via Lacrima, and asked repeatedly, 'Are you sure you want those two?', 'Natsu works better with some of the other members, don't you want one or two of them to tag along?', 'Does your insurance even cover Slayer damage?', but DeRoug was hearing none of it.

Of course he was sure. So sure in fact, he'd tried to get this done a year ago, but surprise, surprise, the guild had disbanded. Now they were finally back together, and he wasn't taking any chances. DeRoug didn't even want the Slayer's cats to come. He swore he'd travel all the way down to Magnolia to fetch them himself, if that's what it took. Because he wanted the *pure Dragon Slayer experience.*

And that's exactly what he got.

The mission called for landscaping. DeRoug had just bought this great big house by The Peaks, a three point mountain range that was the setting of some battle against dragons like six hundred years ago. It was a national monument, a place of pride for a lot of the country, because that battle had helped form the border of Fiore, it seperated Dragon Land from human land, and carved the first place of sanctuary for humanity.

Plus, the rocks on the peaks were supposed to have this translucent, rainbow, glowing effect when hit by direct sunlight.

So anyway, DeRoug thought it would be cool to ask Dragon Slayers to landscape his house. And who better to ask then the ones who had inspired him so long ago? Direct descents of the dragons that were probably responsible for his cool new view. *Who better than them?*

The answer was literally anybody, but he wasn't open to that response.

So they left.

They left for the border to complete a job on landscaping. Something neither Slayer had experience in. But rather than admit that, they'd scoffed at anyone who brought it up. 

That day, Erza, Carla, and Wendy had a nabbed table by the doors watching the duo depart. Deep skepticism radiated off the girls as they had their tea, though none of them said anything. All their words had fallen on deaf ears the night before. 

How the Slayers could do anything confidently when Carla was staring at them liked they'd announced they were getting their legs amputated for fun, was beyond him.

Natsu had given Lucy the thumbs up, scratching Happy behind his ear, and telling her, "It's no big deal, we move a couple rocks, add a bit of fire here, and some metal there, and we'll be back in time for another job. One that's *actually* interesting. You're crazy to be worried, Luce, this mission is a walk in the park. Easy money."

Ah, famous last words.

Gajeel hadn't been as vocal. He'd just *'pfft'd'* when Juvia asked if he wanted some advice on water features, and rolled his eyes when Lily had expressed his own concerns. Jet and Droy stood by the door for over an hour, but unlike everyone else, they seemed to have complete faith in Gajeel, if their posters and chants were anything to go by.

When Levy tried to get him to accept some home improvement books at the door, he'd ruffled her hair, distracting her from her concern to instead berate him about 'teasing' and 'ruining her ribbon'.

Honestly, with all of their barely suppressed flirting, Gray was kinda of rooting for them to fail the mission. Just for laughs.

If only he'd known then.

If only he'd known that their fuck ups would directly impact him. He probably would have tied them up, froze them, and stuck them in the basement.

They were gone nine hours. 

It took four hours by express to get to Deroug's house, in Bolima. So, eight hours in train travel, three minutes for the Slayers to shake off they're motion sickness, five to walk to and from Magnolia station, Gray wasn't positive how long the walk from Bolima station was, but he would be generous and give them five minutes for that as well, twenty minutes for the guy to geek out about meeting them and explain what his vision was for the mission, and five minutes to show them around.

Which meant, roughly, that they had managed to fuck up his house, his land, and three goddamn mountains in less than 15 minutes.

When Gajeel and Natsu arrived that night, they were covered in bandages, and limping. 

Probably to garner more sympathy. 

The ones twisted around Natsu's arm were loose and a little singed on the end. It wouldn't surprise him if they stopped in a gift shoppe, costume store, or even a real medical supply chain on the way, in hopes that injuries would spare them from the full wraith and fury of their guildmates.

Gray couldn't remember what he'd been doing before they'd walked in, every experience right before they entered was forgotten, because of The Scroll.

When that Scroll had passed through the guild's doors, every eye had turned to watch it's progress. No one spoke, few breathed, Freed, probably anticipating what it said, straight up passed out. 

The air in the guild had never felt heavier, and Gray had felt his mouth drying in panic. He wanted to shout, to run, to tell the others to get away, because whatever was contained within that Scroll would hurt them far worse than any spell dished out to them by an enemy.

But he couldn't. He just sat there, frozen, eyes following the slow walk the Slayers made up to Makarov at the bar. 

Makarov's face was pastier than fresh butter, his head shaking slightly, like he didn't want them approach anymore than they were. Mira had stood behind the bar, a hand over her mouth, eyes wider than saucers.

The Slayers weren't known for their intellectual prowess, so despite all the silent signs from their friends telling them to *get the fuck out*, they continued their slow trek, stopping only when they were right in front Makarov, arm out to pass him The Scroll.

If Gray had to guess, he'd suppose that all the stress and tension from the room was getting to the seventh. He'd probably figured the best way to confront this was head on; rip off the bandage quickly, without thought, and face the consequences. That would explain the feverish, almost crazed way he'd ripped off the seal, eyes quickly scanning the words like a psychopath. 

In hindsight, he was sure that if Makarov had known what the notice contained, he probably would have opened it with all the speed of a snail coated in molasses, while praying with all his might that he'd die of old age before it finished unfurling.

The parchment slipped through his fingers as he muttered to the entirely silent hall,"J75,000,000,000," and passed out.

At the sound of the fine, Gray's heart stuttered and stopped. He had never felt such blinding panic, and a need to not just pass out, but to commit murder, nearly over came him. The only reason he didn't act on his first instincts was because the number ringing in his mind left him paralyzed.

The first sound to hit his ears was a high-pitched keening, like a puppy getting stepped on. The noise was startling in it's sadness. It shook him enough to look around, and discover Mavis, sitting high up in the rafters, previously unnoticed by anyone, sobbing.

The first, shaking uncontrollably, took off through the roof, wailing like she'd been physically injured.

It took about an hour and a half to wake Makarov up. Gray felt that his subconscious was purposefully making it difficult for him to wake, not wanting to face the consequences of The Scroll.

When he did wake up, unable to ignore Romeo's stink fire, the rage in his eyes as he looked at the Slayers was startling. Gray nearly felt bad from them.

That is until he started shouting, "How could it have gone that bad?! J75,000,000,00, and if we don't pay have half by the end of the month," he'd started growing, eyes darkening to pitch, voice deepening to the lowest baritone, "*they'll repossess the guildhall, and throw you two and myself **in Era!**" 

Gray no longer felt bad for them.

Makarov had grown, his head barely managed not to crash through the ceiling as he stared down at the Slayers, smaller and less significant, in that moment, than his little toe. Rage did not describe the sound barreling out of Makarov's chest. It was deep, guttural, almost animal-like, "THE KING ALREADY PREEMPTIVELY DENIED A REQUEST FOR AN AUDIENCE, WHICH MEANS I CANNOT EVEN NEGOTIATE OUR WAY OUT OF THIS. THE COUNSEL HAS BEEN GIVEN FREE JURISDICTION OF THE ISSUE, THEY'LL BE THE ONES TO REVIEW OUR ACTIONS IN THIS CASE. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE *DONE?* TO THE GUILD? TO OUR GOOD NAME?"

In all of Gray's days, he never would have thought a fine would bring this reaction out of their master. The injury of his children? Sure. But money? That was usually brushed off, a worry for another day. What was Fairy Tail without a stack of IOUs?

Leave it to Natsu to do something so extreme the stakes had rattled even their indomitable guild master. 

Mirajane piped up, worry clear in her eyes, "Master, what are we going to do? We just paid off that debt to Quattro Cerberus-"

Also Natsu's fault.

" -which cleaned out our savings. Short of keeping the lights on, we're almost completely out of money!"

The Seventh's nostrils flared at her words, and he turned from the Dragon Slayers to look at the room at large,"HERE ME LOUD AND CLEAR, FOR I WILL ONLY SAY THIS ONCE."

Every person in the guild stood up in attention. Even Cheria, and she wasn't even a member, she was just visiting Wendy at the wrong time. Bickslow held up Freed's limp body, his head lolling on his masked teammate's shoulder.

Makarov pointed to the request board, "BY THE END OF EACH DAY, THAT BOARD SHOULD BE CLEAR FROM ALL MISSIONS. I DON'T CARE HOW SMALL THE REQUEST YOU GET STUCK WITH IS. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK RESCUING A CAT IS BENEATH YOU. I DON'T CARE IF YOUR NAME IS NAB OR LAXUS, YOU'RE TAKING A MISSION.

Damn, Laxus was not someone you wanted taking part of the fall, on your behalf...

Slowly, the master turned his head, blackened eyes scanning every wizard in the room, "THERE WILL BE NO LAYING ABOUT, NO DAY DRINKING, NO NIGHT DRINKING, NO PARTIES, AND NO MORE FREE MEALS. NO ONE SHOULD BE SITTING IN THIS GUILD IF THERE'S WORK TO BE HAD. AND IF THERE'S NO WORK, *FIND SOME.*"

He could see Cana at the bar, glaring at Natsu and Gajeel. Gray hoped for their sake that she only has the power to predict their future with her cards, not the ability to influence it.

"THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, UNLESS IT IS BEING USED FOR A MISSION."

*Ooh, the meatheads just lost Lucy and Levy...*

"ESTABLISHED TEAMS MEAN NOTHING, WORK WITH WHOEVER YOU MUST TO COMPLETE YOUR TASKS QUICKLY, AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT."

*And they might have lost their Exceeds, too...*

"THESE ARE THE RULES UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. NOW EVERYONE GO."

There was a mad rush as everyone hurried over to the request board. Despite what Makarov said, no one wanted to be stuck getting some old lady's cat out of a t-

"EVERYONE EXCEPT," The whole crowd of them froze, dread palpable, as Makarov continued, "PANTHERLILY. LEVY. JET. DROY. JUVIA. HAPPY. LUCY. ERZA. CARLA. WENDY-"

Maybe he'd stop there...!

"-AND GRAY."

Damn it.

No one in the group was excited to go back over to their master and the cowering Slayers. They all did this weird shuffle, as the rest of the guild rushed past them, as if hoping Makarov would grow tired of them dragging their feet, and change his mind.

He didn't.

"DO YOU KNOW WHY I CALLED YOU BACK?" It wasn't so much that he was screaming now, that his voice was obscenely loud, and carried deep into their bones.

As one, the group shook their heads.

"I'm sorry Master Makarov, but no," Wendy muttered softly into Carla's fur, the Exceed clutched tightly to her chest.

That was good. *Excellent* strategy. Start with the cute one, soften him up a bit. *You work those big brown eyes, Wendy!*

As if she could hear him, Wendy subtly batted her eyes twice, widening them a little.

Makarov was unmoved.

"EVERYONE HERE HAS A STRONG CONNECTION WITH AT LEAST ONE OF THE TWO SLAYERS. EVERYONE HERE SAW THEM OFF THIS MORNING. EVERYONE HERE COULD HAVE STOPPED THESE TWO *IDIOTS*," He roared the word, making the pair jump, "FROM TAKING THAT MISSION SOLO. SO, I'VE CALLED YOU HERE TO ASK ONE SIMPLE QUESTION: WHY DIDN'T YOU?"

"Master, with all due respect," Erza began, bravely stepping forward. Not something Gray would have done... "we *tried* talking them out o-"

"IF YOU KNEW ENOUGH ABOUT THEIR INSTINCTS TO BE WORRIED, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE THEN JUST TRYING TO TALK THEM OUT OF IT. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN PROACTIVE. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THREE STEPS AHEAD. KNOWN FOR YOUR BATTLE STRATEGY, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO AVOID THIS PITFALL. YOU ESPECIALLY HAVE LET ME DOWN, ERZA. I EXCEPT MORE FROM AN S-CLASS WIZARD OF FAIRY TAIL."

Erza stepped back in line with the others, looking away.

W-was this a public shaming? Were they standing trial, or something? 

Makarov did know none of *them* had anything to do with the destruction of those mountains, right? They did everything they could, it wasn't their fault the Slayer's skulls were thicker than concert slabs.

Maybe fear of the big house was making him irrational...

"JET. DROY."

The paired looked at each other, clearly not sure on what they should do. After a moment of silent deliberation, they stepped forward, just as Erza had before them.

...Was it weird that they were always called as a pair? 

Gray couldn't remember the last time he'd thought of them as individuals. And it was always *Jet* and Droy, never Droy and Jet. Why was that? Who made that a rule? After all, D came before J in the alphabet, wouldn't it make sense for *Droy* to be called first?

But then again, he'd read that there was no real reason the alphabet was in the specific order that it was. He supposed if you wanted J could come before D.

Maybe that was Jet's dream. Maybe Droy got it for him for his birthday, an alphabet that put J befor-

Oh shit, he'd tuned out Makarov's line of questioning. Gray tried to focus, barely catching the speed runner's response.

"But Master," Jet piped up, gesturing to himself and Droy, "we don't really work with Gajeel all that often!"

"Yeah," Droy put in, sweating profusely, "Hardly even know the guy."

For the first time, Gajeel spoke up, scoffing out a hushed, " ...Cowards."

But it was so soft, a flea could have said it. He knew he was walking on glass. Jet and Droy weren't the only cowards in the room, not when facing Makarov's wrath.

Makarov gave Team Shadow Gear's male members a look, "SO, YOU DIDN'T DESIGN THOSE 'GAJEEL IS THE GREATEST DRAGON SLAYER OF ALL TIME' POSTERS THAT WE'RE SELLING IN THE GIFT SHOP?"

"Nope. Wasn't us." 

"...YOU SIGNED THEM."

"You don't know that for sure, Master."

"THEY'RE STILL THERE ON THE WALL..." He pointed behind them.

"...Maybe someone our forged signatures-"

"*ENOUGH!*"

All of them shrank into each other at Makarov's outburst, not just Jet and Droy.

This was ridiculous! Weren't there laws against punishment of large groups due to the actions of few rotten seeds?

"WENDY."

Oh, shit. 

*He'd moved onto picking on little girls, now?*

"WENDY, AS THE FOURTH DRAGON SLAYER TO JOIN FAIRY TAIL, YOU WERE IN THE UNIQUE POSITION TO SWITCH PLACES WITH ONE OF THOSE TWO JACKASSES, WHY DIDN'T YOU?"

"I- I know. I guess, I didn't think I'd be any help. I've never done something like that before without being guided by someone who knew what they were doing. And the boys looked so confident... And the guy said no Exceeds, and I couldn't go without Carla. *I'm sorry...*" She finished with a sniff.

Makarov nodded, and Gray released a sigh, thankful it hadn't gone any further than that.

Though it still begged the question; what was Makarov's deal? Was The Scroll laced in some kind of hallucinogenic? 

If Gray was going to pick on a Dragon Slayer for not switching places with those two, he would have gone with the asinine one who walked around like he owned the place, not a fourteen year old child who looked like she was close to tears.

Just what the fuck? It was like they really were standing on trial, but not one of them had been read their rights, or given the chance to find representation, or the time to prepare a defense. 

Which again, Gray was confident was against the law.

If they were all suddenly psychics, why didn't *Makarov* stop the Slayers before they screwed everything up? He'd signed off on their request sheet, himself. Apprehensively, or not, he'd still done it. How was it fair to blame Erza, or Wendy, or any of them? 

*He* was guild master, again. A Wizard Saint! For fucks sake, if everyone should have known better, it was Makarov. He could have even sent in someone else transformed as Natsu as a decoy. DeRoug never would have known the difference!

Gray didn't say any of that out loud, though. He'd pictured his death a couple times before, but never once did he picture death by hungry guild master...

"HAPPY."

The Exceed squeaked. "...Aye?" He was so nervous, he couldn't even hover in one spot. He zig-zagged in the air, eyes looking dizzy from fear, as a puddle of sweat began pooling underneath him.

Makarov stared down at him intently for a minute.

"NEVERMIND, THERE WASN'T REALLY MUCH YOU COULD HAVE DONE."

"*Hey!*"

He'd already moved on, "CARLA."

The white Exceed hopped out of Wendy's arms with a pat on the hand, muttering an impatient, "It'll be *fine*, child."

He had to hand it to her, for a being that was smaller than one of Makarov's teeth in his current form, she stood up straight, looking just as haughty as usual, "Yes?" 

"I WOULD SAY OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, YOU ARE THE MOST LEVEL HEADED IN THIS GROUP, PERHAPS IN THE WHOLE GUILD. YOU CANNOT TELL ME YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS A BAD IDEA, I SAW IT ON YOUR FACE WHEN THEY LEFT, WHY DIDN'T YOU USE YOUR GIFT? IT COULD HAVE WARNED US OF THE EXTENT OF THEIR DAMAGE."

...Okay, he might have had a point there, Carla actually *was* clairvoyant, and Gray had noted himself that she'd looked scared shitless when they'd left this morning.

"Master, I tried. But ever since Tenrou Island, my sight has been dizzy and fragmented. I get flashes and bits of color, maybe a sound bite if I'm lucky, but nothing so clear as a vision declaring precisely what will happen. I'm afraid I'm not capable of that yet, forgive me." She stepped back quickly.

Nah, he didn't believe that. And not just because he was scared enough of his giant guild master to scape goat a little cat girl if it meant not having to be battered and fried. Her story sounded fishier than Happy's breathe smelled.

Alright, they could do an internal investigation into Carla, *but everyone else-!*

"JUVIA!"

The water mage jumped, repeatedly looking back and forth, as if hoping some new member had materialized in the guild with her name. Gray felt his stomach clench uncomfortably.

"NEARLY HALF OF ALL THE MISSIONS YOU TAKE ARE WITH GAJEEL, WHY DIDN'T YOU GO ON THIS ONE?"

She stepped forward, playing with her hands, "Juvia tried, but when she spoke to him, Gajeel-kun seemed confident, so Juvia believed he could do it..."

"AND IF GRAY HAD SAID THE SAME THING TO YOU, WOULD YOU HAVE LET HIM WALK OUT THE DOOR, KNOWING THERE WAS A CHANCE OF HIS MISSION TURNING INTO A DISASTER? OR WOULD YOU HAVE FOLLOWED HIM DISCREETLY, HOPING TO MITIGATE THE DAMAGE?"

Gray couldn't take it anymore, "Oi!" 

Everyone's head turned to look at him, including the Seventh's, giant nostrils flaring with annoyance, or perhaps like he'd smelled a particularly tasty human snack, honestly it could have both...

Gray swallowed, standing his ground as best he could, "Are you just gonna go down the line, picking on each of us? It came as a shock to us all that they demolished those mountains. I'm sure everyone's money was just on that asshole's house biting the dust. So why don't we stop playing the blame game, and get to work so we can try to make a dent on that fine tonight? Afterall, I thought you said we didn't have time to just hang around the guild. Wasn't that one of your rules until further notice?"

Makarov was silent for so long, Gray felt all his bravery leave him in one stiff swoop, his legs turning into warm jelly. 

He was just a about to start groveling to the monster to eat him head first, that way he wouldn't have to live through his bones being slowly crunched up like potato chips, when the Seventh grunted, "ALRIGHT, GET GOING, THEN. JUST KNOW THAT AS SOME OF FAIRY TAIL'S MOST PROMINENT WIZARDS YOU'LL BE TAKING ON A LOT OF SPECIAL REQUESTS, AND IN THESE TIMES, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DENY THEM. YOU'RE DISMISSED."

The group sagged with relief, a few of his friends looking at him gratefully, as they were hurrying away. Gray was just happy to still be on the outside of Makarov's stomach. They raced to the bar, Mira standing there, taking down the long line of their fellow wizard's jobs in her record book.

"I'm just glad we got out of that one," Lucy cried, sweat still visible on her forehead, "He looked like he was gonna eat us if we answered wrong!"

Good to know he wasn't the only one.

"I just wish he'd called on Juvia earlier," muttered Jet, "then Gray could have swooped in, and saved more of us from that torment."

"He *loooooooooves* her," Happy giggled, flying just out of reach of Gray's strangling zone.

"Would ya shut it, you worthless cat," Gray growled, face flushing as Juvia glanced at him curiously, looking like she was about to say something. Before she could, Gray spoke up, voice needlessly loud, "How do you even have it in you to make jokes right now? It was your *best buddy* that got us all into this mess!"

"Yeah, but it was just a little fine," he shrugged, "nothing we haven't handled before!"

"...You're not good at math, are you?"

Levy nudged Erza, "Are you alright, you look a little pale."

"Master was right to reprimand me." The red-headed warrior stated gravely, "Every instinct screamed at me this morning that them going off together was a bad idea, but I let them go anyway. This disaster occured right under my nose..."

"Hey," Levy rubbed a soothing hand down her arm, "Don't be so hard on yourself. Gray was right, I don't think any of us saw it working out this badl-"

"*The moment they were requested together I should put the fear of the Ten Wizard Saints in them!"*She shrieked, cutting Levy off soundly.

Everyone took a large step back. 

She was feverish in her anger, now, "*I should have hounded them day and night with study materials on landscaping, carpentry, botany, and general style guides on a house of that prestige! I should have gone with them, and kept them within my sights until the time of payment. What was I thinking, trusting those two as if they're adult men?! They're children! Peasants! The lowest of the low! But be sure, I will not be caught unawares again!*" She turned angry eyes on the ice mage of all people.

"*Gray!*" 

He stepped back again. Not really hiding behind Juvia; she just happened to be beside him, and then partially in front of him. 

A mere coincidence.

"If I hear about even an ounce of misbehaving on your part, I'm going to do to you, *what I should have done to them.*"

*Why couldn't she just do **to them,** what she should have done to them?* They were still alive and kicking! Though from the way Makarov was leering down at them, that might not be true for long...

"Um, Gray-" 

Mira called from the bar, voice no where near chipper,"Next!" 

Gray thanked the heavens above that he was saved from responding to that lunacy. He stepped outside his circle of friends, and approached the bar, "Hey, Mira. I thought I'd take that special request you were going on about this morning."

She barely looked up, "Gray...Gray... Yes, I already have something lined up specifically for you." She pulled a piece of paper out of a large stack, looked it over before jotting down a note in her ledger, and passed it over to Gray, "Special request, J1,500,00. Lucky you, it's right here in Magnolia, no late night commute. You start in the morning. Next!"

Gray started walking away, before he glossed over the request sheet, and turned right around, "What? A florist? Wh-?"

"I don't have time to answer your questions right now, Gray!" Strained would have been a nice way to describe Mira's smile in that moment, "Please just take the sheet, so I can move on to the next person in line. *Thank you!*"

Gray looked back at all the people behind him that Mira still had to deal with. It didn't look like it was clearing up anytime soon, Nab was still at the mostly bare mission board, as though checking his options. 

Gray sighed, "Fine. Thanks for your help, Mira.

"Hmm-mm, sure, whatever. Next!" 

Gray turned, grunting a goodnight to everyone, minus Erza who looked ready to crucify him if he sneezed too loudly, and took off out the door.

It seemed Makarov wasn't shrinking anytime soon, even on the other side of the guild, the ice mage could hear him rumbling, "*WITH A FINE THAT BIG, YOU TWO NUMBSKULLS SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER, LET ALONE THE SAME TEAM! JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL MIRAJANE BRINGS ME MY PILLS!*"

Gray didn't bother staying to see what their punishment was, though he could have sworn he saw Laxus pulling up a chair, eyes intently on his grandfather and fellow Dragon Slayers. Knowing that sadistic bastard, he *would* enjoy that kind of show.

He left the guild hall, enjoying the cool mid-October breeze, not much on his mind besides the hope that Makarov was cruel enough to give each those trouble-makers a haircut while blindfolded.

Little did he know that would be the last night he slept more than four hours.

The florist may have been the second worst mission he took during that whole two week long ordeal. Maybe in his whole life. Like he'd tried to ask before; '*What the fuck did a florist even need a ice mage for? To kill the flowers faster?*'

The answer? 

No. 

This absolute ass, and that's what he was, Gray wasn't going to sugar coat it, client or no. That complete waste of space and resources, hired Gray to use his ice magic, an ability that was his pride and joy, part of his *identity*, to kill parasites.

'Oh, but Gray,' you're asking, 'there has to be something special about these bugs? Maybe they're magical, maybe they have special venom that will kill anything on sight, maybe they're *huge*, like family sized Magi-Mobile big, maybe these bugs gained the ability to speak, but all they've said we're super annoying, downright insulting things?'

No. 

No, no, and no.

There was nothing special about these pests, they were your garden variety, make-a-quick-run-to-the-apothocary-and-pick-up-a-J500-squirt-bottle-of-bug-spray, bugs.

And yet, the florist, with his nose so far in the air you'd think it were being lifted up by rope, pulled up a chair and insisted Gray sit there and shoot any bugs he saw out of the air with the world's smallest ice arrows, while *being careful of the plants*.

Flower boy also had a swatter. 

Oh, not for Gray. 

*For himself*.

So that any time Gray accidentally missed a bug and hit a leaf, ripped a miniscule hole through one, or allowed his ice to touch the precious petals, the son of the bitch could walk across the room and *swat* him.

As you can guess that mission lasted all of one swat.

On the plus side, Gray walked out of there with twice the amount of money than he'd expected, and Petal Power got to keep all his fingers.

You have to look at the bright side of things.

Gray returned to the guild that same morning to find havoc everywhere he looked.

There were people crying under tables, laughing hysterically, talking to themselves, and running around. Levy slipped out the library with her bag filled to bursting and at least four books popping out from under her dress. Which would have looked ridiculous, if Cana hadn't come out the basement with a barrel under her shirt, and another one balanced under her hat.

Gray didn't even know she owned a hat, let alone a full length shirt.

A shriek sounded from behind the bar, and the pair, no longer trying for *subtly*, took off for the front door, dropping alcohol and bookmarks as they went, Mirajane hot on their heels.

Gray couldn't help but stare after them, mostly 'cause he needed to get signed off by Mira that he'd completed his job, hand over the check, and get assigned a new mission. But as the she-devil was currently ripping Cana's hair straight out of her scalp while holding Levy's ankle to prevent her from scrambling away, he had the feeling he was in for a wait.

The sound of a steadily raising voice caught his attention. 

It was Laxus. He seemed to be trying to make an appeal, but the more the guild master ignored him, the shorter his fuse got, until he was shouting loud enough for his voice to carry throughout the hall.

Several people, just like Gray, turned to see the blonde standing at Makarov's feet, who was still in his giant form. Maybe he was hoping if he got used to it he'd be able to fight off the whole Inquisitor Squad. Or maybe it was people like his grandson, continuously pissing him that prevented him from calming down enough to return to his usual size.

"-don't lump me in with those jackasses, Gramps! And listen to what I'm telling you. I'm not doing another mission below S-Class. I shouldn't be held responsible for their dumbassery. If they don't know how to use their power, work *them* to the bone, but I got better things to do than paint over some damn walls, just because it's a special reques-" 

Nine feet tall, Makarov stood, towering over his blonde grandson, voice booming enough to shake the walls and rattle Gray's jaw, "*GET OUT OF MY FACE, LAXUS!*"

If the situation hadn't been so dire, Gray would have delighted at the round eyed look Laxus gave the older man before he turned tail and ran, but there really wasn't much to celebrate. Because, as soon the Lightning Slayer was out of sight, first flyer he could lay his fingers on fisted in his hand, the seventh turned his giant, darken eyes on Gray.

Perhaps it was the fear talking, but the man had almost looked hungry as he'd stared down at Gray.

"WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING AROUND? GET TO WORK!"

Forgetting that he needed help from Mira, Gray rushed over to the request board, and stared at it intently, feigning consideration.

If Nab could do it every day and still be a member of their guild, Gray could pretend for the three hours it would take Mira to squeeze every ounce of liquor from Cana's body.

Out of the side of his eye he noticed a flash of orange, and he turned, laughter bubbling in his throat,"Loke? What're you doing here?" 

The leader of the Zodiac turned to look at Gray. Dressed in plain clothes and sans his lion ears, he was just as Gray remembered him before the guild discovered he was a Celestial Spirit. 

"Oh, Gray," He chuckled, giving the ice mage a friendly slap on his back, "Master suddenly remembered I was a part of the guild, and insisted I pitch in. Showed up at 3 AM last night, so Lucy could summon me and explain," He leaned in, pitching his voice lower, "Try not to bring it up in front of her if you can help it. I think she's having nightmares about his giant, black eyes peering into her bedroom window..."

Gray started, "Is Lucy alright keeping you out for this long?"

"Oh, no, I used my own magic," He adjusted his glasses, stepping back, "Yeah, once she explained the situation, I resummoned myself. I have plenty of reserves and can last even longer than I did back on Tenrou Island. And if anything happens I can just hop over to the Spirit World and rest up."

"Well, it's good seeing you, man." 

"Yeah, we should hang out la-" 

Suddenly Elfman was standing between them, looking nervous. "Big Sister Mira told me to tell you, that if you can chat like a couple of housewives, she'll work you like a pair of dogs..."

In unison, Gray and Loke turned to the bar to see Mira leering at them with a look in her eyes that was not entirely of this world...

Silence rang between the three men, and it was deafening.

"Please, just take a job and go. She already has Nab doing hair at the retirement home down the street, I passed him earlier. And seeing a guy broken like that, scraping dandruff off a bald man's head... It's just not manly."

Elfman ripped a flyer off the board, not even checking to see what it said, before he took off.

Loke and Gray followed his example, not really bothering to say their goodbyes, Gray took his request over Mira, handed in the florist's check, and was out the door again before she could melt him on the spot with her eyes.

Outside, in the guild's front courtyard, Gray tried not to notice all the spilled brandy, brown hair, ripped paper, and drops of bloo-

*Holy shit, was those teeth?!*

After kicking them with his toe, Gray spent the rest of the walk to Magnolia Station thanking Mavis that they had just been some oddly shaped pebbles.

~×G×~

Makarov was true to his word, in a way that was almost cruel.

Gray took so many jobs over the course of the last two weeks, they just started blurring together.

There were dogs, and Vulcans, and old ladies, and Gym Bros. Treasure that needed finding and pirates that needed stopping. He fought and scavenged and decoded and built and did things he couldn't even remember anymore.

Not only that, there were times Gray wasn't even sure where he was, or where he was supposed to go anymore. He'd show up for some jobs, only for the client to look at him in confusion and tell him that the mission was already done, and they'd sent the check to Fairy Tail, *just as he'd requested.*

But Gray could never remember making a request like that. Not even once, and he started to worry that all this work and lack of sleep was effecting his brain. That somewhere along the line his memory started failing so badly he couldn't remember conversations that happen as little as half an hour before.

Adding to his confusion he'd get assigned to jobs that didn't require wizard intervention, at all. Pies that needed baking, and nightclubs that needed bouncers. An arm wresting match needed a judge, and plays needed more actors, *thank you very much.* Distantly he could remember going into 8-Island for a double shift, but he couldn't recall much after that.

Then there were the assholes.

A mountaineer called on him specifically for a job climbing Mount Hakobe, just so Gray could carry his stuff. And when he grew too tired to walk, he'd wanted the ice mage to carry *him*, as well. All to beat some bullshit world record that no one would care about once the ceremony was finished.

And he had the nerve to get huffy during payment time. If he wanted to win so badly he should have called on Elfman. *One* of his arms was the equivalent to three Grays, and that was before a beast mode transformation.

For the life of him, he couldn't understand why he was so popular. The more jobs he took, the surlier he became, even he could see that he was downright unpleasant to be around.

Until it became clear to him that these people were just abusing the power of the Special Request sheet to use their favorite wizards as their personal slaves. Somehow it must have gotten out that Fairy Tail was strapped, and willing to take on any and every job available for the cash.

But no one wanted to hear his theories. 

They certainly didn't want to hear his complaints, either. No one cared that an old woman whined and cried for half an hour to him that her cat got stuck in a tree, only to flay Gray's legs with her cane for getting too close to Mitty when he tried pulling her down.

The moment he opened his mouth, someone would shoot him the evil eye, and his jaw would snap shut of its own volition. 

It got to the point where Gray would just go in, pass Mira the money he'd earned, and then be turned right around with a new job.

Morale in Fairy Tail had never been so low.

Natsu and Gajeel were literal pirahas at this point. No one would look at them, any time they asked someone from the guild something they were met with clipped words and stony silences. 

When Juvia, ever the kind-hearted, tried to order a glass of lemonade for Gajeel under the guise wanting it for herself, (They'd been barred from ordering food from guild. It wasn't said, so much as implied, by the way Mira kept picking up the largest knife near her whenever they approached the bar.) three people very nearly barked at her and the she-devil hopped over the bar so quickly, one would think there was a fire nipping at her heels. 

Mirajane Strauss was so serious about watching the boys starve, she followed Juvia around for fifteen minutes, blue eyes probing, until she drank every last drop, ice included.

Gray surmised that it had been a traumizing experience for her, she hadn't been able to look either Mira nor Gajeel in the eye, since. 

The whole thing was a shame.

He could have really used that drink, Juvia hadn't even looked thirsty.

Happy had taken to speaking to Natsu only in an alley three blocks away, and only if he could hide in a barrel. 

He knew this because Evergreen had caught them at it. The pinkette looking crazier than ever, as he screamed, fists coated in flames, and attempted to bribe the barrel with fish and girl advice if it would just stop being such a coward. 

She'd hauled the Exceed out, determined to take him back to the guild, while Happy screamed and begged not to be turned into a garden gnome, anything but a garden gnome.

He'd had been living with Lucy ever since.

Gray started noticing a shift about a week and a half in.

He'd leave, new fucked up request clenched in his hands, and pass some of guild mates, lounging around, *after Makarov specifically said no lounging* sipping iced tea, or squinting into the sunlight.

Like they had nothing else to do.

Max had the nerve to wave to him from the shady interior of the gift shop one unusually warm morning, with a "How ya doing, Gray?"

He hoped the glare he directed at the sand mage showed *just how he was doing.*

Just to be clear, so that everyone understands, *Gray* did not blow up those mountains, so why was *Gray* still busting his ass bringing in money for it's fine?

No one bothered answering.

And this kept up, everyday for the next three days.

Thirteen days in total of Gray working himself until he could barely see straight, with more and more of his friends suspiciously chilling in the guild while he was rushed out, onto the next mission.

It was bound to hit a tipping point.

**Now you know how all this started. But what happened yesterday to make his day so shitty?**

**Buckle up.**

Yesterday morning he'd walked into the hall, pain racking up his body, lack of sleep making his legs so heavy he had a hard time moving in a straight line.

It was five AM, and as he suspected, though the guild was open way earlier due to the crisis, the hall was completely empty.

Which was for the best. 

If he caught Laki and Bickslow playing hide-and-seek again, *it was gonna go down.*

And the ice mage wasn't sure he'd stop at just at knocking them out, he might freeze their bodies for just a little too long...

Only one light was on in the guild, the rest of the hall covered in shadows. Mira was still at the bar, scribbling furiously, while warm light created a soft halo around her head. 

If Gray could pick a candidate for the least deserving person on Earthland to have a fucking halo...

He trooped over to her as quickly as he could, having to make a painfully long detour, since Makarov's giant legs were streched out in front of him. He seemed to have fallen asleep while talking to Mira, head partially on the bar, deep baritone snores vibrating into the floor that he sat on.

Finally, he made it to her, "*Here.*" 

He'd barely passed the check to Mira, before she was handing him back another mission sheet, "Birthday party. Bosco." 

Gray leaned on the bar, he was so tired it was an effort to keep his head from dropping out of his hand. He groaned, "Bosco? That- that's an entirely different country! Don't you have anything more local?" He was whining now.

"You were requested specifically," Mira replied, shortly.

"But ... That's crazy! I'd have to catch a train, then find a *boat*-!

"No, you won't. They've finished the bridge. Once you get to Oshibana you can take a direct line to Bosco," she raised an impatient brow, "if you had let me finish, I could have given you your tickets."

She slid an envelope across the bar top, "And Gray?"

He could barely speak around his bruises, his aches and his pains, and his pure, utter *exhaustion*, "...Yeah?"

"This party is paying J19,500,000. Don't behave like you did with the florist, or it's me, you, and a locked room." Her head tilted like psychotic clown, but he was just shocked she had the energy to threaten him so vociferously, "Understand?"

He nodded quickly, fear widening his eyes despite the exhaustion.

"Good. The party starts at 2, the commute is eight hours long, one way. It's already 5:15 now, get going," And she was back to scribbling.

J19,500,00 for a kid's birthday party. Who would pay for that? Who would think that was a reasonable payment for a couple tricks with frozen swords, and an ice rink?

Crazy people, that's who.

She'd shipped him off to *crazy people* for money.

And it was his own fault for not realizing it, Mira bringing up the florist should have been enough of a clue.

There were five members of the family, plus their dog, dyed yellow and bright blue. They were obscenely rich. Which should pretty much sum up how most of the mission went.

It all started when Gray set his first foot into the door. 

Four people, two adults, one teenager and a toddler, stood stiffly side-by-side, waiting in their ridiculously large entryway to greet him, posing like they were having their portrait taken. Beside them was a bassinet, that Gray *thought* held a baby, but three steps in showed that it was their dog's place of honor.

Yeah. *It was like that.*

The man, in a dark, finely trimmed suit and glasses that extended just a little too far below his cheek and above his eyebrows, approached Gray first with a hand, "Hi, my name is Puter." 

"It's nice t-"

He cut him off, using the handshake to yank Gray's arm until he was pulled into him, he stated seriously, "Now, I know what you're thinking. Your instinct will tell you to pronounce it Peter, but I can assure you, it is Puter. *Puh*-ter. *Puh, Puh, Puh.*"

With great difficulty, Gray pulled back his arm, stepping away a little just as the man's wife walked up next to him, "I know it's a doozy to remember, but just think of *puh-nut* butter whenever you spot my husband, and you'll be fine." She waved an airy hand.

Gray had to fight off every cell in his body, not to retort, '*That's not how you pronounce peanut butter.*'

It didn't stop there.

"I'm Panicia," She reached forward to give Gray a handshake, only for her to do the opposite of her husband's actions, and use her grip on his hand as leverage to push his body further away from her's, "Now, I know what you're thinking. Your instinct will tell you to pronounce it Patricia, but I can assure you, it is Panicia. Pa-*nee*-sha. *Nee, Nee, Nee.*"

Once again, with great difficulty, Gray managed to break the handshake, only for Puter to step forward, face aglow, "I know it's a dingle-ling to remember, but just think of *po-nee-to* chips, whenever you spot my wife and you'll be just fine."

They were trolling him, right?

No one had an accent, they were pronouncing their names like that simply to sound special. He'd bet any amount of money their real names were the plain ones they'd just denounced.

*Panicia* made a sweeping motion with her arm, "And these are our children. Meet out little princess, Quakizarialitive."

Alright, now they were taking the joke too far.

Who the *fuck* was gonna remember that name? Gray's tongue couldn't even *attempt* to form the last couple of syllables.

He could feel himself sweatdrop, "Does she have a nickname?"

Panicia looked offended, "Why would we give our darling a shorten title, when the one she was given at birth perfectly sums up her personality?"

Gray felt his stomach tighten. Maybe he'd misjudged. Bosco *was* a different country after all, there could be more to this name thing than Gray saw at first glance, "Is her name significant to your culture?

She looked annoyed, "*No.* I made it up as I was screaming through my twenty-second hour of labor."

Gray was silent.

Her mother said it perfectly summed up her personality...

So... she was a pain in the-?

"Anyway, next is out birthday, boy! Introduce yourself to the nice foreign wizard you wanted."

The teen glanced at Gray, before looking away shyly, deep red creeping up his neck, "It's N." 

"Oh, so you got the rights to a nickname," Gray joked.

"No," Panicia interjected, looking frustrated, "that's his full name."

Alright, he was done with her.

Gray stepped toward the boy, extending his hand,"Nice to meet you buddy, happy birthday." 

Rather than grab his hand as enthusiastically as his parents did, the boy stepped back, nearly tripping over himself.

The ice mage gave him a curious look, before the teenager muttered, "N-N-N-*Naked.*"

It took him at least twenty seconds to process those words, before Gray thought to look down and realize in his stress he'd pulled off his sweater.

He gave an embarrassed chuckle, pulling it back on as quickly as he could, "Sorry 'bout that, its a bit of a bad habit. I'll try not to let it happen again," *I'm was just grateful it wasn't my pants...*

Gray, fully clothed now, reached forward to shake his hand, but once again, N stepped back. Then he murmured," ...You're very lucky to have only two nipples, I was born with *five*."

Gray didn't want to talk to N anymore.

"And behind you you'll find our final little angel, River. That's everybody!"

Gray turned to look for this third child with the remarkably mainstream name, only for him to discover the kid was standing so close behind him they could have shared organs.

Gray started in surprise, startled and stumbling over his own feet, before two hands gripped his shoulders firmly, helping him upright.

"Come," Puter said, far too close to his ear, "We'll show you where we entertain the guests." 

And that was just what he had to go through during *introductions.*

Let's move on to their *personalities*, shall we?

N was a nervous, fidgety mess. 

Which would have been fine. He was just a kid, and having a day where you're the center of everyone's attention can make even the most confident person feel weary.

But his coping method was muttering bizarre, needlessly specific things under his breath.

And now he liked to whisper them directly to Gray.

In his ear.

While he was *performing.*

And it didn't matter how grand he tried to make his magic, the kid would not let up. He just stood slightly to his side, ignoring the show, to whisper intently to Gray.

"I sleep with all the lights on every night, hoping Sergei won't show up. He's very hairy, and likes to shave in the corner of my bedroom. No one else can see him...."

Snow cones.

"My father has never satisfied my mother in the way she needs, and it shows..."

Excalibur.

"Orange the fruit came before orange the color, kind of like how my depression came before my body exited my mother's womb..."

Ice rink.

"Sometimes around midnight, if I'm bored, I walk out to our lake and chase the ducks. When I finally catch one, I'll sit there and pluck all the feathers from it's body, then toss it back in the water, Ducks can't float, or fly without their oily wings to protect them. I'll watch while it drowns in a panic, then go back to bed. The bottom of our lake is probably littered with duck carcasses by now..."

Snow storm.

"I hate using opaque hand soap in public bathrooms because it makes me feel like I'm jerking off some strange little man in the dispenser, and washing my hands with his semen..."

*Avalanche.*

Three hours of this and Gray was almost completely out magic. He'd only managed to get away because he'd cried out, "*THERE'S SERGEI, NOW!*" And ran like his life depended on it, while N looked wildly behind himself.

Then there was Quantum-

Quartz-

Quad-

Quack-

Kuwait-

You know what, she was gonna be known as little sister, and she'd just have to learn to live with it.

His little sister thought everything under the sun was a tissue to wipe her nose on, and when her eyes caught on Gray's sweater, she'd taken some silent vow of exclusivity. 

Til death do them part.

Once the party got started and she was free from her mother, she ran up to him immediately, and grabbed his hand with a grip that promised to never let him go.

He almost asked her if she was taking lessons from Juvia.

Thirty minutes in, his sleeve was ridge with snot. The ice mage could barely move it with out hearing a slight crunch, a few flakes spiraling to the ground like a vomit inducing perversion of snow. 

Rather than decide that enough was enough, the entertainment was *thoroughly traumatized*, this little cranberry fuck nut chose to *switch sleeves*, and start all over again with his other arm.

That's when Gray had enough, he threw the sweater as far out of his sight as he could. 

He might have thrown the little girl, too...

Then there was River.

Gray wasn't entirely sure of the gender of this child, he wasn't even sure if the child *was* gendered. But that wasn't what bothered him.

*It was the mute stare.*

No matter what he said or did, no matter where he was on the property, no matter how alone he tried to trick himself into believing he was, River was there to stare.

When Gray made a sword out of ice, to the amazement of all the little kids, throwing it in the air and compressing his magic until it burst into a million sparkling shards?

River was there, just staring.

When Gray got thirsty and grabbed himself a beer from the cooler?

River.

When Gray petted their dog, and remarked out loud that the canine might be the only normal member of the family?

River.

When Gray stubbed his toe on a ridiculously small stone, pain throwing him off balance so much that he had to cartwheel his arms for over thirty seconds, before he landed flat on his ass?

River.

When his frustration with the little sister grew to be too much, and he reacted by throwing his sweater, only to realize it landed in their lake, and he'd have fish it out?

River.

When Gray was washing his hands in the bathroom sink, *door locked*, and looked in the mirror to check if his hair looked alright?

River.

River, somehow without his knowledge, clinging to Gray's back, *just staring*, as Gray washed his hands.

The scream the ice mage had let out was loud, and long, and completely undignified, but it couldn't be helped.

He *might* have thrown River, too...

When the sun was just beginning to set, conversation pulling the guests together enough for Gray to be forgotten for a bit, he decided he'd pop into the house and grab something to eat. 

He didn't really want to eat with the people at the party. With his magic so low, he knew that he'd be grumpy if he had to stop eating every few seconds to answers their question, or make some knew weapon.

The last thing he wanted to do was get into it with Martha May, the haughty mother of six...

So he'd slipped away to the glass doors leading back into the mansion, and headed down the hall toward the kitchen he'd seen when they led him outside earlier. The place had been covered in food then, he was sure something had to be laying about that he snack on.

On the way there, Gray passed only one open door. Inside was the little sister, surrounded by enough ripped up wrapping paper to fill the room wall to wall. 

She just laid, giggling to herself, as she turned her head back and forth, rubbing her nose on a new piece each time.

Stunned, Gray took several steps away, his subconscious reminding him he didn't want the little girl spotting him, or more importantly his sweater, again.

He turned, and nearly ran into an imposing man in a neat, dark suit.

He looked down at Gray like he'd spotted a flea, "May I help you?" 

"I was just looking for the kitchen."

The butler gave him a long, wide-eyed look. Not in surprise, more like he couldn't believe the audacity, and was going to stare until he made sure it was real. 

Gray suspected he was receiving the honor of meeting River's mentor and daily inspiration.

Just when Gray was about turn tail and run, he spoke up, "Three doors down and around the corner, you'll find it. There's plenty of food being prepared, even at this moment. Help yourself."

Gray looked down the hall, then smiled, "Hey thanks, m-" 

He was already gone.

Not like walking down the hall, too disgusted to continue talking to Gray, gone. No, it was more like he'd disappeared in a puff a smoke. No more real than a thought.

Just to be sure he hadn't encountered a surly ghost, Gray checked the ceiling, and under his foot hoping to find him there.

He even peered around the door to the little sister for a nanosecond, to check if he'd slipped in there, but nope, still her, all alone. Now laughing her ass off and doing snow angels.

Gray hurried to the kitchen.

Real or not, when Gray followed the butler's instructions he did find the kitchen, doors open and food overflowing. So, kudo's for that.

*Kudon't's* for him not warning Gray who the person cooking the food was.

If he'd known, he could have gladly starved without taking the trip. 

It was a skeleton. 

A skeleton masquerading as a woman, stood behind the beautiful white marble island, slicing steak with a knife longer than her arm, twice as wide, and certainly three times as heavy.

There was barely enough skin on her body for her to exist. The skin was streched taunt, and Gray feared what would what happen if she did something as strenuous as smile. Her clothes, a chef's coat and apron drowned her in a way that was almost comical, her hat falling over her pale, barely there eyebrows, before Gray realized with a start that there was no hair there. Just the brow bone jutting out, creating a shadow over her translucent face. The only hair he could see was wispy and brown, few and far between. 

But maybe that was just his perspective, maybe in her hat, her was thick, flowing, and shiny like a shampoo and.

He doubted though, that much weight would certainly snap her neck...

All this food surrounding her... and she looked like*that?*

Gray wanted rush over, and insist she have a apple, or *something*. Surely, they could spare something for this woman who was one light breeze away from disintegrating? But fear kept him rooted to the spot.

Fear and disgust. 

Because of her hand.

Not the one holding the knife, the one holding the meat in place.

Her other hand was missing. Just completely gone. Her coat sleeve was rolled up to reveal it to the world. The scab covering her stump showing proudly, and likely very unhygienically, as it held down the slab of red meat. What was worse, it wasn't completely healed over, she'd been picking at it.

So, though the cutting board was covered in juices, Gray couldn't tell if it was coming from the meat, or her slightly oozing arm.

Her knife stopped moving long before her eyes looked up to leer at him, "*Yes?*" 

"I-I was just... hungry," Gray stammering out. 

Strangely enough, by complete coincidence he was sure, he no longer felt the pull of hunger.

"I'll cook something. Special. Just for you." She smiled, teeth far too white, thin face straining, before she *licked the knife* and returned to cutting.

Gray did not eat the special thing she cooked for him.

Should be noted, River was there for that one, too.

An hour later he was back outside, sitting on the steps leading out to the garden, no one paying him any attention. Which could have been looked at as something like an upside, but the truth was, he wanted to go *home*.

He wanted his couch, and his comfort, and blissful all enduring silence. Maybe order a little food with what he had left, before going to sleep.

He'd seen too much, he'd been through *too much*, the last two weeks were hitting him like a sledgehammer and at this point he was ready to take the blow if it meant he could fall into oblivion.

But he couldn't leave, not until he received payment.

So he sat there, waiting for Puter to pop his ass out, and give him what was owned, so he could *leave*.

He just hoped none of the kids spotted him before then...

His stomach grumbled, and he growled right back at it.

He was desperately trying to not to think about how hungry he was. There was no way he was going back in that kitchen with Chef Boneardee haunting it.

Just then, he heard the creak and scramble of metal wheels on stone. A croaky timbre sounded above the polite conversation among the guests, "Cake's here! Bring out the birthday boy! It's wish time!"

Gray wheeled his head around, and saw the very woman he was trying to avoid, pushing a cake big enough to fit several small children inside, down a ramp out of the house into the garden where everyone else was gathered.

The secret ingredient probably was other people's children...

But Gray only thought that when he was half down the hall, toward the kitchen. With her out there, the place was free and clear and he wasn't wasting his one chance.

He sped through the open doors, right up to the cabinets.

He wasn't looking for anything fresh, perishable, or openly porous, not when there was a chance Stumpy could have touched it.

Pre-wrapped, highly processed food was what he needed to tide him over until he got back to Magnolia, so he raided the cabinets until he found the holy grail.

Brand new donuts, two bags of chips, and bottle of shelf stable juice. 

He almost *cried.*

Pulling it all out -they weren't gonna miss it, there was plenty of food here, and if not, they could always buy more- Gray didn't mind that his arms were so full there was a chance he'd drop it all. His mind had one focus now.

It was no thing chilling the juice just how he liked it, and before long he'd be drinking it, oh he was so *excited*. He just needed to free his hands. Turning to place his spoils down just long enough to get the bottle cap off, Gray came face to face with a pairing of staring eyes.

He almost dropped everything.

For once, it was not River.

No, it was Panicia.

She sat on the countertop, on the only spot free of food, and stared at him in amusement.

There was no talking himself out of this, he just stared, trying to formulate an apology.

She held up a hand before he could start, eyes crinkling warmly, "I knew a growing boy like you needed to eat, I actually came in here to bring you something from the kitchen, so help yourself." She spread her arms wide as if to encompass the whole kitchen. 

"Thanks..."

"Oh, you need somewhere to put that down, don't you?" She patted the spot next her. A thimble couldn't have fit there.

"It's fine, I was planning on going back out anyway." Preferably with Puter out there, excited to hand him his check so he could *leave*.

"No, that just won't do. Here," She swept an arm across a portion of the counter, all the fruit landing on the floor, "Now there's plenty of space."

Well, not really...with her legs in the way...

Gray wasn't stupid, he'd encountered a situation very similar to this quite a few times while living with Juvia.

But unlike the time he'd walked in their cottage and found Juvia laid out on his bed insisting he come *find the request sheet under Juvia's clothes if Gray-sama wants to work so badly*, this was fairly easy to rebuff. 

He was pretty hard to read the request sheet later, though...

It! *It.*

*It* was pretty har-!

Not *that* it!

*The sheet of paper was difficult to read, okay?!*

Once he'd convinced her to pull it out herself, her hiding place had left the ink smudg- 

You know what, let's not discuss this any more, alright?

Face burning, he nudged her leg over brusquely, spreading out his feast. She could do what she wanted, as long as he got to eat his food.

It was just a matter of what to open first...

He went for the donuts, ready to stuff two in his mouth, when she '*casually*' laid on the counter, right beside his meal, reddish blonde curls tumbling over the side.

...Some people had all the nerve in the *world.* For her to do that...! Right in front of his donuts? And this woman had children?!

He couldn't hold in his sniff of contempt.

He did swallow those donuts whole though.

"Would you like a drink?" She simpered.

"Got it covered," He replied shortly, lifting up the apple juice, wonderfully cold, bottle fogged with condensation. He was about to crack it open and see if he could swallow it all in one go, when a hand covered his.

"Well, you at least need a glass before you attempt to drink that..."

Gray looked up, ready to bite her head off for interrupting him again, but instead he choked. 

Her shirt was gone, just vanished. She was bare as a book, nipples and all.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head before he turned, ducking quickly. How had she even managed to do that while he was standing right there? 

...Was he *that* hungry?

He heard a clack, her heels hitting the floor as she hopped off the counter, and made her way over to his quickly retreating form.

"Whatever you want, you're not going to find it here!" Gray cried like he was being burglarized. 

"Let's see, a strapping young man, hard muscles, plenty of magic and youth running in his veins, *kind* enough to already remove his shirt for me, I think I've found exactly what I'm looking for. Now if you'll just remove your pants, we can get started..."

Despite all his years of experience and training, Gray managed to lock himself in a corner, no escape except through the lady he did *not* want to touch. 

The door seemed a million miles away. 

He tried appealing to her. Maybe soft words subtly mentioning her kids would show her the error of her ways?

"*For fucks sake, your snotty little girl child is right down the hall!*"

Okay, he might have messed that up a bit in his panic... 

Remarkably, she did take a small step back, giving him a weird look, "Well, don't tell me you're into *her*..."

"*What?!*" 

Was he in the mad house? Had he been committed and all of this was just a weird vision brought on by the drugs? Because that would all be very comforting to know just then.

Something crashed to the floor and they both turned to look at the door, Gray's blood rushing through him in gratitude when he say who it was. Puter was staring wide eyed at the pair, barely able stutter out, "*Panicia!*"

Thank Mavis! Not only was he her husband, -*There's no getting out of this one, Red, you've been caught just as thoroughly as I was with those chips*- he was also the center of money. He could pay Gray and he could finally go home!

He practically skipped as he sidestepped Panicia.

Puter furrowed his brow, arms folding over his chest in the doorway, as he turned to stare at his wife, "*Well?* What do you have to say for yourself? His pants should have been off ages ago!"

The whole room spun mid-skip.

*His what should have been where?*

Her voice, sad, and regretful, piped up from behind him, "I was trying, but he was less than willing. Apparently, he prefers little girls..."

Gray spun around, angrier than a whipped bull," I do *not* like litt-!" 

She'd been sneaking up behind him the whole time, trying to take advantage of the distraction her husband brought with him. When he noticed, she launched herself at him, and he'd barely dodged, before he spotted a flash of burning pink.

She was trying to stab him with a medical needle.

Filled with what, he couldn't guess, but Gray wasn't taking any chances. He pushed her off him, stance at the ready as he pulled a hand over his fist, ready to call forth an ice wall, or a sword, maybe even his crossbow, when dread filled his stomach.

He was almost completely drained of magic. All those creations he'd made when he was trying to distract himself from N's muttering had taken so much out of him, he wouldn't be surprised if he had a hard time make an ice cube at this point. That's why he'd come down here in the first place, to get enough food in him to be able think straight and recharge his reserves.

The two donuts he'd managed to choke down weren't enough to anything. He was practically a sitting duck now.

Unconsciously trying to buy time, Gray hissed, "*What the fuck is going on here?*"

Puter looked delighted. He walked further into the kitchen, all too happy to fill him in, chipperly motioning Panicia to stop, "My dear boy, do you think I requested you by accident? You are my perfect candidate! Chosen, in every sense of the word."

"Oh?" He huffed, " *Little ol' me?*" He just had to keep him talking. No one was moving, more importantly *Panicia* wasn't moving, while he talked. If he could just figure a way out of this... "You gonna tell me why you wanted my pants off so badly?"

"I want your body."

He said it so baldly, Gray turned to stare at him, objective forgotten. Then he sighed, "Well... I'm not sure how much pleasure you'd get out of it. You're just not my type, and I feel like the lack of enthusiasm would effect the se-"

"*Not like that!* Your organs. Brain, heart, lungs, kidneys. *Oh, boy your kidneys!*" He practically salivating now, "I want to cut you up, and in order for me to that you must be naked. By asking you to do it yourself, it saves me a whole lot of effort."

...

*What kind of lazy bullshit was that?!!*

If Gray was going to get murdered, he wanted exactly zero physical labour required before the deed was done. 

That was just his personal preference.

"So, what then? Once you get my innards... what are you going to do with them? Are..." He had to swallow his nausea, "Are you gonna eat 'em?" Somehow he was more disgusted by this than even the idea of fucking this ruddy little dingbat. His eyes went back to searching.

"Just for that, you get to keep your brain. Doesn't look like it'll be too much use to me..."

*Hurtful.*

"Magic is all fine and good, enviable even. But *science*, you should never sleep on science, my boy!"

Well, *duh*. 

You'd get kinks in your neck.

"We now have the means to do the impossible, push boundaries even Lost Magic wouldn't touch. By replacing parts of my body with yours, I'll be able to remove any less than impressive, underperforming DNA traits that I wish. With your heart I could feel your passion for life, with your blood I can gain your youthful cells and magical particles, with you kidneys I can remove my cancer. I alone discovered the final key to make it happen! With this knowledge at my disposal, I can have the world in my fingertips!"

"The whole world?" Gray retorted dryly, "and here I thought being Mayor of Magnolia Town was a big shot's dream."

"You are so *modest!* Part of the reason I chose you," His glasses gleamed, and he looked like he was congratulating himself, despite not catching onto Gray's sarcasm, "That, and you're a strapping young man, with hard muscles, plenty of magic and youth running in your veins, you were ever so kind enough to already remove you shirt for me, and now if you'll just remove your pants, we can get started."

Where had he heard this speech before?

"The best part is, you're not married and have no kids, not even a little girlfriend-!"

*Freeze.*

What did him not having a girlfriend have to with having his organs harvested, so a mad scientist could feel pretty and wanted? 

Gray squinted into the corners of the room, looking for hidden cameras. Maybe Mirajane had finally snapped due to the fine, and decided to deal with it by torturing members of the guild until they agreed to be in the committed relationships of her choosing...

"-that means no one will come looking for you when you stop turning up."

*Oh.* Nevermind.

"If you're saying that, you don't know Fairy Tail," He ground out, still looking around for some kind of weapon. He could just imagine Juvia's reaction if she found out he was gone even fifteen seconds later than he was supposed to be. He wouldn't be surprised if she somehow sensed he was in trouble now, and burst in, flooding the whole tacky mansion, til she found him.

He looked toward the door, half expecting her to be there, water raging, but that was silly to expect even from Juvia. She probably didn't even know he was in Bosco...

Gray shook his head, he needed to focus. He was in a kitchen, there had to be a least one somewhat descent knife around here. Especially with Nubby running the place.

"That group of rowdy-ruffs can be dealt with easily enough." He scoffed, "I'll sue every one of them under the table for accusing me,*a paying client*, of having a hand in your disappearance. They won't be able to *blink* without owing me money, some may even end up in the debtor's prison. I'll bring their hurtful accusations up to the Fiorian and Boscnich ambassadors, and cause an international uproar, if I must. The justice system will work as it should for me."

"Yeah, it would do that, just for you and your type, huh? Guess that's why it's called "*Just Us.*" He spotted a flash a silver on the counter, the same moment Panicia realized what he was looking for, arm pulling back to plunge the needle anywhere she could reach.

Gray chose to save his eye. Lunging forward, he forgot the knife and punched her right in the stomach, hoping to throw her off balance and maybe even knock her out, but instead, something happened that tilted his whole world view.

His fist connect with her stomach, and it felt like cool gelatin, before her torso started *collapsing into her body*and disintegrating around his fist.

Gray barely pulled his arm back, eyes wide, as she started fizzling and shrinking, body no more stable than a soap bubble.

Then there was an explosion of smoke, and she was gone.

Gray stumbled back, dizziness nearly pulling him under, "*What the fuc-?!*"

A guttural wail sounded, bouncing around the walls,"*No!* You sick little bastard, you've destroyed her! My wife, *my children!* You've killed them all! You'll pay! You'll pay with your body!"

He grabbed the needle off floor, and charged at Gray,

The ice mage shook off his shock to address the issue headed straight for him. Using his momentum to throw the man off balance, Gray jabbed Puter's back with his elbow, ramming him hard enough to knock him to the floor. Pulling on the last of his reserves, he created a sharp little dagger of ice. Palming it in his hand, he was ready to defend himself further, but there was no need.

With one hit, Puter was down for the count and not trying for another round. 

Gray heard soft crying, and irrationally, or perhaps very rationally, he felt anger flare up throughout his body, "*What's going on?*" 

His voice was a pitiful wail, "*They're fake!* My family, none of them are real," He curled in on himself, "I created my fortune here in Bosco by inventing these smoke bots! You programme them to take the shape of anything you can imagine, and they'll form real stuff. So long as you don't touch them, they're real!"

Gray took a step back, confused. This somehow made less sense than what he'd been guessing; that this guy was Rustyrose's uncle bent on the destruction of Fairy Tail on behalf on the long fallen Grimoire Heart...

He blinked,"But- No. That can't be true, because I *did* touch your kids! I-I patted N on the back, and brushed past River, I even threw your daughter into your lak-"

Oops, too much information...

"They were fine, as long as you didn't touch Panicia. She was their life source. *Like a true mother!*" He keened.

"But she shook my hand!" 

"Yes, because *everyone* shakes hands, that's how I designed her. I made her flaw as small as scientifically possible, as any great inventor would do for him-"

*Or, her.*

"-self. I never thought I'd meet the kind scoundrel that went around touching other men's wive's intimate areas."

She tried to seduce him...

Then she tried to stab him with a syringe...

And he'd programmed her to do it, all so he could harvest his organs...

But he was upset Gray's hand brushed her stomach...

The billionaire released another wail, unaware Gray was just about ready to choke him,"*I'm sorry.* Everything just spiraled out of control." 

Maybe it was foolish, but Gray relaxed out of his defensive stance, "What are you talking about?"

A question Gray would come to regret, because with those five little words, he'd unknowingly released the verbal floodgates.

"The truth is, I lied about everything! My wife, my kids, my chef, my past. My name really *is* Peter!"

Yeah, Gray figured as much...

"This isn't my real hair," he continued, bawling.

Pulling off his wig, he revealed that not only was he bald, his head was actually... concave...?

"My nose is fake," He pulled at the bulbous flesh to reveal an oddly perfect ski slope nose, pert and buttony. Gray couldn't understand why he'd keep that hidden, until he released a shaking sob, and his nose began dripping profusely, saturating the floor around him in seconds.

That must have been where he got his inspiration for the little sister...

"I had my elbows cosmetically sharpened so they'd look better in my suits. Turns out they just rip straight through the fabric, so now I have to wear elbow pads under all my clothes until I can find a doctor who can reverse the procedure. My nipples are so large I have to wear a chest plate so I don't accidentally poke some stranger's eye out. I had to have my neck shortened, it was so long it used to curl up like a snake when I was sleeping. And of course, there's my glass eye," He popped it out with a squelch. 

Now, that could have stayed hidden, that he could have kept a secret... All of it, just *all* of it. All that information should have died with him. At this point, Gray almost preferred the idea of getting stabbed in the eye to this a hundred, no a *billion*, times over.

"It's just... I've always wanted a family, I couldn't help it! After the money came in, I though dating would be a breeze. But all three of my last ex-girlfriends tried to murder me in my sleep. They claim I'm repulsive!"

Perhaps it was the organs thing that turned them off, but Gray suspected the true culprit was that freakish red and green eyeball dripping out of his socket like gelatin...

Gray grimaced, trying to be understanding, "Did all these bodily, uh, *changes* happen to you while experimenting with that smoke thing?"

"*No,*" He wheezed, "*I was born this way.*"

Pity wormed it's way into Gray's chest. Pity and disgust, he was choking on his own tears now, the gagging sound wet and noisy...

"I have no friends, those people only came because I make them money. My butler left me, my cook will only send me food through the mail, I had to get a bike because my driver purposely rammed into a tree last month. Please, I'm sorry! I know I took it too far, but don't kill me!"

The butler that had showed him where the kitchen was... There one second, gone the next. That's what cemented in Gray's mind that this was real and he'd actually filled his home with smoke people, to combat his loneliness. For it to have gone this far, it must have been gnawing on him for a while.

The guy had to fake his own help...

Gray sighed at the curled up, sobbing mess on the floor, "I'm upset, but I was never going to kill you..."

He looked up, genuinely surprised, "Not even a little?" His loose eye bounced with the movement, and Gray had to look away.

Once his silent laughter subsided, the ice mage continued solemnly, "No. Look, just double the money, and I'll forget everything that happened in this room."

He sniffled, "Even the harvesting your organs part?"

Gray's knuckles tightened reflexively, but he nodded, "Double the money, *and* put down in writing that you'll never lure anyone here to get their body parts, and we have a deal."

He was up in a flash, glasses thankfully covering his eyes again, "Right-o, Sunshine!"

Just as he flipped open his check book, pen at the ready, his head turned hauntingly slowly towards Gray. Glasses going opaque again, jaw oddly slack, he murmured, "Promise you'll never leave, and I'll adopt you. I'd treat you like a *king*." 

"Just for that, triple it."

As soon it left the book, Gray took the check and headed off to the door. He was beyond ready to leave.

Yellow and bright blue flashed beside him in the doorway, and Gray looked down to see something that sucked the last vestiges of energy straight from his body.

"Is your dog even real?" Gray asked dryly, pointing to the canine walking into the kitchen on two legs.

And not even two back legs, or two front legs. No, he came in *confidently* using only the legs on his right side, the other two sticking straight up in the air in a way that could never be natural.

Peter looked down, ashamed, "He's a female parakeet..."

That didn't even make any sense. "I'm out."

~xGx~

The way back to the station was mostly uneventful, which is exactly how Gray wanted it. 

The only hiccup was when a woman nearly fell to her death on the tracks, but he helped her up swiftly enough, and kept moving, mind too intent on rest.

He boarded the train with no problems, and sat down, preparing to get some much needed sleep. With any luck he wouldn't be moving til Oshibana, a wonderful six and half hours away.

He didn't care if the train spontaneously burst into flames, *let him burn.*

A light tapping on his shoulder disrupted the wonderful image he was having of his body burning in a raging explosion, Gray too asleep to care.

His eye cracked open, almost against his will, "*What.*" It didn't even come out like a question, just a growl.

"Excuse me, but it seems I have your window seat."

Gray looked up the man balefully. Portly, face unremarkable, clutching a backpack to his chest. Looking hopeful.

The ice mage moved his legs, and he slide through, looking grateful. 

Okay. That had been a *slight* ruffle in his *Don't Bother Me 'Til We Get To Oshibana, You Dumb Fucks* plan, but he was ready to power thro-

"So...we're sitting next to each other..."

Gray's eyebrows furrowed. 

"For the *whole* ride..."

What was going on? Why wasn't he sound asleep?

"Guess that makes you and I," He did a drumroll on his bag, "*train buddies!*"

What did he do...?

"Nothing like a train buddy to help you cruise through a commute."

*What did he do to deserve this?!*

"I should introduce myself, I'm Cotty. You know I was born on a train?"

H-How could Gray have possibly known that?

He segwayed away from that, quick as a flash, "I had a girlfriend once."

"Oh, really?" Gray grimaced, adjusting in his seat.

"Yeah. She left me on a train..."

"Oh, I'm sorry..." 

"It wasn't that bad, we met up at the next stop."

If there were mercy in this world, someone would shoot him.

"She broke up with me on a boat, guess that's why I prefer trains!" He laughed, playfully jutting his elbow at Gray.

Hell, shoot both of them, as long as they didn't end up at the same place on the other side.

A middle aged woman in a train uniform began coming down the aisle with a food trolley. A thought occurred to Gray and he surged forward, catching her by the elbow.

"Excuse me, miss? I'd really love to have a view on my way home. Are there any window seats available?"

"There sure are!"

His heart skipped a beat.

"For an additional J7,500!"

His heart dropped. 

He couldn't afford that! All the money his was making was going straight into the guild.

Despite the freakishly large check he'd gotten Puter, no , *Peter*, to write for him, all that money belonged to Fairy Tail. In fact, all the money he'd been earning lately was going to towards the fine. He was basically living off fumes at this point.

And even though his current predicament killed him, even though he just might have bargained his kidneys to Peter if it meant a good night's sleep, Gray didn't even have the heart to take a measly couple thousand out of his reward to switch his seat.

He shook his head, letting her go, "Nevermind..." 

The stewardess smiled like she'd won at life, "I thought so, enjoy the ride!"

"Oh hey, train buddy," Cotty tapped him on the shoulder again, as he wetly bit into a pear. The food in his mouth didn't stop him from talking, "if you wanted a seat by the window, all you have to do is ask! It actually works out better this way, 'cause I'm a frequent bathroom user. Yeah. Something about that time of day, midnight to five AM, really just gets my inner juices following..." 

Maybe he should take him up on his offer, and switch seats. Just so he'd have enough access to the window to jump out of it.

"You a pear guy?" He continued, pushing the fruit into Gray's face.

"I'm really not."

"Ha! *Neither am I.* My mom packed this, I just got through visiting her. She has pear garden now. Guess when you have all that disposable income and no kids, fruit is the only thing that can occupy your mind."

"I guess..." Gray didn't know how he could make it more abundantly clear that he didn't want to *fucking* talk to him.

"I always forget what my favorite fruit is. You know, my mom, she wanted to plant something for me, but I caved under pressure and blanked on the name. You don't mind if I list them out loud, do you? Maybe if I go through the whole list, I'll remember!"

Gray stared at him in mute horror.

"Let's see..." He took another bite, then began fiddling with a sleeve of cookies, unable to open them. The plastic crinkling in his fingers were like nails on a chalkboard to Gray. "I guess you start with apples. You know there's 7,500 different varieties of apples grown around the globe? But should I list every variety of apple, or just focus the list on naming different fruits...?" 

His crinkling paused, only to start up again in a flurry of excitement, "I know! I'll list every fruit, *then* their varieties! Okay, so: Apple, Apricots, or *Apricots*, depending on how you want to pronounce it, Avacados, yes, my dear friend, they are a fruit! Bananas, Bell Peppers, Blackberries, Blackcurrants, Blueberries, Breadfruit, Cantaloupe-" He cut himself off with a gasp, "Oh, no!"

What, had someone finally decided to be merciful and slit Gray's throat from behind?

"I forgot *boysenberries!*" He gave his knee a slap, "I know it's a just cross of other berries, but it really needs to be listed alone," He shrugged, "Alright, I'll just start again; Apples, Apricots, or *Apricots*, depending on how-"

On and on and on, he went. Barely pausing for breathe, only to put some new food in his mouth from that seemingly bottomless bag. It didn't matter that Gray wasn't engaging him, didn't matter than he kept running a tired hand over his face, ruffling his hair, didn't matter that Gray could physically feel his eyes growing more bloodshot, *he just kept going*.

Three times Gray had to pinch himself just to check that he hadn't died and gone to hell, or that he wasn't trapped in some kind tortuous spell. When he'd finally gotten to watermelon, a few very manly tears slid down the ice mage's face, only for him to remember Cotty's promise to start listing their corresponding varieties.

And oh boy, did he list them. He gave Gray a history on the ones he found particularly interesting, like how the honey crisp was created, anecdotes that the ice mage couldn't believe he knew on the fly, no book there to give him notes. If Gray wasn't surpressing the urge to murder his chatty bench mate, he'd actually be really impressed. 

As it was, he just stared at the old lady down the aisle, furious that the woman three seats down was using her pearly handled letter opener to pry open bills, when there was a much better use of the blade, just behind her. 

But surely, once he got through *forty-eight*different kinds of apple, he had to have exhausted himself, surely by that time he decided to take a little nappy-nap?

*No!*

Instead, he was hit with *eureka!* His favorite fruit was *cucumber*, how had he forgotten? He'd specifically asked for it in his chicken salad sandwich, oh he needed to tell his mother *immediately*. And so he pulled out Earthland's largest lacrima tablet, and began dialing up.

Little Miss Letter Opener three seats down had the nerve to turn and glare at Gray, as if *he* were taking the obnoxiously loud call. As if he wanted the corner of the giant screen digging into his thigh until it was numb. 

They must have talked for over an hour. His mother decided she *had* to catch up with him, the same son she'd seen just an hour before *on the fucking train platform!* And then she wanted be introduced to Gray.

"*Oh, honey, you've got a new train buddy, how nice!*" 

Only it was not nice, because this woman, who did not know him from Adam, decided to critic his every breath and explain loudly, for the whole train car to hear, why he didn't have a girlfriend.

*Gray never even mentioned he didn't have a girlfriend!*

What was worse was that somewhere down the line, his befuddled brain realized he'd seen her before. Gray would have bet the guildhall this was the same woman he'd helped up on his way on the train.

He should have just let her ass fall, right onto those tracks. 

He *would* have if he'd known this was what he be subjected to. And, *added bonus* the death of his mother probably would have delayed Cotty's trip, leaving his bench free and clear, and most noticably, *train buddy light*.

It took a while, but eventually they moved past why Gray was a pathetic, lonely loser, to talk about *everything else!*

If the remaining train ride was five hours, they must have talked for four hours, fifty-eight minutes, and fifty-five seconds. They talked about *everything*; from family reunions and celebrity gossip, to recipes for carmalized carrots, and what Cotty wanted for Easter. 

*Easter?!*

It was October! There had to be at least two dozen holidays between them, and Easter! Why was it being so pressingly discussed, now? And who in their right mind requested furniture and vehicles for Easter?

All the treats were supposed to fit in an egg, or a basket, *how the fuck were you gonna fit a Magi Cycle into an egg?*

And why was Christmas not good enough for them?

Finally, *finally*, they said their goodbyes, it took two hours and the kept repeating the same phrases over and over again, but eventually that damn lacrima went dark.

And Gray hadn't even put an icicle through it.

He was proud of himself.

For reasons he didn't quite know, Gray's eyes cracked open and he noticed a clock above the door leading into the next car. It read 8:15.

The train left at 7.

The ride was eight hours long...

It was hard to describe what Gray felt in that moment. Not even his tears could properly articulate what he was feeling. But they flowed down his cheeks, nonetheless.

He was a fool for not taking that syringe to the neck in Peter's kitchen when he'd had the chance.

Several hours of pointlessly long, incredibly uninteresting, murder-worthy one-sided conversations later, the conductor announced that Gray had been granted leniency on his sentence, Oshibana was fifteen minutes away.

Not something he truly wanted to hear, not when it slammed in his face that his *Don't Bother Me 'Til We Get To Oshibana, You Dumb Fucks* plan had been a bust, but mercy was mercy, and he'd take any he could get right now.

"Guess this is goodbye..." Cotty murmured, packing up the mountain of wrappers surrounding him.

"Oh, don't say it like that," Gray seethed, "I'm sure we'll meet again *real soon*." Somewhere around hour three, Gray began making mental plans to find his perky little *train buddy* later in life, and shove him in front of the mode of transportation he was, oh, so very found of.

"Really?" He looked hopeful, clearly not catching the hint, "When will I see you next?" 

His voice was really too hoarse to continue much longer, "Who knows? Fate has a way of bringing people together..."

Cotty snapped a finger, a realization coming to him, "Oh, by the way, what's your name? So I can look you up."

Gray's brow twitched in annoyance, before a thought occurred to him.

"Natsu," The ice mage smiled, though it was more of a baring of his teeth, "Natsu Dragneel."

Because if anyone deserved this torment, it's that fire breathing bastard that got him into this mess to *begin with!*

Cotty, in the middle of pulling out some soup, paused to oggle Gray, "This whole time, and I had no idea...! You're the famous Fire Dragon Slayer from Fairy Tail. The wizard guild that won the Grand Magic Games two years ago, and the guy that melted the stadium using only the heat of his stare! I've read all about you, you're amazing!"

"Yup." *Amazing at making everyone hate him.*

He stuffed some soup in his mouth, looking remorseful, "And you let me speak this whole time..."

"Oh, don't worry about that, why don't you come by my house in a couple days? I'll tell you any story you want to hear."

"Really?" 

"Yeah, just make sure to come over around midnight to five AM, those are my golden hours. And I know about your problem, so you'll be happy to know that I live in a cabin near a whole bunch of woods, so feel free to release your juices as much as you want when you visit. I've been trying grow a garden for ages..."

That's right. Natsu had been struggling to get anything growing in the garden patch outside his house for over a year. He nearly screamed his head off, showing everyone his pictures of the little sugar pie pumpkins he'd finally gotten to sprout. A shame that it would all be *pissed away* soon enough.

"I should write all this down!"

"Yeah, you should," Gray nodded, "the instructions to visit me are *very* specific."

He was digging in his bag, "Why?"

"Well, I have a sleeping disorder."

He paused, looking up, "*Oh.*"

"Some say I get too *much*," He dragged a hand down his face, "I say I get too *little*..."

"Yeah, that explains so much," He pulled out a pen and a coffee stained notebook. Then grabbed up his spoon again.

"You should know, this whole look," He waved at himself, "it's just make up. I've been taking side jobs as a traveling clown, this was what the clients requested I look like, so when you meet me again, *preferably at 3 o'clock in the morning*, my hair will be my usual stupid shade of pink."

He scribbled quickly, sounding out the words, "*...stupid shade...of...pink...*" While his other hand blindly reached over to scoop up some soup.

"And make sure you bring a whistle." 

Remarkably, he actually stopped, his spoon hovering in the air inches away from his mouth, "A-a whistle?" 

"Yeah, you see I have night terrors, and when that happens I can barely hear anything through my fear, and my memory leaves me. One time I forgot who I was for two weeks, but that's when we discovered a whistle reverses all of that."

"But couldn't I just visit you during the day?"

"No!" Gray snapped, watching as Oshibana station came into view, his eyes darting back and forth rapidly, "It has to be at night." 

The man looked concerned for a moment, than shrugged, suspicion long forgotten, "You make the rules." 

"Be warned, sometimes the whistle doesn't work the first time, sometimes my dreams leave me in such a deep trance, I have a hard time breaking out of it and remembering who I am.* So*, if I slam the door in your face, don't take it personally, I've just *forgotten* myself. Keep blowing the whistle, and I'll get all my memories back eventually."

"Got it!"

"I'm glad you do." 

Cotty turned back the page, looking over his notes, "Just one more thing, where do you live?"

"I have a small cottage, just outside East Forrest, in Magnolia Town."

And then he did something absolutely horrifying. Turning to Gray, his whole face lit up with excitement, "*Train buddy!*" 

No, please.

"*Magnolia Town?!*" 

He'd give all his future earnings to charity, if he just stopped speaking,*right now!*

"That's where I'm going!" 

*No, it wasn't.*

"I'm on location, taking photos of Kardia Cathedral!" 

They moved that! They moved that *years* ago!

"That means we're taking the next train together! You were right about Fate, it's just tugging us together!"

The conductor came down the aisle, and suddenly Gray realized they weren't moving anymore. "Oshibana Station! We have now stopped at Oshibana Station!" 

Gathering all his stuff, Cotty looped arms with Gray, carrying his limp, disbelieving body along with him on the next ride to Magnolia Town.

And so, Gray took two train rides, from Bosco to Oshibana, and Oshibana to Magnolia, eight hours long, and not one moment of it was spent getting an ounce of sleep.

He really didn't want to talk about what happened on the ride to Magnolia. 

Let's just say, if he caught sight any apple that wasn't a Red Delicious, it was getting smashed.

They parted ways at the station, Gray being sure to emphasize how many people died in the hotel Cotty was going be staying at, and limped his way to the guild.

He was furious. 

*Boiling* with rage.

And when he got to the guild, he was gonna lay down the *law!* Tell Mira how he really felt and *where she can shove her Special Request sheets.*

He was gonna body Makarov, and toss Max outta window. And if he caught sight of Natsu or Gajeel, he was gonna shove ice down their throats *until they choked on it.*

The whole five minute walk, which turned into twenty due the kinks in his back, Gray pictured the many ways he could harm his best friends and family members. 

It helped with the pain.

Even innocent bystanders, who had never done anything to him, weren't free from his mutinous thoughts. The ice mage gleefully pictured shoving Nab's head through the request board, *since he couldn't decide on a job,* and shaving his head til it shined like an infant's butt, Gray didn't give a fuck.

At this point he was ready to fight *God* for what he'd been through. He was ready, able, and prepared to punch *Mavis Vermilion* in throat, if it came down to it. 

Little girls got *no* special treatment!

....

Alright... Wendy was exempt. 

*But everybody else bettter watch their fucking backs if they enjoyed having limbs attached to them!*

Gray walked into guild, ready to *smash* and *crash.*

...As much as any guy could while hunched over from back pain, wobbling with sore knees, eye bleary from a lack of sleep, and magic depletion slowing his walk to a snail's pace. He was hungry as well, and then there was this twinge in his elbow that was starting to worry him, maybe there was rain coming tomorrow...?

The guild was quiet, almost morose, like they'd remembered they were supposed to be pitching in too, *the no good layabouts!*

Finally, after giving the stink eye to everyone who looked at him, (Minus Wendy, what was she even doing up? It was almost 2 AM!) Gray approached the bar.

Mira was there, looking summery, and humming to herself as she wiped out a beer glass.

It was always that same beer glass...

He slammed down the money, ready for some new stupid task. Anything she thought to throw at him, he was *ready.*

World's biggest smoothie?

He'd chug it down.

Lift a train car with his tongue so an engineer could swap out a bolt?

*He's been tongue lifting since he was two.* Try again.

Stare at Ooba Babasaama from Lamia Scale naked, for over three seconds?

A challenging task, but nothing he couldn't handle with a little pep talk.

Give Lyon a compliment?

Damn near impossible, but *he'd do his best!*

Do the last mission over again, but this time for a little twisty-twist, he has to cut out and harvest his own organs?

Come on, Mira. We're trying for *original* writing here.

She looked from Gray to the check, than back again before she smiled, eyes closed, "You can keep that." 

He could*what?*

"I took the mission to Bosco."

"I see!"

"It went to shit."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." 

Gray stared at her, frustrated. She nearly tore his head off when she gave him the sheet, threatening untold bodily harm if he messed up their reputation with this guy. Now, here he was, picking a fight, purposely telling her how bad he did, and she was as cool as a breeze.

"Almost stabbed the client...!" 

"Oh, how clumsy of you!"

*Wish* I'd stabbed the client...

"Nothing like some holes, to make you feel alive!"

"I threw at least one child!"

"I'm sure they deserved it." 

"I actually threw two."

"How fun, the more the merrier!"

*For the love of..!*

He leaned in, voice lowering from anger and lack of drink, "I would actually call that *misbehaving*. Come on Mira, what happened to you, me and a locked room?"

A loud sputter sounded beside him.

Cana, sitting at the bar completely unnoticed by him. Barrel forgotten on the floor, dripping with alcohol, she was looking wildly from Gray to Mira, and back again.

"E-Excuse me, I'll be right back," And then she took off for the second floor like her life depended on it.

Turning back to face the she-devil, Gray realized this going nowhere, she wouldn't give him his fight. He sighed, "Look, just give me the next job so I can *go*."

"Oh, Gray," Mira giggled, a sound he dimly realized he hadn't heard in nearly two weeks, "you seem kind of tired. Why don't you head home, and come back in the morning?"

Gray took a step back, staring at her.

This was a test, he knew it. See if he'd break at the first opportunity, so she would have the excuse she'd need to stick him with a job that required combing some old coot's back hair for J650,000, or something! *He wasn't falling for it.*

"Mira, please. I am not in the mood for your psychotic games, just pass me a damn flyer so I can head out."

"No. I don't think so," She simpered, "Would you like a drink, instead?"

Would he like a- 

*Would he like a drink?!*

Gray was already climbing halfway across the bar, "*I knew it! You were behind the whole thing! I'm done, I'm gonna strangle you!*"

Mira shrieked in alarm, dropping the cloth she'd been using to wipe down the bar, when a large hand pulled Gray back, fist full of his shirt.

Because this day just got better and better, of course the hand would belong to Laxus. Because apparently, at nine foot one thousand, Elfman couldn't sufficiently protect his demoness sister, himself...

He was tugged off the bar with one easy lift, just as Cana sat back down, face pointedly too preoccupied with a wine bottle cork to notice his predicament.

"These last couple weeks have been hard on everyone, and it's since you're not the real cause of our suffering, I'll give you a warning." He turned Gray to face him, practically nose to nose, "You'll go home and you'll take a nap, or you stay here, *and I'll put you to sleep myself*..." The way he bared his teeth showed Gray this was no idle threat.

Gray was also all too aware of his feet hovering at least two feet off the ground, despite his attempts to touch it.

He must have looked like a ragdoll in the hands of a Vulcan...

"...I'll go home." 

"Yeah, you'll go home."

**Which lead into this morning...**

Gray was face down on his pillow, sound asleep.

*And it was wonderful.*

This was what nation's fought wars over, mother's hoped for their children's future, rich grandparents passed down to their undeserving heirs. This peace, so deep, so *wonderful*, was all Gray could have asked for, and more.

Which is probably why a shrill ringing ripped right through it.

When Gray looked at the time on his lacrima, not even who was calling, he laughed out loud and turned on his side.

*It was about 144 hours too early for him to be awake...*

The ringing soon subsided, and he believed that was that.

He really made it too easy for Fate to pick on him...

Just as his mind was back to tasting that sweet creamy REM sleep, it started up again. Groaning into his pillow, he picked it up, "What? Did someone die?"

*"Oh, hey Gray. Wow, you actually picked up. Um, it's Lucy-"*

What? 

*It was Lucy!?*

Well, golly gee, it was so nice of her to announce herself! Afterall, if she hadn't, he wouldn't know *who* he could be talking to! When he'd first heard her voice he thought it was Santa Claus, that was *top of his list!* Thank Mavis for Lucy and her quick thinking for *setting him straight!*

"Lucy, I want you to hear me very clearly."

*"Uh... yeah?"*

"Kill yourself." 

He hung up, tossing the lacrima. 

Their conversation already forgotten.

The third time it rang, he actually screamed.

And didn't stop just because he'd picked up the lacrima. If she wanted to be annoying, Gray could play that game. Fuck it, *he'd earn the high score!*

His caterwauling ended in an angry, "*What?!*" 

Her voice was stiff, like she was reading something, *"I just wanted to tell you... Bad guys have taken over the guild... They've already broken* both of my legs?" Her voice became slightly muffled, *"He's never gonna believe that. We're supposed to make it believable!"*

*"Well, tell him I'm not here, then it'll be believable!"*

*"Not how that works."*

*"If I was there they'd be six feet under before they looked at your legs, let alone broke 'em. Seems pretty clear to me."*

*"I don't think I'd need your help, I can defend myself-"*

*"Against leg-breaking bad guys? I think you'd need a little help. Arm-breaking, now that you'd have covered, but leg? You need to train a bit more to stop that."*

*"Fine, whatever, can we just focus? We're trying convince Gray t-"*

*This just goes to show how worthless he is. Here you are, two broken legs, surrounded by enemies, and where is he? If it were me, I'd already be here, crashin' right in that ceiling."*

*"Of course* you *would..."* She sighed, with soft amusement.

"Hey, Lucy?"

She seemed to have forgotten him, *"Uh, Gray! Yeah?"*

"About your two broken legs? Tie them together and hop on over to The Better Liars Academy."

He hung up.

By the fourth time he was done with hot anger, it wasn't his style. Instead, he went for cold indifference.

"The guild on fire?"

*"No, bu-"*

He hung up. 

Another. 

Fucking.

*Ring.*

She spoke fast, "*The guild's on fire.*"

"Have Natsu eat it. This is Fairy Tail 101, Lucy."

He hung up.

*Ring!*

*"A bully's here with an obscenely large pair of scissors! He's threatening to cut off all of Wendy's hair unless you come down an- "*

"The kid will look good bald."

He hung up.

*Ring!*

*"He did it! The bully chopped all of Wendy's hair off! She crying, screaming, Gray-nii-san! If only Gray-nii-san were here! Afterall he is strongest in the world, he cou-!"*

*"Bullshit, he ain't the strongest!"*

*"Natsu, be quiet!"*

*"But you got mad at me before for exaggerating, and you're just telling flat out lies!"*

*"Natsu-!"*

*"If a bully came by and chopped off all of Wendy's hair, she'd call for me first, 'cause she know I'm the strongest-!"*

*"Natsu, will you please-"*

*"-and we have Dragon Slayer solidarity!"*

*"...Are you done?"*

*"...He's just not stronger than me, and everybody knows it..."*

*Silence.*

*"-Anyway, if you don't come down quickly he'll glue it all onto her tongue and eyeballs-"*

*"That's gross!"*

"Natsu!"

*"We're just trying to get him here, not make him throw up on us, Lucy."*

"If you don't leave me alone, I'll cut off all your hair, glue it back on, *and then* throw up on you."

He hung up.

The lacrima had barely left his hand before it rang again.

*"Dear? It's Grandmother Fullbuster. I've been searching for you for fifteen years, and today finally found you, and your guild. Three full hours before I'm expected to die of kidney failure! I'm sure you're a very strapping, popular young man, to busy charming the ladies, and wowing the press, but if you could just come down to your wonderful guild hall for five minutes, you would fullfill the wish of your dear old granny to lay her eyes upon you, one last time before she dies forever."*

He hung up. The only reason he'd stayed on the line as long as he did, was his odd fascination with Lucy's old lady voice.

Then, you guessed it, another ring.

This time featuring: *A! Terrible! Foreign! Accent!*

*"Yes, hello old chap, you've just won J100,000,000! But bloke, you must come down to your guild hall in five minutes to claim your pri-!"*

He hung up.

He thought they dialed him by mistake this time.

*"-can we even say at this point? He rejected a hundred million Jewel, he rejected his long lost grandmother. He's too unfeeling and I don't think he's coming-!"*

*"This isn't when we give up, we gotta double down!"*

*"How?"*

*"Duh, we hit him were it hurts! It's time for plan T: Take Him By Storm!"*

*"We can't punch him through the communication lacrima, Natsu..."*

*"Yeah, I know. That's why we punch him in the gut with our words, using our friends."*

*"Like who?"*

*"Who else? Juvia."*

*Silence.*

*"Natsu, you're a genius!"*

A sentence said less than once in a lifetime.

*"I'll go get Gajeel, he knows everything about Juvia!"*

*"Alright, hurry!"*

*More Silence*

Then, *"Just tell 'im Puddle's swapping spit with his brother, he'll come running."*

*Needlessly loud applause.*

*"Good idea!"*

*"Great answer!"*

*"Gihee!"*

He hung up, but it didn't really count as much that time.

Juvia kissing Lyon...

He scoffed, getting comfortable again.

*Impossible.* That wouldn't have moved him...

After all, if that were true, he would have heard her horrified screams from here.

All too soon:

*Ring*

He didn't bother speaking into the lacrima.

He should just hold it there, and let them hear him snore. 2/3s of the new little trio sorely deserved it.

He heard an irritating squeak, *"Gray-sammy? It me, Juvia, and I just wanted to let you know that even though I'm in love with you to the point of concern by everyone around us, I could change my mind, like that! Gray-sammy isn't the only ic-"*

From the background, he heard the least subtle hiss in the history of Earthland, "Sama! *Puddle calls him, Gray-*Sama. *And stop talking in the first person!"*

*"I told you to just let me do it..."*

*"We voted. You don't do a girl voice right, Bunny Girl."*

*"Gajeel, I *am* a girl!"*

*"That's what makes it so sad, gihee!"*

*"Will you two shaddup? I'm trying lure Ice Princess, here. I mean Gray-sammy*-sama! Gray-sama! *Anyway, Juvia just finished kissing Lyon an-"*

*Muffled chatter*

"What do you mean she calls him -sama, too?! *Don't tell me she's in love Droopy Eyes* and *Frosted Brows-!*

*"No, I think it's just a respect thing. He's the closest family Gray has, so it's a sign of respect-"*

He'd dropped the voice altogether, sounding impatient. *"Look, I'm tonguing your brother. It was hot. Everyone says so. He's such a great kisser I'm abouta leave the guild forever. You just gonna let that happen, or come here and claim me like a ma-?"*

He couldn't *take it anymore!*

"Lucy, Redfox, Pink Parasite, I know it's you, *and when I get my hands around your fucking throa-!*"

They hung up this time.

*Finally...*

Some peace and quiet...

This is what dreams were made of..

This is how dreams *were* ma-

*Ring!*

Oh, for the love of-!

The nerve!

*The audacity!*

*The unmitigated **gall!**

Patience had flown right out the window, just like all of his dreams.

He was downright *shrieking*, "*HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT BETWEEN THE THREE OF YOU, YOU CAN'T KEEP ONE BRAIN CELL POWERED UP ENOUGH TO KNOW I'M NOT COMING DOWN TO THE FUCKING GU-!*"

"Gray?" His eyes popped open, "It's Erza. Get down to the guild in the next five minutes, or I'm coming to your building and smashing every window I find until I dig you out. You'll also have the pleasure of explaining the reason for all the destruction to your landlady." She hung up.

Gray was already halfway down the block.

He felt like throwing his lacrima into a wall, *why did she play so much?!*

Fine, he was going but if there was any mention of the words *Special Request*, someone was getting stabbed. 

Even if he had to stab himself.

~xGx~

Gray arrived at the guild with a clear mission.

No dilly-dallying, no sightseeing, if someone even said hi to him, they would be tasting sleep sooner than he could. 

He walked inside, doors slamming soundly behind him, and hurried down the stairs. He noticed the rest of the guild was gathered directly across from him, for which he thankful, because that just made his little personal mission, that much easier. He went through his checklist:

Guild?

Decidedly not on fire.

Lucy? 

Legs holding her up just fine.

Natsu?

Still an idiot.

Floor?

Bare of 100 million Jewel.

Grandmother?

Still dead, like she's been for twenty-five years.

Wendy?

Perfectly long, dark blue hair. Firmly on her head, no glue in sight.

Juvia? 

Not present.

Lyon?

*Absent of him, too...*

...

They couldn't have... actually run off together...?

Gray shook his head, angry. *That was just the lack of sleep talking.*

Erza? 

Very much here, not framing him for property damage.

Alright, he came, he saw, he was going home.

Just as he was turning around, Erza waved him over in her stool by the bar, looking pleased. "Two minutes, forty-eight seconds. Excellent time."

"Glad I could impress you," Gray replied sarcastically, "If you just won some kind of bet, I want half on my doorstep by noon."

"Nothing as crude as that," she chuckled, not seeming to catch on to Gray's increasingly bitter mood. He was breaking the only two rules he'd made for himself on the way here. 

He didn't want small talk, he wanted sleep. And that was located at home. He turned toward the doors, but yet again he was interrupted.

"Oh no, you don't!

Happy popped up right in front Gray's face so fast he nearly swatted him like he would a beetle. He spun in a circle, trying to smack him out of the air, until he became dizzy and frustrated, "*What* is your issue, cat?"

He flew off, well out of Gray's reach, "Nothing! We just have a special mission, and I won't allow us to fail."

Gray shuddered, those words almost felt traumatizing in that moment, "That's why you called me here, another special request?" He knew it. That trip to his house had only been a brief reprieve. They already wanted him back, working like a dog. 

What was it now? Amateur dentistry? 

*Just hop on down to Hargeon, Gray. J10,000 a tooth!*

He might have cried a little, "Alright, what do you want me to do now?" His voice was flat, defeated.

"Nothing. This mission is on us," Happy flew forward, paw pointed straight at him in condemnation, "We're here to stop you!"

Gray blinked, he looked left, right, and then behind himself, "Stop me from what? I'm not doing anything...?"

"Oi, buddy," Natsu signalled to the cat, waving him down, "We're supposed to be more subtle than that. Here, I'll show you."

He jumped on top of a table, pose nearly identical to Happy's, and screamed, "Hey, Popsicle Dick! You're an insufferable mess and we're here to kick your ass for it!" He hopped down, giving his Exceed the thumbs up, "There, now you try." 

"Um, okay..." He cleared throat and screamed, "*No one likes you, Gray!*"

The words bounced against the walls, repeating ten fold in the silence that followed. 

They bounced off him, too. "...I'm going home." 

"Halt!" 

He'd barely lifted his foot up, before it went back down. Gray tried for politeness, "What the fuck has been shoved up your *ass?*"

He *tried* for politeness. Never said he succeeded.

Erza let the words roll right off of her, smiling in amusement as Gajeel covered Wendy's ears, looking disgusted, beside her. "Allow me to explain. We're going to play a little game."

"I'm all gamed out, thanks for the invite, though." 

He started turning *again* when she piped up, "You haven't noticed anything strange?" 

Gray sighed, "All I've noticed is that I hate everyone here, but I wouldn't really call that *strange*, given the circumstances."

"Look at the people in front of you." 

He did, scanning the faces of the guild. Nothing special, just the usual assholes he saw day in, and day out. He looked back at Erza, and shrugged.

"Now, look at the people behind you."

"There's no one behind me." 

"Exactly. So you're going to play our game, or we will swarm on you like a cloud locusts, and you will not walk out of this guild all of your limbs..."

At some point, Gray wasn't sure when, Erza was dropped on her head.

Maybe it was when she was a baby, maybe when she was kid, he didn't know. The point was, she wasn't right, and it was *negligent* of Fairy Tail to never give the care she so clearly, *desperately* needed.

"...You're gonna beat me up, 'cause I don't wanna play *ball* with you?"

She chuckled again, "The game isn't ball. It is something much more up your alley."

She went silent.

...

*What?* Was he supposed guess?

For the first time, Erza looked cross, "Such poor sportsmanship, Gray! You're not even going to guess?"

One of them needed to be institutionalized, one of them needed to be institutionalized, one of them needed to be institutionalized, *one of them needed to be institutionalized!*

His eyes were closed, a hand to his head, he as murmured, "...Go Fish?" 

"While you efforts have been noted, that is incorrect. It's more of a multi-tiered battle royale."

Erza motioned to the side, and Reedus stepped forward with a white board. She flipped it over to reveal the space was filled with writing.

The sun had barely risen and she was standing there with a fully prepared, completely fleshed out list of rules, complete with little, poorly drawn pictures to further express each point. She had a long mental pointer clutched in her hand. She stood there with all the solemn seriousness of a General reluctantly pulled into war.

Gray couldn't fully wrap his mind around it, "Erza, did you come up with this in the middle of the night and order everyone here, just to play some weird war game at the crack of dawn? Because I really don't have the energy to do this, and I think the others would agree." He motioned to his other guild mates.

They wouldn't look him in the eye.

Erza ignored him, "The rules are simple. Teams of three step forward and begin a fight. If one member backs off, the entire team must forfeit, if a member of the team uses more than 55% of their magic, the entire team must forfeit, if a member of a team is being purposely malicious to cause injury, the entire team must forfeit. If you are on a team that has been forfeited, you cannot play again until everyone else has had a turn." She motioned her hand and Reedus pulled the board back. "We've already drawn straws, so our team is decided. We can begin whenever you wish."

Gray looked behind himself again,"Where's my team?"

"You don't get one," she replied calmly, retracting her pointer with a snap.

*What?*

He stared at her for a solid two seconds, that's all he could muster up to care, then turned around, "Like I said, I'm going home." He didn't care, let them beat him up when his back was turned, at least one way or another, he'd be unconscious soon.

He was halfway to the door when he noticed something.

*Bars.*

Thick, iron bars on every window and door, even the ones on the ceiling that only the winged wizards and Exceeds could reach, and especially the front doors.

He turned around, a thought suddenly occurring to him. "Is this an actual game... or an excuse to beat the shit out of me?"

"How distasteful. Not only to repeatedly use such language this early in the morning in front of women and children, but to question the integrity of your guild mates. Had I not seen it for myself, I would never have believed it of you, Gray."

Freed stepped forward, looking as self-important as always, tutting in disapproval of Gray's manners. As if it were better manners to wake someone up before the sun rose with pranks calls, all so that a group of over fifty people could force one person to take on three.

Gray ground his teeth, "I'm not talking to you, my beef is with Erza."

"You won't get very far picking fights with girls-"

*He* was picking the fight?

"-I suggest you just forfeit." 

Gray stood up straighter, he hadn't even realized he'd started leaning into his battle crouch, "What are you on about?"

"I would advise you not to engage in a brawl this outnumbered, Gray. It will only end in insurmountable pain, on your part," said Freed gravelly.

Like he gave a shit.

"Well then I would advise *you*, not to fuck with me. Save us both a trip to the hospital."

"Unfortunately, that is not a choice we can make. Under these circumstances, I must ask you to surrender. Voluntarily, or by force."

"Fuck *off,* Freed!"

He sighed, "Very well. I suppose all I can hope, is that you'll soon understand, and forgive us." He pulled out the sword at his waist, and exclaimed, "Dark Écriture!"

The last thing Gray was expecting was for Freed Justine to come rushing at him, decked out in full body armor, sword drawn, a battlecry on his lips, like he'd over heard the ice mage call Laxus ugly, or something.

The last thing Freed Justine expected was falling flat on his face and crashing bodily into a pillar, after his stupid metal shoes slid on the floor Gray covered in ice.

The groans had barely started when Gray turned on the rest of his guild, "I'm serious now, *what the fuck is going on here?!*"

"It's pretty simple, Gray," declared Laki, from the second floor balcony, "You expect baby chicks to feel the rain and get wet, but the truth is you have ducklings. Their backs are covered in oil, *it just rolls right off!*"

Silence followed her words.

Someone coughed, as Gray scratched at one of his eyebrows, "Alright, that one's on me. Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Someone, *who is not Laki*, explain what the fuck is going on here."

"We make the teams, you fight us off! It's actually really simple, Gray," Mira, tutted. 

*As she stepped forward.*

Erza was right beside her, Fire Empress armor on in a flash.

Then Freed showed up, helmet slightly askew, hovering between the two girls.

"No, th-that- What the fuck, that's not fair!" Gray exclaimed. How was he supposed to take on three of them? Ignoring the fact that two out of three members of their team were S-Class; it was still hardly fair, *he couldn't fly!*

"Nothing is uncalled for, when it's in the name of love, Gray!" Erza shot back passionately, adjusting her sword.

"What are yo- *What*?!"

"It's just as she says, this is for the best," Mira giggled. She hadn't transformed yet, but there was menace in her closed eyed smile.

Gray nearly tripped over himself, "Whoa, Mira, come on, is this about last night? I was only kidding!" 

He really wasn't, but he tried to say it with as much conviction as possible.

"Oh, Gray," she simpered, a dainty hand covering her mouth, "I'd completely forgotten about that."

*BAM!* 

Gray felt a blow that knocked the air right out of him. He could barely see from the pain, but when he did, Mira's fist was curled in his stomach, She-Devil form hovering just in front of him, "*Thanks for reminding me.*" She finished, voice near a growl.

He slid to the floor, arm wrapped around his stomach as he tried not to choke on his own startled saliva. His ears were going in and out, though he was able to catch most was going on, the sound was fuzzy, almost worbling.

"Well, I guess the game is over! Who wants breakfast?" Mira, voice chipper and girly again.

A chorus of "Me"s sounded, before Erza (?) asked, "Do you have any chocolate croissants from the bakery? Juvia's been raving about them for over a week, and I've worked up quite a craving for them."

"Not yet, but I've ordered them, and they should be here in an hour, or so."

"Well, when they arrive, I'll take two of those." 

"With your usual strawberry shortcake?"

"But, of course!"

"If you'd like some tea in the meantime, I co-"

A new voice, "Hey! I was promised a good fight!"

"Maybe next time, Natsu." 

"You tricked me! You knew this was gonna happen, all that work, for noth-"

"Wait." 

With all the strength he had, while working to get his mind to think of something beyond the ache in his stomach and the weariness in his bones, Gray tried to move. 

To kneel. 

To crawl. 

To stand. 

He stood there, taking in the wide eyed look of Mirajane and Erza, and everyone else gathered in the guild.

If he had enough energy to stand, then he had all he needed to fight, "Game ain't over. I'm still here, ready to do this. You walked away though, so your team forfeited, and a new one has to be made. I don't make the rules."

The girls were silent, staring open-mouthed at Gray, before they looked at each other.

Mira spoke up first, "Um, Gray? Wouldn't it be easier to just lay back down, and rest-?" 

"Fuck that!" He was finally seeing this for the gift that it was. After two weeks of reckless, uncontrollable labour, he was being given the chance to beat out his frustration on the people who'd been grinding his gears the most. It was just what he'd wanted last night, and he was happy to know the sentiment hadn't faded with the 2.5 seconds of sleep he'd gotten. "I'm ready. *Let's go.*"

The guild went as quiet as a grave, just staring at him.

Cana piped up in the silence, "...Well, I don't want to fight him. Just look, he has the eyes of a psychopath..."

*That's because at this point, he might very well be one.*

"I have to admit, this is not the turn I thought he would take..." Evergreen muttered.

Elfman nodded in appreciation, "*Very manly.*"

"He's *frothing* a little," Lucy stage whispered, stepping behind Natsu.

He wasn't much protection though, because he stepped forward, looking excited, "This is more like it. I knew you wouldn't pass out like a wimpy little bug. Alright, I'm all fired up! Fight me!"

Gray saw red. 

One of the two reasons he'd been through all that he had, was giving him permission take his frustrations out on his face? He was just stepping forward, *asking for it!* That meant, legally if he took it too far, he wasn't liable for his death, since he volunteered, right?

He'd heard from very smart legal scholar that that was right.

Mirajane stepped forward, partially blocking Natsu with her arm, Erza right behind her, "One moment, please!" She held up a finger to him, close eyed smile barely hiding her fury, before rounding on Natsu. He had the common sense to take a few steps back from her rage.

"*What are you doing?*" 

She was hissing, clearly not wanting him to overhear, but her voice carried in the mostly silent guild hall.

"He says he still wants to fight, I don't see the big deal."

"*The big deal* is, he's in not shape to do this. You know what he's been thro-"

"But he volunteered," Natsu argued, voice getting louder, "that means legally, I'm not gonna be blamed if he accidentally keels over in the middle of our fight."

"*That's ridiculous! Who told you that?*"

Gray felt a blush creeping on his cheeks before he noticed Erza looking away, embarrassed as well, and remembered she was the one who'd told them that in the first place...

"Look, if he's okay with it, we can keep going. And I wanna be next."

"*Fine,*" Mira huffed, "but you can't fight him alone, the rules say three at time." She sounded resigned, but the look on her face showed triumph, she didn't believe anyone was going to join him.

Natsu turned around, and grabbed Lucy's hand, "Come on!

" *What?!*"

He was dragging her, completely ignoring her struggling behind him, "It's *fine*, Luce. You don't want to fight him, and I don't wanna share," He whipped his head behind him as he walked, "Happy, you in?"

Happy was mysteriously absent.

"Natsu, you're not listening, I don't think Gray is in the right mind for this, and just because *I*don't want to fight him, doesn't mean he won't come after me-!"

A large hand landed on Lucy's head, "Alright, fall back, Bunny Girl, I'll help Salamander."

Lucy looked up at Gajeel, relief clear on her face, as he stepped in front of her, breaking Natsu's hold. 

For his part, Natsu looked mostly unconcerned with the change, "I don't care, s'long as you don't get in my way, Gray's fighting me alone."

He was brave, to stand there unmoving like that when Mira looked inches away from ripping out his throat with her teeth."You need a third member," She seethed, "and since no one else is ste-"

"Got it covered," Gajeel grinned. He reached his arm back and unexpectedly pulled out *Wendy*, of all people.

Gray took a step back, startled and annoyed into clarity for a moment, "Hold up, I'm not punching a little girl in the face!"

"That's why I asked her to join us, *gihee!*"

Mira released a breath.

"Good thinking, Gajeel!" Levy thought almost all of Gajeel's ideas were good, she was hardly an unbiased judge.

He was patting himself on the back, "Gihee, I'm known to have a good idea, or two."

"Yeah, *just* two," Evergreen muttered snarkily, "that's the problem..."

He ignored her, "You got two choices, Fullbuster. Chill here until we tell you you can leave, or punch this sweet lil girl in the face," He dangled her like a cat toy.

"That's not fair, you can't pull a her into this, you two *deserve* to get your asses beat."

"It's alright, Gray. I can fight you if you want it that badly. We won't go all out, just like rules said," She was trying to put on a brave voice, but her knees were knocking like a pair of branches in the wind.

"Fuck the rules, I'm about to turn his face into week old snow, just watc-"

Erza cut him off, "Natsu, if you don't follow the rules, you and your team are disqualified!"

He pouted, looking for all the world like he'd lost his cat, "...*Fine*."

She continued, "Since I can't come up with a reason for this not to proceed, and Mira is too angry to speak," Gray turned his head to see that indeed, her jaw was clenched like it had been smoldered with cement, "you may begin." 

The rest of the guild stepped back, as the three Slayers moved forward. Gray rolled his shoulder, eyes locked on Natsu. 

Mira's punch would be nothing compared to what he was about to do...

Natsu grinned, front and center, "Alright, I'm starting off easy with this one Princess, just to give you a warm up since you're all *sleepy*," He pulled his hand together, magic circle springing up as he started sprinting, "Get ready! *Fire Dragon Iron Fist!*" 

One moment, Gray could feel the heat of his fire coming straight for his face, as he tried to prepare an ice wall strong enough to block it, the next second all that energy had vanished as Natsu was thrown haphazardly over the second floor railing, Mira inches from where he'd been, arms raised.

"Fire Dragon Iron Fist uses too much magic. We warned you about purposely using more power than necessary, but you didn't listen and now your team is disqualified, oh well, who's ready for breakfast?" Mirajane was already halfway to the bar, before Natsu landed.

Another chorus of "Me"s cut off Gray's angry protest before he could start. Gajeel shrugged and Wendy picked up Carla looking relieved, while he just stood there, fuming.

"Now, wait just a seco-!"

"Oh, Gray, I forgot all about your injuries, head into the infirmary and someone will be right with you." She was pulling out plates and utensils, looking cheerful once again.

"I don't give a shit about that! I'm ready to rip someone's teeth out!"

"Now, why would you do that, Silly-Billy, when you could go right down the hall, to that room full of *beds*," She added unnecessary emphasis to the word, as if hoping to hypnotize him. He had to admit, it very nearly worked, "It's so nice and quiet. And you could have some *waffles*, with maybe a scoop of ice cream and some caramel sauce, for breakfast. Wouldn't you prefer that, to knocking someone's teeth out?"

"No." 

She threw up her hands in exasperation, dropping a pitcher of milk.

Erza sighed tiredly, "You're simply going to have to be disappointed then Gray, it's far too early for anyone who isn't Natsu to want to-"

"I'll fight him."

Erza was yelling now, "*Why?!*" 

Bickslow shrugged, "I'm curious, wanna know how he's improved since our last fight."

His puppets parroted the sentiment, "*Curious, curious.*"

"You need other people-" 

"The fate of justice is to sometimes be unjust!"

Bickslow laughed, tongue lolling out of his helmet, "There ya go, Laki's crazy ass wants to join."

She smiled, glasses turning opaque, as she stepped beside him.

Erza's forehead was crumpled with worry lines, as she took a seat at the bar, "I don't care about the time," She muttered, "pour me something stronger than coffee."

"Anyone else?" 

Everyone was avoiding his eyes, trying to creep forward toward the bar were food was promised to arrive *any moment*-

"*I'll* join you!"

The smiles slipped off Bickslow and Laki's faces as Happy stood on the railing above them, hand to his chest, voice unnecessarily heroic, "I shall be you're third member!"

They stared at him for a moment, looked at each other, before, "Nah, that's okay, man-" 

Laki cupped her hands around her mouth, pointedly not looking at him, "Are there any souls who'd love a practice match before facing off with our creator?"

"Hey, that mostly made sense." 

"Everything I say makes sense, you guys just don't read."

"Don't ignore me!" Happy wailed, zooming in front of their faces, "You guys need a third member, and I can help!"

"Yeah, we need someone else, but we don't need someone who'll run fly away when things get tough-"

"I won't! I swear on every mountain of fish I'll ever see in my lifetime, I'm ready and willing to fight with you 'til the end," He gave a little salute.

Laki probed once more, "Now, you're sure you can handle this?" 

"Aye, sir! Natsu hasn't been training alone, after all!"

That seemed good enough for Bickslow.

"I'm doing this not only to prove my strength, you know, but for my dear sweet love, Carla! With her watching and cheering me on, nothing can stop me!"

Carla was at the bar, sipping her tea, pointedly not watching, nor cheering him on.

Gray couldn't help feeling forgotten in all this conversation, he tapped his foot impatiently, "Ya done, yet?" 

The three whipped around, Bickslow moving to center point, "Alright, let's not keep Grumpy Pants waitin'. You ready babies?"

"*Ready, ready. *More* than ready!*"

Gray bared his teeth at the cat.

A shiver ran over him from ears to tail, before he took off, tears overflowing,"*I was wrong, I'm a lover, not a fighter!*"

"Happy!"

"Damn it, cat!" Bickslow seethed, "You disqualified us!" 

His puppets weren't pleased either, "*Dumb cat, dumb cat!*"

Laki cupped her hands around her mouth again, screaming after the Exceed disappearing towards the second floor, "You're the watermelon of fruit! Completely coreless!"

"What?" Macao, through a mouthful of bacon.

"I think she means he's *spineless*..." Romeo replied.

Despite the previous protests from the girls, Gray actually managed to corall fights out of other members of the guild. 

Admittedly, with none of them choosing to be on teams with members they usually fought with, Gray couldn't help wondering how much of this was actually to blow off steam, and how many were just humoring him. 

A couple of times, like when Reedus, Levy, and Nab started fighting him, and Levy threw out a few quick words in marble and steel before pretending to slip on a patch of ice and pass out behind Gajeel's leg, he had the funny suspicion that some of them were just volunteering to try to get him disqualified within the rules Mira and Erza had set up. 

But by then, the joke was on them, the girls couldn't seem to care anymore. 

These other fights were less interesting as far as Gray was concerned. His body was running on fumes so keeping detailed memories was at the bottom of his priorities list. 

The most he could manage were a couple flashes: Lisanna volunteering, cat form prepared to scratch, but she couldn't move because he'd already frozen her paws to the floor while she'd been adjusting to the form on all fours. Alzack tried to shoot him, but once Gray pulled out his bazooka, he seemed more interested in being a father than having his chest caved in from snow, Elfman, not learning from the fights he'd watched before him, slamming head first into the same pillar as Freed, after Gray used the momentum from his Lizardman form to get him swiftly out of his way. And so on and so forth.

The strongest contender he had was probably Evergreen.

Evergreen put up more than a decent fight, not holding back when she began flying around the guild, tauntingly just out of his reach, or by using Fairy Bomb: Gremlin. It kept him on his toes and his heart racing, but... unfortunately, she was slowed down by her team mates.

Jet and Droy tried valiantly, but that has never really won a fight before, and it certainly was helping then. Just when he'd think he was on the ropes with Evergreen, Droy would whip out his vines and entangle her legs midair, throwing her to the ground, or Jet would trip at full speed sending a bottle of noxious gas spinning in the air and landing in her wings and hair.

There was so much in-fighting, Evergreen's screams lasted far longer then their fight, and she finally ended up forfeiting after she took off her glasses to turn Gray to stone, only to realize a moment too late that what she'd been aiming for was a statue of snow, and once it vanished, all that was left was Jet, Droy, and oddly enough Bickslow, passing by to get a fresh fork, looking stunned before they were changed, instead.

She hadn't looked particularly remorseful though...

Despite the weariness weighing more on him than ever before, Gray wouldn't let up. It was almost like he was afraid of the crash he'd go through once the adrenaline wore off, so he kept goading the people around him, picking fights, until they either gave him what he wanted, eyes full of pity, or stared at him like he was a madman, eyes full of pity.

When he'd dragged Lucy out from under a table, ignoring her screams as he screamed himself, "*Stop being a pussy, we trade a couple of blows, summon Loke out, and then you're back to munching on french toast!*" He began to believe he had a bit of a problem...

But that didn't stop him from going head on with Scorpio (tough), Aries (fluff), and Leo (politely bemused). He kept trying to punch him in his stupid floofy hair, but even he could see he was growing sloppy, and his eyes fought with him far harder than the Zodiac Leader did. After receiving a pat on the back that nearly took him out, Leo vanished, leaving him and Lucy panting, her on a table, him practically on his knees.

Still, he tried to keep going, "Whose..." His eyes shuttered for a moment too long and Gray had to startle himself to keep awake, "Who-Wh-*Whose next-*?" 

"Enough of this!" Heavy metal hit the floor and Gray was up on his feet in seconds, eyes wide with alarm.

The girls were in front of him again, he hadn't even notice them come towards him.

"Oi! That's not fair, you said three at once. You can't swarm, that's against the stupid fucking rules that you made up! If you're not gonna follow them, this damn game is over." 

He *may* have been so delirious that he'd forgotten he was the only reason why these fights kept going...

Also that, five Mirajanes and three Erzas were an unusual quantity for the guild to have. Freed stepping forward only added to his confusion.

A heavy thud sounded from the bar, cutting off whatever Mira was going to say in response. The sound was making it's way around the ice wall he created while fighting against Max, and that suddenly seemed too far short. 

Gray's heart dropped.

"He's right. You're not playin' fair, you're trying to get another go, yet every member hasn't had a chance, and you know how the old man feels about that. *Sharing is caring*," the chuckle was only mostly sarcastic, "I'm surprised he's taken this much and is still rearing to go out at you, She-Devil. Freed. Titania. You must not have done you're jobs before. But now *I'm* interested, so go 'head, sit back. I'll take care of the Winter Pixie, no problem." He strutted around the wall, looking as smug as ever.

Laxus.

"It's been a while, Gray. I haven't seen you try to take me on one-on-one since we were kids!" His face was getting cockier by the second, as though this was some kind of game. A game he knew he could win. "But then again, you were always smarter than Natsu-"

"Hey!" Came a shout from the second floor balcony, presumably Natsu. No one else would really argue that point...

"Still, that's a *low* bar to cross." He grinned, digging in his heels.

"*Hey!*" The pinkette launched himself over the rail, landing on a table behind the older Slayer. "Whose side are you on Laxus?! 'Cause I'll take you out right now-"

"Stop it, Natsu," said Lucy, sweat starting to bead on her brow. Three spirits was her limit, four was pushing it. The others had all backed down at Laxus' arrival, why hadn't she? For reasons he couldn't comprehend, she was trying to stand.

"How the hell am I just gonna stop when Laxus is bad-mouthing me?! If he's got so much to say, why doesn't he say it with his fists, huh, one-on-one? Forget Gray and his commitment issues-"

"*What?*"

"-I'm the only one with a chance of beating you, fight me!"

"Take a nap!"

Laxus didn't bother looking behind himself. Flicking his wrist, he back-handed Natsu, who crashed right through the table he'd just launched himself off of, seconds before. 

Lucy groaned, her left leg giving out, "I told you." 

Gray froze, staring at where the pinkette had landed. He wasn't sure if it was the momentum, the exhaustion, or some unknown third element, but he was sure the Lightning Dragon Slayer hadn't actually *touched* Natsu. Yet there he lay, out cold. 

Happy peeked out from behind the ice wall, and approached the fire breather. He called out his name, climbed on his chest, and started slapping his cheeks, to no avail. Natsu was completely unconscious.

Mavis help him, he was in some deep shit.

The blonde took a step forward, and Gray took three steps back, "He-Hey now Laxus, I don't think this is fair, the other's only used a portion of their magic t-"

"*I'm not the others,*" He grinned.

"There are rules man, and if you're gonna tell them off for not following them, I'm goi-"

"Come on, Gray, you're disappointing me, I never pinned you for a *coward*," His brow raised in challenge.

Gray had to almost physically restrain himself from taking the bait, "You know that's not what this is," He growled,"It's just I haven't slept, or eaten, and then there's you. You're already skating on thin ice with Gramps as it is, do you really want him to come in here and lose it again?"

"Old man ain't here." 

Of course not.

Makarov's presence would have been *helpful* to Gray, why would he be here?

"Tell you what," Laxus held up a hand, fingers outstretched, "I'll hold back for the first five minutes, if you manage to stay standing for that long then it's fair game. Deal?"

Gray paused, thinking. On the one hand, that sounded like a fool's bargain, five minutes was nothing and that fist straight to the face might just kill him. 

On the *other* hand, five minutes felt like an eternity to his body right then, and he was fairly sure he wasn't going to stay standing that long. Why not see just how far he could go against an almost literal beast?

He nodded, slowly than faster as his courage began to grow, "Alright, yeah, fine. Five minutes it is." 

He could have sworn he heard Carla hiss out, "*Why are boys so stupid?!*"

It didn't matter much, he wasn't looking for approval. Gray stepped closer to the Slayer, taking note of his hands, aware that no one else was going to interfere, and nodded again, ice coming forward to his fingertips.

Laxus wasted no time trying to take a jab, it passed by Gray's ear, as he dodged with less than a second to spare, and the sound his arm made as it wacked the air besides him was like low thunder. 

They turned in a swift tight circle, Gray mostly on the defensive, Laxus just playing with him. He was probably just trying to run the clock out.

It was somewhat of a relief that he hadn't started charging up any lighting yet, but he was hardly going easy. Punches, lunges, and a kick so swift and fast towards his stomach, Gray would have bet money the boarish man wasn't capable of it, had him moving with both eyes wide open.

He wacked Gray on the arm, and it sent him straight to the floor, groaning. But he could hardly rest while down there, because when he opened his eyes, Laxus foot was coming down fast towards him.

Gray rolled away as quickly as he could, just as the blonde's foot came crashing through the floor, to a chorus of "Ooh"s. He seethed,"What the fuck man? You could have crushed my head like that!"

Laxus shrugged airily, "You dodged." 

Another chorus of "Ooh"s.

"*Oh, would you shut up?!*"

A new chorus of "Aww"s.

He'd barely shaken off his anger at the others, when arms thicker than a cobra grabbed him around the waist and neck. At first Gray panicked because he didn't think he could take Laxus squeezing his airways, then he panicked for real as he felt himself being lifted bodily in the air.

*This sick bastard was planning on throwing him as far as he could!*

Thinking quickly, Gray gripped his wrists, pushing as much frost into his skin as possible to weaken his hold. Once the irritation started setting in, and Laxus' grip loosened by a fraction, Gray wiggled and spun, landing on his feet in a crouch a few feet away.

The Lighting Dragon Slayer gave him an appraising look as he shook out his arms, "Not bad. As I said before, you are smarter than Natsu in some ways. But choosing to take me on, instead just resting easy? Monumentally stupid. And in less than a minute I'm gonna make you regret your decision. I'm a man of my word though, Gray. Try to do as much damage now, while you have the chance." He slapped at his chest twice, taunting him more than ever.

Gray shook his head, rubbing at an eye. He estimated less than thirty seconds before the Lightning Slayer's deadline, if the fuzziness would just fade for a *moment*, he could think of some way to win this, and not die.

He took a step back, fists frosting over just as lighting began crackling around Laxus, and he threw his stupid, showy coat.

"Okay," His voice was beginning to give out, he swallowed hard, "Okay, I'm putting all I have left in this-" 

"*Now, Sagittarius!*"

Gray's eyes sprang open at the sound behind him,"What, *Lucy!?*" She was still there on the table, so how...? 

He didn't have enough time to turn, couldn't take his eyes off of Laxus long enough to pinpoint where the centaur was in the guild.

Heavy, weighted ropes collided with his back, knocking him face first into the floor. He grunted, the magic fading from his finger tips. He couldn't think outside of blow, the air was knocked out him the instant the rope made contact. 

It wrapped him from his neck to his knees in an unnaturally fast motion, no doubt magic involved in the speed. The end of the rope was laced around an arrow, embedded deeply in the floor, adding to the weight. 

He struggled for a moment, trying in vain to shrug it off, but it was too late; exhaustion was draining his adrenaline. Gray's forehead hit the wood with a heavy thud. 

He didn't want to fight the guild anymore, he *definitely* didn't want to fight the sadistic Slayer. He was tired, and everything that had happened since he got up was confusing. *He* was confused.

Gray struggled to come up with a reason for their "game" . 

It was weird, but not malicious. Gray didn't get the feeling they had all suddenly turned evil. 

Maybe it was a prank...? 

Granted, a bizarre and needlessly violent one, but somehow that was far more in line with the guild's values.

His mind was sluggish, trying to recall everything that was said. It was pointless though, every memory felt like it was covered in oil, slipping away before he could examine it closely enough to come to a conclusion. 

"I didn't really need the help, Lucy, but the rope was a nice touch. I have to say, there's something uniquely satisfying about finally getting this brat to behave."

Gray felt a hand land on his head. Was Laxus... *tousling his hair?* 

No. 

No, this had to be a dream, all of it. The calls, the fights, his loss, these ropes, Laxus's weird display of affection. That was the only explanation; he was still in bed. Though why his subconscious wanted him to experience *this*...

"And look at us, kind enough to prepare him for Juvia, bow and everything. We're honestly the nicest people I know." His voice shifted, and Gray guessed that he'd turned his head, "Mira, you weren't lying about breakfast, were you?" 

She giggled, though it sounded distant to Gray's increasingly fuzzy brain, "Of course not, the bakery just delivered their pastries a couple minutes ago, and I can have those little sausages you like ready in no time."

"Excellent. Fire up some coffee too, I gotta leave again soon."

The floorboards creaked as Dream Laxus stood up, and walked away. Gray's eyes blearily followed the motion, happy to longer be the center of his attention, before a flash of purple caught his notice. Confusion coursed through him, stopping his heart dead, and waking his brain. 

It wasn't just a lack of sleep stopping him, he was in the center of a Rune Entrapment. And the wording made it clear, he wasn't getting up. It was right there in the scripture, *natural gravity*. 

The arrow sank deeper in the floor. He didn't feel like his body was getting heavier, in fact his muscles were relaxing under the weight, rather than feeling crushed by it. It was a friendly way of keeping someone down. But the pressure was there, pinning him in place.

And then there was what Laxus had said.

Juvia.

Juvia...

*Juvia?* What did Juvia have to do with this?

Between the magic and his exhaustion, it was an effort to get his mouth open, and even more so to form the words he'd spoken most today, "*What the fuck is going on?*"

Laxus, who was halfway across the hall, and the only one in Gray's line of sight, swiveled on his heels to look at him, brows raised in genuine surprise, "Freed, you might just be losing your touch, my friend. He shoulda been out like a light by now."

Gray heard clacking on the floorboards, before Freed's boots appeared in his line of sight, right next to Laxus', "You're right. I thought with the lack of sleep and use of so much magic I wouldn't need to use much force, but it appears I was wrong. Here, let me adjust this..."

Panic filled Gray. It dawned on him with striking clarity that if Freed changed the gravity by even one degree he wouldn't be getting up before they wanted him to. And the idea of being that much at their mercy galvanized Gray.

With all the strength he had, Gray tried to move. 

To kneel. 

To crawl. 

To stand. 

To fight!

All he managed was a shifting of his chin...

But apparently that was *far* too much progress for Laxus. "Uh-bah-bup. Not so fast, Fullbuster. I don't remember telling you, you could leave."

*Leave?!*

His face barely wiggled! One of eyes had slammed shut from either swelling from a blow he couldn't remember, or fatigue, he couldn't even tell at this point, but it didn't look like it was opening any time soon. 

*Leave!*

He had heard rumors that Laxus was a bully, *and had seen plenty evidence of it too*, but this was the final nail in the coffin!

Perhaps the energy could been used elsewhere, to shift away from the wood digging into his side, or to build homes for handless children, who knows, but Gray decided to use it for a purpose equally as important.

"*Fuck. You.*"

All his efforts would earn him a biography one day, a limerick from a bard, for sure.

Just then it earned him a boot to the head.

A sneer marred the blonde Slayer's face, "Now I'll admit it's impressive you've been through whatcha have, and still have the stuff to keep swinging. But none of that gives you the right to spout your mouth off to me like that. Haven't you ever hear the term, '*Respect your elders?*'"

Laxus' boot inadvertently turned his head upward, so he could see more of what was going on around him, with his one good eye.

Lucy was spread eagle, panting on the table he'd last seen her on, before she'd put guild before team. To think he'd thought they were *friends.*

Before long, Gajeel and Levy came up to her, with the Iron Dragon Slayer picking her up and Levy quickly pulling the metal down from one of the doors leading to the hall. No doubt they were going to the infirmary.

No one carried *him* to the infirmary.

Happy was sitting on Natsu's chest, munching on what was left of a fish, gently patting the still knocked out Dragon Slayer with each crunch. Little bits of fish bone broke off its body to land somewhere in Natsu's vest.

Gray barely managed a grimace despite his disgust. He supposed some people had it worse...

Looking directly above himself, he saw Freed was still fiddling with the rune enchantment, Dark Écriture form firmly in place. 

As pretentious as possible, which was right up Freed's lane, nothing unusual there.

Gray just didn't understand why he bothered, he wasn't going anywhere. What could a few adjusted spells do that Laxus' boot couldn't? The Slayer had all the weight, strength, and stupidity of a wild bull, what more was there to do?

"*You're about to find out, Fullbuster,*" Laxus growled, veins close to popping in several places on his face.

Hold on...

*Had he said that out loud?*

Laxus crouched down, staring Gray in the face with just a hint of madness, "At this point it goes beyond just disliking that mouth of yours. I feel *disrespected*, and when that happens, someone's gotta face some punishment." 

He pulled a sock from *Mavis alone knew where*, leaning over the immobile ice mage further.

"Laxus."

The blonde giant paused, eyes weary as he turned in the direction of the voice.

It was Erza, sweet, strong, mentally stable, absolutely terrifying Erza, come to rescue him at last. Titania, Queen of the Fairies and one of the few wizards capable of getting Laxus to at least pause before murdering someone. The only *reliable* member of his te-

"Make sure his nose is upright so he doesn't suffocate and die on us. I'll be in the hospital wing, I think I'll help the others prepare a bed for Lucy before I have breakfast."

And with that, the traitorous red-headed she-monster, whom Gray never liked, nor got along with, left him for dead.

He hoped she tripped on the way to fucking the hospital wing, while she prepared a bed for goddamn Lucy, and that her stupid ass got food poisoning from some rancid strawberries.

Oh and also, that she would get a hideous haircut on the same day Jellal happened to be sulking in Magnolia and that he rejected her for a girl far uglier, but with less stupid hair!

With her gone, the malicious glint had returned to Laxus' eyes in full force. "Alright, be still now, so I can introduce you to *Mr. Sock*." 

Gray absolutely did not want to be still, but he could barely wiggle, and under Laxus' weight it was a worm vs. a boulder.

He never stood a chance.

The Worst Person He Knew had no difficulty forcing Gray's mouth open, the blonde bastard had all the advantage now that Freed had finished messing with his runes. With a single hand, the Dragon Slayer pulled down his jaw, and began shoving the sock in his mouth.

The sock was mostly gray, but also worryingly brown in some places? And, ugh, Mavis,* why was a part of it already damp?* Gray barely had the energy to gag around it, even as disgust shuddered through him, and the smell coming off the cloth hit his nose like a champion fighter.

*What had this sock been through?!* Where had it been before today, the sewers? Had a rat given birth on it, before using it wipe the grime from it's hovel? Had Lyon breathed on it once? *What had this sock seen?*

"There," Laxus leaned back to look him over, before nodding to himself and standing up, "Now, be a good boy, and stay here until Juvia comes, okay?"

He stood up, "Now, everybody listen up," His voice boomed, and the guild fell silent around them, "Gray here, thinks he's a big man! So since he's so full of himself, and believes his balls are bigger than a pair of Magi Mobiles, no one needs to help him! And I better not *catch* anyone helping him, that means he stays here on the floor, no breakfast, no infirmary, no bed, but plenty of Mr. Sock. And if anyone has a problem with that, speak now, and fight me over it.

Complete. Silence.

"Great. Continue with your regularly scheduled programming, folks."

*They did.* The bastards.

Laxus smiled meanly over his shoulder down at Gray, and then he was gone.

~xGx~

For who knows how long, Gray laid on his side, trapped under the rune enchantment, too tired to think, but too disgusted by the smell to sleep. He couldn't even work up the energy to convulse anymore.

Tartaros, Hades, they'd had it all wrong. *This* was hell.

Everyone was relaxed and casual. Chatting with each other and having breakfast - *breakfast* - while he laid on the floor in misery, contemplating what he'd do to occupy his time while he spent decades in prison for mass murder.

Maybe cards...?

Blue socks and red slippers appeared in his view, before she kneeled down and whispered, "Um, Laxus won't let me remove the sock from your mouth, or take you to the infirmary, but I brought you a pillow so your neck doesn't get sore. And if we're quiet, I think I could heal you up before anyone notices. It's not as good as real sleep, but at least you won't feel so tired." She gently lifted his head, sliding the cushion underneath him, before her hands glowed with green light.

When Gray recovered and froze every shit faced member of his guild, before shoving them to ground, watching in glee as they smashed into a million shards, Wendy was the only one he'd spare.

She'd barely repaired the swelling keeping his left eye shut, when a voice boomed behind them, "Wendy! You aren't healing him, are you?" 

Laxus again. It sounded like his mouth was full. 

How can you be eating *and* angry? The math just doesn't add up.

Wendy looked up quickly, face guilty, "Yeah, but you never said-!"

"That's off limits, too. Give him the pillow and walk away."

"But-"

"*I said walk away!*" He was such a drama queen...

Wendy looked at him sadly, before the glow faded from her hands, "Sorry, Gray..." 

He blinked slowly, to signal that he knew this wasn't her fault, as she walked away. At least he had both eyes now.

More time passed, and Gray had to wonder how long they were planning on keep him here. He didn't even know the time-

"Hey, Levy, what's the time?" 

"7:35." 

"Thanks." 

...

Okay... So, now he knew the time. That was oddly convenient...

A breeze ruffled his hair and Gray heard a new set of footsteps whizz by lightly on the floorboards.

"*Jet,* what took you so long? You were supposed to tell us when she was five minutes way." Cana was speaking, voice cross.

"It's not my fault!" Jet bit back, "She kept stopping to smile at trees and birds, giggling at random stones. She doubled back twice, just so she hop over a log, and then she was screaming at a bush for over ten minutes about clothes," His voice went higher in a terrible impersonation of Juvia, "*Pants on the lawn and shirts in the sink! Clothes everywhere, clothes were clothes had no business being! Juvia just doesn't understand it-!*"

"Alright, I get it, is she almost here, now?"

His voice turned sheepish, "..I got tired of waiting, and came back here. She was just taking so *long*-"

"*Jet!*" 

"I'm hungry! And it's not like she's going anywhere else. Neither is he, so what the big deal-?"

"The big deal is that you whined about not getting a chance to prove yourself in your fight, and followed me around for ten minutes begging to be the scout, and now you've completely dropped the ball, ruining phase two. And on *top of that*, my beer's warm now, thanks a lot..."

"How can you blame-? Look, if you wanna watch Juvia mutter to herself, be my guest, but it takes a lot out of you-"

"Oh honestly, *I'll* tell you when she gets here," Carla interjected, porcelain hitting porcelain with a impatient ring.

There was a rush of wings and then silence.

"...Didn't have to be *rude* about."

Flesh hitting flesh, then- 

"*Ow!*" 

"You're not getting a morsel until I'm sipping on fresh cold frothy one, buddy. Chop chop!"

So all those hints they'd been dropping earlier had been true. Juvia had something to do with this?

While it was completely in character to believe that the water mage would ask for the rest of the guild to hold Gray somewhere he couldn't escape for her birthday, Gray didn't believe, perhaps naively, that they would comply with her wish.

Mostly 'cause he knew it wasn't her birthday.

Pretty far off from Christmas, too.

Don't even get him started on Easter.

And it was a bit too strange, even for the guild, for Halloween, which was still a few days off.

So that angle didn't make much sense.

He supposed they could have done it without her asking. That would make more sense, Juvia's self declared *love* had never caused him purposeful harm before. Not that injuries had never happened before because of her, it was just normally an *accident.*

She would never *ask* for anyone to harm him, she wouldn't really ask that for anyone, but he especially she was too fond of to suggest some stupid battle royale game on the heels of all his missions. It wasn't in Juvia's nature.

So let's suppose the guild had decided he was moving too slow for their liking, and wanted to take things into their own hands.

Well, they'd made a grave mistake.

If the sock hadn't been there he would have laughed, hysterically, manically. He would have giggled until his ribs caved in.

This was *Juvia* they were talking about.

*Juvia Locksar.*

S-Class wizard candidate, former member of the Element Four, arguably the second most powerful member of that group, arguably the third least mentally stable member of Fairy Tail, *inarguably* would go to any lengths to make sure not a single hair was harmed on his head.

Forget Erza and Lucy, if there was one person in this world he could count on to always have his back, no matter the circumstances, but especially if he was the victim, it was Juvia.

He had to stop her from drowning a girl that asked him for directions once.

Simply because he'd told her he didn't feel like talking to anyone.

That was an off-hand comment he'd made over an hour before!

Oh, it was *on.*

Just as realization was settling over Gray, Carla flew in through a window in the ceiling, "She's nearly here, I'd say less than five minutes! Everyone behave as naturally as possible!"

For Christmas, he was getting every one of his guild mates a dictionary. Not because he hated them with the heat of a thousand sun's in that moment, well sure, that was a contributing factor, but also because, though they all heard Carla's instructions, not *one* person behaved naturally.

Instead, some posed, like they were still in the middle of their battles from two hours ago, and others just began adding unnecessary damage to the guild hall.

Erza was hacking away at pillars and tables with her sword like they'd insulted her mother, while Wakaba pulled out his lighter and set fire to the door leading to the basement. 

Casually. 

He just started a fire, and walked away. Like that was nothing.

For reasons he wasn't even trying to guess, Evergreen *took her glasses off* and turned Bickslow, Jet and Droy to stone again. 

He wasn't the only who looked concerned. Elfman had transformed into his Lizardman beast form, picking up Evergreen around the middle, and hoisting her there before she could do further damage, "Turning people to stone isn't manly, Ever."

"Well, good. That wasn't my goal, you great oaf. Did you read the whole packet? It stated clearly what to do if Juvia was too late to witness the middle of a fight. *And don't call me, Ever !*" She wiggled in his arms.

She wasn't really trying, though. If she really wanted to be put down, she would have turned Elfman, too.

Gray gagged again, though this time it wasn't over the sock.

Cana was just throwing her cards in the air higgledy-piggledy, which was ridiculous, because he hadn't even fought her. Happy had returned to Natsu chest, slapping his cheeks again. Gray figured he got off lucky. If Laxus had hit Natsu's thick skull so hard he was still passed out, he must have used serious kids gloves on Gray.

It annoyed him a little.

Lisanna returned to cat-form, getting down on all fours before Max passed by her with a little gun. It shot out ice, and in seconds she was back to the frozen figure she'd been before she'd finished her fight with Gray. 

He went all around the guild with this thing, adding flourishes to ice that was beginning to melt, touching up the wall of ice blocking the bar from view. He even picked up Laxus' discarded jacket, and placed it on multiple points of the wall, as if looking for the spot with the most cinematic angle.

Gajeel was adding steel bars to the floors like they'd really duked it out, Freed placed moving runes on the walls that bounced around the room, adding confusing light. Lucy skipped in from the hallway, and Gray was about to start seething further *she'd delivered his final blow, what the hell was she so happy about?* when he noticed her clothes were different, her hair shorter, and it became clear to him that that was in fact the spirit Gemini.

Once everyone was placed dramatically around the guild, and everything was either on fire, or frozen, someone cut the lights, Gajeel remove the bars from front doors, and Mira stepped towards him, "Not a peep until she gets here, guys!"

What kind of weird ass birthday party were they throwing for her, that he had to be hogged tied in the middle of the floor?!

*And who was gonna tell them her birthday was April 14?*

Suddenly he was being lifted off the ground.

It wasn't until he landed that Gray realized it was Laxus. He dropped him in a heap on the landing, before he flipped him on his stomach, his face toward the door.

"I thinks its more poignant if she sees you, front and center."

Gray didn't think Laxus could spell *poignant*.

His boot landed on Gray's head again, and for a moment Gray thought hed dug himself an even deeper grave by speaking his thoughts out loud, before he remembered the foul gag, and Laxus murmured, "Since nothing will keep you I place better than my boot, why risk it?"

Hatred began pounding through his blood twice as hot.

They were like that, frozen, the ice mage feeling particularly silly, as her humming started drifting in through the doors.

Gray mentally prepared for all hell to break loose.

The moment she walked in, the whole game was going to change.

He would get his saving grace.

A *reliable* heroine.

The only person he could trust, or at this point, he could even go as far as saying, the only person he *liked*.

It was about to be a winter wonderland in this, bitch.

The door slowly creaked open, flooding the mostly dark guild with morning sunlight. She stepped inside, looking for all the world, excited and completely ignorant of what had happened here, which only galavanized Gray.

Then she was there, stiff as a board.

Juvia froze in the doorway, smile sliding off her face like oil on glass as she took in the guild.

Gray rapidly directed his eyes toward Laxus, directing her to take him out first, use the element of surprise, aim for the balls, he didn't deserve children in the future!

Then? Unison Raid.

Unison Raids for everyone. Unison Raid for Erza, Unison Raid for Bickslow, Unison Raid for Levy, *two* Unison Raids for Natsu. His ass wasn't leaving here dry, or without brain damage. 

Well, *more* brain damage.

Hoped they enjoyed flying, cause one hit from the two of them and the guild was gonna be sent *soaring*.

They should pluck the feathers from Happy's wings just for *laughs.*

...Alright, that was kinda cruel, but still.

Gray didn't even realize he'd been holding his breath in until he started getting light-headed and he, unfortunately, had to to take a deep breath, reintroducing himself to the sock stuffed down his throat.

But he didn't care, not as her eyes began taking in all the damage, cataloguing where everyone and everything was, and the shape she was finding it in. 

A hand crept to her mouth as she stared, motionless, except for her eyes. Then she seemed to be looking for something, and her eyes landed on him.

He grunted, trying to communicate through soiled fabric, "Laxus first. Take out *Laxus* first."

"Well," There was malicious happiness in his voice, "if it isn't the lady of the hour!" 

It was foolish in Gray's opinion for him to goad her like that, any second Juvia was going to retaliate. Any second the blonde beast was going into a wall via water whip. Any second she would release the kind of wave that would make an ocean's tsunami look like a ripple in a bottle cap. Any seco-

Instead, all his hopes came crashing down, as she did something Gray never would have expected. 

She tripped over herself in the doorway, and screamed like the world was on fire...


	3. Travel Troubles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Rule: I will no longer list approximations for when I think a chapter will be posted, because clearly I can't stick to them.
> 
> I'd like to blame it on the length of the chapter, but in all honesty 75% of this was written when I posted chapter one on NYE, this just needed to be cleaned up a bit. Despite the word count, it actually doesn't take me long to churn these out, I can do it in two sittings if I'm given the time and space to concentrate.
> 
> No, the delay rests solely on that tricky mistress; Executive Dysfunction.
> 
> Long story short, for the people who haven't quite guessed yet; I have anxiety. :)
> 
> Anyway, here's some notes that actually have to do with the story: 
> 
> 1\. Once Juvia and Gray reunite in the middle of this chapter, they shouldn't be too separated for the rest of the story. 
> 
> 2\. Another thing, Juvia knows nothing about the actual details of the Fairy Tail Battle Royale, just what Gray tells as the story goes along, so expect some inconsistencies with the details. It'll be pretty funny once the record gets set straight I'm sure. 
> 
> 3\. Speaking of the Royale, I hope no one minded me spending so much time on it. Its just, despite loving ship-centered fics, sometimes I miss hearing about completely platonic antics going on in the guild, I kinda like involving secondary characters just for a bit of fun. 
> 
> 4\. And some good news! Gray only gets minimally tortured in this chapter. Three cheers for progress!
> 
> Alright that's enough, here's chapter three: Travel Troubles, clocking in at 50,037 words.
> 
> Chapter two, A Marginally Less Happy Morning, was 29,698 words without A/N. 
> 
> Sorry for not posting the number for those curious.
> 
> Alright, I'm off, I'll see you when I see you!
> 
> Mwah!

xJx

Juvia's hands were clammy and damp as they scrambled for the front door's handle, needing something, anything to hold onto. Her legs wouldn't hold her up properly, and she had a real fear that she was going to turn into a puddle, something that would not be helpful in that moment.

A blur of brown hair and exposed skin rushed toward her, "Thank goodness you're here. He's finally stopped his attack on us! Juvia, he was like a  _ madman _ ."

Muffled, clearly outraged, grunts came from behind her.

The water mage's voice was softer than she would have liked, "Why doesn't Juvia believe you?"

Cana shrugged, looking breezy, the concern disappearing from her face in a flash, "'Cause you have too much faith in him. Honestly, it's a sin." Playful amusement was plain on her face, "Now tell me doll; how are you? Did you sleep well, have you eaten?"

Her abrupt change of focus left the bluenette feeling dizzy, "Juvia has not eaten, and she feels like she's still asleep." She took a deep breath, but it wasn't nearly as satisfying for her body as she'd hoped. It almost felt like she was going into shock, "Actually, Juvia feels faint..."

Cana wrapped an arm around her shoulders, supporting the majority of her weight, as she pulled the still stunned water mage further into the guild, "Then come, take a seat. And since you're the first cutie I've seen this morning, I'll give you a special place; my own bar stool. You've never sat any where as comfortable in your life."

It was a bit of a process, trying to move her legs when she couldn't truly feel them, but the brunette beside her was boisterous enough for the both of them, leading her over to the bar, as they passed the other members of their guild.

Looking at them as she walked by did nothing to improve Juvia's mood, especially when Mirajane waved at her cheerfully with a clawed blue hand. Reedus rushed ahead of them, painting as he went, and a giant fan popped into existence, melting the wall of ice that blocked the bar, in seconds. Watching it disappear as if it had never been there, made her near nauseous.

Meanwhile, Juvia's mind kept trying to come up with the set of circumstances necessary to drive the  _ entire _ guild to fight each other, including the normally peaceful, mind-over-muscle wizards that she knew, but she kept coming up blank.

They hadn't been even close to hostile last night, so why were so many people at the guild at this hour, scratched and scraped, and some decked out in full body armor?

What  _ animal _ had attacked Wendy until she was passed out and needed to be guarded by Gajeel?

Did something happen during the night? Was there a civil war going on, did she need to pick sides? And if that were the case why were so many of her friends now happily working together as they collected pieces of broken tables and doors?

And then of course, there was Gray. Her heart was hammering an unsteady rhythm, worried that she'd made a mistake, that she should have rushed straight for him, rather than let Laxus' words distract her. Rather than allow Cana to lead her away...

Her first instinct had told her to try to defend him, yet she'd listened to her second, perhaps foolishly.

But still, she felt more than just relief as her wobbly legs finally hit the wooden stool. She tried for another deep breath, but it was no better than her first.

Cana eyes surveyed her worringly, before they flickered behind her head, "Hey, don't just sit there like a prick, be a gentleman and buy the girl a drink."

The deep timbre made Juvia jump, "She looks like she's havin' trouble swallowing air, let alone liquid."

The brunette shook her head, in Juvia's opinion, with exaggerated disgust, "There's not one decent man around here."

Juvia's mind was left reeling as she stared at the man beside her. "You'll forgive Juvia if she's not exactly thrilled to be sitting next to you."

Laxus gave her a curious look, "Why, did something happen?"

"Did som- What do you mean did something happen?!  _ Look at him! _ " Juvia pointed wildly to the landing, but it was completely clear of any rope bound men. She stood up, as if the slight difference in angle would make Gray magically reappear, "Where did he go?"

A hand landed on her shoulder, "Juvia. What if I told you the person you've been love with this whole time, was a figment of your imagination?"

" _ What?! _ "

"Lay off, ya drunkard," Laxus interjected, looking irritably at Cana before he turned to the bluenette, face tired, "He's fine, just went to the infirmary."

The lightning mage's statement didn't make Juvia feel any better than Cana's had, "By himself? Does he have injuries? Does he need help?"

"Physically? No," Cana brushed her off, reaching for the barrel Mira passed her across the bar, "Mentally?  _ Oh, boy. _ "

Juvia landed back on the stool, an uncomfortable feeling spinning throughout her body, "Cana-san?"

The humor cleared from her face as she took in Juvia's expression, "Uh, yeah?"

"Could you just give... Juvia a moment?"

She felt a pat on the back, and the card mage went quiet.

Juvia placed her head on her arms. The cool dark and steady strength of the bar top underneath her did plenty to ease the emotions churning her stomach and mind. Cana was thoughtful enough to make as little noise as possible beside her, and as she began a conversation with Happy, the water mage actually felt better as she focused on their voices more than their words.

A loud roar sounded from the middle of the guild, the first disruption of that peace for over five minutes. Juvia's head jerked up, the world steady again, looking for the source of all the noise.

Fire spouted freely from his mouth as Natsu rose from the floor. He looked wild, and he spun in a blind circle, screaming unintelligibly, until he finally managed, " _ Where's Laxus?! _ "

Laxus, still sitting right beside her, and in clear view of the pinkette, didn't seem all that moved by the display and instead took another drink, sighing deeply.

Happy answered, "Why do you wanna know?"

"I'm gonna kick his ass!" He looked ready to pounce, fists on fire as well.

The Exceed landed by his feet, looking thoroughly unimpressed, "Don't you wanna see Lucy first?" he mumbled.

Natsu was quiet for only a moment before he screamed, "Alright, where's Lucy?!"

"She's in the infirmary, she used a whooole lotta magic."

"Let's go, buddy. After I see her, I'm going after Laxus. We're gonna hit him back  _ twice _ as hard!"

"Aye, sir!"

Natsu took off, running towards the hospital wing, his blue Exceed flying just behind him.

There was silence following this development, then Cana leaned behind Juvia, brows raised, "I'm surprised you could pass that up. Especially after this morning, your sadistic side was set on high before. It was almost like you were fifteen again." She sighed nostalgically.

"I've got somewhere to be in half an hour, and I didn't get much sleep my damn self, the last thing I need is Natsu screaming in my ear right now. If the little jackass didn't see me, that means some of my luck has finally turned around today." He released another weary sigh, looking nearly twice his age with tiredness, "Hate to admit it, but Fullbuster wore me out. More than I thought he would."

The water mage looked from Laxus to Cana, hoping they'd elaborate, but they each seemed lost in their own thoughts, "Is someone going to explain what happened, or is Juvia going to have to guess?"

"You would have to be on some real psychedelics to guess what happened, right," Laxus chuckled dryly into his glass.

Juvia cast him an annoyed look, "Then please do Juvia the kindness of lifting that burden off of her shoulders."

"Why bother? Fullbuster'll tell ya later," He shook his head, motioning to Mira for a refill, "Probably with more embellishments than anyone but  _ you _ could stomach...."

Before Juvia could voice her confusion, the soft click of heeled boots on wood drew her attention away, and she came face to face with Makarov, standing on the bar and looking amused."Hello my dear, the guild was in quite a commotion over you this morning."

"Over Juvia?"

"No need to sound so  _ surprised _ ," He chuckled, "It's actually a rather funny story, that deserves more time than I think you have to spare. Just know for now, that the people in this guild care for you very much, even the less than desirable ingrates we still keep around for some reason." He nodded toward Laxus, before Mirajane caught his attention with a steaming teapot and cup.

Juvia considered the blonde beside her before she stepped down from her stool, and faced Laxus, who raised a brow in return. She bent at the waist, and said, "Juvia is ashamed to say she believed Laxus-san turned on the guild, again. She offers her deepest apologies."

"Oh, no need to bow, that's a completely reasonable conclusion to come to, concerning my ungrateful grandson," said Makarov, sipping his tea.

"No, it isn't!" Laxus shot back indignant, before he noticed Juvia's eyes widening, and murmured, "It's fine, Juvia."

She didn't rise.

"Juvia should also note that she thought this was only step one in an  _ incredibly _ elaborate plan, that honestly shouldn't be voiced aloud."

Makarov lowered his cup, looking apprehensive, "Oh?"

"Yes." She should have left it at that, but they gave her an opening and the next thing she knew, she was overwhelmed with word-vomit, "Juvia believed that after Laxus-san finished conquering the guild, he'd reveal it was all a ruse to take down the strongest wizards capable of stopping his true goal of storming the capital, beheading the king and princess, and crowning himself as ruler. He realized he couldn't do that alone, so he picked someone strong, who's never been arrested by the crown before, and could therefore slip into the castle unannounced.

"That's when he came to the conclusion it had to be Juvia. She also believed when he said ' _ Lady Of The Hour _ ' he meant taking Juvia as concubine after his coronation, in the hopes of her producing him strong heirs, capable of water, lightning, or both types of magic. And that ' _ Of The Hour _ ' meant she would only keep the job for as long she maintained her beauty, which given how harrowing child-bearing can be, would not be very long."

She took a deep breath.

"He would then-"

" _ There's more?! _ "

She nodded, solemnly. "He would then have his army bring in other beautiful, strong maidens and rapidly impregnate them."

Laxus' mouth silently framed the word, " _ Rapidly...? _ "

"Juvia thought Gray-sama had discovered your nefarious plans and was the only one brave enough to challenge you, if only to spare Juvia's honor and chasity. She thought she'd walked in on the moment after Gray-sama lost his fight to you, and that he was begging through a gag for Juvia to run, and warn the others. She didn't know whether to heed his words, or stay with him until his final moments. Also, she didn't really know who 'the others' were.

"Despite how valiantly he'd tried, Gray-sama simply couldn't beat your brute strength. He would die in Juvia's arms here, fueling her hatred of you for years to come. Fast forward a decade and a half later, and you have dozens of children, skilled in a multitude of magical arts. With this army of young ones, Laxus-san would defeat our neighboring allies, taking their land for his own and becoming Emperor of Earthland in his own right. Juvia would see you had too much power, and decide to take you on. But it would be for naught, because all the pregnancies took their toll on Juvia's body. And she would die in that battle, cursing you for ruining her life, but thanking you for reuniting Juvia will her love. And then, after years of toppling over a multitude if kingdoms and democracies, you'd finally have a hold on every country in existence, making yourself Supreme Emperor of Earthland, by the age of 36.

"So you see, Juvia actually has  _ a lot _ to apologise for..." She finished, rising from her bow.

Both of the Dreyar men stared at her in blank shock, robbed of speech. Cana had fallen out of seat some time ago, and Mirajane just stood behind the bar, eyes closed, smile frozen, wiping out that one beer mug that always seemed dirty.

"Juvia's mind can run a thousand miles a second when panicked." She whispered as an explanation. "She's sorry."

"Yeah, well, uh..." The younger Dreyar seemed lost for a moment, before he cleared his throat. "You never need to worry about that again. It's not happening, I have no interest in being holed up the Capital, playing King. Let alone going to all the trouble of being  _ Emperor of Earthland? _ Or murder. Not really into that anymore, either." Laxus stood from the bar, looked her over again, and started walking away.

Juvia could have sworn she heard him murmur, " _ Concubine? _ " under his breath.

Makarov hopped off the bar and gestured to one of the tables, concern marring his features a bit. "Sit down dear, it appears you've been through a lot."

"It was a rather overwhelming sight to behold." Juvia nodded faintly, taking a seat. "Perhaps when Juvia eats she'll feel more like herself."

He chuckled, sitting on the table top. "Yes. We want you at full strength for your mission." Makarov set the teapot on the table, along with a second cup for her. He poured her a glass and pushed it towards her.

"Eh, Juvia has a mission?" She asked, taking a sip. The warmth spread throughout her body quickly, perking her up a little. "What kind?"

"We'll get to that when Gray arrives. But I think I should give you a bit of an explanation for what you saw, lest you think we're  _ all _ bent on world domination."

Warmth flooded her face.

"That little display you walked in on, was just the guild showing how much it cares for you.".

He'd alluded to that earlier, "For Juvia?"

"Yes. You see, the mission you're about to go on, the request came in last night, after you had already left the guild. When Mira read it over she figured there was a chance Gray might try to weasel out of it, so she called the members for a vote. And the general consensus agreed with her. After that, a whirlwind of ideas began pouring in on how to keep him from leaving before you two could set off."

"What kind of ideas?" Juvia asked apprehensively. She knew how wild her friends could get when they were passionate about a cause.

"Oh, there was a range." He said casually, stroking his beard. "Kidnap him, sedate him, glue his legs together, remove all five of his senses, hold something of his hostage, take embarrassing photos while he was asleep, and threaten to release them. We almost went with that one before we remembered his stripping habit. How much more embarrassing can you get, if you eliminate nudity? Wakaba had wanted to shrink him-

" _ Shrink him?! _ "

"Yes, it probably would have been less messy, or damaging to the hall, but you can never be sure if the person you shrink will return to their original size, afterwards. If done improperly the person could lose anywhere from three inches to a foot and a half, and I didn't want that on my conscious."

Juvia was feeling faint again.

"Anyway, after much debate we settled on luring him here early and ambushing him. He was so tired last night, we figured with our overwhelming numbers and his exhaustion, we'd be done in about two minutes." Makarov smiled, clearly impressed. "I have to hand it to him, he put up quite a fight. He lasted much longer than any of us believed, he just kept going and  _ going _ ... Became rather concerning after a while." He shook his head sadly. "It's too bad we hadn't thought to start a betting pool..."

Juvia took another sip of her tea, feeling neither surprised at how well Gray did, nor sorry that none of her guildmates managed to making any money from the occasion.

"We did actually have a packet made, a sort of program if you will, almost like those pamphlets you get when you see a play. Listing how we thought the fights would go and for how long, details about both phases, and of course there was the breakfast buffet provided to everyone who participated. To be honest, I think that's part of the reason so many people showed up..." He started rummaging in his cloak, "I have one here, somewhere in these damn pockets, would you like to see it?"

"Would-?" Rage flashed through Juvia. It was one thing to attack an unknowing member of your guild, it was quite another thing to be so organized about it, to the point that it was an event! " _ No, Juvia would not like to see your pamphlet! _ "

Makarov seemed to realize he'd trailed off, and continued with a cough, "Yes, of course. Well, anyway it was good exercise," He murmured, like this was a bright side Juvia would care about, "As you know, most of the girls don't normally get into the everyday rough housing that goes on around here. They felt rather spirited being formally invited. Minus Lucy. She didn't believe she had anything to bring to the table. She sold herself short, though, Lucy did very well, four spirits is no small feat. Speaking of, do you have any idea where she is now?"

Her temper cooled down a bit at the mention of her blonde friend, though she was far from consoled, "Juvia believes she is still in the infirmary for magic depletion. Natsu-san is there as well, checking on her, but Juvia overheard Happy-san saying he'd probably leave early to set a trap for Laxus-san as revenge? Juvia has no idea what that means."

"More than likely, another chance for entertainment," Makarov chuckled, "It's a shame you won't be here to see that either..."

Silence settled between them, while Juvia quietly mulled over everything that had been said, trying to piece together what was still bothering her. Sure, they were calmly talking at a table, discussing the lastest shenanigans of the guild, but  _ there were only two tables left. _ How could he be so relaxed about all of this?

"Makarov-san?"

"Hmm?" He turned to face her.

"While Juvia appreciates everyone's dedication and help in the matter, she believes you may have taken it a little too far, the guild will need massive reconstruction after this..." She looked around again, taking in the damage to the support beams and floors. "It will not be cheap. And with the fine on top of that-"

"Ah, don't worry, dear. Erza just returned from a mission herself, with enough Jewel to completely pay off the fine. And with the money we've been hoarding, we have more than enough to rebuild, you may even come back to a few new upgrades." The oldest Dreyar leaned over, and gave her cheek an affectionate squeeze, "You have no need to be concerned about that. We all know about Gray and his cold feet. We just didn't want him running out on you. Despite the overuse of magic, our hearts were in the right place. And of course, it was fun." He added, laughter in his voice.

The bluenette pouted, arms crossing of their own accord, "Juvia cannot fathom how attacking Gray-sama could have been  _ fun _ ."

"Yes, but well, you weren't there. Perhaps next time-"

" _ There will be no next time! _ "

"We'll see." Makarov replied, still chuckling. There was a twinkle in his eyes that was starting to annoy Juvia, before they focused on a spot behind her head. "Ah, here he comes now."

Juvia launched off the bench instantaneously, any feeling of aggravation forgotten. Her mind was completely focused on the ice mage making his way over to them. "Gray-sama! How are your injuries?"

"S'fine, I took some pills."

He took a seat at the table, Juvia slowly doing the same beside him, not paying attention to the action. She was mostly preoccupied with the state of his face. There were a couple of thin scratches scattered here and there, but he didn't look nearly as bad as she'd been picturing.

Then again, she'd been picturing him with a missing eye, nine knocked out teeth, and a chunk scooped cleanly from his nose, so it wasn't surprising his injuries seemed underwhelming by comparison.

The most worrying evidence she could spot at the moment was under his right eye, and quickly swelling. She couldn't examine the rest of his body, he had changed into fresh clothes at some point, making that impossible. It was rather inconsiderate of him to decide to walk around fully dressed  _ now _ , of all times.

Without thinking, her hand reached up, softly brushing against his purpling cheek, "Don't you think you should do more than that? There's a bruise blossoming-"

He pulled back, ducking his head out of reach, "I said, it's  _ fine _ ."

"Very well..." She frowned, slowly lowering her hand to her lap.

Gray turned to Makarov, a wicked look in his eye. "You want to explain what the fuck that was about earlier? Or, more importantly, where  _ you _ were?"

Their master turned toward him, looking surprised."I have no idea what you're talking about Gray. Did something happen?"

Juvia could hear Gray grinding his teeth from where she sat beside him. She was sure Makarov could hear it, too.

"Well, if you don't feel like going into detail about your troubles, I suppose we can just move on. You have a mission together, special request."

Oddly enough, a shudder passed through him, "Me  _ and _ Juvia?" His tone was flat, and the suspicion hadn't left his face. Why would being alone with her upset him so much? Surely, he didn't think  _ Juvia _ had anything to do with the attack?

Makarov pulled a rolled piece of parchment from his robe, with a flourish. "The very same." He placed it on the table beside him, so she and Gray could view it. Juvia went to pick it up, before Makarov opened his cloak again, revealing an envelope."I think you should read this first, dear, it will give you a better understanding of what this task will require of you."

Juvia took the envelope, pulling the request sheet toward her anyway, but Gray recoiled from the paper as if he'd been physically burned.

She looked from the envelope, to the request sheet, to Gray, trying to comprehend his issue with the paperwork. It was all rather nice, the client's personal letter was heavy, thick with a sturdy envelope and expensive paper. The special request form seemed to have been filled out with an ink very similar to the wax that had sealed the envelope. The color held the same depth of dark green, it just lacked the subtle shimmer. There was even a full color map attached, a detail Juvia appreciated because it meant the person they could working for was thorough.

But nothing to warrant the look on Gray's face.

"What's wrong?" She muttered under her breath.

His lips whitened, and he started standing up from the table, looking livid, "I don't want to hear the words " _ Special Request _ " for as long as I live. And I sure as  _ hell _ don't want to go on another o-"

"Now, where is that grandson of mine?" Makarov interrupted loudly, looking around himself, "I told him he could borrow my lucky Mr. Socky for five minutes. What a little hoodlum. If I catch him buying a lotto ticket, I'll have his ass framed in my office."

Juvia blinked at his sudden outburst, "Um, perhaps Master should look out back first? That's where Juvia thought she saw him head last, though he did say he had to leave soon. Gray-sama, have-"

She turned, only to find Gray bent over himself, looking like he was going to be sick. Where a second before he'd been halfway it of his seat, now he was cluching the bench for support. She didn't think he could've moved if his life depended on it.

" _ Gray-sama? _ Gray-sama, speak to Juvia," He shook his head mutely, face turning green. "You look  _ nauseated! _ What's wrong, is it something you ate?" She reached over and grabbed Makarov's teapot. Quickly, she filled her cup and passed it Gray. "Here, have some tea. It's peppermint, very soothing for the stomach."

He shook his head again.

" _ Drink. _ "

He shook his head more vigorously.

"At least take a little sniff, Juvia is sure it will help."

He pushed it away.

"Please, just take a little sip for Juvia. Just one? For Juvia?"

He was still for a moment, before he grabbed the cup out of her hand. Pressing the rim to his lips, he tipped it back minutely, the smallest amount humanly possible falling into his mouth.

But the steam managed to float up to his face, and that's what she really wanted. Already color was returning to his cheeks, chasing away whatever bug had taken hold of him a minute before.

To her surprise, he took a normal, healthy sip right after, then growled, "What are you waiting for? Read the damn letter, stop staring at me." He turned away slightly.

Juvia blinked at his profile a moment longer, before going back to the letter, feeling a little confused. That's when she caught Makarov's expression.

For some reason, he looked highly amused...

Juvia didn't make much fuss about opening the letter. It was clear Gray wasn't doing well, and it would been cruel to prolong any of his suffering. The letter went as follows:

_ Dear Ms. Locksar and Mr. Fullbuster, _

_ My name is Avyanna Breslin. _

_ My son, Avalon, is just over a year old, and yet his life is already in danger. The reason behind this is far more complicated than I'm capable of describing in this letter, but just know it's nothing light hearted. It involves Lost Magic, and wild Vulcans, and even thinking about it fills me with despair. My irresponsibility, my foolishness for not preventing him from getting drawn into a mess I've been avoiding for nearly two decades, will haunt me for years to come. _

_ The solution to my issue will not be easily dealt with, but I've discovered the road map for what I need to do. At most, I would be absent for two weeks, though I'm hoping for less than ten days. The only dilemma is, with my absence, no one I trust will be here to look after my baby. _

_ This is where I'm hoping you two might come in. A pair of talented wizards capable of taking care of Avalon during the day, and perhaps running perimeter around our little cottage a few times every evening, would relieve me of this worry. My husband will be home at night, and is mostly capable of taking care of any trouble himself, but I would feel more at ease if he had someone better equipped to handle the outside forces we're dealing with. Six hands are better than two. _

_ I write to you with the understanding that my request of your help is rather tedious, and so to convince you of our need, we have not added a monetary amount to our Request Form. We have no qualms about negotiating whatever you believe to be a fair price for your services, and cannot express enough that money is not an issue. _

_ Perhaps it is foolish on our part, mine in particular for insisting, but though we are on a time constraint of less than two days, I have not sent out similar requests to any other guild. Instead, I have sent a letter personally to your guild master, asking for him to carry on our message of need. And try to convince you of the unique qualifications I believe you have for this task. _

_ Solely with compatibility in mind, we believe you are the best partnership of all the hireable wizards we've looked at. I've never seen a bond quite like yours, and I'm hoping with your familiarity of each other, not only will ten to fourteen days pass by fairly quickly, but that you'll be able to put my little Avalon at ease with our absence during the day. _

_ It should also be said, though it may sound like I'm buttering you up, that when I showed him footage of your battle against Lamia Scale in the Grand Magic Games, he was quite impressed. I've never seen him so active and full of life. You may have accidentally recruited a future member of your guild! _

_ I would be grateful if you could consider accepting my request. It would bring my heart so much peace, not having to worry about losing that little smile while I'm away. _

_ However, if you've decided against it, please send a express message via lacrima, and no hard feelings will be aimed toward you. You will continue to have fans in the Breslin family for years to come. _

Yours Most Sincerely,

Duchess Midori A. Fiore Breslin

House of Fiore

Year x793

Juvia set the letter on the table and took a deep breath, stunned.

The guild's reaction made some sense now. Babysitting. Not something Gray would likely find interesting. It lacked excitement, and more importantly, much of opportunity to fight someone. She could understand why the others had been concerned.

Not to the point of commiting  _ assault _ , but she understood.

Still, that didn't dampen her excitement. Princess Hisui's elusive cousin Midori, or apparently she went by Avyanna now, had requested her personally, after reviewing who knew how many other wizards, first.

Juvia could remember being a girl as young as eight, reading up on the fast-paced, glamorous lifestyle the King's niece had. She'd loved teasing gossip columnists with inaccurate tidbits on her life, claiming one moment to be dashing off to some heiress's birthday party, only for the angry cameramen waiting outside some abandoned mansion to discover she'd actually been in a hole-in-the-wall sandwich shop the entire time.

She was known for not trusting many, dropping friends faster than rain fell from the sky, and had a general disdain for her life as a royal.

Couple that with the fact that she was six years older than her at the time, and Juvia couldn't think of a cooler person to look up to when she was a little girl. She'd spent plenty of hours in the orphanage pretending to dump one handsome prince, left in tears by her absence, only to dream up another handsome boy seconds later who happily groveled whenever she spoke to him, all inspired by her image of Avyanna.

Then, one day, the world had just stopped hearing about her. No talk of boarding schools, rainbow ponies, or outrageous haircuts. Avyanna had dropped off the face of Earthland, and the press, tired of her antics, had been transparently grateful.

Hisui by comparison was far more demure and thoughtful, much better suited to eventually taking the crown than her cousin, and yet, Juvia had a soft spot for her. She'd been wild and free, and Juvia had craved that more than anything as a child.

If her math was correct, the Duchess was now 34, and from what she'd gleaned in her letter, her husband actually worked, while she stayed at home as a mother in a little cottage. It was the last thing eight year old Juvia would have expected for the royal, and yet that just meant it was exactly what Avyanna would have done.

Juvia felt bubbly just imagining meeting her childhood idol, the water mage could barely contain herself, she wanted to leave right this momen-

"Welp, I'm out."

"Eh?"

Juvia turned her head, startled to find Gray standing up from the table, looking fully intent to leave the guild will no regard for their new mission.

"Yeah, this isn't for me," He shrugged, face devoid of emotion. "I don't know anything about kids, so her brat's more likely to get injured from me trying to take care of it, than a weak ass Vulcan, and it's not like I need the money, because, as Mira so kindly informed me, Erza already paid off the Dragon Jackasses's fine, which means the majority of the Jewel I earned can go into my savings. I'm straight."

"B-but Gray-sama," Juvia was struggling to come terms with his aloofness. Even if he didn't feel the same enthusiasm for the task as Juvia, how could he have such a disregard for the wellbeing of a child? "It's a special request, we can't turn it down."

He let out a chuckle that was just shy of madness, "Special request or not, doesn't matter to me, I don't need this job. As a matter of fact, knowing that its special request makes me hate this job  _ twice _ as much. Write 'em a letter back saying I broke my leg, take someone else, I don't care," He deadpanned. "Just know, I'm not going."

"But they're our clients-"

"I haven't accepted the job, which means these people aren't clients, they're strangers." He turned his back on Juvia completely, pulling a dark shirt from a puddle under the table nearby, with a sigh. "Rich, terrible, likely organ harvesting, strangers..."

Glancing back at her, he flicked his wrist impatiently at the collection of paper on the table, as if annoyed that he was being made out to be the bad guy. "I've seen this movie before. It happened two weeks ago when some other self proclaimed royal felt they desperately needed the help of wizards for a job that literally anyone else could have done better. And how did it end? With a national landmark gone for good, and fine big enough to bankrupt Fairy Tail. Nearly landed Gramps in the slammer by the end of the month."

He rounded on the older man, looking furious, "I can't believe after all the bullshit we went through as far back as  _ yesterday _ , you wanna try your hand at it again!"

Makarov was calm, scratching the side of his nose without much thought, "I think you'll find that the circumstances are a bit different here. After all, she asked for you two, and paired together you have a remarkablely low record when it comes to property damage. And there isn't much that could really go wrong her-"

"Oh yeah, 'cause  _ babies never die. _ "

"Why are you being so crass?" Juvia asked, anger encroaching on her previous concern for him .

"Look, you can pull out a dictionary and call me any name you want, I'm not going," He scoffed, "There's no way things will go well if they leave us in charge of a baby. That letter was full of the wild kind of hope a person can only have if they know nothing about Fairy Tail beyond the surface. The best thing you could do for them is politely decline for the both of us, then point them in the direction of an  _ actual _ babysitting service. Like it or not, this is just not something we're trained to do."

She couldn't stop the pout that puckered up her bottom lip, "Juvia is not going to abandon this mission. Clearly this couple is experiencing a trying time and believe Fairy Tail has what it takes to help. And that's what we do, we help those who need it. So Juvia is going to go and help them," Her voice softened sadly, "with or without you."

Gray's brow twitched. "Fine," He clipped back, standing up straighter with a look of defiance, "I guess I'll see you when you get back, then."

"Guess so..." She mumbled, and with a slight nod of his head, Gray turned and headed for the door.

"We suspected this might happen, let him go dear." Juvia turned back to their master, feeling deflated.

For some reason the water mage hadn't expected Makarov to claim defeat so easily. She felt her eyes lowering on their own, disillusionment further smudging the rose colored glasses she'd arrived at guild with, before she'd open the door.

Now that she knew she could have gone on this mission with Gray, any previous excitement for the task, for the rest of the day even, had evaporated. She wasn't even hungry anymore...

"Worry not," Makarov continued heartily, gently patting the hand Juvia had clutched around her rapidly cooling tea, "we have a backup plan. And it may even work out better for our standing as a guild. Clearly the Duchess and her husband had their eyes set on you and Gray, because they were convinced by your performance at The Grand Magic Games. They wanted a compatible couple, two people who knew each other inside and out, and who could work together well in close compartments to ensure the safety of their child."

Juvia nodded, heart still heavy.

"Well, though it may not be as exciting for you, we do have a second choice lined up..."

"Gajeel-kun?"

"No." Makarov ground out flatly, the seventh master's face tightening, as if any mention of the Slayers would trigger a stroke, "No, no, those two are still on very long, very well deserved probation. They may not receive another mission until they're as gray as I am."

She nodded again, not nearly as amused by Makarov's joke as she normally would have been, "Who, then?"

"I'm glad you asked," the seventh said spiritedly, "you know it was quite an undetaking finding someone, but I think I managed it. Taking into consideration the core reason that Duchess Avyanna wanted you, I knew one of the most important things I could look for in a partner for you was compatibility, and by extension the ability to learn from each other over the period of time you'll be spending together. After all, you'll have quite a learning curve with the baby, why not use this as an opportunity to get to know someone else? Strengthen ties, make newer,  _ tighter _ bonds!"

For the life of her, Juvia couldn't understand why Makarov was droning on about this. He seemed impassioned by his little speech, walking up and down the length of the tabletop with a fist to his chest, while she sat there glumly, too polite to ask him to get on with it. If he was going to pair her with Evergreen or Reedus, there was no need to sugar coat it, she was already heartbroken beyond repair from Gray's dismissive departure.

"Inter-guild relations and alliances matter all the more these days," He continued, and Juvia's ears perked up with mild interest. So,  _ not _ Evergreen? "And so, I shopped around the Allied Forces looking for someone who could work nearly as well with you as Gray. A near impossible feat I was sure! But I called around nonetheless. I contacted Sting, and Bob, and Guy, looking for someone who I could confidently trust to escort you all the way to Grisana. But it was a no-go, there's actually a lot of weirdos in those guilds..."

Juvia couldn't help the soft snort that escaped, though her bleak mood was far from gone.

"I even tried calling Crime Sorcière, because Lucy informed me that you are fairly close to a young girl named Meredy who is a member of the guild. Unfortunately, I was unable to connect with their azure-haired fugitive guild master. I  _ did _ have a short, fuzzy talk with a young man in a dark blue bandana, but as I had absolutely no idea who he was, I wasn't willing to risk giving out unnecessary information to some random mysterious fellow just because he chatted me up.

"By midnight, I had nearly pulled my hair out trying to figure out who else might be available, I just couldn't think of anyone. But then, Mirajane reminded me that I hadn't called Obaba yet. And that's when I realized," Makarov stopped squarely in front of Juvia, hands on his hips, seemingly basking in his own brilliance, "if we couldn't give you  _ our _ ice mage, why not pull in the one who trained with him, was raised with him, why is practically his brother. Nearly a twin, if you ask me!"

"Oh," murmured Juvia, realization finally dawning on her, "you called Lyon-sama."

If Juvia hadn't been so disappointed, her eyes would have been on Gray instead of on her lap, and if her eyes had been on Gray, she would have noticed the way he froze, stiff as a board by the foot of the stairs, at her words.

With all the debris from the fights littering the hall, it had taken nearly three times longer to clear the floor than usual. Gray had heard every word they'd spoken so far. That's why it was such a shame Juvia wasn't paying attention to him, because based on the rigid curl of his fists; Gray was not pleased with where Makarov was going with this.

On the other hand, their delighted guild master  _ had _ noticed. He could barely speak around his shit eating grin, but after a moment he fixed his face and continued, speaking gravely to the water mage.

"Yes, yes," Makarov nodded, barely managing to look solemn in the face of the unnecessary drama he was creating for two of his children,"yes, Obaba put me on with him and he agreed right away that Gray was unreliable trash who would leave you to do this on your own-"

"Uh, Juvia is not sure she agrees with  _ tha- _ "

"What's important is that Lyon promised to have a bag packed and ready to go, so he's already prepared to leave at a moment's notice, all I have to do is call him back. He should meet you at Oshibana Station at eleven. From there, you two will spend the remaining travel time  _ alone, _ " He said, adding a needless amount of emphasis to the word, and further prickling the ice mage that was unconsciously inching his way back toward their table, "until you get to Crocus. Once there, you two will take a long, winding road up into the mountains bordering the capital. I hear the views as you go up are quite beautiful, one might even go as far as saying  _ romantic. _

"Not me, of course," He shook his head sadly, "No, as guild master I hardly have time to go sight-seeing and take note of nature's gifts.  _ But _ ," He whipped out a thick stack of glossy publications, and Juvia blinked rapidly, bemused by the depth the inner pockets Makarov's handkerchief-sized cloak, apparently had, "Trendy Traveler's magazine, as well Sorcerer Weekly and Society Bride's Guide,  _ oh, how did that get in there, _ all rave about how the sunset bouncing off the snow and sparkling in a potential lover's eye will make anyone want to couple up with them  _ immediately. _ And if you can't take their word for it, well, who can you trust?

"Of course, as soon you can, you'll meet with the Duchess, and so on and so forth for the mission, your days will be spent with the baby. But once you settle in, who knows what you'll do in your spare time? Night life is so  _ exciting _ in Grisana. That's probably why one in three couples end up with a bouncy little one of their own within a year. That's a direct quote from SBG, by the way." He flipped over the magazine featuring a beautiful women in a white dress on the cover, but it was so fast, Juvia couldn't catch more than the pages flapping air in her face.

"From night one, so many thrilling things could occupy your time with Lyon. You two could take a walk, go skiing, eat in dimly lit foreign bistro, perhaps sharing a bowl of pasta and accidentally slurping on the same strand, return to the hotel after drinking slightly too much wine, only to discover there was a miscommunication with the reservation, and you accidentally booked only one room, and the rest of the hotel is full through the entirety of your stay, along with every there lodging in the vicinity, so you two will just have to share yours, which oops, only has  _ one bed- _ "

" _ Why the  _ **_fuck_ ** _ would there only be one bed? _ " Hollered an irate voice from right behind Juvia, causing her to jump nearly a foot in the air.

She was clutching her heart, eyes wide and lungs panting up a storm, as she turned to stare at him.

"Because, as I  _ just said _ , there could be a mix up with the reservations and the rest of the hotels in the area could be over-booked." Makarov had  _ not _ jumped at Gray's outburst. In fact, he stood quite calmly on the table, eyes closed, looking far too pleased with himself. "These things happen, Gray. No matter how remarkable you may think they are, even Juvia and Lyon are not immune to being Fate's plaything." He looked off into the distance, "None of us are..."

The ice mage slammed his hands on the table, partially blocking Juvia's view of their master. He seemed so worked up, he could barely get his words out, "Just because I'm not going, doesn't mean-! Can't just change everything-! No one said  _ anything _ about-!  _ This is stupid! _ " He fumed, "You should just call the whole thing off, it's a ridiculous mission, and a half-assed plan-"

" _ Half- _ ? Gray!" Makarov exclaimed, looking shocked, "What could possibly be wrong with this plan? How could you object to Juvia and Lyon spending two weeks, maybe more, alone and secluded in a ski town that 93% of surveyed vacationers reviewed as the most romantic honeymoon location in Fiore, six years in a row?  _ Why would that bother you? _ "

Gray spluttered, his frustration seemingly keeping him from responding, while Juvia looked up at him with curious eyes, genuinely trying to figure out why it would bother him, and coming up blank.

"Be-because you can't just  _ pawn _ off your teammates to strangers. Th-that's irresponsible and-"

"Strangers?" Juvia piped up, speaking for the first time in a while, now that she had gotten over her shock, blue eyebrows drawn in confusion, "Juvia has known Lyon-sama for quite a while now, and Gray-sama grew up with him for some time; he is far from a  _ stranger. _ "

"Exactly," Makarov nodded, sagely, "if you think about it Juvia and Lyon have already set the foundation for what could be a wonderful, blossoming uh,  _ friendship _ , the extent of which can only be thought up by gossip columnists and fanatic literary artists."

Juvia swiveled her head around Gray's arm, trying to get a better look at their master. There was just something strange about his phrasing in all of this that made her want to look at him twice. She couldn't imagine a gossip columnist investing time or paper just to speak about dirty diapers on a job.

" _ I think this mission is stupid! _ " Gray thundered, voice nearly breaking from overuse.

"Then why are you still here?" Juvia asked impatiently. This yo-yo game of 'Would He Join Her or Won't He' was really starting to fray her tender heart. If he was planning on leaving her floating in the wind, the least he could do was be decisive about it so Juvia could mourn accordingly.

He turned on her abruptly, looking for all the world, like a madman."Wh-What do you mean why am I still here? Are you that excited to be huddled up with Lyon on some dinky little hill, that you're already trying to get rid of me?"

Juvia blinked at him, mouth agape, not understanding a word he was saying.

It was almost like hearing another language, that's how little it made sense to her.

He huffed, turning away from her slightly, arms crossed. He looked like a petulant child. Juvia almost wished she didn't find it adorable, but above that she wished she could understand were his mood was stemming from.

That's when he muttered out, "Anyway, its not like I said I wouldn't go..."

Juvia jolted, mouth open to directly contradict that  _ blatant lie _ , when another voice piped up.

"Yes, you did," It was annoyed and came from behind the ice mage. Jungling huge cans in his arms that could only be full of paint, Natsu stopped at Gray's words, looking aggravated. "We all heard you say it, ice prick."

Gray's eyes narrowed,"Who's we-?"

The Slayer raised an unimpressed brow, then leaned his neck back and began sounding off, "Mira?"

"Sure did."

"Happy?"

"Aye, sir!"

"Cana?"

She placed two fingers to her forehead, saluting her affirmation from the bar.

"Wendy?"

"Sorry, Gray..."

A nerve ticked under Gray's eye as he addressed Natsu, as if he were trying to ignore the fact that his guildmates had called him out, but was failing miserably, "Shouldn't you be off commiting suicide with those paint cans?"

Natsu growled, then slammed his foot down into a still smoldering door, crushing it into tiny shards, "Just you wait Snow Shit, Laxus is getting his from me and then it's  _ on _ . I'm not following Mira's bullshit rules, no holds bar, I'm taking you out!" Hoisting the cans up and nearly dropping them in the process, Natsu took off toward the back of the hall, fire billowing from his mouth as he laughed manically.

Gray watched him go, a dark satisfacation shadowing his face,"If he lives past ten o'clock, I'll donate all my savings to Zentopia and marry Elfman."

"Gray-sama, could you please focus?" She said, trying to recapture his attention while her voice bordered on pleading, "Juvia needs a definitive answer about whether you're going or not. A innocent baby's life is on the line and Juvia would rather get a move on, than take any chances on his life by discussing this further."

The ice mage turned his tired eyes back to her, completely unfazed by her warning. "Quit being dramatic,  _ Macao _ could take down 19 of those Vulcan bastards on his own, and he has a hard time opening chips without help."

"I see why everyone volunteered to kick his ass," muttered a smoky voice, not too far away, "Young people these days have no sense of loyalty to those that came before 'em..."

"Why did he even bring me into this?"

"It's cause you're weak, Dad."

"Romeo,  _ how could you? _ "

"A defenseless baby is not going to be able to fight off Vulcans," Juvia rebuked, "and his parents aren't wizard's, they need the help of people like us, so if Gray-sama would please just sit  _ down _ ," she tugged on his arm, and he collapsed back on the bench, exhaustion more than likely weighing him down too much for him to fight her off. "We can discuss this, and perhaps Gray-sama will see how rash he is being. "

" _ Rash? _ " Gray chuckled, in a way that was so close to delirious Juvia stared at him in concern again. He looked up at Makarov through half lidded eyes, though whether they were like that due to anger or sleep deprivation, Juvia couldn't tell.

"You asshole's woke me up at 5 in the morning, prank calling me every five minutes for over half an hour to spout  _ nonsense _ a halfwit wouldn't even believe. Dragged me out of bed, to play the world's  _ stupidest _ game, that I didnt have a choice in playing at first,  _ because you barred all the exits! _ All so you could drag me on this stupid mission. This on the heels of a different special request I was threaten into taking yesterday, after returning from  _ another _ special request, and I won't even get into what a shit show that was. We don't have enough hours in the  _ year _ to explain what I went through in Bosco. Just this morning, your  _ bastard grandson _ filled my mouth with a sock so rancid you'd think it was pulled straight out of a dragon's ass-"

"That was uncalled for," Makarov pouted.

"You incompetent  _ fuck-ups _ left me on the ground to suffer for time on end. Why?  _ Oh, 'cause we don't want cross Laxus! _ Enjoyed a full breakfast buffet, the likes of which I'll  _ never _ experience in my lifetime. And all of this  _ before _ you let me know what this damn mission was about, you just  _ assumed _ I wouldn't wanna go!"

Makarov sighed, "Gray, do you want to go on this mission?"

"  _ No! _ "

Juvia and Makarov weren't the only ones in the guild who's face went straight to their palm.

Gray continued, it seemed he had a lot to get off his chest, "Oh, but when  _ Juvia _ showed up,  _ screaming like a little girl _ , everyone was happy and smiling and posing for Mavis alone knows what reason. You bastards made her  _ tea _ , and sat her down, made sure she was  _ comfortable _ . Gave her a pinch on the cheek, like you're fucking angels. Do you really expect me to believe there's no difference in how we were treated, that I'm acting like this just for shits and giggles? That you didn't give me a very real reason to be pissed the fuck off?  _ Rash. _ Give me a break." Gray ground out, breath choppy now, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

It was silent at their table.

Mostly because Juvia didn't know what the hell he was talking about, and that was really starting to concern her.

She kinda got stuck after the mention of a  _ sock _ ...?

"Hmm, I suppose I do see the disparity." Makarov ran a hand over his chin, thoughtfully. "If you want, I could always give her pinch on  _ another _ pair of cheeks. If only to make you happy, son-"

In less than a second, Gray was up, a fistful of the seventh's cloak clenched in his hand. There was wild look in his eyes as he lifted their guild master off the table. "I'm warning you right now, you old perv, I'm not in the mood for your fucking games. Go 'head, try me, I swear to  _ Mavis _ ."

The water mage had leapt up just as quickly. "Please forgive Gray-sama," pleaded Juvia, trying and failing to release Gray's grip. "He's simply cranky when he's forced to awaken this early in the morning for less than ideal reasons..."

"And when I'm threatened," Gray put in, teeth clenched and eyes narrowed. "When I have rope burns covering every inch of my arms, or a boot print permanently indented onto the back of my head, or my ribs bruised by a crazy she-devil's fist, oh, and when a member of my fucking team is preyed on by  _ a thousand year old letcher! _ "

"And it is exactly that kind of protective instinct," Makarov replied, gesturing toward Gray, as though unperturbed by his current situation, "and sweet, caring knowledge," he nodded toward Juvia, "that makes you two perfect for this mission."

Gray's eye twitched minutely, "That has  _ nothing _ to do wi-"

"Not to mention," he gave them both a once-over, eyebrow raised, "you were specifically requested by the client, and a Fairy Tail mage never let's down their clients. Or have I been teaching you something else, all these years?" The twinkle reappeared in his eyes.

"No, Master." They answered in unison.

Gray sighed resentfully, releasing the older man.

Juvia rubbed her hands down his arm, hoping to release some of the tension, and tried to ignore the fact that she had made that  _ exact _ argument ten minutes before, to apparently deaf ears.

"Good." The seventh hopped off the table, walking in the direction of his office, like nothing happened. "Then I expect you both packed, and at the station by 10 o'clock sharp, no dilly dallying. You have quite a ways to go before arriving in the outskirts of the Capital."

He stroked his chin thoughtfully, "You know, Grisana is fairly famous for it's view of the stars. In fact, there's supposed to be a historic light show in a few weeks. Be sure to check the dates, you may just be able to catch it."

"Yes, Makarov-san."

"And Juvia?"

"Yes, Master?"

"Make sure you pack for warmth, Grisana is located between a valley of mountains and is at a significantly higher altitude than Crocus. Sunlight has a harder time penetrating, so it's possible snow will arrive earlier in the season. And frost is a guaranteed, daily occurrence this time of the year. I'd hate to think of you shivering out there, simply because you were dressed improperly."

"Juvia will keep that in mind," she said, giving a quick bow to his retreating form."Thank you, master."

"Of course, child, Fairy Tail is always here for you. Besides, I think we're all well aware  _ Gray _ doesn't have the capacity to tend to your needs."

"Uh...?"

"Alright, let's go." Gray grabbed her hand, marching toward the door. Juvia quickly yanked the request sheets off the table, and followed him, barely able to keep up with his long, angry strides.

"Uh yes, but Gray-sama, Juvia actually wanted to grab something to eat before she lef-"

"We'll get it on the train," he hissed. "I just want to get the hell outta he-"

"Have fun you two!" interrupted Cana from the bar, a suggestive grin on her face. She arched her brows playfully, "And pro tip; if you're still feeling down when you get there, you could always feel each other up, it works  _ wonders _ on a mood."

Gray made a complete 180°, that crazed look back on his face. He seemed fully prepared to stalk over there and strangle the card mage.

He probably would have too, if Juvia wasn't there, blocking his way, wrangling his arms, and pushing him forcefully out of the door. He did manage to scream a lot of unintelligible threats and expletives though, the poor girl simply didn't have enough arms to deal with him while he was in a rage.

Once they were outside, Juvia couldn't keep her hold any longer. " _ Gray-sama _ , please stop, you've had almost no rest, and you're magic is on fumes. Also, you're hurting Juvia a little..."

He sighed, and let her go, a haggard look on his face. All the fight seemed to have left him just as quickly as it came. It was next to a miracle that he was managing to stand up right for a long as he was, let alone  _ fight _ earlier. And against so many of them...

No, that wasn't a miracle, he was just excelling at such a

massive rate, it was a little dizzying to come to terms with.

Juvia gently guided them over to the closest table in the shadowy courtyard, unrolling the mission sheet, before Gray fell into a chair behind him. She hoped he'd meant to do that, he looked liable to actually fall out. She took the seat across from him, and went over what needed to be done.

"Alright, so Master said the train leaves at ten sharp, that leaves an hour and a little change to pack two weeks worth of clothes, and get to the station. For some reason, she'd like us to pack two extra bags, so make sure you do that. Then we'll take the connecting train from Oshibana Station to Crocus, and have a Magi-Mobile take us to our hotel in Grisana. Which reminds Juvia, she'll need to book that on the first train ride. Hopefully, they'll have rooms available if we do it early.

"But in such a small village, what if they don't have  _ enough _ rooms? Juvia may be overestimating the size of the hotels there..." She pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail, thinking. "Makarov-san may have been on to something, what if there's only one hotel, with limited space available at any given time? Then we would  _ have _ to stay outside of the village. That could lead to a major problem; ride fare could wipe out a substantial amount of our reward."

She pulled back the first two pieces of paper attached to the request form, to reveal the map. Smoothing it out, she traced her fingers over Crocus to the mountains bordering the capital, and zeroed in on one of the little villages nestled there. "The town nearest to Grisana appears to be Rovk, and that's 8 miles away. 16 miles per day, which really isn't bad. In  _ good _ weather we should be able to do our daily commute in less than 20 minutes. The issue is; we'd have to pay for it. Between the mountains pass and the weather potentially turning on us, that could be rather inconvenient, especially if her husband has to be at work for early.. Honestly, it's all around more convenient to get lodgings in town, otherwise, will it even be worth it...?"

"Although, with Gray-sama's abilities," she mused, "the weather shouldn't be that much of a problem, it's just clearing the road, watching out for falling icicles. The problem is navigating those mountains. We couldn't possibly walk through that pass, so unless we have a expert local driver with us  _ everyday _ , we could be in deep trouble..."

"Yeah..." Gray yawned.

Juvia looked up, finally noticing his lack of participation. He'd pulled off his shirt, but rather then toss it to Mavis alone knew where, he'd bundled it under his head as a makeshift pillow. He was slumped over, and his mouth was slightly open, like he'd forgotten to fully close it after a yawn. Or was too exhausted to.

Juvia jolted in concern, taking in his bleary half open eyes. She leaned across the table, and grabbed his hand. He didn't pull back, just stared at their clasped hands, a small crease between his brows.

He was much more out of it than she'd initially thought, which was worrying.

"Promise Juvia you will not take a nap when you get home," she said, grasping his fingers more firmly. "Juvia will not have time to go there and rouse you. We would miss our train, and then our connecting as well!"

He shrugged.

" _ Yes _ , Juvia understands that you're hardly enthusiastic about this job, but for the guild's good name we can't let our client down. And they  _ did _ ask for us, specifically..."

"Hmm."

"Okay, so you're hungry and tired. Juvia will take care of that first thing when we reunite at the station, if you could just pull through for a  _ little _ longer. Just for a teeny-tiny, little hour, and Juvia will be grateful for the rest of the  _ year. _ "

A low grunt.

"Juvia is not being dramatic! This matters to her, just as much as that escapade you dragged Juvia on two months ago, mattered to you. Do you think Juvia stomped on grapes for three hours to her health? No! It was because you had something to prove to Natsu-san. Though what that was, Juvia still doesn't know..."

Gray gave her hand a light squeeze.

"Gray-sama, please!" A sense of urgency began overwhelming her, she grabbed his arms, shaking him. "Missing that train will set us back four hours, on a journey that's already  _ ten hours lo- _ "

"Alright, alright," He pulled out of her grasp, and sat up, annoyed. "I'll be there.  _ On time. _ I won't sleep. Just pack and leave.  _ Again. _ I won't even look at my couch... or my  _ pillows _ ..." He ran a hand down his face.

"Couch? Gray-sama doesn't own a be-?" She paused, noticing the marks on his arms. She pulled his hand away from his face, turning it over to examine the depth of the bruising. "Mavis, these are worse than she thought! And there's a cut on your chest!" Indeed, right under his guildmark was long red line, dribbling a little blood. "Why didn't Gray-sama speak up, Juvia needs to apply something right away or else you could risk infection!"

He raised an annoyed eyebrow, and pulled out of her hold. "I'll take care of it at home, something to do so I don't fall asleep," he bit out.

"But-"

"It's fine Juvia, these are mostly superficial anyway. I'm not dying today, despite all the knives thrown in my back."

" _ There are knife wounds in your back?! _ " She shrieked, standing up and running behind him.

"No, it was a  _ hyperbole _ . Mavis!"

"Oh, ok..." His back was clear, not even a bruise visible, but now it was his tone that was bothering her. Why was he being so stubborn about this? As far as she knew, Gray had no experience tending to wounds, or applying bandages. She had helped nurse him back to health before, why was the idea suddenly so preposterous?

After a moment she shrugged, and faced him again. He was tired, that tended to make him a bit irrational. "Juvia will bring a travel first aide with her anyway, in case you don't do it properly."

He glared.

"Or... maintenance is needed." She added nervously. A sleepy Gray could some times be a scary one.

"So nice of you to think of me." He deadpanned, standing from the table, and stalking out the front gate.

Her head tilted slightly, before she rolled up the request forms and took off after him, once again attempting to keep up with his strides.

"Is this about earlier?"

He grunted.

"Oh, Gray-sama should not let Cana-san's needling get the best of him. She was only teasing." Juvia chastised softly, cheeks red from exertion and left over embarrassment. "Sure, her teasing can be crude, but it's mostly fueled by her daytime drinking habit, traumatic childhood, and inability to break the S-Class ceiling. In all honestly, we should be more concerned  _ for _ her..."

He stopped, clasping his hands together under his chin, and spun around to face her. The stop was so sudden, Juvia nearly ran into him. "Look, I've got a pounding headache, a sore back, and bruises all over my arms. I had less than three hours of sleep last night, and I'm starving. How about we discuss the details of how to properly react to an aggravating busybody when I'm fully awake, hmm?"

The water mage smiled ruefully, "Yes alright, but Gray-sama?"

He groaned, running his hands through his hair and tugging, "What  _ now _ ?"

Juvia pointed to one of the turrets of the guild hall behind them, "Your pants..."

xJx

After corralling Gray's garments from the roof, and getting another guarantee from him that he would be at the station no later than 9:45, Juvia handed the tickets over to Gray, and rushed back to Fairy Hill's, her mind moving a thousand miles a minute.

What should she pack, what would she wear, bring books in case of boredom, or leave them due to bulk? Would there be space in her bags for her sewing supplies, or she should just pack as compactly as possible, and buy some in Crocus? How many hats were too many hats for a two week trip, would Gray-sama Plush-Plush be uncomfortable sharing a bag with her undergarments, or was he accustomed to her intimate items by now?

The trip back up the path to Fairy Hills felt like a blur compared to the peaceful stroll she'd taken forty-five minutes ago. The building was within her sights less than five minutes after she'd parted with Gray, and she pumped her legs to try and speed herself up a little bit more.

Her mind kept running over what happened. It felt like one of her dizziest daydreams. She would have a gone back down to the guild with a sharp shake of her head, convinced she needed to pull her head from the clouds, if it weren't for the bundle of parchment she carried with her. Every time she looked down her heart speed up a little more, excitement coursing through her blood.

She would have been  _ outwardly _ overcome with joy too, jumping and squealing with anticipation, if there wasn't a little worm of negativity attempting to burrow through her thoughts. Every time  _ she _ saw the upside, it was there to deliver the drawbacks.

She was taking a trip with Gray-sama!

_ But the guild had to beat him up for it to happen... _

They would be alone in ski village,  _ just the two of them! _

_ But Gray-sama was kind of giving her the cold shoulder... _

They had been personally requested by a Duchess and her husband!

_ But Gray-sama hadn't been enthused about the mission... _

Honestly, what did it know? Why was it complicating one of the best moments of her life so far? Rather than help her formulate a way to make the most of this mission, this aggravating whisper of self doubt was creeping on the edge of all her daydreams, pushing her insecurities to the forefront of her mind.

There was a kernel of anxiety in there, worried that Gray had been pushed too far, or that she hadn't stood up for him enough, but Juvia's ever present optimistic told it to hush up, so she could focus on what lay ahead.

And besides, this wasn't just about her, or her feelings for Gray. There was also the wellbeing of a child to consider, something that Juvia, a semi-neglected former orphan, had felt strongly about for years.

She nodded decisively, shutting the front door behind her, "No matter her relationship with Gray-sama, Juvia will do whatever it takes to assure the wellfare of this child."

With a second nod, Juvia raced across the hall, and climbed up the stairs two at a time until she reached her bedroom door. Slipping inside, she turned on the light and looked around. Gray's face stared back at her from nearly every crevice of the room, mostly scowling, but also winking in a couple of the limited edition pieces.

Juvia smiled. Seeing him like this always felt like having him there to welcome her home. She gently pinched the cheek of a smaller plush on her bedside table, then headed into her closet.

The first thing she grabbed were her suitcases. The request letter had specifically asked for them to pack two extra bags of clothes, though the Duchess hadn't gone into much detail about why. Nevertheless, if it mattered to the client the least Juvia could do was follow her instructions. She pulled down four bags, and her hat box, laying them on her bed to be filled.

Walking back into her closet, she surveyed the clothes hanging from the built-in rails, thinking of what Makarov had told her. Grisana was going to be a mini winter wonderland, with snow and frost an almost constant companion. Sure, considering how she normally dressed it wasn't going to be difficult for Juvia to pull together a winter wardrobe, most of her clothes were made from wool, and she was known to wear them comfortably even on the hottest of summer days, but she stood in contemplation all the same.

Musing to herself, she pulled down her normal dark blue dresses with the long slits and tucked them into her largest bag. Then she gathered a couple of shorter sweater dresses that Lucy had convinced her to buy - they were surprisingly warm with leggings - pants, actual sweaters, her pajamas, several pairs of soft wool socks that came up to her thigh, and an extra pair of boots.

After fitting everything in as neatly as she could, Juvia buckled the large silver suitcase with a satisfied sigh, and wheeled it over to her door, ready to go.

Juvia had been hoping to have some extra room in there for knitting supplies, one never knew if they needed gloves or a new hat to brace against the cold, and she'd been practicing so often the wool barely ever came out knobby anymore, but there was nothing to be done about that. Just as she'd thought, carrying what she planned on taking was going to be hassle enough, adding anything on top of that was just being extravagant. She didn't have Erza's perchance for over-packing.

Maybe, if their stay leaned more toward the two weeks than the ten days, she could pick up some material in the capital. It was only a half an a hour away by Magi-Mobile, eventually she'd get to go to town, right?

She wasn't sure how that going to work itself out, but she shrugged, happy to let fate decide for her.

Next came the extra bags. These were smaller, and not used as often, because Juvia main suitcase was well up to the task of holding up to two weeks worth of luggage. She mainly filled these with older clothes, ones that were still good, but a bit out of style, somewhat less attached to her emotionally. Once they were packed and stacked next her main suitcase, Juvia sighed in excitement.

Now came her favorite part of packing: Gray's bag.

Sometime ago, she wasn't entirely sure when, Juvia got into the habit of packing clothes for Gray when they went on missions together.

This was before they'd lived together, before even the Grand Magic Games. It started almost accidentally. Juvia, fascinated by every breath Gray took, had noticed he'd had a serious, very obvious, problem; he kept running out of clothes.

No matter how much he packed, no matter how diligently he tried to keep track of them, Gray would almost always come back home with a nearly empty suitcase. Which meant spending tens of thousands of Jewel on new clothes, it meant awkward encounters with the police or The Rune Knights, who were already hell bent on blaming Fairy Tail for something, and worst of all, it meant a group of giggling, insipid harpies constantly crowded around her shy, fragile prince.

It simply wouldn't do.

So Juvia took the initiative. After a fight, or sometimes during, she kept an eye out for his clothes, following where they landed, keeping track of the general vicinity for later. When all was said and done, and her team mates left to get some well deserved sleep or have their injuries treated, Juvia would get to work.

Climbing rafters or looking under park benches, pulling them out of muddy puddles, or down from flag poles, Juvia would retrieve his clothes with a smile and a song in her heart. It used to fill her with joy when she found them right where she thought they'd be. It used to impress her, how far Gray would toss them in his single-minded focus to defeat the enemies before them.

Somehow it was different back then, searching the streets for his shirts. Back then it had been a quest of love, a self imposed test to see how far she'd go for him, one that she'd never failed. Where as, when they'd lived together, it was more of an extreme trial of her patience.

But she did it. She'd gently fold his clothes, no matter what state they were in, and carry them back to their hotel. She always had them washed and dried, and repacked in his bags, with Gray none the wiser.

However, there were times when they didn't stay in a hotel. Or even a civilised city for that matter. During those missions, Juvia would just pack them along with her own clothes, and wash them when she got back to Fairy Hill's.

At the time, it hadn't really solved the issue of Gray never having clothes, but the more frequently she did it the more of his clothes she'd accumulated. Soon an entire drawer of Gray's wardrobe could be found there at any given time, freshly laundered, yet faintly carrying his scent. Her heart tended to pound just a little harder whenever her hand accidentally brushed that particular drawer's handle.

From there she began packing a bag for him, just something small to help boost his wardobe so he wouldn't be stranded in the middle of a city, naked as the day he was born. It helped the situation more than she could have guessed, so she kept it up, just another means of assisting him with their missions. Albeit, one that made her smile like a fool.

Juvia pulled open the drawer, mulling over what would be appropriate for their trip given the climate of Grisana. It's not like Gray was ever cold per say, but she was sure he'd be more comfortable in something long sleeved and mountain ready, as opposed to board shorts and a tropical shirt.

Or maybe he would just be more comfortable to look at.

She hummed to herself, pulling out different items, jeans, sweaters, and the like, and pretty soon his bag was packed and ready to go, stacked amongst hers by the door. The only things left to pick through were her intimates, a hat, some toiletries, her coat, and the plush that would be accompanying her.

In all honesty, she knew which one she'd be taking, but she kept up the charade of a debate to keep the hope alive in the rest of her collection. She'd just feel too guilty if she didn't. Favoritism was an ugly trait.

Juvia opened the bottom drawer of her dresser, intent on pulling out her favorite fur lined trench coat, when something far more unpleasant caught her eye underneath it.

Purple with large white polka dots, Juvia's two piece bathing suit stared back at her from beneath her coat, practically daring her to try and ignore it.

Was it normal for an article of clothing to make one break out into a cold sweat?

Her fingers trembled as she bent forward towards the drawer. Every fiber of her being was thumping with panic and a wild urge nearly overwhelmed her, hissing in the back of her mind to toss the whole dresser out of her window, down the hill, and into the nearby sea.

She pulled out her trench coat quickly, clutching it to her chest like a talisman against evil, then gingerly tugged on one of the white ruffles attached to the top, and flung it unceremoniously onto her bed. Soon the adjoining skirt was beside it in much the same manner, and Juvia closed the drawer with a hollow thud.

It might have seemed silly to outsiders, the amount of trepidation that radiated from the water mage. She'd faced down a plethora of enemies before, including a necromancer, and hadn't entered those fights with nearly as much hestiancy. Yet there she stood, in her bedroom bathed in sunlight, palms sweaty and lips pulled in from stress, and more uncomfortably, fear.

Those people had no right to judge, though. Clearly they weren't aware of the background that she, and the seemingly innocuous duo, had together.

The pain, the utter humiliation, she'd gone through, because she'd been foolish enough to try something new. More showy, more ostentatious. Both incidents had ended in tears and Juvia sitting at the edge of her friend's gatherings, wrapped head to toe in multiple towels for over an hour.

Those memories alone were enough to spur Juvia into action; tossing her coat somewhere near her luggage, she snatched the bathing suit off of her comforter, intent on going downstairs to the kitchen and feeding them to the coal fire oven, laughing manically all the while. A quick glance at her clock told her she had just enough time to do it, and still meet Gray without incident, when that insipid little voice slipped in again, and whispered something that wiped her mind blank.

_ Maybe this is the sign. Maybe this suit is the missing piece for making this mission a romantic success. _

The fight left her almost immediately. Collapsing on the bed, Juvia tugged the bathing suit towards her, arms feeling limp.

There was no way she was foolish enough to try it again. Fool her once shame on you, fool her twice shame on her, fool her three times and she should be accepting a full scholarship to clown college.

_ Perhaps, but you know what they say, third time's the charm... _

What was even the point in bringing a bathing suit? They were headed to a mountain village, known for it's  _ snow _ . There would be no real excuse for her to be wearing it. What was Juvia supposed to do? Come down to breakfast and pretend this was the latest style of pajamas? Ridiculous.

_ You'll likely be staying at a hotel. Hotels tend to have pools... _

But she didn't even  _ like _ swimming, she found no pleasure from the activity.

_ But what if  _ Gray* wanted to swim?*

Juvia bit her lip, imagining the swarms of bored, athletic women who'd try to catch Gray's eye while he went for an innocent dip, unaware of his allure to the opposite sex.

She shook her head. No, there was no way she was going to bring it. Twice she'd tried to flirt with him in the revealing two piece, and twice it had ended in failure. There was no need to take the risk.

_ Alright, just don't be surprised when someone else catches his eye... _

That would never happen! Harpies aside, Gray was very loyal. He was kind, and  _ always _ thoughtful of her feelings. He knew what hurt Juvia and took precautions to prevent her from feeling bad whenever he could. Juvia couldn't even begin to believe he would do anything untoward with a woman, and she knew other women would sense the exclusivity of their relationship and respect their monogamy. So, when you factored in how considerate Gray was by nature, and the kindness of single, young women, dear Mavis, she was going to have to bring that damn swim suit...

A knock on the door startled Juvia out of her internal debate.

"Um, come in?" She placed her bathing suit back on her bed for further consideration later, and began gathering her brushes and combs off the dresser under her window.

"Oh, good. You're still here. I was worried I'd missed you."

"Erza-san?"

The red headed warrior walked through her door purposefully, taking in the packed bags and coat to her left. She nodded to herself and stated, "It's excellent I caught up with you, Juvia. I was thinking of what Master said when you left and I knew we had to talk."

Juvia looked at her quizzically. What had Makarov said that inspired Erza to rush after her? "Can it wait? Juvia has a train to catch in half an hour, and she was hoping to visit the booksto-"

" _ It absolutely cannot wait! _ " Erza replied insistently, startling Juvia into silence. She stared at her, wondering where this newfound aggression was coming from. Then Erza was across her room in two strides, hands on either one of her shoulders. "Juvia, when Master stated how unlikely it was that Gray would see to your needs, I knew I had to come see you. In times like these, it's important for girls like us to be as comfortable with each other as possible."

Juvia blinked rapidly, taking in the zealous gleam in her eyes, and trying to make sense of what the red head was saying.

Was... Erza  _ coming on to her? _

While Juvia was flattered, and saw absolutely nothing wrong with female-on-female relationships, she had already committed her heart to Gray and there was really no coming back from that.

And then there was  _ Jellal _ ...

How would she be able to break the news that she'd stolen the S-Class Knight's heart away while he'd been dragging his feet on the other side of the country?

It's not like Juvia would rub it in his face, from what little time they'd spent together on Fairy Tail's B-Team it was obvious how dedicated the fugitive wizard was to Erza. It's just... she'd always suspected this could happen. When two lovers spent as much time apart as they did, one of the parties was bound to let their eyes wander, and unfortunately it seemed that Erza's had landed on Juvia.

The water mage opened her mouth, resolved to let her down easy and try to redirect her gaze back to Jellal. Or maybe, if she was serious about her female interests, she could look to Kagura, the Mermaid Heel wizard had made it no secret how taken with Erza she was.

_ Little sister _ , please. Juvia wasn't foolish, that was just a barely veiled admittance to their mutual love of role-playing. Maybe a little bit of guidance would allow the two to find each other.

"I, myself, understand how difficult it can be to feel attraction for bone-headed men, which is why I brought over this book to help tide over the waiting period." She said, whipping out a thick leather bound book from behind her back.

Juvia's mouth snapped shut. She could feel a wave of blood rushing to the forefront of her face. She was so very grateful that she'd taken a moment to think of what was happening, because voicing such a grave misunderstanding aloud would have been embarrassing.

"It's a collection of stories," she continued, unaware of Juvia's growing mortification, "That range from historical fiction to straight fantasy, but in all honesty that's not really why I read them."

She looked left and right repeatedly, as if convinced members of their guild were hiding in plain sight, perhaps under one of Juvia's tea cozies, ears at the ready. "The truth is, this author is a specialist in the  _ adult _ romance genre."

Ah. That at least explained the secrecy. "Yes, Levy-san has spoken to Juvia about your preferences before, but she's not entirely sure if there's roo-"

" _ Levy has been spreading gossip about me? _ " Erza asked, mood and tone dropping substantially. "And about a subject as delicate and personal as one's favorite reading genres? To think she would betray me like this. It is completely unforgivable!" Her fist came down hard on Juvia's dresser, the painted wood groaning, probably from shock and pain.

There was a new fire in the redhead's eyes, and Juvia felt a new wave of panic begin to fill her. What if Erza completely lost it and took it out on the Script Mage because of a thoughtless slip-up on her part? Gajeel would never forgive her if Levy had to spend the remainder of her life in a full body cast...

"No, no! Levy-san is not the type to give information away unsolicited," She said quickly, rapidly shaking her head.

"Then why did she tell you?"

Juvia racked her brain, trying to come up with something reasonable. "...Because, uh... Juvia wanted to get to know you better?"

Erza blinked, blindsided by her response.

Which was reasonable, Juvia was fairly startled herself, but she plowed on anyway, gaining confidence in her tale, "She figured having a present would help break the ice and so she asked Levy-san for advice on what to give you. Of course, she suggested books, so Juvia wanted to know what your preferences were. Levy-san didn't want to tell her, but she managed to pull it out of her. Juvia was going to buy it in Crocus, they have a larger import of books than what's available in Magnolia."

"Oh," Erza's face softened, she even looked a little embarrassed. "How thoughtful of you, Juvia."

"Yes."

It was silent for a moment, with Juvia just starting to feel awkward in the face of Erza shuffling her feet and muttering nonsense to herself, when her eye caught a hold of the clock on her nightstand.

It was twenty minutes to ten.

" _ Mavis! _ " Juvia shrieked, causing Erza to jump at the sudden noise.

"What's the matter?"

"Juvia has to meet Gray-sama at the station!" She was very nearly screeching, grabbing things at random and stuffing them into her hat box. "She made a big fuss about him getting there on time,  _ knowing _ he was tired, if she is the reason they're late for the train and miss their connecting, Gray-sama will be  _ furious! _ And she still has to visit the local bookstore before she leaves,  _ ugh, what a mess! _ "

Erza stood there silently, a still statue in the middle of Juvia's typhoon of movement and packing, "Juvia, there's no need to be frightened of Gray's anger. If you'd like I can go down there with you and if you happen to miss the train, I can explain to him how I held you up. I'm sure he will understand. And if he doesn't, I can make him..."

The last sentence was said with such quiet menace, the water mage froze. Juvia thought of the poor face of her beloved, beaten into even less recognizable mush than an hour ago, and shuddered, "That's all right, Juvia just needs to hurry."

"Well, even still," said Erza, leaning against Juvia's doorframe, book tucked under her arm, "I should really go. You could still miss the train due to some other extenuating circumstances; what if the person in front of you in the bookstore decided to buy half of the inventory? If I go and you've missed it, we could at least rent a Magi-Mobile, and I'll just drive you two to Oshibana myself. You'll at least get the connecting. And I know what you're thinking, but you don't have to worry. I drive just as fast, if not faster than, the train. You'll get there on time. Besides, I know the way, I've done it before."

Again, Juvia had to pause. She didn't like how much the equip mage seemed be talking herself into this, like it was her duty now. Juvia knew Erza knew the way, she also knew that Erza's "way" was driving directly onto the tracks behind the train and then skirting around it when her speed began to overtake it. Gray had told her the results of that particular adventure and while she's laughed at the time, she had no real desire to reenact it.

"Uh, that's alright," she replied, tucking the hugging size Gray-sama Plush-Plush into her hat box and zipping it up swiftly, "Juvia would hate to take up your day, she heard you just got back from that solo mission outside Hargeon. She's actually surprised you're not just as tired as Gray-sama."

A sudden, invisible weight seemed to appear on Erza's shoulders, and she sagged further into the doorframe,"You're right. In all the excitement of this morning, and my rush to bring you this book, I appear to have forgotten the nonsense I've been through these last three days," she chuckled humorlessly, "I won't bother to bore you with the details, it's a terribly long story involving a large group of fugitives, including one with blue hair, and a mess of ships and paperwork. But maybe," her eyes lit up a fraction, momentarily staving off the exhaustion Juvia was sure was going to pull Erza under the moment she left, "maybe when you get back we could talk about it? Maybe while discussing the book?"

Juvia blinked, staring at the red head. She found it a little hard to believe how hopeful Erza sounded. After all, she had plenty of friends in Fairy Tail she could talk about this with. And while Juvia had always admired the equip mage, she wasn't entirely sure she'd made much of an impression on her.

"...Yes," she nodded slowly, feeling oddly elated about the idea, "Juvia would like that."

"Right!" Erza said, some of her previous energy renewed, she pulled off from the wall, marched right up to Juvia, and thrust the book into her hands, "I look forward to seeing you then. Hopefully your mission will end with a bit more romantic success then my did. And if not, the book should help tide you over." She was halfway through the door, when she paused and said, "By the way, I would not recommend reading anything past page 225 in public."

Juvia's head tilted in confusion, but Erza simply shook hers sagely, "Just... trust me on that one, Juvia." And then she was out the door.

xJx

Five minutes after her talk with Erza, Juvia was hobbling down the street as quickly as her legs would take her, wrestling with all the bags she'd brought.

She'd underestimated how cumbersome they were going to be. Normally, when she had to pack for an extended trip it was with Gajeel, who would usually have waited for her outside her dorm, grumbled about the added luggage, and taken it from her to carry before she would even get a chance to explain herself.

It had always been like that between the two of them, so Juvia hadn't taken into consideration how bothersome the added bulk truly must have been for her metal eating best friend. She silently swore to make him the biggest batch of screw and bolt brownies she could, when she got back. With quality stainless steel material, not just cheap scraps from the local junk yard, Juvia thought as her largest bag landed squarely on her toes.

The most sizeable book store in Magnolia was right around the corner from the station, if Juvia could just get there quickly, she would have enough time to peruse their selection before she hurried off to the train.

It hadn't slipped Juvia's mind earlier that she had absolutely no hands-on experience taking care of a child. If Gray hadn't been so vocally against the idea of them babysitting at the guild, Juvia would have voiced her own concerns about leaving the two of them in charge of an infant. But she'd become passionate in the face of Gray's adamant denial, so now Juvia saw it as her responsibility to do the only thing she could to make this work; gather research material.

She'd overheard Bisca speaking plenty of times about how lost she and Alzack were when they found out she was pregnant. "If we hadn't found those books," the sharp shooter once laughed, "we wouldn't have lasted a week with that kid!"

And yet, they did last. As a matter of fact Asuka turned out really well, so it only stood to reason that if Juvia wanted to get through the next fortnight, she should take their advise and get as many how-to's as possible.

Just as Juvia was beginning to question if her arms could handle the strain of her bags any longer, she spotted the creaking wooden sign indicating the bookshop dead ahead of her. Picking up her pace she hurried to the door, scrambling with the knob for a few moments, and stepped inside.

The last time Juvia had been to this particular bookstore she hadn't had the most  _ virtuous _ intentions. Fed up with being ignored by Gray for so long, convinced that he'd been instead lavishing Lucy with attention, Juvia had searched high and low for a spell, a potion, a charm,  _ anything _ to get him to look at her in real life like he did in her dreams. That included several bookstores in, and around, Magnolia.

It almost felt a little funny thinking back to how she'd been back then; the Juvia from eight years ago, before the cottage, before Tenrou Island, had hoped magic would be the key to getting Gray's attention, when in fact all she'd have to do was step out from behind that pillar. And while her relationship with him was fairly shy of were she'd prefer it to be by now, she'd clearly made leaps and bounds from where she was then.

But she knew, deep down, that there would have been no convincing her younger self of that, though. The wounds from repeated rejections and the self doubt in her childhood were still too fresh, she hadn't truly grasped how different living in Fairy Tail would be from her old life, so she would have continued her path of buying up illegal, possibly dangerous, methods of magic until the answer finally dawned on her.

Shaking her head, Juvia looked around the store, it really hadn't changed much since she'd last been here.

The walls were covered in shelves that towered at least ten feet above her head. She knew that this shop had two wheeled ladders that helped the shop owner reach the books closer to the ceiling, though said ladders were currently out of sight. Most books were placed neatly in the ten or so bookcases right in front of her, but others were simply piled haphazardly on the floor, the stacks nearly as tall as she was.

A short counter sat beside her on the right, another collection of books left scattered atop it. There was only one window in the storefront, unusually small for a shop this size, so most of the light came from the sparkling chandelier bolted to the ceiling. It was a burnished, bronzy color, with more than ten arms stretching out from it's base and dozens of shards of lacrima sent rainbows of golden light scattering beautifully all around the room. It almost appeared too nice to be in something as ordinary as a book shop, yet at the same time it fit in with the quaint atmosphere the store gave off.

The shop also carried the same ink and magic scent she'd noticed on Levy and Freed, but with how often those two could be found with their noses buried in a book, it was no wonder the scent had lingered...

"You can leave those there."

Juvia jumped, spinning around to find the source of the voice and nearly tripped over her luggage. There, behind the counter and the books her eyes had glossed over only seconds ago, was a girl around her age, silky black hair and thickly framed glasses peaking out from behind the stacks.

The water mage clutched a hand to her throat, breathing erratic, " _ Mavis _ , you startled Juvia! What did you say?"

Her head dipped a little as if in apology and she mumbled, eyes fixed on the counter, "Your bags? You can leave them there by the door, you don't have to worry about anyone taking them. There's anti theft runes on the doorframe, no one can leave this shop with something that isn't their's."

"Oh... Thank you."

She nodded meekly, "They looked cumbersome..."

Juvia hastily stacked her bags by the door, being sure not to block it, and then hurried toward the shelves, eyes scanning the spines quickly.

Everything she saw was either a book on magic spells or potions, there was even a little section on crafting your own armor, but no baby books.

Juvia felt like pulling her hair out, she had been so foolish;  _ why hadn't she simply asked Levy for advise? _ In her rush to get out of the girl's dormitory, she hadn't considered the script mage, whose personal collection put this one to shame, or the Fairy Tail library, whose stacks were organized and catalogued by Freed himself, a perfectionist even on his laziest day. They'd been vaguely floating in the back of her mind for half an hour now, but she hadn't put two and two together, hadn't thought about how they could've been useful.

She also hadn't considered how time consuming this whole endeavor would be, she only really calculated the time it would take to get here, and then to the train, itself. Worse off, the little man she remembered from the last time she'd been here, who'd tried to sit her down and explain over a cup of tea why a paralysis potion was not the best way to secure a husband, in other words,  _ the shop owner _ , was nowhere to be found. A quick glance at her watch sent Juvia's heart into overdrive and she leapt away from the cases, boots squeaking on the mahogany, as she ran full tilt toward the counter.

"Please, Juvia is in  _ such _ a hurry," she wailed, nails digging into the wood, "is the shop owner here? Juvia is looking for a very specific type of book and she only has," she looked down and squeaked, realizing she'd lost another minute, "twelve minutes to catch her train! She suspects the books she needs are in the higher shelves. If you could just get him, Juvia would very much appreciate it!"

The girl stared back at Juvia, eyes so owlish, the water mage internally debated leaping over the counter and shaking her until she understood the importance of her goal, or giving up her task for good, before-

"My name is Melione Graves," she murmured, voice soft and wispy, words slow. "My grandpa runs this shop, I normally just assist him. Fetch books from the higher shelves or pull down boxes, whatever he can't really physically do anymore. But he caught a bug a month and a half ago, and needed to take time off to recover, so I've been running it as best I can until he gets back," she pushed her glasses higher up her nose, almond shaped, midnight eyes blinking rapidly, "If there's anything you need, I'd be happy to help."

Juvia was so relieved to finally be getting somewhere, she just blurted out, "Baby books!"

Melione blinked once more, before her lips turned inward like she was trying to hide a smile, "Well, it's no wonder you looked so lost. Most people who come here are just looking for mundane magic books or wizard biographies, so that's all we keep stocked up front. Easy in, easy out. Here," there was a startling thud, and Juvia peered over the counter curiously to find the clerk had put down a novel thicker than her suitcase, "I'm sure we have plenty of what you're looking for. I'll show you, you'll really need a guide."

Juvia hadn't realized the girl had been slouched back and sitting, until Melione stood to her full height and hopped over the counter. She was a whole head taller than Juvia, lanky, almost willowy, in her countenance. Her skin was pale and translucent, but more of a milky white to Juvia's paper. But what was really strange was her expression. It was almost like she was not entirely there, her body moving on autopilot while her mind drifted off between the clouds.

Juvia shook her head, she didn't have time to catalogue a stranger's features and demeanor, she had places to be and a surely angry ice mage to meet.

"Come on," Melione gestured for her to follow, as she began walking toward a door on the other side shop that Juvia hadn't noticed before.

Through the door was an antechamber, and after that a long narrow hall. Everything was paneled in deep, rich mahogany wood, the floor covered in a long, green and silver rug that cushioned Juvia's steps, preventing them from making a sound. Dozens of doors ran down the length of the hall, one every five feet. There was nothing identifying where they lead, or what could be inside them, the only remarkable feature being their silver knobs, polished to perfection.

"Juvia didn't know the shop went back this far!"

"Grandpa had some wizards come in and renovate a little a few years back, right after I started working here. They were able to make the place bigger, though it still looks the same from the outside. I think it was an expansion spell on the wood? Please don't quote me, I have a tendency of spacing out on any subject that isn't one of my novels. Anyway, we have two more floors downstairs and further back there's even a little sitting room so buyers can survey the books before they purchase them." She jerked her thumb behind her, where a pretty stained glass door was located at the other end of the hall, large green leaves visible through the panes. "We serve tea, as well. The added space has helped a lot, we can fit so much more inventory now.

"Here we are," she breathed, stopping in front of a door identical to every other one in the corridor. It had just dawned on Juvia that she has no idea which door she'd entered this hall through, and she shuddered, knowing Melione had been quite right in her assumption that Juvia would get lost.

She also hoped to Mavis that Melione wasn't an ax murderer.

Through the door was a landing, with dozens of stairs leading into a chamber that was so large and so bizarre, Juvia couldn't help but pause and stare.

The chamber was big, bigger than Oshibana's entire train station, bigger, perhaps, than the stadium The Grand Magic Games was hosted in. Everything from the stairs to the walls were made of pale, shimmery stone. But the strange sight that caught the water mage by surprise, was what the chamber was full of.

Aisle after aisle, row after row, doors stood upright as though they were statues on a pedestal. They led to nowhere Juvia could see, but she was willing to bet magic runes were imposed into the wood, leading every doorway to a different room, or even a different part of the world.

Soft, shadowy light gave each of the dark brown doors a mysterious look that was almost unnatural. Try as hard as she might, Juvia couldn't detect where it came from, and she found that mildly unsettling.

"Now," Melione breathed, remarkably unimpressed with the strange sight before her, "do you need books  _ for _ babies, or about them?"

"About," Juvia cheered, shaking herself from her stupor and hopping down the stairs two at time. Only ten minutes left. "But if you have a baby booklet, or a straight instruction manual on how to raise a child for two weeks perfectly, Juvia will also buy that."

She turned around, expecting to find the willowy girl right behind her, quietly amused by her joke, only to discover the bookseller still at the top of the stairs, one foot hovering, "You'll have to give me minute," Melione murmured, misty eyes looking from one end of the room to the other, "we haven't gotten around to labeling these doors yet. I'm 73% sure it's this one over here," she pointed to a space behind the water mage's head, teeth going to work on her bottom lip.

Juvia pulled her own lips in, knowing she would have to physically prevent herself from screeching that  _ she didn't have a minute to give her _ . She could feel her good mood evaporating and a groan building in her chest.

Yes, Juvia didn't  _ say _ anything, but she was certainly  _ thinking _ that a 73% grade was a C, by the scrap of it's teeth. She turned to face the room of doors again slowly, no longer impressed by the sight, but instead frustrated by it, silently losing hope for her mission, her prospects, her future...

A soft sigh broke through Juvia's downward spiral, and she looked up at Melione, surprised to find the disappointment clear on her face, "I'm sorry," she whispered, the words echoing around them, despite how quietly she'd said it. "I really want to help you, but sometimes things just don't click in my memory and I have a hard time being of any use. My family blames all the novels I read for it, and I don't want to believe them, but..." She set her foot down, moving toward the balcony's railing to clutch the baluster with tense, white fingers, glasses turning opaque as she scanned the room.

Juvia swallowed, guilt needling her insides, replacing her impatience.

Getting to Grisana was important, succeeding in this mission was important, not just for her, but for the guild's reputation as well. But  _ every _ mission was important, and Juvia knew in her heart how disappointed Makarov would be if he knew how short she was being with someone who was helping her, and by extension Fairy Tail itself, over something as silly as punctuality.

Of course she wanted to catch the 10 o'clock train. She wanted to get to the mountain village before midnight tonight, and be well rested when she met the Duchess in the morning. She wanted that whole debacle with Gray two hours ago to not have been in vain. But one couldn't always get what they wanted, and it wasn't fair of her to allow her passive aggression to leak out on Melione.

Juvia began walking up the stairs, worried about the unnecessary stress she was causing a girl she barely knew, "Listen, there is no need for fuss. Juvia never meant to cause you to feel insecure, if you don't know where they are it's quite alright, Juvia's idea was fairly silly anyway. You can't learn how to deal children through textbooks," she scoffed, waving a hand at the idea, like it didn't hurt her to think of it as a bad one, "it takes hands on experience. If you wish, we can go bac-"

Melione didn't appear to have heard any of her apologises. Suddenly triggered by something Juvia couldn't detect, she zipped down the stairs, right past the water mage, black hair streaming behind her, and started off towards the left side of the room, "Come on! You don't have much time left."

By the time Juvia's legs caught up with her, the black haired bookworm had opened a door near the very end of the room, the dark wood shiny in the low light, nodding impatiently, before stepping back so Juvia could enter first.

The initial thought in the bluenette's mind when she entered the room was how sorry she was to have ever doubted Melione Graves.

"Is every door like this?" The water mage gasped, she was not normally awed by large collections of books, but this one would have stunned anyone into silence. Juvia made a mental note to tell Gajeel, so he would have the pleasure of taking Levy and catching her when she surely passed out.

It was like every book ever made on the subject of child rearing was in this room. The walls were covered in bookshelves, the only space not carrying a book was on the back of the door, itself. The obsidian marble floor was shined to such perfection Juvia could have used it as a mirror, she saw her reflection clearly, without the slightest hint of warping. The silence in the room was very nearly deafening, and when she took a step onto that pretty black floor, the echoing click could be heard bouncing around the room more times than her mind could keep up with.

Each corner held a large potted plant, taller than the water mage. It was hard to discern where the ceiling was, the room simply getting fuzzier the further Juvia tilted back her neck. But all the way up, well into that mist, the shelves continued, stacked higher than she could've imagined.

There was an impossibly tall ladder right beside the door, the upper rings disappearing into the fog. Juvia approached it, one hand already on the rail before she turned and asked,"May Juvia...?"

"Sure," Melione shrugged, the distant look on her face suggesting her mind was already somewhere else.

Juvia began climbing, no longer having the heart to look at her watch, and set to work quickly, already pulling a book off the self that had caught her eye.

"So, why do you need these particular books?" the owlish girl mumbled, leaning against the shelf just below Juvia and the ladder, pinkie tracing a watercolor tattoo on her wrist, "If it's not too much to ask?"

"Oh, Juvia has to prepare," she replied absently, eyes scanning the subsections written into the shelves and pausing on 'Nutrition', "she'll be taking care of a child very soon and she wants to have all her ducks in a r-"

" _ YOU'RE PREGNANT?! _ " Melione shrieked, startling Juvia so much she nearly fell from the ladder. The sound was unexpected, not just because of the unnecessary level of excitement radiating off of the previously subdued girl, but also because of the way it echoed around the room, dozens of ' _ You're pregnant?! You're pregnant?! You're pregnant?! _ s cascading over one another to drill themselves into Juvia's ears.

The water mage panted slightly, adrenaline coursing through her blood as she steaded her hands on the rails, " _ Mavis! _ Juvia wishes you had not said that quite so  _ loudly _ -"

"Why?  _ Is it a secret? _ Oh, how  _ sweet! _ " She gushed, completely misunderstanding the cause of Juvia's alarm, while cluching her face so hard her glasses came askew, "You don't have to explain yourself, I already understand. Your wealthy parents rejected your out of wedlock baby, but you love both him and your potential child too much to care! So, now you're running away together, money be damned, because he believes he has the skills to take care of you both in the capital as a marble sculptor!"

Where did she get-?

"A real life Ramiro and Alexandria! The passion,  _ the heat _ , you lucky girl, he can barely keep his hands off of you!"

A humorless chuckle worked it's way up her throat. Juvia hated to think this, she really did, but Melione's family may have been on to something; this girl read way too many romance novels.

_ If only her love life resembled a smidge of the bookseller's tale...! _

"Gray-sama is not  _ quite _ there yet, despite Juvia's effor-"

" _ Gray-sama _ ," Melione repeated, jumping up and down in her excitement, "What a name for a romantic interest! So lonely, yet strong.  _ Gray-sama! _ "

Juvia could feel her patience beginning to slip. She wanted to blame it on Melione's unnecessary interruptions, but she knew in her heart, that wasn't it.

There was just something deeply upsetting about the way his name rolled on her tongue, far too intimate for the water mage's liking. Perhaps because Juvia was the only person to have ever used that pet name, it was a little jarring hearing another girl say it.

The bluenette took a deep breath, reminding herself that Melione had been nothing but kind to her - she didn't know she was dancing on sacred territory - and besides the girl seemed to be rooting  _ for _ her.

And then there was the little fact that Juvia frequently had such imaginings herself, including just this morning. Though not inspired by literature, the stories the water mage came up with were just as fanciful. Though she rarely came up with stories for  _ other people _ ...

...At least,  _ not out loud... _

"Juvia's love life" she sighed, watching the excitement drip from Melione's face as she caught on to the bluenette's mood, "is such a sad, sorry tale, no human who ever wants to smile again would purchase such a thing to read."

She blinked, black eyes widening with disbelief, "No, that can't be-"

"It's true. Juvia tries to keep optimistic but there some days..." She shook her head, reordering the books in her arms as she climbed down. "It feels as if she's just getting nowhere fast, she may end up a lonely spinster if this keeps up..."

"I just can't believe it-"

"Yeah..." Juvia huffed, glad the bookseller was able to understand, as she began to feel a little sorry for herself.

"-what kind of scummy lover blames his mistress for becoming pregnant?!"

Okay...

So she  _ wasn't _ getting it.

"I had this  _ Gray-sama _ ," she nearly spat his name, while making crude air quotes, "cast as the Ramiro to your Alexandria, when all along he was the  _ Nevir _ to your Zayalonia!"

"Melione-san, please, it's not that serious..." Juvia wasn't entirely sure what Nevir did to this (Zaylo-? Zyana-? Zaly-?)  _ whatever her name was _ , but if the heat in her eyes was indicative of his crimes against her, the water mage was glad he was fictional, otherwise she'd fear for his life.

"Anyway, let's not focus on that," murmured the bluenette, keeping her tone just shy of pleading, "Juvia really needs to  _ go _ . She's sure the train has come and left by now, but she would at least like to purchase these books and beg for forgiveness before noon..." Perhaps she could pretend she'd broken her ankle on one of the cobblestone streets up the block, or maybe that she was robbed at knife point. Either of those stories should garner enough sympathy for Gray to calm down, but without any injuries would they be plausible to him?

She might  _ just _ be able to get away with it, he was tired after all.

Or maybe the absence of her injuries could solidify her tale. Perhaps she'd been viciously attacked while on her way to the station, but continued forth anyway, intent on keeping her word to her beloved, only for her to bump into Porlyusica, who insisted on performing the surgery to reinsert her smaller intestine right there on the street. And what with the anesthesia and the recovery time, plus visitors, was it any wonder she was 15 minutes late to the station?

Yeah, that could work.

While Juvia was busy plotting her sympathy story, Melione's face had leeched it's passionate anger so quickly, had the water mage noticed it, she probably would have been startled stiff.

Quick as a flash of light, the willowy girl grabbed the books out of Juvia's hands and tossed them behind her, the cascading thuds echoing around the room like an elephant playing hopscotch. Then she was up the ladder, moving swiftly between the shelves to grab books, while Juvia stared at her from below with the kind of look one would expect a witness to a supernatural event to have.

"Wha-?"

"I'm sorry I got sidetracked," she said, slipping back down the ladder with a new stack of books in tow, "but you're so sweet, the nicest person to have come to our book shop these past couple of weeks, and I think you deserve the kind of romance one would expect out of those kind of novels." Juvia blinked, flattered, and very nearly told the bookworm so, but Melione continued speaking before she could. "There's still time to solve this, your baby could be the key to fixing your relationship. If you two bond over the upbringing of your child, there's no way he could walk out you!"

"But Melione-san, wait, the child is-"

"These," she shoved the pile into Juvia's arms, interrupting her clarification, "are the best-selling books for raising children from infancy all the way up to toddlers." The bluenette had barely juggled the books into her arms before Melione grabbed her wrist and headed towards the nearest corner of the room. Violently shoving the potted plant that sat there onto it's side, she bent at the waist to pull something off the floor.

Juvia peered forward, trying to get a look at this latest distraction, when the store clerk stepped back suddenly, nearly bumping into her. "Quickly."

It was a trap door.

Now, Juvia isn't going to lie, the first thought to pass through her mind was that Melione was absolutely a serial killer and if she stepped down those stairs she'd never see the light of day again. Unfortunately, this first thought didn't occur to Juvia until she was ten steps down the flight, darkness to her front and Melione at her heels.

The passage was narrow, she could feel the walls brushing her elbows, which were jutting out at her sides slightly to accommodate the load of books she was carrying.

The stairs weren't steep either, for which she was grateful, because once Melione's head had cleared the top step, the trap door had swung shut with a solid bang, taking all of the passage's light with it. Juvia couldn't see anything, it was all inky black blankness, she would have waved her hand in front of her face to test if she could sense any sort of movement, but her arms were full to the brim.

Suddenly, as Juvia was just starting to get disturbed by the lack of conversation coming from her guide - _ she was really going to die down here, wasn't she?! _ \- her foot hit solid stone and she realized there were no more steps left to descend.

"Okay," Melione breathed, she was so close Juvia could feel her chest fluttering with breath behind her back, "I think it's about five to eight steps forward, so just keep walking until you feel something."

_ Until she felt something?! _

Like what? An ax severing her head from her neck? The hot breath of an ogre ready to devour her? A cascade of spiders prepared to scuttle up her leg, under her ski-

Something brushed her foot.

The sound Juvia released was loud, undignified, and sudden, but she couldn't have held it back if she wanted to.

Once her throat ached long enough for a break to intercept her scream, Melione quietly giggled, "It's just a curtain." Her arm slipped beside Juvia's, and she swept it aside, flooding the passage with warm light.

Juvia blinked, blinded by the sudden brightness. "Eh?!"

They were back in the main book shop.

It was like Juvia had just stepped through the front door. She stood there for a moment trying to grasp her sudden surroundings. There were all her bags, still stacked somewhat haphazardly, the chandelier above them still blazed bronze, and the little window revealing Magnolia showed people moving along their way, basking in the crisp autumn weather.

They'd been through so much in search of her books, she felt as if their little excursion had lasted hours; it felt surreal to see everything exactly the same.

Well, there was something new. A squat man stood in front of the counter, sweating profusely, arm raised above his head more than likely to slam it down on the bell for what was probably not the first time. He eyed them wearily, frozen in place.

Melione sidestepped Juvia's still form, and slipped back behind the front counter, looking at her expectantly, "Come on, Juvia. I thought you said you were in a rush...?"

That jolted her back to life, leaping over one of her bags that had tipped over into her path, she spilled the books all over the counter, before fumbling in her purse to pull out her wallet. Just when she thought she felt her fingers graze it, her elbow was tugged right out of her bag.

Juvia turned around startled to see the little man still there; he barely passed her elbow, but he looked furious enough for ten fully sized men, "Hey, hey, hey, hold on there girly, I've been bustin' my arm up ringin' that bell, and I don't care that you came outta thin air, I was 'ere first."

"Sir," Melione stated, with a level of professionalism Juvia wouldn't have thought her capable of, especially with this man, "I'm afraid I've been helping this young lady for quite a while now, but I'm almost finished, so if you could just wait right over there," her hands fluttered over the counter in front of his face, each word punctuating the movement, as he stumbled back. It was a move Juvia had seen Mirajane implement plenty times to keep Cana away from the good bottles. "I'll be able to help you that much quicker." She smiled, the falseness of it probably making her face hurt.

"Hey, hey, hey. Alright," he grumbled, as if he had a say in the matter, "but be quick about it." He turned, slumping off to the other side of the shop. Juvia was able to see her startled face reflected back at her by his pale, bald head, the whole way.

She shook her head, resuming her search for her wallet, "Anyway, how much?"

She hadn't considered the price difference between what she'd picked out and what Melione had given her, she hoped it didn't cut too far into her budget.

"Nothing. They're on me," Melione murmured, quickly sliding them into a crisp paper bag, before sealing it shut with some kind of iron wand covered in runes. Steam curled up, momentarily fogging Melione's glasses, before they cleared, and she promptly tried to pass the package over.

Juvia blinked, startled once again, "Juvia cannot do tha-"

"You can and you will," she looked down at Juvia's stomach glowingly, unaware that the only thing inside of it was half a cup of tea, "it's for the sake of your child."

"But that's what Juvia's been tryi-"

"Hey, hey, hey," the little man Juvia was beginning to think of as the eighth dwarf, Squaty, injected again. "If blueberry over there gets a five finger discount, I'd better receive the same for all the time I've been waitin'," His fingers lazily brushed over a leather bound book with a heavy buckle, a seal of it's certified collectability reflected back in his small, dark eyes. Juvia frowned at the man, his opportunistic ways making her like him less and less.

She cleared her throat loudly, and raised her voice slightly, so he could hear her refusal loud and clear, "Juvia will  _ not _ be acceptin-"

"Just take them Juvia, think of them as my wedding present."

Months, years, decades, would pass, and yet Juvia would never know how she'd refrained from passing out in bliss right then and there, after those words had passed through Melione's lips.

She did, however, clutch the counter like a lifeline; her fingernails would probably always have an imprint on that mahogany, "Please, you must listen to Juvia," she whispered, "its not what you think, Juvia is simply on a mission, an important one, bu-"

"Yes, receiving the love you had when it was new, and fresh, and  _ dangerous _ , can feel like mission impossible." An audible thud sounded around the room as Juvia accidentally smacked her head against the counter on her way down, but Melione didn't appear to have heard it, she plowed on, nodding sagely, "But just because it seems difficult, doesn't mean you shouldn't  _ try _ . Trust me, I understand what you're going through."

"But you are  _ not _ understanding." Dimly, Juvia understood on some level that this was what the people around her had to deal with when she was neck deep in one of her love fantasies. She could understand some of their impatience now, she herself was less amused than she'd been even ten seconds ago. "Please, just allow Juvia to pay!"

"Sorry, Juvia, can't do that."

Juvia couldn't believe how frustrating this was becoming; she was in a deadlock stare with a girl she barely knew over who would pay for a couple of damn books, no matter how hard she tried to explain the situation to Melione, it just got further muddled by her story making, and Mavis only knew how late she was to meet Gray. Her eyes refused to look over at the clock, she was so afraid.

Juvia could have screamed.

Tugging on the ends of her hair, Juvia tried one more time, "Okay, how about this; you send the bill to Juvia's address at her guild, when Juvia returns she'll bring the IOU back here to the bookstore, where Juvia and Melione-san can discuss what went on during Juvia's mission. If the story is as satisfactorily romantic as Melione-san had hoped, then Melione-san can wave the fee, if not, Juvia will pay it in full. How's that?"

Melione hestitated for a moment, while Juvia held her breath, before she nodded, seemingly pleased. She hopped over the counter again, fluidly, like a raindrop rolling over a petal, and began gently pushing her through the doorway, "Alright then, out you go."

"Eh?"

"Out, out, out, you're almost out of time."

Soon Melione had passed all her bags over to her, and was waving enthusiastically, "You have less than two minutes 'til departure. Good luck with your lover, Juvia!"

The water mage barely had time to sputter through her embarrassment, once again trying in vain to explain her situation, before the door was snicked shut in the her face.

xJx

Juvia hestitated for only a moment, her explanations having a hard time dying on her tongue, before the other part of Melione's departing words registered to her brain:

' _ You have less than two minutes 'til departure. _ '

That jumpstarted Juvia's focus, glancing down she finally looked at her watch and confirmed that indeed the two minute mark to 10 o'clock was dwindling down dizzyingly fast.

Juvia wasted no time grabbing up her bags from the street and hurdled herself forward. Around the block and past other people strolling leisurely, the water mage sped forth with her bags banging clumsily against her arms, legs, and torso. Shaking her head, knowing she was going to feel the pain later, Juvia kept going, undeterred by her discomfort, until the train station's fern green and concrete walls came into view, the glass dome glimmering subtly in the mid-morning sun.

_ Oh, what a glorious sight. _

Juvia kept up the pace, running even when her side began to burn, until she was through the front door and up the stairs, panting all the while.

At the top of the stairs was a landing, and across the landing were three sets of double doors. All of them stood wide open, showing Juvia the eight or twelve rail lines that lead to all different parts of the country, and the one that had a black and red locomotive right there on the tracks, steam billowing lazily out of it's front spout.

Juvia raced across the landing, and was right in front the gates when she realized something was wrong.

Bars appeared, one just above her head, the other right in front of her middle. Not having time to stop, she sped straight into them, and bounced back, her collection of bags scattering across the landing around her.

Juvia couldn't surpress the painful groan that escaped. Not only had she smacked her forehead on the top bar, the back of her head soundly landing on the concrete floor, but the lower bar had hit her right in her middle, exacerbating the pain she'd been feeling from the stitch in her side while she was running.

It was a wonder she hadn't blacked out.

A deep, unconcerned voice sounded from somewhere above her, "Ticket, please?"

For a moment, Juvia couldn't make sense of the words and didn't understand they were being spoken to her. Her most pressing focus was just getting into some kind of sitting position, or, dare she even hope, to prompt herself for a crawl.

"Missy? Hello? Little Miss Puddle x793, right there on the floor? Do you have ears simply for decoration,  _ hello? _ "

Juvia blinked, dazed, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. Still curled up on the ground, she swiveled her head, looking for the source, but she didn't see anyone else on the landing, "Are you speaking to Juvia?"

" _ No _ ," the disembodied voice responded, sounding unnecessarily sarcastic, "I was checking up on the plaster, just wanna make sure it has a ticket before it leaves."

Juvia gave a huff, then reached forward until her hand connected with her silver suitcase. She dragged it toward her body, pain wracking up her arms from when she'd run here, allowing her bags to beat them along the way, and slowly pulled herself into a sitting position.

Once she'd accomplished that, it was mind over matter, she kept going to until she was finally on her feet. Placing a cool hand to her forehead, Juvia closed her eyes and asked, "What is it that want you from Juvia?"

It wasn't until he spoke again that Juvia realized where the voice was coming from. It wasn't disembodied at all, rather a small alcove was tucked into the wall, something Juvia had never noticed in all the years she'd been coming here, with a counter taller than Juvia's waist in front of it. Behind the counter was a wooden desk, well hidden, which was odd for service meant to help costumers . Sitting there, looking less than impressed, was the ticket operator.

The operator was chubby and middle aged, with a scruffy black beard, and a conductor's cap on. Despite this, his face was rather striking. He had bright green eyes surrounded by lashes thick enough to make any girl cry, contrasting beautifully with his clear, chestnut skin. Though the way he had them, scrunched up and appraising, took away from some of his lingering beauty.

He snapped his fingers twice, "Your ticket, girly, your ticket!"

Juvia nodded, patting the pockets of her trenchcoat, "Yes, she has them, one moment." The action turned from casual to feverish as every crevice she fished through turned up emptier than the last.

After scuffling with her hat for longer than Juvia was proud to admit, she turned back to face the thoroughly unimpressed operator. Juvia smiled uncomfortably. "...It's not here," she whispered.

"Then you're not going through there," He whispered back.

Heart beating faster now, Juvia tried thinking back to when she'd last seen them, only for the memory to strike her like a bolt of lightning, "Gray-sama!" She exclaimed suddenly, "Juvia gave them to Gray-sama before they parted." She felt like smacking herself in the head for her own thoughtlessness.

"Well, you better go get this Lord, or Duke, or whatever, and tell him to come here and bring you your ticket, because you aren't getting past here without one," He disappeared behind the desk, and Juvia heard some shuffling as he began opening drawers.

"But... Wait." She pointed urgently towards the doors, "Juvia can't get him to come here, he's down there!"

The man popped his head up for only a moment to see where her finger was directed, then went back to what he was doing, "Well, that's too bad," he sat up again, "Cherry lemon popper?"

"Juvia does not want your terrible taste in candy, she wants to get on the platform!"

He pulled back, looking offended, before his eyes narrowed and he pulled the wrapper off the miniature lollipop, "Produce a ticket and you're free to go."

Juvia huffed, changing tack, "Didn't someone come by earlier with two tickets, even though he was all alone?"

"Why, yes he did. A foul tempered young man with droopy eyes and a mop of messy black spikes for hair."

"That's Juvia's Gray-sama!" Juvia exclaimed, ignoring the less than flattering way he was being described, and the slight wrinkle that came to the man's nose as he remembered Gray. She'd changed her mind about his looks, the portly man was hardly anything to write to Sorcerer Weekly about.

"Nearly bit my head off for asking why he had two tickets that were both round-trip..."

"Well, he was tired. He had a bit of a rough start this morning-"

"But he didn't mention anything about a girl, or even a companion for that matter, so I'm afraid letting you through is out of the question.

An ache began to form in the space right above her left eye, and it had less to do with the tumble she'd taken, and more to do with the circular direction their conversation was going in. She couldn't suppress the frustration sharpening her tone, " _ This is ridiculous _ , Juvia has been to this station dozens of times and she has never had this issue!"

"And during any one of those  _ dozens of times _ , have you ever gone through without a ticket?" The operator asked lazily, now pulling a magazine out of one of his drawers. It seemed the more upset Juvia became the less inclined he was to care about her predicament.

Juvia hestitated, actually stumped for a moment. She racked her brains trying to dig up a memory of her not carrying a ticket and getting to the platform, but try as hard as she might, she didn't have one.

" _ Fine _ ," Juvia sniffed, bending down and reaching for her purse, "despite Juvia already having a  _ round-trip ticket _ , she will respect your silly rules and purchase a fresh one. How much for a one-way to Oshibana?"

She only needed a ticket to get past this man, onto the platform. Once there, she'd use the one Makarov had given them and save this one for another time. There was no point purchasing a ticket all the way to Crocus.

Silence, then a rapid clicking sounded from the behind the counter. Juvia stared at him dully as the tapping continued for more than thirty seconds, sure that he was just wasting time to get more of a rise out her.

As she stared down at the train, heart hammering with anxiety that it would pull off at any moment, Juvia knew it might just work soon enough.

At last, he tapped with a finishing flourish, and announced, "J74,998. Will that be cash, or- "

Juvia's fingers froze around her wallet, eyes nearly popping from her skull, " _ Seventy-!? _ "

"Unless you'd like a drink," he smiled sweetly, "bottled water adds J2,500, canned soda, J3,000, and alcohol an additional J4,500 on top of that, but you look like you're accustomed to being  _ thirsty _ , so..."

The water mage ignored the slight, too busy trying to process spending that much money on a lousy one-way connecting train. The ride wasn't even two hours!

"That's ridiculous," she muttered, shaking her head, "Juvia has paid less to go Akane during vacation season, and that's a holiday resort all the way on the coast! Oshibana is four towns over, it can't cost nearly that much!"

He shrugged, "Call it a lateness fee. Prices go up the closer the train is to departure." He held a hand up as if to stop Juvia's protests before they even started, "I don't make the rules. Maybe, if you really wanted to get on this train, you should have gotten a ticket earlier."

"But Juvia does have a ticket that was purchased earlier, it's right there on the tracks!"

"Then why don't you go get this elusive ticket?"

Juvia began to see red, " _ Because you won't let Juvia through the door! _ "

He looked up at her, comically offended this time,"Now wait just a moment, Missy, it's not up to  _ me _ . I couldn't care less who comes and goes. Your issue is with  _ them _ ."

He pointed dramatically, but all Juvia saw were the open doors, empty of anything, devoid of anyone. She raised her brow back him.

"People think of those as doors, but they're actually  _ gates _ with runes all up and down them." He waved his hand toward them carelessly, before he popped his candy back in, and returned to flipping through his gossip rag, unaware of the dark look the water mage was throwing at him, "They screen for  _ people _ and  _ tickets _ , if the number of tickets is less than the number of people, you aren't getting through."

"But-"

" _ Honey _ ," he was impatient now, "those gates' are older than me. They'll be here after I leave Earthland and more than likely when you do, too. Not one body has crossed those bars without a ticket before, not one body will cross those bars without a ticket from now on. Not tomorrow, not ten years from now, and certainly not to-"

"Juvia is very sorry, but she won't waste anymore time on this." Taking in the circumstances, Juvia didn't feel the least bit guilty about what she about to do; she  _ did _ have a ticket, it just wasn't  _ on _ her, and she wasn't going to be held up this close to the finish line over a mere  _ technicality _ .

Juvia spun on her heel, swiftly collecting her suitcases and the baby books that had scattered after she'd collided with those insidious bars. Then she spun, body changing until she resembled a miniature tsunami far more than a human girl.

Distantly she heard the squeal and crash of what she presumed was a chair falling over, "Wait, what are you-?"

Making sure all of her bags were secured in her water, Juvia made another run for the gates, this time moving as a crashing wave.

Just as she'd hoped, these runes weren't prepared for a person who could change the essence of their body.

No bars appeared and Juvia kept going, ignoring the shrill screams behind her, all the way down the stairs and over three sets of train tracks, until she spotted a lone figure on the platform beside the only train in the station. Moving quickly, she chose a spot just a few feet from him, and began to land, body reforming on impact as her bags landed neatly beside her.

Once she was back together, Juvia blinked. She heard a few gasps and giggles, and turned to see some children, and quite a few adults, with their faces plastered to the window, noses squashed against the glass, eyes disbelieving.

Juvia gave a shy little wave, and turned to face her companion.

Even receiving the full forceful glare of Gray's dark expression and blood-shot eyes, Juvia couldn't stop herself from smiling; an odd sense of victory was bubbling through her, though that could have just been light-headedness from all the running, arguing, and magic. Either way, Juvia grinned up at him, happy to see his face, "Gray-sama will be pleased to know that Juvia made it here, bound with the power of knowledge," She indicated the paper bag filled with books, "safe and sound!"

" _ And over ten minutes late... _ " Gray nearly growled.

"Well, it took  _ time _ to gather all this knowledge, Gray-sama..."

He released a real growl.

Apparently, Gray wasn't feeling what Juvia felt at the moment. She tried to taper down her good mood for his sake, but found little success.

A chuckle had Juvia shifting her head around him.

"Oh son, there was no need to worry." Behind Gray, a train operator casually descended from the stairs, salt and pepper speckled in his mustache and the hair peeking out of his cap.

He chuckled, good-naturedly. "If you'd simply told me it was your  _ wife _ running late, I could have made a call or two, and delayed the train half an hour if you wished! I'm sure no one would fault a pair of newlyweds overpacking in their excitement to explore the world together for the first time. Why I remember how Christopher was in our first couple of months..."

He trailed off, too busy thinking of too small tents and desert sands to notice the black haired boy nearly ready to rip his throat out as he clutched a water mage well on her way to puddlehood.

"Ne-New... Newly..." She sighed, white dresses and fondant covered cake filling her mind's eye, "Oh, Juvia would never presume, only dream!  _ Newlyweds! _ First Duchess Avyanna, then Melione-san, and now  _ this? _ In all her days, the universe has never been this straight forward. She  _ never _ ...!"

"Come on," grumbled Gray, shaking her none too gently, "there's no time for this. Even if the old man has the power to delay  _ this line _ , we still have to get to Crocus! Pull yourself together!"

"Uh, right." The bluenette shook her head, pleasant fuzziness fading. It was hardly her fault though, after Melione and now this train conductor, both of whom didn't even really know them, it seemed everyone in Magnolia was cheering for them to return as couple. "Forgive Juvia, she hasn't eaten yet. All she's had so far is half a cup of tea." She steaded herself, and reached for her bags, ignoring the familiar sadness that filled her when Gray let go.

"Yeah, well I haven't eaten  _ or _ slept. In two days. So,  _ I win _ ," He cheered, smiling humorlessly.

"It's hardly a competition..." She muttered, tucking the brown bag filled with books under her arm.

"It probably doesn't feel that way, because you're well rested," He grumbled. "Oh, but I forgot, you'll drop off soon enough. You like to sleep at noon."

"As opposed to Gray-sama who likes to sleep  _ 'til _ noon." Juvia mumbled, as she resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him. Instead, the water mage extracted the tickets from his hand and passed them off to the operator, who was still faintly blushing at their 'youthful antics'.

Once he'd stamped them, the water mage gathered her bags by the trains stairs, subtly moving the conversation to get a better understanding of what happened yesterday, "Juvia went to sleep at nine after returning from a visit with her friends at the guild, eating a balanced meal, and taking a hot shower. She doesn't suppose Gray-sama did the same, did he?"

"No." He deadpanned, "At nine o'clock last night, I was on a train, sitting next to a guy who would not stop telling me his life story, no matter how many hints I dropped, or how much food was in his mouth."

Juvia scrunched up her nose, disgusted by the mental image.

"I spent the night traveling 60 miles per hour, wishing I was dead, after completing a mission that turned out to be completely unnecessary, and deeply traumatizing. So you'll excuse me if I'm a little short with you."

"How are you even standing right now?" She said this less with awe, and more with morbid curiosity.

"Spite."

Juvia shook her head, trying not to smile. He  _ was _ suffering afterall, "Have you really not eaten in so long? Why didn't you pick up something at the guild?"

"Having Mira's cold, demonic eyes look at you like you're public enemy number one after she guts you with her fist, kinda makes you hestitate before asking her to make you a sandwich."

"That's never stopped Laxus-san..."

"Laxus is an S-Class asshole, who's idea of friendship involves mild slave labor.  _ He _ can go toe-to-toe with Mira if he wants to, I'm not dumb enough to try."

"Well," she said, stepping onto the train, "why didn't you have something at home?"

"Nothing there." He replied shortly.

She paused, turning her head to face him, looking mildly affronted, "Again? Must Juvia do all your shopping for you, in order for you to keep some water and crackers in the house?"

"I'm just not into grocery shopping, I can barely cook, and the women in the marketplace always gaw-"

"That's because whenever you're confronted with too many types of pasta you start striping," Juvia sighed, "The food on this train is ridiculously overpriced, once we get to Oshibana Juvia will get y-"

A loud shriek interrupted her, " _ Wait! _ "

Both Gray and Juvia turned to the source of the noise, only for the latter to groan in aggravation.

The ticket operator from before came rushing down the platform, legs pumping in a way that they clearly hadn't bothered to in quite a while.

Once he'd finally made it to the foot of train car's door, he pointed straight at Juvia, eyes wild with accusation. She would have bothered defending herself, but he was so busy panting, chubby fingers clutching his side, he couldn't get his words out.

Didn't feel good to be on the exhausted side of the counter, did it?

Sweat pooled on his forehead, his breathing harsh, as he gasped out, "Don't move! Don't you move a  _ muscle. _ I knew from the moment I saw you you were a messy, selfish little girl, but using magic to get  _ a free ride-! _ "

Surprisingly, it was the older train conductor that spoke up, before Juvia could voice her outrage, "Christopher, Christopher, it's fine. I just stamped them in."

"You-? But she-!"

"A new bride," He nodded, as if trying to impart some wisdom.

"But she didn't have a ticket-"

"You know how it was; fresh from the altar, you're so happy your mind gets flustered, you'd forget your nose if it wasn't attached!"

Christopher looked around the shoulder of his apparent husband, glaring daggers at Juvia.

She poked her tongue out just as quickly.

Meanwhile, Gray was stuck on a completely different issue, looking like he was about to pop a vein, " _ We are not married! _ "

Juvia slapped his arm lightly, "Gray-sama, leave the nice fortune-telling man alone."

He turned to her, eyes sharp, "Do I wanna know what happened?

She smiled, hoping to convey her innocence, "Uh, it's unimportant."

He gave a single decisive nod, then headed up the stairs, boarding the train. Juvia followed, once again balancing her bags in a precarious fashion.

She saw out of the corner of her eye the train conductor peck Christopher on the forehead, before shooing him away, and boarding the train behind her.

It hadn't exactly been a pleasant task to tell Gray he'd gone in the wrong direction, but once he stomped out his anger, leaving the wooden floors scarred for life, Juvia managed to get him inside their private little compartment, without much trouble.

It was rather thoughtful of Makarov to reserve the more expensive seats back here, especially considering this was just a connecting train. While the compartment wasn't much bigger than one of the seats with a table in the dining car, no one else has bothered purchasing tickets this far back.

Without that foot traffic, it would be plenty quiet, and hopefully Gray could finally get some well deserved rest.

Not bothering to do anything with his bag beyond set it on the floor beside his feet, Gray plopped down, weariness truly taking over.

Juvia surveyed the overhead shelf, trying to see in her mind's eye, how she would manage to fit so much stuff up there.

"Why d'you have so many... bags anyway?" He yawned, words starting to slur together. "We're only gonna be there for like ten days... Two weeks max. What, did Erza help you pack?" He chuckled at his own joke.

Juvia ignored his poorly executed sass, pushing her hat box to the farthest corner of the overhead compartment, and instead asked casually, "Did Gray-sama remember to pack the two extra bags like the mission sheet requested?"

Silence, then, "Shit."

" _ That _ is why Juvia has so much luggage." She nodded, pulling out one of her medium bags to better situate her larger one. "You don't have to worry, she packed an extra for you. It's not the two that were requested, but it's better than nothing."

Carefully, she tipped her toes on the seat, hoping to gain a little more height. Once she could see over the rack, she hiked up Gray's bag, gliding it in easily, then added her two medium bags neatly, one on top of the other. Satisfied with her organization skills, Juvia hopped off the bench and sat facing Gray.

"Thanks."

"There is no need to thank her, Juvia was happy to do it."

"Hm." 

Gray nodded then laid down, as Juvia picked up Erza's book, only mildly curious about it's contents.

The water mage wasn't as inclined to spending hours lost in a book as some of her guild mates, especially a book so dirty  _ Erza _ gave a warning beforehand. Most of the time, Juvia's fascination with fantasy was cured within her own mind. The best part being that all of  _ her _ stories consistently featured her favorite characters: herself and Gray.

But it had been a gift, even if she'd been subtly bullied into taking it, and Juvia saw no point in not giving it a polite cursitory glance-over. If she didn't end up liking it, that was fine. But the least she could do was know for sure, with some of this free time the train ride offered up.

Juvia hadn't noticed before, but the deep red leather was imbued with a dark rune mark, almost like it had been burned into the fabric. It was the only decoration as far as Juvia could see, with no title or author to indicate what was inside. The water mage brushed her hand across it curiously, only to feel a sharp pain stab her finger.

Muffling her angry shock, Juvia sucked the blood blossoming from her thumb, ready to toss the book out of the window, Erza's anger be damned, when something caught her attention and made her forget her pain.

Right before her eyes, color started leeching from the cover. Blue splotches began appearing like ink blots, steadily spreading, replacing the red until there was no trace of it's previous color. The book thicken, unexpected heft causing her wrist to drop it. The rune shimmered brilliantly for a moment around the edges, then stilled.

It sat there in her lap, cover now a pretty, deep blue leather, giving no indication that it had ever been any different.

Juvia picked up the book quickly, flipping to a random page. She wasn't entirely sure what she was looking for in such a rush, but the first line that caught her eye froze the breath in her lungs, " _ Not only is Gray-sama biased, he is wrong. Juvia knows for a fact, royals are the worst out of that bunch. _ "

She almost dropped it, again.

The water mage flipped the page, slowly at first and then rapidly, as she caught not only her and Gray's name repeatedly, but other's as well. Erza, Gajeel,  _ Silver _ , Lyon, and Lucy, just to name a few.

Her stunned silence, and the overall quiet of the compartment, was broken with the sound of rapid shuffling. Juvia looked up, and her awe over the book was replaced with concern.

Gray was sitting up on his bench facing her, feet on the seat, neck bent between his legs, arms hovering straight out at his side like he was preparing to jump. His eyes were scrunched, as if he were forcing himself to believe this was comfortable position to sleep in. It was an odd contortion of the body to witness from an ice mage who went out of his way to appear cool at all times.

Juvia bit her lip, desperately hoping a giggle didn't escape, "Are you really going to sleep like that, Gray-sama? That position can't be good for your neck..." The water mage murmured, but no sooner had she said this than Gray starting flipping and flopping on his side of the compartment, trying to get comfortable with little success.

His anger was immediate. "What would you  _ suggest _ I do, Juvia?" Gray sat up on all fours to glare at her, eyes half lidded and hair in the wild kind of disarray most would only associate with a recent electrocution. It might have looked comical if it wasn't for the murderous aura that seeped out of every inch of him. It was actually a bit frightening, considering she was the sole focus of that wrath.

Perhaps at the worst moment imaginable, a knock sounded on their door.

Gray was up in half a second. Eyes wide and teeth bared, he nearly ripped the door off its hinges, " _ What? _ "

The man cleared his throat, looking slightly ruffled from Gray's stormy expression. Adjusting his needle thin mustache, he held up a bottle, and said in a disturbingly high voice, completely at odds with his face, "Champagne, courtesy of Conductor Stofin for the newlyw-?"

Gray slammed the door in his face.

Much to her surprise, he then rounded on Juvia, shaking with anger, "If one more person stops me from going to sleep, mark my words Juvia,  _ I am going to jail. _ "

The water mage took a steading breath, calming herself and unknowingly pissing Gray off further, before she said, "You could rest on Juvia's lap, she's been told her thighs are incredibly comfortable."

If anything, he looked angrier, "Who the  _ fuck _ told you that?"

"Wendy-chan, Erza-san, Lucy-san and Cana-san," Juvia replied calmly, ticking the names off on her fingers, "though there was something lewd about the way she'd said it..."

Though Gray still looked aggravated, his voice was marginally less heated as he landed heavily on his bench and turned on his side, legs curling into his chest awkwardly, "Whatever. I just wanna go to sleep."

"But that doesn't look very  _ comfortable _ ..." Juvia repeated quietly, hoping to change his mind. Her fingers fiddled with the spine of Erza's book, thumbs absently opening and closing it at random. "Unlike Juvia's thi-"

" _ I don't want to hear about your damn thighs! _ "

"Are you okay?" Juvia closed the book with a snap, now feeling acute concern, "Gray-sama seems a bit... short-tempered? Is it simply exhaustion, or is it perhaps hunger? If so," She started getting up from her seat, "Juvia can run to the food car and bring something back. Breakfast may be over and the prices are unconscionably bloated, but maybe a sandwich, or some sou-?"

"I'm fine, thanks, just tired."

"Oh." Juvia looked him over again, before she nodded to herself, sitting back down and re-opening Erza's book."Very well, Gray-sama. Sleep peacefully."

She thumbed through the pages trying to find the story that had caught her eye before. She dimly remembered seeing a little symbol in the corner, marking the story's number, but had been it book five...? Or maybe book three? Who's bright idea had been to remove the table of contents from books anyw-?

"I just find it kind of surprising, that you reacted the way you did back there, that's all," came an annoyed voice.

Juvia looked up again, startled.

Gray was still lying on his side, one arm under his head, his back to her. His other hand was pretty animated though, moving through the air as he talked, "Call me crazy, I just thought if  _ you _ of all people walked in and found a bunch of lunatics had ambushed me and kept me tied up against my will, you'd run in guns blazing. Not stand stock still in the doorway, watching it happen. Certainly not listen to a lengthy explanation about the good intentions of said lunatics... Or bow and apologize for thinking one of the lunatics  _ was _ a lunatic. But y'know, call me crazy."

Juvia stared at his back quizzically for a moment. Setting the book in her lap again, she mused, "Juvia's first instinct told her to react violently, but she listened to her second. In all honesty, Juvia didn't think you'd want her to run in like a unhinged psycho without understanding the context first. She believed Gray-sama would not appreciate her stepping into his fight and hurting our friends, especially with her track record of over doing it. But if she has your  _ approval _ ," She tossed the book aside, leaping from her bench.

Her emotions were making a complete 180°. Excitement coursed through her, as well as the bloodlust she'd been suppressing since finding him in such a state. An a emotion so powerful it had made her near nauseous trying to contain it back at the guild. Her expression alone had scared Cana enough to back off. It reared it's ugly head again with wild abandon, pumping her blood with dark, addictive adrenaline.

"Well, if Juvia has Gray-sama's  _ approval _ , then she can stop the train, go back, and drown everyone at the guild right now! It shouldn't even take her that long to come back if she just flushes the bodies down the beach, and off to sea-!"

"Wait, wha-?" Gray sat bolt upright, any trace of exhaustion gone. "No,  _ no _ , that's alright!"

"Is Gray-sama sure? It's the perfect crime," Juvia reasoned, all the little details ironing themselves out in her mind. "Juvia can remove any trace of the water. And if she boils them at the right temperature, they'll completely disintegrate, to the point where no forensic wizard will ever be able to get a sample of DNA. Juvia could use the alibi that she was here, stuck on the train, with hundreds of witnesses, and therefore they couldn't  _ possibly _ link her-!"

"I'm sure!" Gray insisted, tugging her hand down, while he tried to get her to sit. "You can't just massacre everyone."

"Juvia supposes that's true, but at the very least Laxus-san was guilty, he deserves some kind of spontaneous retribution."

He seemed to be considering for a moment, than shook his head fervently, finally forcing her into her seat, "No, I'm sure. I just thought it was weird. Obviously, I didn't think you'd go the  _ murder _ route..."

She sighed, the fight draining out of her, leaving her feeling oddly hollow. "Juvia thought as much, that's why she reined herself in. It's called self-control, Gray-sama."

To think Gray had been giving her the cold shoulder this whole time because he thought she didn't care!

Preposterous.

And hypocritical.

"Not one month ago, you were upset with Juvia for trying to defend you against an even worse, far more divisive and harmful enemy-"

" _ She was just asking for directions! _ "

"Oh, Juvia could read between the lines, the only directions she wanted was  _ How To Remove Gray-sama's Pants! _ "

"You say something?" He looked away stubbornly, but didn't deny her claim.

Because he couldn't.

"No." Juvia picked up her book with a roll of her eyes, and began thumbing through it again, "But no one has really explained what happened to Juvia. How many people joined into your fight? If they knew the state you were in, why allow it go on for so long? Why would they let Laxus-san fight you,  _ knowing _ the magic disparity. And what kind of cretin would leave Lucy-san in such a state that she couldn't even stand on her own-"

"All you need to know," He grumbled, vein ticking above his eye, "is that I'm the victim."

She hummed quietly in agreement, not completely satisfied with that response, but unwilling to pick a fight over it, "And besides that, you had it handled."

"Had it han-?" Gray had just laid back down, but he whipped his head around to face her, at her words. "I was fighting for my life back there!"

"And you did so well," she gushed excitedly, putting down Erza's book again, "Juvia knew her Gray-sama was gifted, but to take on the entire guild and last as long as he did? Well, Juvia simply doesn't believe anyone else could do that."

"I did alright..." Gray mumbled. He flopped onto his back, throwing a hand over his eyes, one leg propped up by the window. He probably didn't intend for it to look as melodramatic as it did. "I don't know about being  _ gifted _ ..."

His voice was dead serious, but with the pose it just screamed; 'Emotionally Scarred Rock Star Unable To Find Muse Or Motivation.'

Juvia shook her head, glad his eyes were covered, and fought off her giggles so she could comfort him."You are being modest. Juvia saw some of the wounds you inflicted, and she is sure the others will think twice before crossing  _ you _ on the wrong day."

He shifted a little, "...Ya think?"

"Oh, yes," Juvia nodded vigorously, left her seat, and slipped into the little space available between his head and the compartment's wall. "Gray-sama was simply judging himself too harshly by comparing himself to Laxus-san. That's not fair, Juvia is not entirely convinced he's human. Plus, he has a dragon lacrima imbued in his body," she rolled her eyes, "that definitely qualifies as cheating. Not natural talent, like  _ Gray-sama. _ "

"You know, Natsu was taken out in like half a punch," said Gray, tilting his chin up so he could face her, "before Laxus's fist even touched him, his magic alone had him flat on his back. Meanwhile, he must have hit me, five to twelve times, before I even felt it. Close to nineteen before I was down."

Juvia wasn't going to fact check that.

"This does not surprise Juvia in the least," She cooed instead. "It's evidence of all your training, and the abilities passed on from Otou-sama. This whole time, you may have been stronger than Natsu-san, but your friendship made you subconsciously pull your punches. Juvia just hopes for his sake that he stays on your good side, otherwise the harm done to him could be irreparable."

Gray sat in silence for minute. Perhaps she'd said too much, she genuinely believed  _ most _ of what she said, but Gray could only take so many compliments-

"Flame-Brain isn't smart enough to know his face won't always bounce back after he fucks with the wrong person." He pulled his leg down from the wall, and stretched out on the bench, head landing in Juvia's lap, eyes closed. "It's no good wasting your hope on that."

Her heart leapt into her throat, joy filling her.

For a long while, Juvia couldn't understand the volatile reaction Gray would give her when she'd praise him.

Her natural reaction to someone she loved doing well was to shower them in open affection, loudly pronouncing how unique and wanted that person was. It was the response Juvia had always wished for, to see another person as excited about her accomplishments as she'd been, quietly in her heart, for most of her life.

So when she fell in love with Gray, and Fairy Tail opened it's arms to her, unconcerned with her strangeness, and with plenty of strangeness of its own to give her back, she hadn't hestitated with the hugs, open adoration, and praise. It was a part of herself that she'd kept buried, and she couldn't wait to express it.

Gray could have waited.

He would visibly bristle at her enthusiasm, and for while she'd taken it personally, thinking it was  _ her _ he disliked, so much it would cause a physical reaction. But finally, it began dawning her.

It was just about how much praise, and when.

Juvia had learned that pretty quickly, when they lived together. Give him too many compliments on something mundane, and there was a 68% chance he would shut down, avoiding her eyes for the rest of the day. Yet if she didn't point out his past accomplishments after a terrible loss, he could spend hours stewing in his own bitterness,  _ avoiding her eyes for the rest of the day. _

So, if he took out the compost without being told, Juvia only gave him a nod of thanks, rather than a five minute round of applause, like she did the first three times.

(Thinking back, she probably came across fairly sarcastic, rather than genuinely grateful...)

(Well, you live and you learn.)

However, if he lost a fight with a horde of Hellcats, and had to stay bedridden for three days due to severe bruising on his ribs, she'd get him to talk. Juvia would bring up past battles that she'd either witnessed or helped him with, pointing out an excellent strategy that could be used again. They would debate the merits or weaknesses, and make plans to introduce it into their training.

Or else she'd ask him to retell fights or stories from his childhood. She was always enthusiastic to hear about Fairy Tail in the beginning. Gray, being one of the first from their generation to join behind Laxus, who was born into it, and Cana, who was seeking her father, had plenty of stories to share about their antics and adventures. And most importantly, it seemed to help with his healing.

(Just in case you're interested, Juvia would like to note that the Hellcat Loss probably would have been fine, if it had been by the large, untamable jungle cats, the two had been expecting. Unfortunately for them, their client was clinically undescriptive. So instead, they'd come across five lost little cubs, smaller than Happy. And more cuddly, too. They'd purred contently when  _ Juvia _ had approached. It was only with Gray, that they'd put up a fight. A fight he lost... Badly. They just sort of... ganged up on him, and it was all downhill from there. Literally, the fight was on a small mountain range. They scratched, Gray fell, they landed on their feet, and he didn't. It was pretty embarrassing, in all honesty. She had listened to his stories for five hours straight, despite needing to pee, because it was clear he had something to prove that night.)

(On a completely unrelated note, animal retrieval missions were no longer to be taken by them.)

Anyway, what all of Juvia's research proved, was that Gray was not impervious to praise. He simply became uncomfortable from too much of it. He needed something light to break up his clouds, a reminder that tomorrow was another chance to do good, maybe even better. Lick your wounds and keep going. So Juvia tried to do just that. Be there when he needed it, like he did when she needed him.

Tiredly, he told her about tricking Evergreen into stoning two-thirds of Team Shadow Gear, as well as Bixslow, his words slurring as exhaustion overwhelmed him. Juvia hummed along to his story until he fell asleep, brushing his hair back from his face the whole time.

The fact that Gray was more open to physical contact after those compliment sessions happened, was a complete coincidence, that Juvia neither thought about, nor took advantage of. And she would repeat that very same thing in front of any court of law. 

xGx

Bright, orange light danced in front of Gray eyes, turning his lids red. The colors brought discomfort, slowly pulling him out of sleep and into the waking world much earlier than he wanted to be. Eyes scrunched in discomfort, the ice mage turned on his side, trying to escape the probing light, only to be hit with a beam so bright his eyes startled open.

Slapping a hand over his face, Gray suppressed a groan.

Great, now he was awake.

He could feel moisture slipping through his fingers. Whatever light he'd caught sight of for those .2 seconds, had left his eyes watering. Blinking rapidly behind his hand, Gray wiped away as many of the tears as could, before opening his fingers, slowly, to allow just enough light for him to try to adjust.

Everything was bright and bleary to Gray. Grogginess was making it hard for his mind to focus, but he knew he was also too far gone in the waking world to try and reclaim anymore sleep. He blinked once more and Juvia came into view, crystal clear.

She was hunched over a small table that was bolted to the wall, book in one hand while her other clenched a bundle of her hair, her brows scrunched in intense concentration, maybe even mild distress.

"Hey."

"Oh," she gasped, expression clearing almost immediately, "Hello. It's nice to see you finally awake."

Gray rolled onto his side, stretching his legs, "Hmm," he yawned, "what time is it?"

She pulled back a sheer curtain, revealing a sky shot through with bright orange and reds, clearly the light that woke him in the first place, "Well, based on the sunset alone, Juvia would guess five o'clock, conservatively."

Gray jolted, nearly leaping off his seat, " _ What the hell? _ Why'd you let me oversleep? What about the other train, how are we supposed-"

A soft giggle derailed his momentary panic. He turned to Juvia who looked way too amused, "We're not even on the same train anymore, Gray-sama, relax."

"Oh..."

Gray looked around, taking in the compartment. Now that she mentioned it, their surroundings were almost the exact opposite of the ones he'd fallen asleep in.

For one thing, it was a lot bigger. Not only could Gray comfortably stretch his legs out on his bench, there was room left over. The seats were plush, not firm like before. Gray had worried about feeling sore when he woke up, but now, as he stretched his back out, he realized there wasn't even an ounce of stiffness present.

The colors were cool and calming, bright ivory, cloudy gray, and sky blue coated the walls, curtains and upholstered benches. The table between them was metal and raised at least half a foot above his sleep form, with dishes stacked neatly next to Juvia's arms, as she continued to lean her elbows on it, book still in hand. The floor was made of a dark shiny wood, nearly black, but most of it was covered by a taupe rug with a geometric pattern.

As Gray sat up, a baby blue blanket he hadn't noticed before fell from his shoulders, into his lap. That would explain why he was covered in sweat. The compartment was already so warm, adding a blanket on top of that was like adding wood to a house fire as far as he was concerned.

It was soft though, so he couldn't complain too much. Gray fisted the blanket in his hand, quietly pleased with the almost squishy texture.

It kind of reminded him of something else...

He blinked bleary down at the blanket, trying to recapture the memory he was thinking of. Something he'd touched recently felt just as soft as this blanket, if not more so. He just couldn't recall what it was, the thought kept slipping from brain like sand through a colander.

When had it happened? Not too long ago for sure.

Yesterday?

No, he'd only experienced headaches and discomfort yesterday...

Earlier?

He quickly ran over what he'd gone through that morning, eye twitching a little when he remembered his fight with the guild, before the memory clicked, bringing a rush of heat to the forefront of his face, and shaking the last drops of sleep from him.

Warmth spread over his cheeks to ears, as he remembered how, or rather  _ where _ , he'd fallen asleep earlier. And how they had indeed been as soft as promised, softer than even the cloth he had fisted in his hand.

Dropping the blanket like he'd been burned, Gray turned to look at the water mage. Juvia stared back at him innocently, probably waiting for him to speak again. Taking in the expression on his face, she opened her mouth, more than likely to ask what was bothering him, but Gray shook his head, deciding he'd rather switch gears than address that head on, "When did we get on here?"

"Oh," The bluenette flipped her forearm, revealing a delicate silver watch resting on her inner wrist, "about six hours ago."

"Okay," Gray replied, realizing he'd need to clarify what information he actually wanted, "How did  _ I _ get on here?"

"Juvia carried you."

He felt his eyes bulge a little, as his head jerked forward, "You  _ what _ ?"

"Juvia carried you." She repeated, not seeming to understand Gray's reaction.

"What do yo- how did you carry me?"

"With great difficulty." The water mage shook her head, eyes shuttering. "Gray-sama make look lean and fit, but in reality, he's simply heavy. Between you, and all the bags, and the train schedule that kept falling out of her hands, it was a real task..."

Gray stared at her, trying to picture Juvia lugging his body around, while wrestling bags and a schedule, through the rush-hour crowds in Oshibana Station.

He was coming up short.

Oddly enough, he didn't doubt she'd managed it, just that it was so ridiculous  _ he _ couldn't picture it; he didn't have enough imagination. "Why didn't you just wake me up?"

She gave him a rather flat look, "Gray-sama, you made it abundantly clear, several times, that you did not wish to be awaken."

"Alright, so I was kinda an ass earlier." After what he'd been through he felt it was rightfully deserved, but that wasn't really a polite thing to say, and besides,  _ technically _ Juvia hadn't been the cause of his misfortune, "You still could've shoved me when we had to switch trains. I'm way more comfortable with that than the idea of you  _ carrying _ me."

Her face softened almost immediately, "Oh, Juvia couldn't do that, you looked so peaceful. It was obvious you needed the rest." She sat back, a thoughtful look coming on. "Not to mention, Gray-sama can become rather  _ violent _ when awaken sudd-"

"I do not."

"You do! Juvia nearly lost her nose when you elbowed her."

Gray leaned further into the bench, crossing his arms, "You're exaggerating."

"She is not! Anyway, Juvia worked very hard to get on us this train, she would appreciate some appreciation." Her eyes lit up then, like inspiration had just struck her. "Perhaps, you could show it in the form of a kis-"

"No," He deadpanned.

"Gray-sama is so mean," she pouted, crossing her own arms, and unconsciously mirroring his position. "If you only knew how much effort Juvia put into it, Gray-sama would feel obligated to present her with more than just a little, itty, bitty, teeny, tiny  _ kiss on the cheek. _ "

"First of all, I know damn well you didn't mean on the cheek."

She looked away and shrugged, unable to deny his words.

"Second of all, whatever  _ effort _ you put in, was unnecessary. All you had to do was wake me up."

A dark look crossed her face, deeping her eyes to a stormy ocean color as she stared at him. It was almost intimidating...

"Gray-sama speaks too lightly of such a horrible and terrifying task. You say it was unnecessary, only because you were not there," She leaned forward, face, remarkably, even more intense. "Imagine if you will, the cutest, softest little bunny rabbit sleeping soundly in a bed a feathers. A rabbit that works hard, and defends the innocent. All he asked of the world was to let him rest for while. Sleeping soundly is this poor little rabbit's greatest desire. Now, imagine waking it up. You  _ can't _ , can you? What kind of person would destroy a little bunny's one wish? Not  _ Juvia _ , that's for sure."

Gray put a finger to his temple, rubbing vigorously. Keeping up with Juvia's thought process was like running a mental marathon. How do you even respond to something like that?

She didn't seem to be waiting for an answer, though.

"In Juvia's opinion, keeping that peace was more important than a little discomfort. So she had no issue; explaining her situation to Conductor Stofin, convincing him to keep the train on the track an extra fifteen minutes, taking all of our luggage down to the platform, hiring a part giant-

"A part giant?!" He exclaimed, seeming to stun her out of her thoughts. In all fairness, though, what hell was she talking about?

"Well, yes, Juvia could not carry both you and the bags off the train, that's why she asked the conductor for some extra time. It was very sweet of him to be so accommodating. His daughter is a huge fan of Fairy Tail, so when he found out it was us, all he asked for in return was a signature. Anyway," she began removing her plates and book from the table between them, sliding it into a hidden slot in the wall. Uncrossing her legs, she propped her feet up beside him on the bench, before she continued, "Juvia could not very well leave our things on the platform alone. Oshibana Station is an incredibly busy transportation hub, who knows how many thieves could have been laying about, just waiting to take advantage of us."

"Just out of curiosity, why us in particular?" Gray asked, feigning seriousness.

He could already tell this was going to be a Juvia-Story.

While on the surface Juvia-Stories always seemed like they were just regular ol' tales, in actuality they were verbal journeys so crazy all a person could really do was tuck in and try to follow along. Gray must have heard a couple hundred during the six months they'd lived together, and there was always one or two when they went on missions as a duo. Apparently he was getting the opportunity to hear one earlier than usual.

The ice mage wished he had snack right about then. Instead, he leaned his chin into his palm, getting comfortable.

Juvia, for her part, shrugged, looking somewhat annoyed, "Juvia doesn't understand the mind of luggage thieves, maybe they believe there is a profit to be found in selling famous wizard's underwear, she doesn't know."

"Funny," he muttered, "sounds like something you would have done a couple years ago..."

"Did Gray-sama  _ say _ something?"

"Hm? No."

"Anyway, Hectus, that's the part giant that guarded our bags, was happy to do it, and made a great guard to boot. So Juvia was free to go back for Gray-sama and retrieve his person."

"Which, for the record, was unnecessary."

" _ Once _ ," said Juvia, speaking louder than before, "she'd gathered him, and returned to our belongings on the platform, she released Hectus from his duty, and made her way across the station."

The ice mage hadn't realized his eyes were closed until they snapped open, "Wait, why didn't you just have Hectus carry the bags to the other train for you?"

Juvia looked Gray dead in the eyes, and said with absolutely no humor, "Gray-sama, Juvia's an independent woman."

He blinked at her, bewildered, "What does that have to do-?"

She repeated herself, slower this time, as if speaking to a remarkably ignorant penguin, "Juvia. Is. A. Independent. Woman."

"Uh, right, of course..." Buck up Gray, this was a Juvia-Story, you know better than trying to invoke  _ logic _ .

"Carrying everything was no small feat," she continued, chipper again, "It certainly didn't help when Juvia kept dropping the schedule, and subsequently read it upside down. She thought the train to Crocus was on platform  _ fifty-one _ , so Juvia ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off, looking for the sign. And with the people there being were so  _ rude _ and  _ unhelpful _ ," She lamented, shaking her head, "Juvia wasted more time than necessary trying to figure out where it was. Whenever Juvia asked someone to simply  _ point her in direction of the platform _ , they gave her this look, like she was asking for a kidney or something. Of course in the end it was for the best, who knows how far away platform fifteen was from fifty-one, but still, they could have been a bit more helpful." She crossed her arms again, looking ticked.

"Juvia," Gray muttered, feeling exasperated despite himself, "Oshibana Station doesn't  _ have _ fifty-one platforms. I doubt they have more than twenty, that's probably why everyone was looking at you like you're a crazy person. Or maybe they just thought you were up to something suspicious, considering all the shit you were carrying, which included  _ me! _ "

At least one person had to have thought Juvia'd knocked him out and was trying to take him back home with her. She must have looked clinicly insane, wrestling his body and their bags in her arms. Especially while running up to people in a panic, asking them for directions to a non-existent train platform. It's a wonder she hadn't been arrested.

"Yes, well," muttered Juvia, arms slowly upcoming undone to rest limply by her side as her cheeks turned a bright pink, "Gray-sama was not awake to impart such wisdom to Juvia at the time. You can just imagine how much effort she wasted looking for a place that apparently doesn't even exist. She was roaming all over the station, up and down the stairs, and even down to the basement, where she had accidentally walked in on an older couple expressing their," she shuddered, face now a delicate green, " _ passion _ for each other in a secluded coat closet."

"Oh, gross," Gray grimaced.

"It would have been sweet if they'd just been wearing a few more  _ clothes _ ..." Juvia moaned, curling her fingers over eyes as if she wanted nothing more than to claw them out.

Gray gave her a moment; as someone who'd had the misfortune of seeing Makarov naked, full frontal, he understood the time it would take to mentally surpass that particular hurtle.

"Anyway," Juvia fanned herself, color slowly returning to normal, "she was in the basement, screaming bloody murder because of that terrible moment she'd witnessed, when the loud speaker announced that the train to Crocus was leaving in five minutes. Of course," she coughed into her hand, looking embarrassed again, "Juvia wasted the first thirty seconds panicking. She was overwhelmed, and had no idea where to go or how to get there, and she knew if Gray-sama woke up and discovered we'd missed our train due to an error on Juvia's part, he would be so  _ upset _ -!"

"No, not really. I barely want to be on this mission, so I doubt I'd even be all that bothered," Gray shrugged.

"Well," she clicked her tongue, unimpressed, " _ Juvia _ would have been disappointed and so would our clients, so she pulled herself together, gathered everything up, including Gray-sama, and made her way over to platform 15."

"Good for you, ya little trooper," Gray patted his stomach, ready to wrap up this story and move on to a new topic, like what was available in the food car. "So, you got there just in the nick of time, piled everything, including me, into this surprisingly luxurious compartment, and we've been chilling here ever since. Mavis, I love happy endings, anyway where did you get those plat-?"

"That's not what happened."

"What?" Gray asked blankly, momentarily distracted, "What do you mean that's not what happened, what else could've happened? Don't tell me we've been on the wrong train this whole time-!" He was halfway out of his seat again, ready to rip back the curtains to see if he recognized anything out the window, when Juvia laughed, placing a hand on his chest to motion him back into his chair.

She could barely speak around her giggles, so Gray had to wait, somewhat impatiently, for her to settle down long enough to get any words out and explain. When she was finally able gulp down some air somberly, Gray raised his brows in silent motion for her to continue.

"Juvia did make it to the right train, but there were hiccups along the way. For one, while going up the stairs to our platform, Juvia dropped her hat box." She paused, letting the significance of her statement resound around the room.

Unfortunately, that significance bounced right off of Gray, making no impact, so she had to explain it more clearly, "Juvia keeps her  _ intimates _ in her hatbox." She motioned over her chest.

Ah, well, that was more information than he or anyone else needed to know. Gray could feel his ears getting warm, while he tried not to imagine what those intimates looked like. And especially, not what they would look like on.

Mavis, he needed to try harder.

"All of her underwear went flying over the grand staircase, it was incredibly embarrassing. Juvia had to drop you and the rest of our bags to gather them up, and everyone  _ stared! _ And then there was this man. Oh, Gray-sama, he had more hair than skin and he was eyeing Juvia's underwear like an impoverished man eyeing gold."

Juvia gulped back her disgust while the ice mage felt his fingers flex unconsciously. He doubted very seriously that creep would've taken such liberties if he'd been awake. And if he did, he wouldn't have had working eyes for much longer.

"If Juvia hadn't witnessed that old couple in the closet, watched Laxus dig his boot into your head, and had to have dealt with Sleepy Gray-sama, that incident with the hairy man would have been the most disturbing thing to have happened all day."

"Ugh, I forgot about Laxus and his damn boots." Gray ran a hand against the back of his head gingerly, feeling a tender bump, "What does he wear, a size 95, wide?"

Juvia bit her lip, trying to hid her smile, "Juvia doesn't know for sure, but she doubts it."

"What happened next?"

"Hmm? Oh, well, by the time Juvia got there, the train was pulling off from the station, well on it's way to the capital and picking up speed."

Gray looked left, then right.

Unless this was all some elaborate hallucination spell Juvia conjured up to cushion the blow of missing their train, Gray was pretty sure they were on the train right then. He asked her as much.

"Juvia had not gone through all she had, just to let one more trial stand in her way. As she said before; Juvia is an independent woman. So she dropped you and the bags by a bench, making sure you were comfortable, of course," she added reassuringly, as if this was an important point of interest for Gray, "and went after the train."

"You..?" Gray asked, leaving the question hanging as if he'd misunderstood.

"Well, 'went after' isn't entirely accurate. Juvia's goal was not to reach the back of the train, but to surpass it. It was more like 'got ahead of'. Juvia used her water magic to turn her body into a wave then raced  _ ahead _ of the train, about five and a half miles, and smashed the tracks apart."

Gray was glad he didn't have anything to eat in that moment, because no matter how small it was, he would have certainly choked on it at that point. He couldn't even articulate how startled he was, he just listened in shocked silence as Juvia continued on perkily.

"Yeah, five and a half miles left Juvia just enough wiggle room to get back to the train and warn the conductor about the wreckage. She told him she was a special liaison sent from the Allied Forces, and that we'd received information that an political couple was on board and being targeted by a band of dark wizards. She didn't bother upcoming with a name for the dark guild, because no one ever seems to care what they're called, and Juvia didn't have enough imagination to come up with something on the fly; remember: she never got to have her chocolate croissant," Her eyes narrowed on him then, to the bewilderment of Gray. As though her missing breakfast was his fault!

"Anyway, she told him Juvia might be able to defeat the wizards and temporarily fix the tracks, so he could get everyone to Crocus very nearly on time, but only if he reversed the train and went back to the station to wait until Juvia defeated the day's  _ evil villan _ ." She rolled her eyes, making quotation marks, "Of course, she said all this very quickly, because there were only five and a half miles between us and a very unpleasant fall, and we were going quite fast.

"The conductor was just as sweet as Stofin was from our earlier ride, Juvia had barely finished speaking before he'd put the train in reverse. Once that was covered, she went back to the little boo-boo she'd made in the track and reenforced the part she broke with a bit of ice, it was a lot simpler than you might believe. And when Juvia arrived back at platform fifteen nearly all the passengers, train operators, and workers were there, cheering and applauding Juvia. They were so happy with her, it was like they didn't remember the word no. It didn't matter what she said, they were ready to accommodate her.

"But none as much as this one couple. They were  _ thrilled _ with what Juvia did. They nearly shoved other passengers onto the tracks trying to shake her hand. All Juvia wanted to do was get Gray-sama somewhere he could rest comfortably, but they wanted to tell her their whole life story, and as it turns out, they actually were a politically connected couple!

"Decades ago, they appointed nominations for the Magic Counsel, that's how they met. After the mess with Tartarus, they lived in fear for over a year, worried they'd be targeted as well, despite not actually being members of the Counsel, so they went into hiding. This was their first big excursion outside their home in some time, and then, you know," she waved her hands, as if to encompass their situation, "this happened. They thanked Juvia profusely for all of her hard work and sacrifice, but they were just going to spend the rest of their lives peacefully at home.

"Then they offered up this compartment, apparently it's their private cabin, apologized for the run-in earlier in the basement, and left, before Juvia could explain what a big misunderstanding that all was. Which reminds Juvia, she needs to look up their address when we get to Crocus, and send them a letter. Juvia would hate to think they would spend the rest of their lives frightened by their own shadows because they were convinced random dark wizards are going to show up to murder them, all so that Juvia wouldn't miss the train." She finished, mind now a thousand miles away from the story she'd just been telling.

"Okay... so, let me get this straight," Gray rasped, finally finding his voice, "you broke the tracks, 'warned' the conductor about the dangers of the tracks you broke, offered to fix said tracks, stood there as all the passengers cheered for you and your magic, then took this compartment away from a pervy politically-connected old couple as a reward?"

Juvia nodded along, before chirping, "Yes, that sounds about right. It added about half an hour to our commute, but Juvia figured most of it would be worth it in the end, and honestly, she thinks she's right."

"Yeah, maybe, but that poor, pervy couple..." Gray muttered, feigning concern. "Honestly, I'm surprised at you Juvia. They were old, they could die before you get in touch with them, old people are known to do that. They were serious collateral damage."

Blue eyes widen, alarmed, "Juvia will contact them when we get to Crocus, first thing!  _ She promises _ ."

"Nope, no," Gray looked away dramatically, supressing a laugh at the panic painting Juvia's face at his teasing, "by then it could be to late. They'll probably die in their sleep. Or maybe even earlier than that! They could be face down in their soup right now, their last topic of conversation about the sweet blue-haired girl who saved them from dying on their vacation."

The bluenette was now on the edge of a full on panic, her voice shooting up several octaves, " _ Juvia would have said something before, but they left so fast she didn't even have the chance to-! _ "

"Chill," Gray reassured her, chuckling, "I was just kidding, but ya know," he shook his head, huffing out a softer, more incredulous laugh, "when I first found out you wanted to join the guild, I'd worried you'd have a hard time keeping up with our brand of crazy, but if that story wasn't the most Fairy Tail thing I have  _ ever _ heard..."

"Well, Juvia did what she had to do. She won't apologise for it," she murmured, sounding apologetic.

"No, I wasn't asking you to, it's just... wow." And Gray, he'd slept like a rock through it all. What a shame...

The silence only lasted a moment before Juvia clapped her hands excitedly. "Is Gray-sama fully awake now?"

"No, Juvia," he deadpanned, "I actually died in my sleep, I'm currently speaking to you from beyond the beyond."

"Ha-ha," She stood up from her bench, only to stand on it, rummaging in the overhead compartment. "Juvia wanted to show Gray-sama the books she bought on the way to the station, but you didn't seem to be in much of a mood for it earlier, so now's as good a time as any."

"Books?" He yawned, laying back on his side, facing her. He could feel the remnants of slumber tugging on the back of mind, quickly moving forward to try to claim him again. Not to mention, the compartment seat he was resting on was just comfortable enough to nearly lull him back to sleep on it's own. "What kind of books?"

"Baby books, of course!" She spun on her seat, and leapt down, arms laden with five tomes of various sizes. Pulling out the table again, she laid them out reverently, as if they themselves were infants. She then sat with a flourish, excitement clear on her face.

"Oh, right, you said something about that on the platform earlier, that you were late because you stopped by a bookstore on the way. Is that what you were just reading about, how to take care of kids?" He tilted his chin toward the leather bound book on the bench. He couldn't really understand what was written on the cover, it was in some kind of rune.

"Huh?" She looked confused at first until she caught sight of it beside her. Juvia's face paled immediately, like a deadly spirit had snuck up on her with an intent to kill. Eyes going wide, she unceremoniously snatched it up, and tossed into the overhead compartment, not even checking to see if it landed alright. "Uh no, that has nothing- Juvia isn't even... That's- that's not important."

Gray blinked slowly at her. Normally he would have wondered why someone was acting so weird over something as silly as a book, but this was Juvia. As long as she wasn't fiddling around with love potions or marriage advise, he'd really rather not know. And besides, who could ever really definitively say if Juvia was acting weird for Juvia. That bar was just too high to judge.

"Anyway," she cleared her throat, sitting back down with less enthusiasm than before, "the bookseller that helped Juvia insisted that these five books are all you need to understand how to care for a baby."

"Oh, I'm sure," Gray snorted, head half nestled in the crook of his elbow, "just out of curiosity, how much of that sale went into her commission?"

Big, blue eyes turned to stare at him."It wasn't like that..." She mumbled.

All of her pervious enthusiasm seemed to have evaporated at his words, and an ugly niggling thing began worming it's way in Gray's chest. Her lip was pouted like he had popped all of her birthday balloons seconds before her party. She looked genuinely hurt that he'd even suggest someone would use her inexperience to try to make as much money as possible.

Gray groaned internally. Once again he'd said something thoughtless, and once again she reacted with complete devastation. It's not like he really meant anything by it, it was just supposed to be an offhand comment, why did she always take what he said to heart?

"Uh no, I-I mean sure, it was out of the kindness of their heart, my bad..." He sucked at apologies, and for once his half-assed attempt wasn't swaying Juvia. She continued to stare, making him feel uncomfortable.

After a long while, she looked down at the books laid out before her, eyes somehow sadder. "...Does Gray-sama truly beli-?"

"No," He said, cutting her off quickly. "No. I mean what do I know? Babies are hard and I'm still kinda tired, not every person cares about how much Jewel they earn, so..." What was he even rambling about? "Look, wha-what's that one about?" He pointed to the thinnest book, bright yellow and sitting to her far left.

She picked it up, eyes glancing over it quickly before turning it around so he could see, "Common Ailments Your Infant Can Attract & Their Equally Common Home Remedies..."

"Wow, that's kinda mouthy for a book title..." He muttered, momentarily distracted, before a terrible thought struck him, "Oh, don't tell me we're going off to take care some kid who's parents think every sickness can be cured with apple cider vinegar and powdered stone fruit seeds, which by the way is  _ toxic _ . If Porlyusica gets wind of that, which I know she will don't ask me how, she's going to run all the way there just to flay us alive and remind us how much she hates humans. The bitter old crone." He muttered as an afterthought.

"You can't vaccinate common colds away Gray-sama, and that's really all this book is for." Juvia huffed, but a small smile was starting to break through her pervious melancholy. "A lot of the other more serious stuff just shows you the symptoms and recommends getting the child to a trained physician as quickly as possible," she murmured thoughtfully, flipping the book open to scan the innermost page.

"What other kinds of stuff's in there? It can't just be 200 pages of how to get rid of a cough."

"Well," she said, flipping back to the chapter index, "in this stage of a child's development a lot can go wrong. Some are simple like what to do if your infant swallows water-"

"What do you mean?" Gray could feel intense dread filling him, as he resisted the urge to sit up, "What's wrong with a kid swallowing water? Babies don't drink water or something?"

"No, of course not, it's highly toxic for their bodies." She continued flipping through the book, not noticing the horror growing on Gray's face. "No child under six months old should swallow water, no matter how small the amount. First, because babies don't need the extra hidration, infants are 78% water and the added liquid they need to stay hydrated comes from their milk or formula. Secondly, water can fill their stomachs up too fast, their tummies don't even get to the size of their own fists until a year old. And then there's the issue that plain water can interfere with how their bodies process the nutrients in their milk. Vitamins they desperately need in this delicate early stage won't be digested properly. Now, Avalon-chan should be just old enough for this not to be a serious problem, but there are cases of dry drowning having to do with children as old as eight, when water accidentally gets into their  _ lungs _ without anyone noticing until it's too late, so Juvia will not be taking any unnecessary risks, either way."

Gray couldn't believe how calmly she was saying this. Did she not see the irony? Small children should not get close enough to water that it could get in their mouths; the two people this couple specifically requested were a  _ water _ mage and an ice make wizard who's magic, when melted, turned into, yep, you guessed it:* water!*

"Juvia?"

"Hmm?" She looked up, completely unconcerned.

"You don't see the risk they're taking? Asking  _ us _ to take care of him?"

"Juvia was already well aware of this risk when she took the job," she said, waving her hand as if she could gently blow away Gray's worry with a flip of her wrist, "if anything Juvia is convinced she's better suited to the job because she knows about the danger, would never give any to him, and if something happens in say the bath or something, Juvia's magic can efficiently remove the water before anything serious happens. You don't have to worry, Avalon-chan would not be the first person Juvia has saved from that sort of thing. Gajeel-kun didn't even know how to swim before he met Juvia, she removed quite a bit of water from him before he got the hang it."

"Still... that's  _ terrifying, _ " Gray shuddered, so worried, he was unable enjoy the mental imagine of Gajeel flopping around in a shallow pool of water while sputtering and panicking so much Juvia had to magically remove an ocean from his body, "I'm never having kids."

"Oh, there's no need to be dramatic," she tsked, eyes now glued to the book in her lap, "all children at that age need is some love and diligence, once you have that you'll be able to move through this delicate time with ease."

"You talk like you have experience in this."

Juvia's eyes snapped up to look at him again, widening with... panic? Gray couldn't really understand what emotion could be causing her current expression.

As her cheeks turned a fiery red, she stuttered out, "No... It's just...  _ No. _ Juvia has spoken with Alzack and Bisca, and they simply can't refrain from talking about Asuka's early years, you know, because we missed so much, Tenrou and all. And, as you know, Juvia was in the orphanage all those years. Not that they allowed Juvia, a child as well at the time, to take care of infants. But she watched from a far, and overheard some things said. Honestly, everything she knows could just be nonsense and gossip, that's why Juvia needed to buy these books..." she petered out, before abruptly shoving the baby book in front of her face.

It was silent in the cabin again as Gray debated whether it was worth the effort to question her further. Again, this was a weird thing for her to behave so awkwardly about, and a part of him was curious about what could be causing her strange behavior, but an even greater part of his mind was longing for the sweet, numbing comfort of sleep that was still there, seductively asking him to nuzzle into it's open arms.

The ice mage stretched his back out again, the satisfying pop he'd been looking for earlier accompanying the movement.

What unfortunate circumstances he'd found himself in; his body was fully prepared for more sleep, but his ears were wide open, picking up every word Juvia was muttering to herself now, while his mind supplied vivid images. Gray felt a shudder pass through him; why had she returned to stating horrifying facts about raising children?

Somehow, this was worse than his Train Buddy from yesterday...

"There are whole chapters dedicated to ear infections, sore throats, skin rashes, and homemade shampoos. Did Gray-sama know that nursing mother's have to be watchful of what they eat, because it can affect the chemicals in their breast milk?"

No. Why would he know that? Why would he  _ need _ to know that?

" _ Coffee, chocolate, and caffeine in general, can filter into a nursing mother's milk and have an effect on a child's temperament, even changing their sleeping habits. _ " She continued, wonder apparent in her voice, "Speaking of food; onions can be used as a decongestant. If you leave a few slices on a plate by their crib, the sulfur with help break up any mucus built up in their nose. Amazing, right? Oh... Just be sure not to cut the onion anywhere near the infant because if they start to tear up from fresh onion juice, their eyes will stay irritated far long than an adults..." She finished, sadly.

How the hell had humans made it to the point of actually  _ becoming _ adults? Hearing this, everything about the make up of a human baby seemed doomed to fail. They were all just one sniffle away from certain death. And the guild wanted Gray to believe he and Juvia were qualified enough to take care of one these things?

Laughable.

...No, not laughable; a prison sentence waiting to happen. If he were smart; he'd go there, politely decline like he'd told Juvia to earlier, and haul ass. If only to spare the two of them some trauma and the guild a nasty streak on it's reputation.

As for the future? Yeah, he'd be much happier dying a childless spinster than having to go through any of that. At least that way he'd be able to sleep at night not having to worry whether the useless human living in his house died in it's sleep from  _ breathing _ wrong.

" _ Cradle cap _ ," Juvia read, now sounding breathless with disgust, " _ a yellowish, patchy, greasy, scaly, crusty skin rash that can affect an infant's scalp and face for months if left untreated. _ Seriously, it says all of those words-"

"Juvia, switch books."

"Eh?"

His eyes didn't have to be open to know she had just looked up from her disturbing book to stare at him, mouth more than likely open in a perfect 'O'. A soft tsk hissed from her, before she muttered, "What a shame. The next chapter was on fussiness, Juvia was hoping it would give her some tips on how to deal with a Sleepy Gray-sama."

Which Gray politely ignored while he waited for her pick up another book instead.

"Aww, this is so  _ sweet _ . Knitting patterns for babies! Now Juvia can learn how to make  _ tiny _ sweaters and mittens to combat the frost," she gushed, sour mood forgotten. "This one is so cute! A little  _ cardigan _ . Why would a baby need a cardigan? For his first day of college?" She giggled, pages quickly turning in the background, "Oh, that's adorable!"

Maybe he'd been wrong earlier.

Juvia might actually have the right demeanor for this. For babysitting this kid and maybe even motherhood in general. He couldn't think of anyone else as nurturing or thoughtful. She had patience in abundance and genuinely cared about other people's wellbeing. Gray wasn't sure he knew anyone as selflessly thoughtful as Juvia Lockser.

Sure, you  _ could _ say the same about Mira; if you ignored the stark line of crazy that seemed to run just under her skin. Juvia wasn't crazy.

...

Okay, Juvia wasn't that  _ type _ of crazy. She didn't do things just to be cruel, not on purpose. It was more like protective instinct. And children needed to be protected. This meant any of kid of her's would never have to worry about being bullied. All the child would have to do was release one tear, then-

BOOM! Thousands of dead bodies where the bully used to be.

Sure the rest of the city's occupants would take a hit, plenty of innocent people would drown, but Juvia would just consider it necessary collatoral damage to protect her child-

Actually, no, he was right earlier, neither of them should care for, or have, children.

"Gray-sama?  _ Gray-sama! _ "

He jerked forward, blinking in confusion. Juvia was sitting across from him with her arms folded, a brow raised in annoyance. Warm, yellow light flooded the cabin, blinding him enough for one of his eyes to seal itself shut, the other squinted to the point that he could barely see. The sky outside was right at the edge of dusk, dark blue shot through with purple and black, while the first, few brave stars blinked into existence. 

Had he fallen asleep? That would explain the pout puffing up Juvia's cheeks. Hadn't he just been listening to something she was saying, how did he just drop off like that?

Juvia closed her eyes as if praying for patience, then sighed, asking, "Is Gray-sama hungry?

"Uh, yeah." He muttered, running a hand down his face. How long had he been asleep? "I am actually. Starving, in fact."

"Good!" She said in a voice so chipper Gray jumped in surprise. Her mood had shifted from night to day in an instant. "Juvia has already tried the food on here and it's  _ excellent. _ " She indicated the short stack of plates on the bench still sitting beside her. "Apparently, they don't make food based on a schedule here, so Juvia can get whatever you'd like. Breakfast, dinner, ice cream, a sandwich, whatever you want. The cooks here are really nice."

It was kind of weird how pumped she was at the moment, when Gray was struggling to keep his eyes open. He tried to follow what she was saying.

"So..." She smiled, wiggling her fingers in his direction.

" _ So? _ "

"What do you want?"

"Well, if they're as talented as you're making them out to be, I suppose if I asked for a rubber glove, you'd bring it back smothered in a mushroom reduction, so what does it matter what I choose?"

Juvia clicked her tongue, though she looked amused, "Please stop messing around and tell Juvia what you're hungry for."

"A sandwich's fine, my throat's kinda dry, so something to drink? Like a beer or something, I don't know," he sighed, "Whatever you get is fine. I don't feel like getting picky."

"'Kay. Beer, sandwich, is Juvia right to assume it doesn't matter what's in it?"

He shrugged, at this point he wasn't sure what his body wanted. He was still groggy, yet, now that he was awake, his mind felt more alert than it'd been in two days. He wasn't sure if he was going to pass out again, or read a dictionary for fun.

The bluenette gently collected her plates, stacking them in the crook of her arm, before heading for the compartment's door. She was halfway through when she asked, "Anything for dessert?"

Gray waved her off, "You know I don't really like sweets besides Caramade Franks, so unless they have that, with our guy from the food cart making 'em, I'm good."

'"Kay," She smiled, "Juvia will be back, feel free to rest some more while she's gone."

"Hey," Gray called her back, blinking the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes, as he remembered something else from that morning, "Am I crazy, or did you say something about being Laxus' concubine earli-"

Juvia's back went bolt straight, and she nearly slammed the door on her own hand, "Gr-Gray-sama, please. Juvia needs to focus on your nutrition, not weird, completely untrue, fantasies."

He noticed she wasn't looking at him as she said this.

"Right. That's a little bit rich coming from you, but alright."

And with that she slipped through the door, not seeming to leave fast enough..

Gray sat up, scrubbing a hand over his face and through his hair. He hoped Juvia was quick, he really wanted to use the bathroom; his mouth felt sticky, and his face was sure to have gunk stuck in certain crevices around his eyes and mouth.

Balling up the blanket he'd been wrapped up in, Gray stretched his legs out in front of himself, fully prepared to wait the ten minutes needed for Juvia to go to the food car and return.

....

Gray didn't have much to occupy his attention besides looking out the window and cracking his knuckles, both of which grew tiresome after only a few seconds. Without any means to check the time as it went by, each minute seem to pull itself more slowly than his mind was comfortable with.

It was oddly  _ silent _ in the cabin without Juvia's cheerful chatter.

How far was the food car on this train, anyway? Should it really be taking this long?

Maybe there more to this than he thought, were there tasks or challenges you had to surpass just to get your order taken? Did you have to milk a cow to get some cereal?

Gray entertained himself for a few minutes imagining Juvia going through some ridiculous tournament against fellow passengers, then felt bad conjuring the image of the water mage going through so much trouble to get him food he wasn't entirely sure he was hungry for.

As more time went by, Gray's mind tried to find points of interest to focus on. He counted the rings on the curtain rod (Sixteen), watched a collection of clouds slip behind the horizon (That had to have taken at least fifteen minutes. Conservatively.), flipped through the baby books Juvia had left on the table between them and realized it wasn't for him when his eye caught a colored full-page picture of a kid with cradle cap ( _ Why? Would? They? Print? That??? _ ), noticed his shoes were missing, panicked, nearly pulled the compartment apart looking for them, only to realize they were neatly tucked into a cubby under his bench (Again, that had to have taken fifteen minutes.), he then listed all the towns in Fiore in alphabetical order, then listed all his of guildmates in a similar manner, (He had to start over again four times because he kept forgetting Alzack, Nab, and Droy.) and recited the Fiorian national anthem backwards, before the worry began trickling in.

What if Juvia wasn't gone so long because of a bizarre food tournament to the death? What if, instead...  _ someone had taken her? _

No, a more rational part of his mind argued back, that was ridiculous. Juvia was a big girl and a powerful wizard, she wasn't going anywhere she didn't want to go.

But there were other possibilities...

Like, what if a couple of dark wizards tried to lure her off the train with a projection of himself, and Juvia jumped, believing she would be caught safely in his arms, only to faceplant?

Gray got up quickly, cheek pressed against the glass, squinting through the dark to see if a blue haired water mage was face first in the mud while their train passed her by.

"Gray-sama!" A voice behind him chirped, "Juvia has brought yo- What are you doing?"

Gray turned to see Juvia, perfectly fine, holding a collection of square takeout containers and two cups on a tray, not a speck of dirt on her.

She raised her brow, still looking for an answer.

Heat rushed toward Gray's cheeks, his first instincts had been correct, "I- Oh, I thought I saw someone I knew out there, o-outside..."

"Gray-sama thought he saw someone he knew... in the middle of a river?"

He turned his head quickly, and indeed they were on a bridge, a river way the only thing in sight.

"Well,  _ now _ there's a river outside, but there was a big open field before, and that's when I thought I saw him..." Why was he babbling about this?

For some reason, Juvia was even more relentless, "What was this friend's name?"

"...Paul?" Gray asked, digging himself into a deeper hole.

She nodded, "Does Paul have a family name?"

"Begaul."

He had never seen such a flat look on a person's face before, and her tone matched, "Paul Begaul."

"Yep."

"And where did you meet him?"

"Middle schoo-"

"Oh, enough! Gray-sama may keep his secrets, there is no need to lie," She passed him the containers and sat down in huff, needlessly angry in Gray's opinion, "But if he  _ is _ going to lie, at least put some effort into it."

"I put effort into it..."

"You never went to middle school!"

"That's because Paul left before they opened on the first day. I was too devastated."

If Juvia were a more violent person, he was sure she would have slapped him.

Once she'd uncrossed her arms and legs, and went to pick up one of her books, Gray thought it was safe to start up a new conversation, "So, what did get, this is alot of food." He considered the containers, they had surprising heft to each of them.

She waved a hand, grabbing one of the cups, "Creamy curry chicken, a beer for you, an iced Earl Grey latte for Juvia, and-" She mumbled something incoherently.

He leaned forward, "What?"

"And a s-" More mumbles.

" _ What? _ "

"Gray-sama!" She looked impatient again, which was strange because she was the one making this conversation oddly difficult, "Please listen to Juvia when she tells you she brought you a sa-" Her voice was just as unclear as before, the only difference this time was that actually put her hand up over her mouth so he wouldn't even be able to read her lips.

He ripped it away, " _ What are you saying? _ "

"A salad! There, Juvia brought you a  _ salad. _ "

She looked at him wearily, which was curious, because  _ he _ hadn't needlessly destroyed the trust between them.

Betrayal made his throat tighten, his voice coming out strained, "Is this about those six months I left because I explained about that and apologized, so why-?

"Gray-sama this is not a punishment, it's a necessary part of a balanced diet-"

"Bullshit!"

"Why would Juvia make that up? She didn't invent the food pyramid!"

"I don't know that. You've only been part of Fairy Tail a couple years, there's an entire world of crime out there, you probably had something to do with it."

"You believe," Juvia reiterated, voice soaked in sarcasm, "that Phantom Lord participated in such nefarious deeds as creating a food chart, suggesting people should eat more vegetables?"

"You once kidnapped a girl, clearly nothing was beneath you, then."

Juvia sighed, a thumb rubbing the bridge of her nose, "Gray-sama, you are losing your senses over nonsense, you don't even know what's in the salad."

"Alright," He folded his arms in challenge, "what's in it?"

"Bacon," She said immediately, emphasizing the word in a way that convinced Gray it only went downhill from there, "Apple, okay? There's fresh cucumber and yummy avacado, and little cherry tomatoes, and-"

She was back to mumbling again, but this time Gray caught her, " _ I heard you mutter brussel sprouts under your breath! _ "

She sighed, picking up her tea and taking a deep draw, "Juvia would like to see you live a long time, part of that includes eating vegetables."

"Yeah? And what happens if I get hit by a bus tommorow? Then, I died at twenty, and choked down those damn sprouts for no reason. Kinda seems pointless, don't you think?"

She picked up her book, no longer really invested in the conversation, "So you're not going to eat it?"

"I'll stick to the sandwich, thanks."

"And thank you in advance, Gray-sama, for making Juvia a widow by twenty-eight."

He rolled his eyes, not bothering to burst her delusions when there was food so close. Once he popped open the heavier of the two containers and the curry hit his nose, everything else fell away, the world blurring around him.

After so much torment, for absolutely no reason, that first creamy bite hit him like an elicit drug. He groaned in pleasure, before doing his best impression of a trash compactor, stuffing as much of the sandwich down as his throat could take.

Chewing had flown out of the window eons ago, without a thought.

Gray had almost wolfed down the whole thing, a pleasant fullness developing in his stomach, before he could speak again.

"Hey," Gray declared sternly around his last mouthful of chicken, "you need to stop telling people you're in love with me before it gets you killed."

Juvia looked up startled, whether it was because she was so involved in her book she forgot he was there, or that he had enough curry mayo on his face to paint the guildhall three times over, he wasn't sure, "...O-okay?" She stuttered out.

He nodded with satisfaction, polishing off what was left of the sandwich with some heaviness in his heart. He'd probably never be in relationship so dedicated, fulfilling, and feverishly passionate as the one he'd been in with that sub.

Nearly brought tears to his eyes....

"So," Gray muttered, wiping away the last bit of evidence of his sordid affair with chopped poultry, "Erza managed to get the money to pay off the fine?"

The water mage looked up again, "Yes, but Juvia's not entirely sure how she managed it..."

He sighed, remembering his hunch from that morning, "There's a crew of pirates sailing around the world, deeply in love with Erza. Based on all the treasure I caught on Makarov's desk, I'd say she stomped one foot on the deck on their ship, and they threw every valuable thing they owned at her feet."

" _ Oh. _ "

"Yeah."

"The power Erza-san has at her fingertips continues to scare Juvia." She muttered, taking another long sip.

"Hm." He hummed, non-committally. Gray's mind had already drifted back to his stomach.

It had lied before, it was nowhere near satisfied. He'd forgotten he had over three days worth of eating to catch-up with.

Which left him with a dilemma.

The obvious thing to do would have been to get up and go get more food, himself.

He needed to wash up anyway, stretch his legs. And this way he could gather all the treats he wanted like a chipmunk before winter, without Juvia sneaking brussel sprouts into the mix in a misguided attempt to help him  _ live longer. _

Unfortunately, that plan looked like it was going nowhere fast. His bones felt like weighted tubes, and the muscle around them didn't seem prepared to lift that weight up, just then.

Probably not the smartest thing, fighting Laxus when he could barely think straight.

Oh well, live and learn.

He could  _ ask _ Juvia to go back, like a normal person, but... That seemed too simple.

Then there was the third option he'd been mulling over, and an added bonus, it was one of the more clever plans he'd ever come up with.

_ Oh, no! Juvia! I accidentally drop-kicked your nasty salad out the window! Now, if you want me to eat those terrible veggies, you'll have to go back to the food car and get me another one. Dang... But since you're already going, mind getting me three more sandwiches? _

Gray sighed. He wasn't the best person to walk Earthland, but even he wasn't going to do something that selfish, just to get out of a ten minute walk. So, while it had been an unspeakably brilliant plan, it was out.

Though, he might still toss that salad out the window. Not for personal gain, just, y'know, shits and giggles.

He turned back to her, mind pretty much made up, and took his first sip of beer in weeks. So frothy and _ cold _ , "How was the food car, crowded?"

"Oh, no," Juvia sighed, an odd look coming over her face, "it was  _ lovely _ ."

Gray blinked.

What could be so lovely in a little dining car? Was there a puppy down there, or something?

He was about to ask her just that, when the door to their compartment swung open.

"Ah Juvia, here you are. I think I got your compartment number mixed up, and now there's a very large, very angry half-naked man looking for me."

Gray looked up to see a person he was not at all familiar with.

There was something, not  _ delicate _ , but maybe elegant, about his features. He was tall, Gray didn't doubt this guy would have a good three inches on himself, at least, if they stood next to each other. His build was long and slender. He had warm, deep skin, and shimmery gold eyes. Something he was proud of, if the abundance of black kohl lining them was anything to go by. A mess of soft curls were pulled back from his face, into a clumsy bun. His clothes were pretty plain, just chef's coat with some jeans underneath, but they fit him well.

None of that was what really caught Gray's eye though.

It was the faint blush, the rapid blinking, the nervous twitch of his fingers, tapping relentlessly on a small white box, like he wasn't comfortable keeping his hands still. It was where his focus was centered, so acutely, Gray would not have been surprised if the guy hadn't even noticed he was there.

He was looking at Juvia like he'd found Nirvana.

"Zahir-kun," Juvia sat up, looking oddly flustered, "why were you looking for Juvia?"

"I couldn't very well tell you all about those croissants and not bring you any."

"Oh no, you didn't have to," gasped the water mage, shaking her head, though she looked nothing short of delighted as she took the white box with it's elaborate blue ribbon.

"It was the least I could do after your pep talk." He folded his arms, and leaned against the doorframe. Like he planned to stand here and talk to her all day, or something. "This will officially be my last ride, no more holding myself back. Once this trip is over, I'll apply for the position in the royal pastry service, and if that doesn't work out, I'll apply to every bakery in Crocus and get recognized that way."

"That's an excellent idea," She clapped her hands excitedly, before cupping them under her chin.  _ Enthralled. _

Just then, completely organically, Gray came down with worst coughing fit, and oh, would you look at that, they remembered his existence...

Juvia passed him a napkin while making the introductions, "Zahir-kun this is Gray-sama, Gray-sama meet Zahir-kun. He's the cook Juvia was telling you about."

He could feel a nerve twitching under his eye, "I thought you said  _ cooks _ ."

"Well, yes, there were others, but Zahir-kun was the one kind enough to bring Juvia to the back kitchens. He made so many amazing dishes," She gushed, motioning toward the youth, who was turning redder by the second. "Including these to  _ die _ for chocolate macaroons, oh! Juvia has never had anything quite so delicious. The depth of that chocolate ganache,  _ nothing _ will be it's equal."

"Juvia, you're being too kind," Zahir mumbled, ducking his head.

"Yeah," piped up Gray, "she's always had that problem."

Both Juvia and Zahir turned to look at him. The bluenette stared at him for a moment, a crease between her brows, before she turned back to the pastry chef as if he hadn't spoken, enthusiasm renewed.

"Well, whatever path you take, you must write to Juvia! She will want to hear all about your adventures and successes."

"It's very kind of you to think I'll have more than one..."

"You are much too hard on yourself," Juvia admonished, lips pouted. She stood up, stepping on her seat just like earlier, and began rummaging through the overhead compartment. "Juvia is sure she has some paper packed somewhere... She was in such a frenzy to leave, Juvia mostly tossed whatever was closest to her in those final moments..." She muttered, face buried in her hat box.

Zahir hummed to himself, seemingly in no hurry. As if there wasn't a chance of a giant fire breaking out in the kitchen killing all of his co-workers, while he was down here, prattling about and bothering the passengers.

At one point, he turned to look at Gray curiously, but darted his eyes away quickly.

Probably because he recognized that Gray wasn't the type to fall into a pile mush over a couple of dinky little pastries.

Or maybe it was the tattoos spreading across his face like an infectious curse mark, who knows?

"Aha!" Juvia cheered, finally pulling her head out of her suit case, and flourishing a piece of paper in the air with victory, just when Gray's face returned to normal, "Juvia found one."

She was back in her seat in a moment, scribbling furiously, then thrust the paper at him, "That's the address of Juvia's guild in Magnolia, the name of the hotel we're staying at, and Juvia's number in case you need some advise when we aren't able to meet each other," she smiled.

What the  _ fuck? _ Did she give out copies of her bedroom key to convicted murderers, too?

"Why stop there?" Gray added snarkily, "Better give him your social security number while you're at it. And I'll give him the number to my bank account, just so we're even. After all, he  _ did _ make you macaroons and croissants. Should we throw in a kidney," Gray asked, turning to the baker, "y'know, just in case?"

"You're too funny, Gray-sama," Juvia answered for him, tone flat, not smiling.

Zahir didn't appear to hear their exchange, he was looking over the paper Juvia had given him, "You're going to Grisana?"

"Yes. Why, have you been?"

He nodded, "I went there once with a couple buddies. It was too expensive to stay at the hotels at the time, but the celestial lights alone are worth the trip. I hope you stay long enough to see them, come mid-November."

"Yes, our Master told us about them," Juvia frowned, "but the twenty-second is much longer than we were planning on staying."

"Oh, that's too bad..." He muttered, face darkening as he looked toward the ceiling, "But, uh, maybe I take you, if you wanna maybe... Y'know, make the trip back out here?"

Juvia's eyes lit up, "Would you like to make plans?"

"Su-"

"But is it  _ wise  _ to make plans, when anyone here could get trampled by a horse, at any time," Gray wondered aloud, " _ I _ don't think so, but..."

"I guess that's a good point." Zahir nodded, thoughtfully.

"No, it's not!" Juvia fumed.

The pastry chef stared from her to Gray, then scratched the back of his head, angling his body towards the door, "Well, uh Juvia, I gues-"

" _ Oh! _ Juvia has been so  _ rude _ ," she gasped, not understanding his hints, "You've been standing all this time. Please, have seat."

"He would," Gray injected, propping his feet up on the space Juvia had indicated beside her, before Zahir had even twitched a pinky, "but he has to go reinvent butter."

He'd been wrong earlier,  _ this _ was the flattest look anyone had ever given him, "He has to what?"

"There's a butter vacancy in the vegan community, Juvia" Gray doubled down, nodded wisely, "You'd know this you baked more often, Juvia."

She looked affronted, "Gray-sama is not one to talk. You don't know the difference between a cheese grater and spatula when left to your own devices, let alone the issues concerning the veg-"

"It is  _ so easy _ ," Gray cut in, "to downplay other people's problems when it doesn't concern you, but  _ I _ for one don't mind reading a couple articles every now and then, about all the children lying in the street, crying,  _ devastated _ that they'll never get to eat a pie or cookie, because their mothers once searched the benefits of kal-"

"Actually," The interloper piped up, "coconut oil works just fine as a substitute. Once cooled, it's just as good at creating a flaky pie crust as any butter. It's pretty big in the vegan community."

The bluenette clapped, thoroughly impressed, "Juvia will be sure to try that."

"Happy to hear it," Zahir nodded, "anyway, he's not wrong about my needing to get back. Ruster will have my head if I let another souffle collapse, today."

Great man, Ruster. Gray would love to meet that local hero and shake his hand one day.

"Oh, Zahir-kun, before you leave," Juvia picked up one of the square containers beside him, "would like to take a salad with you? No one's eating it, and Juvia hates waste. Plus, you're  _ so _ fit-"

"That's  _ my _ salad," Gray snapped, with a ferocity that surprised not only the two other people in the compartment, but himself as well.

It would have been smart to back down, and pretend his outburst had been a fluke, but he just kept going, almost against his own will.

"Everything in here is mine!" He pointed around the compartment at random, "Those shoes, that beer, this blanket-!" He grabbed the baby blue cloth, balling it up and stuffing it in his shirt, as if Zahir was seconds from swooping down and taking it, "And," he reached his arm forward, snatching the container out of Juvia's stupefied hands, "this goddamn salad!"

Silence was the only thing that followed his words.

Well, that's not entirely true. There was quite a bit of  _ staring _ ...

Juvia finally cleared her throat, turning to the pastry chef who looked back at her, equally wide-eyed, "Well..."

It seemed she was searching for words, but was coming up short.

"I know how to reach you," Zahir finished, edging towards the door.

"If it's with anything shorter than a  _ ten foot pole _ ..." Gray muttered in a voice that was audible for all to hear.

"Goodbye, Juvia."

"Bye."

"...Nice meeting you, Gray."

"I'd say the same, but that would make me a liar, so..." He shrugged like it was out of his hands.

The taller boy grimaced a little, then took his leave.

"Here," Juvia patted the pillow beside him, "Gray-sama clearly has not had enough rest."

"What makes you say that?" He retorted in a voice that was not defensive.

"Well, for one, you pointed to  _ Juvia's _ shoes earlier..."

"With enough dedication, those could be mine."

She was back to staring at him.

At least now he knew why she'd been so excited over the idea of going to the food car, and why she'd taken so long...

Juvia finally blinked, and pulled out a folded stack of paper from one of the baby books beside her, "Listen, Juvia has already taken care of the hotel reservation, and confirmed with Avyanna that we'll meet her in the morning, Juvia just wants to make sure you're up to speed and remember this mission, you were so out of it this morning, " She tried to pass him paper.

He refused to take it.

"Why don't you just ask  _ Zahir  _ to join you on this mission?" Gray bit back, doubly angry now that he wouldn't be getting anything else from the food car but the salad he still had a death grip around.

"Because he'll be busy interviewing to be a pastry chef at Mecurius Castle-"

" _ That's why?! _ "

Juvia lowered the stack of paper, looking him over with probing eyes, "Is Gray-sama okay?"

"Peachy."

"But your behavior is so  _ bitter _ and needlessly aggressive... Did you stub your toe recently?"

Gray whipped his head around to see if she was teasing, but her expression was dead serious, "What are you talking about?"

"Gray-sama only behaves this way for three reasons; he's hungry, he's tired, or he suffered an embarrassing injury. You just ate and insist you're not tired, so that leaves only the last option."

Juvia had no way of knowing this, but the idea that she had pegged his mood swings, like he wasn't a complex, fully functioning adult, but instead a toddler throwing a silly tantrum, only upset him more.

He stood up quickly, ignoring the unexpected soreness that made his legs shake a little, and headed for the door, "I gotta go."

" _ Oh, wait, _ " Juvia gasped, and Gray turned to see an uncomfortable amount of understanding brightening her eyes, "Juvia understands now."

Heat swept over Gray, and he very much wished to escape the too small compartment as quickly as possible, "You do?" He asked, dread thickening his voice.

"Yes," Juvia leaned forward, "You believed Juvia wasn't going to share her croissants!"

Gray landed on the floor harder than when Laxus threw him.

"Admittedly," she continued, pulling the box out from behind her, "the idea hadn't crossed Juvia's mind, but that's because she knows you don't really like sweet things, not because she's selfish," She popped open the box and thrust it at him, "Here, take whichever one catches your eye, even if it's the bigger one."

"I don't want your damn croissants," he growled, gripping the cushioned seat of his bench so he could hoist himself up. His legs had lost all their strength during the fall.

"Are you sure? Zahir-kun told Juvia he always makes his bursting with chocolat-"

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Well, alright," she muttered, back to looking stumped. She closed the box and rubbed her chin, as if waiting for wisdom to strike her.

Meanwhile, Gray was just angry at himself for nearly losing his cool.

Finally, Juvia sighed, looking at him expectantly, "Well, if it will help you feel better, you can tell Juvia how your mission went yesterday, and why you got in so late this morning."

That wasn't the turn he thought she'd take. Knowing Juvia, he was more inclined to believe she'd ask for a little blood so she could submit it for a personality test first...

Gray released a sigh of his own, he knew she was just trying to distract him, yet a small part of him wanted to fall for it, "Why bother?" He asked glumly, "I'm sure the other's gave a full description of what misunderstood angels they are, when they sat you down."

"Not really," Juvia shrugged, and Gray's brows lifted on their own accord, "They told Juvia  _ why _ they'd done it, but Juvia is still not entirely clear  _ what _ they did. As far as the fights go, Juvia only knows a little about your battle with Evergreen, but you fell asleep before you'd finished. How did the guildhall end up that way, and why were you hog-tied when Juvia arrived?"

Gray stared at her a moment, considering. He'd been through so much in the last two days, did he really want to revisit all of that?

But the injustice of what he'd been dealt started wiggling in his chest, until it felt like a live, burning thing, rushing through his veins, and before he knew it he was spread out on the bench again, talking with his hands as he began to recap.

"Well, let's just say, I don't think my day started off like yours. In fact, you could say it was just a continuation of yesterday, and yesterday had been shitty..."

xJx

"Why would he get cosmetic surgery to sharpen his elbows? Wouldn't his suits look better with broader shoulders?"

Gray pulled the last bag down the train's stairs with a huff, " _ I don't know. _ I don't really understand anything that happened there..."

"Minus the part where he thought he could steal my magic by taking one of my kidneys. Should have just told him all he had to do was train with a master, but I was so tired..." He gave a final grunt and her silver bag popped out of the door.

"Thank you."

"No, problem, now let's find the exit..."

They were the last ones on the platform, everyone else had cleared out fairly quickly around Juvia while Gray went back and forth, retrieving bags from the train.

She didn't quite understand why, but he'd been insistent he do it alone. Even when her bag got stuck in the door because he was forcing it through the wrong way, he'd still wanted to do it without any help.

"I'm just glad that's all over, I'm never going to Bosco again," Gray stated, continuing their conversation from before, while he held the door open. "At least, not until I hear that bastard went and kicked the bucket."

"And you're just going to let him get away with it?" Juvia huffed.

He squinted at her, quiet for a moment, then leaned in, "Are you really mad that he tried to steal my kidneys, or is this about the smoke-robot taking her shirt off in front of me?"

" _ Juvia can be angry about both! _ "

He shook his head, chuckling at a situation that was far from funny, "Of all the things... but I suppose it  _ is _ you. Anyway, it was only  _ attempted _ organ extraction," Gray joked, light-heartedly, "I don't even think you can press charges for that."

"...Yes." Juvia deadpanned, "You absolutely can. And just think, what happens if he does it again?"

"Oh, I thought of that," He nodded proudly, "Got him to put it in writing that he'll never do it again!"

She waited for more, before she realized he was done, "That's it?"

" _ Juvia, _ " He scoffed, "Peter is a business man, the written word matters more to them than anything else. He can't just  _ break _ a binding contract."

That logic wasn't completely sound to Juvia's ears, but beyond that, "If you didn't have it notarized with both parties present, it's not a binding contract..."

Silence.

She was sure Gray heard her, but he was pretending to read the name tag on the bag he was carrying. As if someone could have switched it out of his hand during their conversation, as if he could read in the dark.

"Also, what about justice for his previous victims?"

He jumped at that, "There were no past victims. He already told me.  _ I _ was his first!"

He said that with pride.

"Gray-sama, how do you know that? He could have just lied to get you to leave. If he's as rich as you say, fifty-eight and a half million Jewel is a small price to pay to go right back to doing what he was doing, with the only person aware of his crimes a nation away."

More silence.

"He's probably back at it as we speak, cutting up some kid that was a talented painter, or something." She turned on him, surprised by her anger, "Juvia can't believe money allowed you to turn a blind eye to his crimes!"

"I was tired, alright! How was I supposed to know he was a professional serial killer? If you'd been there, you'd probably think he was a dimwitted amateur, too!"

"Well, if you'd just invited Juvia along..." She muttered, dragging her bags down the stairs with more force than necessary, "But  _ no _ , Gray-sama has to do  _ everything alone _ ..."

"What are you mumbling about?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter now, anyway."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

The silence between them grew sticky as Juvia fought with the resentment bubbling inside of her. It did no good to start this mission off with an argument, but if he continued pushing her, Juvia wasn't sure she'd be able to control her temper.

She hurried down the last few steps, quickly pushing the door leading outside, open. She heard a loud, " _ Fuck! _ " when it slammed directly in Gray's face, a genuine, very real, completely unintentional, accident.

She was halfway down the street when an angry growl sounded behind her, as the same door swung open for a second time, "What the  _ fu- _ ?"

" _ Juvia! _ "

A different, but now familiar voice caught her attention, and Juvia turned to see Zahir, just a ways down the street, moving in the opposite direction, waving wildly as he walked backwards. "Goodbye, Juvia! I'm gonna try! I'm really going for it!"

The water mage blinked, surprised, and couldn't help the smile that suddenly came unbidden. She was a little startled by the emotion, but it felt good to see someone really try for their future, it was just the kind of thing that wiggled right into her heart, softening it to mush.

Mood improving rapidly, Juvia blew him a kiss, and waved back, "Farewell, Zahir-kun! Juvia will try to visit as quickly as she can! Work hard, write soon, follow your dreams, carve out your own path-!"

"Alright, I think he gets it."

Juvia would have jumped from how close Gray was, or how silently he'd managed to get there in the dark, but she never got the chance.

"  _ Gray-sama! _ Why are you pulling on Juvia like that?" He was yanking on her arm with so much urgency one would think he was pulling her from an active fire.

"It's getting late. We still need to find a ride and check into the hotel. Plus, it's getting cold out here."

She scoffed, some of the fight leaving her as she mimaked his dismissive tone, " _ Gray-sama does not get cold. _ "

He wouldn't look at her, "...I was talking about you."

Juvia's mouth fell open mutely. Now that he'd mentioned, the wind was beginning to bite her differently without the heat of anger to keep her warm.

She matched her step to his as they approached the end of the street, hoping to find a Magi Cab readily available so she could duck into it before the frost nipped her fingers.

There was only one vehicle on the street.

The person Juvia presumed to be the driver, stood outside, banging her head on the window, while muttering to herself. Which already looked like a bad sign to Juvia, but Gray stepped up to her before the water mage could give him her reason to second guess.

"Oi, you a driver?"

The woman jumped, looking wildly from Gray to the bluenette, who stood a little ways off, hoping she'd say no so they could turn around and head up the street every other passenger had traveled toward.

She dashed Juvia's dreams quickly, " _ Ho ho. _ I'm a driver, alright." She gave Gray a beady look, "For those who pay."

The ice mage waved his hand dismissively, "Of course we're gonna pay. Do you know how to get through the mountain passages, we're headed to Grisana."

It may have been Juvia's eyes, it was so dark on this street, with only the stars illuminating anything, but she could have sworn she saw the woman's eyes light up, "That's far, buddy,  _ ho ho _ , that's far."

"If you can't take us," Gray was already turning around, squinting in the direction behind them, "we can check down the street. Come on, Juvi-"

" _ Ho ho. _ Wait a second, I never said I couldn't take you, I just said it was far. And far means money. You have the money to pay for that kinda trip?" She leaned into Gray's space, peering at him as if trying to determine his net-worth based on the way his bangs were cut.

Gray sighed, face annoyed, "Yeah, I wouldn't be looking for a driver if I couldn't afford it."

The shorter lady nodded, satisfied with that answer, "Well, I need to check and be sure if the ride up there is worth it for me. Mountain passages mean more magic, and more magic means more money."

"Do what you need to do." The ice mage turned back to Juvia, taking stock of their bags, "We might need to strap that big silver one on the roof, the trunk should be able to handle everything else..."

For once, Juvia's attention wasn't on Gray, but the driver, making wild hand movements behind him.

She was scribbling furiously, jumping every so often in euphoria, while muttering to herself.

Now, how she was capable making those calculations in the dark, when Juvia could barely see her own hand in front of her face, was beyond her.

"Gray-sama, Juvia doesn't think this is good idea."

Gray looked up, brow raised, "What isn't a good idea? The only other place we could put that massive trunk is with us in the cabby, and I can't sit like that for more than a mi-"

"No, not that!" She whispered urgently, "The  _ driver. _ "

"What about her?"

"You don't think she's... strange?"

They both turned to see the woman spinning in a circle, skipping and kissing the paper passionately, before she toppled over in heap, guffawing until her voice was hoarse.

Gray shrugged, focus returning to the suitcases, "No, more than usual."

Juvia blamed her shock for not arguing further. In all her life, she never believed Gray had such a poor sense of judgement...

But then again, he wasn't willing to date her yet, so it wasn't  _ all _ that surprising.

The driver approached them, " _ Ho ho. _ Yessir, I'm ready and prepared to take ya!"

"Great. I'll load the stuff," Gray hefted up one of Juvia's bags, while the water mage tried to think of a way to express her concern, mind frustratingly blank. "Do you need a map? We ha-"

" _ Ho ho. _ That's alright, I know the way by heart!"

Another red flag raised straight in the air, and Juvia turned to Gray, hoping he'd notice. But he just shrugged, stuffing the map back in his pocket, before he strapped the bag on the roof.

"Hey," He nodded to Juvia, not noticing the helplessness radiating off of the bluenette, "Get inside before you catch a cold or something."

"But  _ Gray-sama _ -"

"It's fine, I'll be done in second."

Juvia sighed, loading herself through the door he held open.

The cabin was even darker than it had been outside, the only patch of brightness coming through the glass partition, but it didn't do much to allievate her mild blindness. The most she saw was a squat shadow ripple past, as their guide pulled herself onto the driver's seat outside.

Juvia wished she'd caught her name...

Nothing much happened while Gray packed the bags and the driver pulled the magic extraction strap around her arm, and the lack of excitement made Juvia begin to feel calmer.

Perhaps after hearing about Gray's day, and her issue with Christopher at the ticket booth, Juvia was simply convinced some other bizarre occurrence would impede the final leg of their trip, but besides the lady's excitement and obsession with money, Gray was right, she wasn't all that bad.

Juvia heard the trunk slam, and seconds later Gray was getting in beside her, "Everything alright?"

"No," He replied sarcastically, "All the bags couldn't fit, so I had them battle to the death for the opportunity to come with us. I wouldn't go outside if I were you, the carnage is unbelievable..." He looked away dramatically.

" _ Yes _ , would have taken far fewer words," Juvia grumbled back.

"Hm." He returned, still smiling from his own joke.

The driver tapped the glass, "All ready to go?"

"Yeah."

They lurched forward, and Juvia was pleased that the ride was smooth. Too often she'd gotten into similar cabs where their driver couldn't control their own magic and the ride became so bumpy, it was more like hitching a lift on a pogo stick than a vehicle.

She sat back, ready to relax, when a question from earlier came to her, "Gray-sama?"

His eyes were closed, but he opened one to look at her, "Yeah?"

"What about the woman?"

"What woman?"

"The chef, from the kitchen, the skeletal one you said had only one hand and a bloody stump?"

Gray shuddered so hard, his body shook her's a little, "What about her?"

"Was she a science thing, too?"

"I-" He seemed to be thinking back, but looked unsure, "She was outside serving cake when it all went down. I didn't really want more information about her, Juvia. I was more concerned with leaving and going to sleep."

"Well, yes, that's understandable. But Puter sa-"

" _ Peter. _ " Gray growled.

"Yes, him. He said his cook left him and would only send his meals through the mail, so who did you see?"

Gray was silent.

Juvia rubbed her hands together, thinking, "Perhaps he hired a caterer-"

"Yeah!" Gray cried, practically jumping on the idea.

"-or maybe, he made that whole sob story up to get you to pity him and leave." Juvia finished.

"No," Gray shook his head adamantly, "I watched that guy's eyeball jiggle out of his head, Juvia, there's no faking that."

She conceded his point, "Still, it disturbs Juvia to think those two roam the Earthland..."

"Which is why I'm never going back to Bosco."

She could see they were headed to their same argument from before, yet she couldn't contain herself, "But, Gray-sama, that's negligent, what if he does it again-?

"I'm not going back." His face was stubborn.

"Then alert the authorities!"

"I  _ can't _ , I signed a binding contr-"

"It's not binding if you didn't have it notarized!"

"I took his check, they're gonna think it's a hush money paymen-"

"Because it was." Juvia replied flatly. "And if something happens to another person because of him... you could be implicated as a willingly silent participant, who took shelter in  _ a foreign country. _ " Juvia's mind began running a thousand miles a second, a terrifying tale unfolding in her eye, "You could be imprisoned, and Juvia would become a jailhouse bride! We'd have to have the ceremony there, the two of us on different sides of the fence. And we could only have it when you're allowed to walk the yard, which completely contradicts the contemporary romantic style wedding ceremony Juvia's been planning for  _ three years _ -!"

"Will you quit it!" Gray barked, before Juvia could even question how they would manage to conceive their children, "None of that's happening. I was just out of it yesterday. If he tries the shit again," He shuddered once more, before sighing, "I'll go back to Bosco, and do whatever it takes to get him put away. Happy?"

The water mage crossed her legs, indeed feeling better, "Juvia is happy with anything Gray-sama decides, so long as he doesn't wear an orange jumpsuit on our big day."

He turned away from her, voice frustrated, "You're hopeless."

She shrugged, not ready to fall into silence yet, "What Juvia really doesn't understand, was the situation at the guildhall. Why lure you in with a fight? Surely the free breakfast buffet would have been enough to catch your attention."

He turned back to her, face outraged, "That breakfast was  _ free?! _ "

"Yes," Juvia nodded, pulling a folded piece of paper out of her trench coat's inner pocket, "it says so right here in their pamphlet-"

" _ Those assholes had pamphlets made?! _ "

She nodded again, "Juvia was just as outraged when she heard of them, she didn't even want to see them, but Makarov-san must have slipped this one into the stack request of sheets. That's where she found it," The bluenette unfolded the laminated paper for a second time, unable to read it in the dark, but well aware of it's contents, "It actually appears to be a well organized event, did you know they had a band coming at noon-? "

"No, I didn't know that." Gray cut in, "I was too focused on Mirajane,  _ knocking the shit out of me right after I crawled outta bed! _ "

Juvia released a sympathetic hum. That  _ was _ a pretty low blow on the she-devil's part. Slipping a hand in one of his, she scooted closer, voice sincere, "Juvia truly is sorry. You must have been in so much pain with her repeatedly stomping on your chest, even when you were down..."

Gray's eyes were staring straight ahead, but he nodded minutely.

"For Mirajane to ambush you in your apartment and chase you all the way to the guild, and Elfman threatening to eat your legs while Lisanna relentlessly clawed at your face like that, Juvia would never have believed the Strauss siblings capable of such  _ cruelty _ ."

Juvia had sat there in mute shock when Gray described the way the entire guild ganged up on him at once, attacking any part of him they could, the assault lasting hours, before they demanded Gray fight Laxus at four in the morning, just to keep themselves entertained while they ate breakfast.

It was stunning to discover how mistreated he'd been, all in a misguided attempt to get him to join her on this mission. Juvia had nearly burst into tears when he spoke of Erza throwing darts at him while he was tied to a spinning wheel. Gray said he could still hear echos of the redhead's laughter when the room grew too quiet, it was  _ heartbreaking _ .

No wonder no one had wanted to give her details of the event, they'd gone beyond overboard. She would probably never look at Fairy Tail the same way again.

Juvia tossed the pamphlet out the window, then turned back to Gray, voice soft, "Are you in any pain, now?"

At first it looked like he was going to continue ignoring her, but then he shifted abruptly, "A little."

"Where?"

"Mostly my ribs," Even in the dark, he looked pitiful, "Between Metalhead squeezing me with those iron bands, and Laxus being so upset that he was losing our fight that he tried to crush the air outta my lungs, it's been a struggle. Especially when you combine all that with the Riverdance Mira performed on me, I can barely breathe without my ribs aching."

Juvia felt twice as terrible, she hadn't even noticed he'd been in agony this whole time. She leaned in further, a hand resting on his shoulder, "Here, take your shirt off."

"Why?" He asked, reaching to pull it off without much thought.

" _ Juvia will kiss your boo-boos away, even it takes all night! _ "

Gray's eyes nearly popped out of his head, before he turned away from her again, "I have never met, a more opportunistic person,  _ in my life! _ "

He didn't say no, though.

After fifteen minutes, when it became clear that no amount of wrestling would get Gray's clothes off, Juvia peeked out the partition. They were passing Mecurius Castle.

It must be strange living in a place so big. When she'd been imaging her jailhouse wedding earlier, she could have sworn they'd been outside the front gate then, too. To have so many entrances leading into one location... Juvia couldn't imagine it.

And the effort it must take to clean, that alone  _ had _ to be disastrous...

The water mage turned away, and was surprised to see her breath visible, now that some of the light pouring out of the castle's windows was filtering into their carriage.

She shivered.

It seemed Gray noticed the movement, and looked her over, surprised, "Are you okay?"

"Uh, Juvia is not at her warmest right now," She replied, trying not to let her teeth chatter.

He tapped on the glass, "Hey, could you turn up the heat?"

The young woman slid back the panel, though it appeared she'd been perfectly capable of hearing Gray through it, " _ Ho ho _ , sure."

"Thank-"

"That'll be J6,500."

His eyes popped again, "Wh-? You  _ charge _ for heat?"

" _ Ho ho _ , I gotta press the button, that's extra labor, laddie."

Suddenly, Juvia didn't really need the heater anymore. Her indignation was like a log fire raging inside her chest.

That feeling was transformed into an inferno when the woman turned back, leaving the window wide open, the wind chill made worse by their gathering speed.

Juvia had to resist physically attacking the woman. The fact that her fingers were practically icicles had a lot to do with her restraint, as well, "Will you please reclose the partition?" The handle to the glass panel was on her side of the vehicle.

" _ Ho ho. _ J2,600." She replied, blandly.

Juvia threw her hat so hard it bounced against the wall and smacked Gray in the face, "Why would you charge us for that?!  _ You're _ the one who opened it!"

" _ Ho ho. _ You've gotta understand,  _ the physical labor _ , Mis-"

"Nevermind, then," Juvia seethed, picking her hat up off the floor to stuffing her hands inside it, instead.

Gray had the nerve to smile at her breezily. She knew he hated heaters in confined spaces, and probably enjoyed the way the temperature in the cabin was dropping lower by the second, "It's really not  _ that _ bad."

The water mage was fully prepared to glare at him, mouth open in angry rebuttal, when a thought suddenly occured to her, "You're right. In situations like this you have to see the bright side."

"Exactly."

"For instance, all this frosty air chilling Juvia down to her bones, is the perfect opportunity for Juvia to snuggle with her Gray-sama for warmth!"

The smile dropped from his face, "Wait, I di-"

Too late, Juvia had hopped over the armrest and landed squarely in his lap, face buried in his chest as her arms wrapped around his neck.

His reaction was just what you'd expect.

Shock.

"W-Wh-What are you  _ doing?! _ "

Anger.

"Juvia, get the fuck off of me!"

Pleading.

"Just let go of my neck, and we can figure something else out."

Bargaining.

"Whatever you want, it's yours,  _ just get off of me! _ "

Logic.

"I-I'm an  _ ice mage _ I'm not gonna keep you warm!"

Still, she snuggled closer, "Hmm, but this makes Juvia warm in an entirely  _ different _ wa-!"

He pulled out his wallet, rummaging through it clumsily around Juvia's body, before he thrust his arm out the window, "Here! J10,000. Close the window and turn up the fucking heat!"

The woman snatched the bill, holding it up for reasons Juvia couldn't guess, since there wasn't much light to see by, then stuffed it in her shirt and slammed the partition closed. Seconds later, a soft rumble indicated the heat was running.

...

"The heats  _ on _ now," Gray announced, like Juvia was unaware.

She rubbed her cheek against his, the occasional stubble only making her grip tighten, "Yes, but it's still  _ so cold. _ It may take  _ hours _ for this whole carriage to warm up, and in that time Juvia's legs could very well freeze and fall off. Best to not risk it."

The growl he let out may have been a sound of frustration, or perhaps even a warning, but the way it traveled into Juvia's body just gave her a pleasant, and rather distracting, buzz.

"I'm not fucking around, Juvia."

"Well, that's nice to hear," She sighed happily, "Juvia can't stand cheaters."

"I'm serious!"

"Oh, fine," Juvia sighed. She unraveled herself from around him, and started crawling back toward her seat, her stomach growling quietly, "Juvia is growing hungry,  _ anyway. _ Now, that's she warm again, Juvia can try the chocolate croissants Zahir-kun gav-"

"Alright, you can stay for a little while," Gray declared loudly, grabbing her around the middle and yanking her back onto his lap so quickly she released a small yelp of surprise, "but only until we can clear the city and move into the mountains."

Juvia blinked, a little dizzy from his abrupt change in opinion.

She tried to catch his expression, but between the darkness and the fact that he'd spoken to ceiling, and was deliberately looking away from her now, made it near impossible.

Then something else occured to her, "We haven't left the capital yet?"

"No, we're just outside of Mecurius Castle."

"That's not possible." The water mage lurched forward, peering through her window, where indeed the large castle still cast a shadow over their carriage, the same imposing gate that she was sure she'd seen  _ twice _ now, just up ahead.

Juvia tapped on the glass urgently, "Excuse Juvia?"

" _ Ho ho. _ How can I help ya?"

"Why has we not left for the mountains yet?"

" _ Ho ho. _ Whaddya mean?"

"Juvia has seen that tree  _ three times _ already." She pointed to the large Sugar Maple on the side of the road, leaves a brilliant orange in the light of the castle.

" _ Ho ho. _ I was just giving you the scenic route."

Juvia's voice was outraged, "We never asked for a  _ scenic route! _ "

" _ Ho ho. _ But you didn't pay  _ not _ to have one, either."

Were they not in a moving vehicle, with the action certainly leading to all of their deaths, Juvia would have drowned the woman.

The water mage retook her own seat, internally boiling, "Gray-sama, please talk to her."

"If I do," He seethed, "I think I might stab her."

It was nice that they were on the same page.

" _ Ho ho. _ " Her voice sounded a little nervous now, "I suppose the lovely tour portion is over. You're welcome."

" _ I'm what?! _ " Juvia had to stop Gray's hand from reaching through the window again. It was clear from his voice he had less virtuous intentions than passing over money, this time.

The carriage took a sharp turn and Juvia looked out the window resolutely, determined not to allow more time to be wasted going in circles.

Once they'd reached the outskirts of Crocus, and the land outside their windows contained more trees and rocks, and fewer houses and shops, she'd sighed, "Gray-sama, do you have any kind of light?"

Before he'd opened his mouth, the partition slammed open and the driver screamed, " _ Ho ho. I'll turn on the carriage light for the low, low price of J15,000! _ "

"That's more expensive than anything you've offered so far!"

" _ Ho ho. _ Not as expensive as your f-" Her voice trailed off as she turned to face the road again, closing the glass behind her.

"Why did you need a light?" Gray asked, reminding her of what she'd been trying to do before the interruption.

"Juvia wanted to check the map," she sighed, "See how mucher longer we have to deal with Miss  _ Ho Ho _ -

There was shouting through the glass, " _ I'll tell you my real name for J20,000 _ -"

"Are you serious?!"

The panel slide open once again, "Sir, I never joke about money..."

It looked like Gray was determined to just ignore her now, "Where did you book the reservation?"

"A fairly nice resort," Juvia replied, happy to take her mind off their driver, "apparently Grisana  _ only _ has nice resorts. It's not a national brand or anything, but the rooms were plenty spacious, and they have breakfast in the morning."

"Good, I'm still hungry. Hopefully, I can wait 'til then."

"What?" Juvia looked him over in concern, "Why didn't you say something befor-?"

" _ Ho ho. _ Y'know I'm hungry, too!"

"Could you  _ please _ just focus on driving?"

" _ Ho ho. _ We're here, Missy."

Juvia blinked, and looked out the window.

They had indeed stopped and were standing outside a small cozy little restaurant. The water mage stepped out of the carriage, looking around.

It seemed legitimate. Mountains surrounded them in almost every direction and the light from the Mercurous Castle was bright but fairly distant.

Frost covered grass crunched, and Gray came around to meet her, "This it?"

She looked around herself, while their driver wiggled down from her seat, "Juvia supposes..."

She hadn't excepted Grisana to be so spread out, though. As far as she could see there was only the diner behind Gray, it's neon pink sign harsh against the rather subdued, rather empty road, and a house, further back behind it.

The squat woman jogged up to them, as if she was part of their unit, rather than a persistent headache, " _ Ho ho. _ What are we talking about?"

"I'll tell you, for J30,000." Gray deadpanned.

" _ Ho ho. _ Great sense of humor!" She nodded with approval, "That's great, I hate eating with dull passengers."

Gray and Juvia shared a look before she asked cautiously, "What you are speaking about?"

" _ Ho ho. _ You're in for a treat. Ginny's serves the best parma sandwiches in Fiore. But y'know, even that goes down dry when I've got riders crying about  _ When will we get to our house? _ and  _ This is nowhere near Hargeon. _ " She shook her head in disgust. "It started out rough with you guys, but I can forgive ya, now."

Juvia was speechless.

Gray was not. "You said,  _ we're here _ .  _ Here _ , as in Grisana, our final destination. The place we're  _ paying _ you to take us!"

" _ Ho ho. _ I never meant we were at your  _ destination _ , just that we were  _ here. _ In Suclose. I've never seen anyone make this place their final destination, it's so depressing." She kicked a pebble.

Gray jaw worked overtime for a moment, then he whipped out the map still stuffed his pocket, and began looking over it frantically under the lone light outside the restaurant, "Suclose is ten miles from Crocus, and in the  _ opposite _ direction of Grisana!" He seethed.

" _ Ho ho. _ Yeah, sure is. You're very handy with a map, laddie."

"Why are we  _ here? _ "

" _ Ho ho. _ We need to stop for fuel."

Juvia had seen many of Gray's veins pop in different places, for different reasons, but this was the first time she'd seen his tongue laced with them. "What do you mean you need to stop for fuel? It's a Magi Mobile,  _ magic _ is the fuel!"

" _ Ho ho _ ." Well, I'm all out, after that little scenic route you two insisted on taking  _ three times. _ "

Gray spun on the water mage abruptly, "Juvia, I can't hit a girl. Please, do something."

"Juvia would, but she has a policy against taking her rage out on those who work in the service industry..." She replied sadly.

"Then talk some  _ sense _ into her."

"Gray-sama," The water mage chuckled, almost against her own will, "that could take  _ all _ year."

To everyone's surprise, both girls burst out laughing.

Gray's face was wooden, "Did you guys take drugs and not offer me any?"

Fifteen minutes later they were back outside, piling into the Magi Mobile, two people loaded with enough food to feed seventeen.

Juvia watched, arms folded, disgust curling her lip, as Gray quickly unwrapped one of his eight sandwiches and stuffed half of it into his mouth.

He swallowed, barely chewing and remarked, "It is a good chicken parm."

She turned her head away swiftly, "Leave Juvia alone."

He took another big bite, looking relaxed, "You're just bitter the old bat asked me if I was married to the driver and kept dropping hints we'd be good for each other. That was no reason to go hungry, and certainly not something to stay mad ab-"

She whipped around back, eyes slits, "Gray-sama, she barely comes up to your ankle, is ten years older, and begins every sentence with  _ Ho Ho _ , why would that old crone make such an assumption when Juvia was standing  _ right there? _ "

He shrugged, still unbothered, "Maybe she's a fortune teller."

Gray may have been joking, but Juvia took his statement as seriously as the grime ripper knocking on her door.

She hit the partition so hard her fist nearly went through it, "Take us back! Take Juvia back  _ this instant! _ "

"What are you doing?!" Gray cried, food nearly spilling out if his hands.

"  _ Juvia will remove that cancerous witch off the face of Earthland before any of her bullshit predictions come true! _ "

"Juvia, I was  _ kidding _ , and what happened to your policy about not mistreating service workers?"

"Exceptions matter, Gray-sama!" She shrieked, swatting him away.

It took ten minutes of fighting, a nimble from Gray's sandwich, and their driver informing them that turning around cost a whopping  _ J400,000 _ , for Juvia to calm down long enough to remember homicide was a harsh punishment for being grossly incorrect about a potential coupling.

After that, it was fairly quiet in the cab. Juvia lost the last vestiges of energy she had for the day while she'd been scratching Gray's face, and he seemed to be less than thrilled at the idea of speaking to her, due to all the scratches on his face.

Which was so  _ petty. _

She hadn't realized her eyes had fallen shut until Gray's outburst, " _ What now? _ "

Their cab had once again come to a halt, but like Gray, Juvia wasn't foolish enough to believe they'd arrived.

The shrill sound of tapping on glass alerted Juvia that their driver was outside her window, rather than driving her fucking vehicle.

She didn't want to lower it, she really didn't.

Gray did it for her, "What's the issue?" He asked, leaning over Juvia, much to the water mage's delight.

" _ Ho ho. _ Road block." She stated simply, then disappeared back up front.

Gray was already opening his door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna remove what's ever in the way before she charges us a million jewel for her  _ bravery _ and  _ services. _ " He made air quotes.

Juvia grabbed his wrist, "Hey."

"What?"

"This isn't some elaborate ruse so you can run off and marry her is it?"

"Let go of me, Juvia."

"Alright," She don't have much of a choice, as he'd ripped himself free pretty fiercely, "but if you run out on Juvia, she will not rest until she finds you again."

"I don't doubt it." He replied with a roll of his eyes.

He slammed the door and disappeared from her sight, but was barely gone a second before he came running back to his window.

"Don't get out the cab!"

"What?" Juvia reached for her doorknob, startled and fully prepared to get out and see his cause for alarm. "Why not? Did she propose to you?"

"I'm not joking, Juvia. There's like a dozen grown-ass bears blocking the road!"

"What? Where's our driver?"

" _ Ho ho. _ " Suddenly came from Juvia's right and she turned with a hand clutching her heart, to see their guide standing outside her window, looking unbothered. "I'm right here. And thank you so much for being concerned. I once broke my leg and my own mother didn't even call. Probably because she was in jail for assault after pushing me down the stairs, but st-"

"Gray-sama," Juvia interrupted, not wanting to fall into that rabbit hole, peering at the ice mage curiously. "Why are you reacting this way over a bunch of bears?"

"Why am I-?" He looked stunned for a moment before he leaned into the window further, hissing angrily, "They're  _ bears _ Juvia, should I have asked you to help me brainstorm a love poem in their honor, what kinda question is that?"

"It's just... You scoffed at the idea of fighting an army of Vulcans, why would  _ bears-? _ "

"Vulcans. Aren't. Bears."

"Juvia understands that, but why-?"

Gray removed his attention from Juvia like she was a hopeless case and rounded on their driver, "Why did you let me come out here blind?"

" _ Ho ho. _ I never told you to get out."

"You never told us what was blocking us, either!"

" _ Ho ho. _ You never asked.*

The next sound Gray released was too contorted for Juvia to properly interpret it, but the gist of it probably contained expletives given the context.

" _ Ho ho. _ If you scream like that you're just gonna become one of the bear's tar- See, here he comes."

Gray's face paled as he backed up, while Juvia continued staring at him through the window, not understanding.

It just didn't make any sense. While Vulcans were not the brightest creatures on the planet, they did possess a modicum of magic, and even the most talented wizards had to be careful of how they fought them, lest their body be transformed into another one of the beasts.

Bears were just bears, though. They had no magic, and if one could comfortably take on a Vulcan's strength, then a bear's power was no issue. It had the basic straight-forward logic of any common wild animal. You could even go as far as saying fighting Elfman was just like fighting a bear with five times the intelligence, and Gray got into fights with the male Strauss sibling all the time.

So, why...?

Perhaps he'd run out of magic?

She scooter into his seat, "Gray-sama, if you need hel-"

" _ Stay inside! _ "

The bear roared at the noise, rearing on his hind legs and towering over Gray.

It wasn't until Juvia noticed the way his eyes widened, hands not moving to create anything or defend himself, that she realised what the problem was.

Gray was afraid.

And his fear had frozen him stiff.

The bear had taken a swipe, claws shredding his clothes to bits, when the realization hit her. The water mage didn't waste any time from there. Leaping out the cab, she shoved Gray hard, knocking him behind the vehicle, and turned to face the bear herself.

It's maw was opened wide, spittle flying, as it roared again. The sound reverberated around the narrow mountain pass, echoing terribly and shaking the snow off the trees surrounding them.

Juvia heard a plop, and felt an unpleasant cold trickling onto her exposed head, the snow quickly sluicing down her neck and back.

It was background noise to the movement she made.

Creating a wave three stories high, dwarfing the bear in front of her that fell on all fours in shock, Juvia swept the beast up in her water.

Despite her rage, she was careful to keep her water pressure high enough that the bear wasn't submerged any deeper than it's ankles. Then she moved back down the road, grabbing his companions as she rolled with her water.

She didn't go far, just a little over the ridge, making sure the collection of black bears had enough room to be set down comfortably.

It was a fairly open plane, rocky and desolate, with the mouth of a cave visible. Perfect for the hibernation they were sure to go into later next month.

Juvia landed gently, spreading them out over the yellowed grassland.

"Now," She tutted, wagging a finger at each bear in turn, "do Juvia a favor and try not to frighten any more passing travelers? Juvia understands this was originally your home, but every so often we must share. And part of sharing includes respect on all sides. Agreed?"

Juvia wasn't really looking for a response, but as she turned back into a twister, the largest one, well in the back, gave a growl that could have been interpreted as a purr of agreement. The water mage smiled.

Noticing a rather deep, open basin in the ground, Juvia filled it to the brim, than took off back toward the valley.

She landed neatly in front of Gray. He'd moved, no longer sprawled behind the cab like Juvia had left him. Instead, his back was leaning against it's back wheel, the shredded remains of his shirt balled up beside him.

Gray's face was somber as he asked quietly, "...Did you kill them?"

Juvia jolted, mildly affronted, "Of course not!"

"I just thought... Since you took them away... the blood splatter would have been crazy..."

It was almost like he was in shock.

Juvia wrapped a hand around one his arms, hefting up the rest of his body with the unusually cool limb. Though his body was just as heavy, he seemed to understand what she wanted, if dimly, helping her help him up.

Soon, he was on his feet and Juvia directed him back into the cab, closing the door softly so as not to startle him further.

She picked up the shirt he'd left behind.

The damage wasn't all bad.

If you liked fringe.

" _ Ho ho. _ Ya ready to go?"

Juvia jumped, rounding on the little woman just behind her, " _ Yes, _ " The water mage seethed, "Juvia is ready now."

She nodded perkily, than took off, scrambling into the driver's seat.

Juvia entered the carriage far more subtly. She wasn't  _ entirely _ sure what to expect from Gray after this, but she did have a hunch.

Which turned out to be correct.

The cabby was deadly silent, and it stayed that way for over twenty minutes. Gray kept his face hidden in the shadow, hands clenched in his lap, while Juvia tried to think of a way to clear some of the heavy atmosphere.

Finally she muttered, unable to take the silence any longer, "Your shirt's not entirely ruined, if you're into the shredded look. Juvia has seen it in a few magazines, so..."

He took the shirt, still mute.

"Is this your first time seeing a bear in real life?"

He shook his head.

Well, that was more of a response that she'd gotten so far!

"Would you like to share your previous experience?" She prodded gently.

Gray's voice was hoarse, "Let's just say, I grew up in the North. One time I made the mistake of going out alone without any way to protect something precious to me and a bear was there to take advantage of my helplessness. If I hadn't run like hell, he would have gotten away with it clamped in his jaw, and my life would never be the same..." He looked away, a truly haunted expression on his face.

Juvia's voice was quiet, respectful of his trauma, "What did try to take that was so precious to you? Your necklace?"

She indicated the jewelry, but Gray shook his head firmly, "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Was it an apple?"

He whipped his head to look at her, incredulous, "How did you jump from the only article of clothing I ever keep track of, to a common fucking piece of fruit?"

"Both bears and Gray-sama love apples," She shrugged, "Juvia can imagine you doing all you can to protect such a prize when you were young."

He rolled his eyes, shifting away, "Just leave it alone."

"But Juvia wants to help yo-!"

" _ Ho ho. _ " Neither Gray nor Juvia had noticed that the partition was wide open, they both looked up, startled, "A bear nearly bit his weeny off when he went to pee by himself for the first time, and now he's scarred for life, magic power be damned!"

Gray's cheeks were visibly on fire, even without proper lighting, "One more word out of you and you'll be driving us for free!"

The woman looked just as frightened as Gray had with the bear.

"Gray-sama?" Juvia whispered, even more cautious now as the window pane slammed shut, there was a chance he might blow up if she questioned him further, "Is her interpretation of your story, true?"

He wouldn't look at her, and she took it as a yes.

"Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of!" She exclaimed, giving him a robust pat on the back, " _ Everyone _ has fears and embarrassing tales to go along with them. Why, has Juvia ever told you why she has a fear of snakes?"

"No." He mumbled, face still in his hands, but there was strand of hope there, I'm his voice.

"Okay, Juvia's fear started years ago when she was a little girl. A massive snake had snuck into the library of her orphanage when she was all alone, hiding from the boys who teased her. He'd crept up to Juvia without her knowledge, and bit her leg so many time, that even her water body began feeling the effects of the venom. With the poison circulating through Juvia's bloodstream she could barely stand from the pain, but the snake took her continued living as an insult and wanted to fight, then and there. Juvia threw books and chairs, anything within reach, until she finally created a sphere of water containing and drowning him, before she passed out. When animal control showed up to take his carcass, they were shocked to hear Juvia had been bitten and was still alive to talk about. It turns out, he was a Inland Taipan, highly lethal. If Juvia had been anyone else, she would have died after the first bite! It had more than enough vemon to kill a hundred men. With that brush with death, Juvia has been terrified of snakes ever since." She rubbed his back, "Feel better?"

Gray looked up miserably, "Juvia, that's a  _ cool _ story."

Her face fell as well, "Oh."

The glass panel slid open once again, " _ Ho ho. _ We're here!"

"Yeah, right."

"If you stopped us for a hair appointment, or because you've seen a particularly pretty star, Juvia is no longer liable for what she does to you!"

" _ Ho ho. _ I'm serious, you asked for Grisana and here we are. Unless you want me to take you back," The Magi Mobile started up again, and both Juvia and Gray looked up with alarm. "It'll cost you three times your fare, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice on your behal-"

" _ No! _ "

They both jumped out, not concerned that the vehicle was in motion if it meant they could get away from their chaotic driver.

Juvia was already up when the Magi Mobile made a small circle, and stopped in front of Gray.

The driver hopped down quickly, looking expectantly at the ice mage still on ground, panting heavily, " _ Ho ho. _ I'm sure you know what time it is?"

"Thanks for the hand up," Gray grumbled, dusting himself off.

"Well, I coulda helped you, but adding medical debt onto an already  _ astronomical _ cab fee, just seemed cruel," She chuckled. " _ Unless...? _ "

Juvia hurried to the carriage before she could add a baggage handling fee just for opening the trunk.

She was nearly done unstrapping her large silver suitcase from the room, when she heard an outraged voice, "You charged us for  _ hijinks and general shenanigans!? _ "

Juvia turned around to find Gray holding a piece of paper longer than his legs. Her heart dropped when she realized it was the bill.

Their driver stood beside him, whistling breezily, " _ Ho ho. _ My jokes don't just write themselves, especially when the passengers decide to go off script. Improv is not my friend."

Juvia hauled the bags over, watching with dread as Gray quickly scanned the rest, "I'm not paying for any of this shit-!"

" _ Ho ho. _ You don't have a choi-!"

He held up a hand, as if to say he wasn't finished, "But I will pay you, to get out of my life for eternity." Gray pulled out a stack bills, and started peeling off. When it became thicker than her hand, Juvia had to look away.

It nearly made her nauseous.

It was quiet for a moment, before a sad voice muttered, " _ Ho ho. _ Y'know that's exactly what my grandma told me on my fifth birthday, laddie..."

Even her  _ Ho ho _ came out devasted.

Juvia turned back around in time to see Gray's eyes widen in panic, "I'm sorry, I di-"

"But I still took that bitch's money, and I'll take your's too!" She guffawed, snatching the wade out of Gray's hand.

She counted it quickly, before stuffing it in her hat. Then clapped obnoxiously, looking pleased, " _ Ho ho. _ Y'know I was serious earlier, throw in an extra J25,000 and I'll tell you my name-"

"Get out of my face, before I rob you of all my money back."

She was already halfway down the street.

Juvia stepped up to him, passing over his shirt, "Didn't she offer her name for J20,000 before?"

He yanked what was left of it on, hair ruffled further, " _ Who gives a fuck? _ "

"But you must admit," Juvia cheered, skipping forward, "She  _ is _ far more opportunistic than Juvia, and if that's a quality you dislike in women, then you couldn't possibly consider marryi- Where are you going?"

Gray had dropped his bag, and was headed toward the dark end of the street, back the way they'd come, "To find the biggest mountain I can jump off."

He was mostly kidding, but Juvia still had to drag him back, and force his bag back in his hands.

Now that everything was calmer, Juvia could finally take in the long awaited village of Grisana, and it was beautiful.

Their carriage had dropped them off right in front of the village square. It was lit up, even at this late hour, with warm, soothing little lights like fireflies, clustered around bushes, shrubs, and tree trunks.

As far as Juvia could tell, there was no view of Crocus here, they were surrounded by mountains made for skiing. Juvia could see one the lifts behind the clocktower, bathed in the warm light from below.

It was still too warm for snow, but the glass of a tiny, brightly lit cafe was fogged, half a dozen couples sitting in the window, laughing in a way that Juvia could only describe as glamorous. Other restaurants and shops were full of life as well, with the few people on the street darting into them quickly to escape the chill.

"What time is it?" Juvia whispered, finally taking in the crystal clear stars above them, and not wanting to disrupt the almost magical understanding she felt, when three seemed to wink just at her-

" _ What the fuck?! _ "

Juvia looked up, startled by his outburst and a little embarrassed when the women walking by them, turned to stare.

"What's wrong?" Juvia asked in a undertone.

"That little weasel stole my watch!"

"What? Are you sure you didn't toss it away at some point?" Juvia turned to look behind him, as if she might find it right there on the pavers. It wouldn't be the first time...

"No. She took it. I bet you anything."

Juvia shook her own wrist, happy to see her watch still in place, "Well, there's not much we can do. She's probably on the other side of the mountain pass by now."

Gray grumbled something under his breath, but Juvia was too busy admiring the hotel just up ahead. "Please don't fret, Gray-sama. Juvia will just buy you a new one. Look, we're nearly there, cheer up, okay?"

"Fine. I think I just need to rest some more."

She nodded happily, reaching for the front door, when Gray tugged her elbow, pulling her back.

She looked at him questioningly, but his eyes were resolutely staring at a fur shop, "Hey, uh Juvia?"

"Hm?"

"About the bear thing..."

" _ Oh, _ " She murmured, understanding dawning, "Juvia won't tell anyone, of course not." She felt affronted that he believed she would.

"Thanks," He muttered, giving her shoulder a nudge with his own.

Gray held open the door, and she followed him into the hotel, filled to the brim with swarming butterflies.

The front desk was empty, so Juvia rang the bell. Her hand had barely finished touching it when a perky voice screamed, "Hi!"

Both Juvia and Gray jumped back.

A blonde boy popped up, smile brilliantly, "My name is Anders. How can I help you?"

He could start by explaining how he could have such a sunny personality at 1:30 in the morning, while working in the hospitality industry, attending to rich people.

But instead, Gray spoke slowly, voice clear, "We just wanna check in, no jokes, no drama."

"Right away, Sir," He beamed, "Names?"

That sparkle couldn't just be from  _ coffee _ , could it...?

Juvia leaned over the desk, tone quieter than a mouse, "It's under the reservation;  _ Juvia Fullbuster- _ "

" _ What have I told you about doing that! _ " A angry voice shouted, predictably.

"Gray-sama!" She frowned, rounding on him and pretending to be shocked, "Juvia had no idea you were so willing to take on Juvia's maiden name, how progressive of you! From now on, all of our reservations will be under  _ Gray Lockser, _ Juvia swears!"

He pointed a finger in her face, "I refuse to allow you to give me a heart attack. I will outlive your crazy even if it kills me-"

"Isn't that a contradict-"

" _ Juvia! _ "

"Fine, change the reservation if you wish. It does no good, Juvia already files her taxes under the name, this is a crumb compared to a loaf."

A perky voice interrupted his retort, "Excuse me, I have your all details right here," They turned to look at him, "It's a shame you'll be leaving when you will, you know the Celestial Lights festival happens just couple weeks after you depart? They really shouldn't be missed."

"So, Juvia has heard!" She smiled.

Gray grumbled, "Do we pay now, or later?"

"Payment seems to already be taken care of," Anders muttered, and Gray nodded looking relieved. After all the money he'd just spent to get here, it might have been physically painful for him to part with anymore tonight, "I was just wondering. It says you would be checking in by ten thirty, what happened?"

"Worst carriage ride in history," Gray answered shortly, "please don't ask for details."

"Well, I'll be a bag of dirty dog hair!"

Gray leaned toward Juvia, face slack, "...He'll be a  _ what? _ "

"I haven't seen people take a carriage up here in months, not since the stairs were installed."

It was quiet for a long minute, before Juvia muttered, "The what?"

"The stairs! The town hired Sabertooth to install some stairs on the side of the mountain facing Crocus nearly three months ago! They were tired of being overcharged by all those Magi Cabs, purposely taking longer routes, and stopping whenever they could just to run up the bill. It was getting out of control."

Juvia tried to quiet the panic building in her heart, "Yeah, but we came from the train station in the middle of Crocus, I'm sure that's further than those stairs rea-"

"No, you can call me a bunny's backside, but I'm sure it's less than a five minute walk from Crocus Station to Grisana. The walk to the bathrooms from the pool is longer- Sir, please don't stab my desk."

Gray had a dagger of ice longer than his arm angrily clutched in a fist, the tip pointed dangerously close to the blonde.

Juvia was surprised at the bravery of the man behind the counter, unflinching, still smiling, because the look on the ice mage's face was pure murder. It was also fairly shocking Anders thought Gray was just going to use that on his desk...

"Can we just get our keys, please?" Juvia asked sweetly, shoving Gray's arm down.

"Just one thing, there seems to be a slight discrepancy in your reservation..." Anders muttered.

"A dis- Don't tell Juvia..." Perhaps Makarov had been right, maybe Juvia and Gray  _ were _ Fate's plaything, and now the tricky temptress was forcing them into one of her favorite tropes:

_ A singular bed! _

The two on a twin, unable to do anything about it, every other room booked. Sure, on night one they're be embarrassed, trying to not touch, sleeping on either end of the bed, a wall of pillows between them.

But slowly, things could change, one night they'd come in too tired to bother putting up the pillow wall and from there they'd forget about it entirely. Some mornings they'd wake up, their limbs intertwined, blushing furiously, yet not entirely uncomfortable with the closeness-

"I'm sorry Miss, but under our policies we can't destroy the resort's pool and hot tubs, simply because you requested it."

Juvia was thrust violently into the present. She shook her head, ignoring the curious look Gray was throwing her, and remembered the talk she'd had with herself in her bedroom, that had sent her into a frenzy.

Her voice was sweet, "But your policy is  _ Satisfaction Guaranteed _ , and it would  _ guarantee _ Juvia's  _ satisfaction _ if you removed that bothersome little amenity." She smiled.

The clerk's smile grew twice as wide, "We can't destroy property, it's against company policy."

"Is it against your policy to look the other way while Juvia pops in there for a moment with a sledgehammer?"

"Well, not  _ technically _ , but I'm sure it's at the very least frowned upon-"

" _ Technically _ is really all the permission Juvia needs."

"Miss Lockser, think about the other guests-!"

" _ Juvia doesn't give a damn about other people! _ " She was halfway across the desk, much to the concierge's surprise, when a hand pulled her back.

"How 'bout I take care of the paperwork?"

"Juvia doesn't need hel-"

"I wasn't asking." Gray's face looked nearly as tired as when she'd found him that morning. It seemed all those naps hadn't left him with enough energy to continue through this.

"Uh, very well. Juvia seems to be going overboard anyway..."

Five minutes later he was back, passed her a key, and headed for the elevator. Juvia followed silently, trying not to stare too much as the elevator made its way down.

It wasn't nice to say, but his face looked terrible.

They were already inside, button pressed, door closing rapidly, when a hand suddenly intercepted them.

It belonged to Anders.

It was very mature of Gray not throw anything, because it was clear based on his face he wanted to.

Anders, to his credit, at least looked apologetic, "Uh, before you go, I'm  _ such _ a huge fan. Stayed all night just to see you in person. And I was just wondering, can I have your autograph?"

Gray stared at the man for a long while.

An uncomfortably long while.

He stared at Anders, face scratched, shirt gone, pants ripped, an empty paper bag clutched in a tight fist, and continued staring even as the clerk turned to Juvia instead.

She wasn't as willing to disappoint, "Uh, what if Juvia signed whatever you'd like in the  _ morning _ , and Gray-sama sign it when we leave? That way you'll have something to look forward to?"

"Puppy promise?"

She'd never heard of such a thing, but nodded anyway, "Yes. Juvia swears."

"Alright then," He grinned in a way that could be called unnatural, "Goodnight."

"Night!"

"Shut up."

Surely from the context, you can tell who said what.

xJx

Juvia was already in a deep sleep, when a high pitched squeal of metal startled her awake, followed by a steady flow of water crashing onto tiles. 

She groaned. 

How did he even have the energy to take a shower? Even with all those naps, he'd looked as worn-down as she'd felt.

Needing fresh air, Juvia half-heartedly shimmied onto her back, and tried to call sleep back to her. She didn't want her mind to focus again. To notice all the things out of place. Her unpacked bags, her hat on the heater, all the lights on in her room, the curtains were wide open; any letcher in a spruce might be able to catch a peek, the idea of sharing a bed with Gray-sama...

And now she was awake.

Juvia sat up, with a sigh. Her eyes were disoriented from all the light and her hair was tangled. It had gotten around her neck and in her mouth. She spat it out hoping none had broken off and stayed on her tongue. She hated swallowing hair.

With a shudder, Juvia crawled to the end of her bed and blearily took in her luggage. The idea of sleeping in her corset seemed ludicrously uncomfortable now, but she couldn't remember where she'd put her pajamas.

Five bags, one of which didn't contain a stitch of her own clothing, stared back at her, not yielding the smallest hint of what they might contain. She leaned over until she was lying on the bed in a loose ball on her right shoulder, still staring at the stubborn suitcases.

Juvia did not have the energy needed to pull those bags apart, and look through them. Let alone repack them.

She was just beginning to debate pulling out a certain oversized t-shirt from the fifth, smaller bag, when another noise from the bathroom caught her attention.

Humming, melodic and deep, was seeping into the room, completely distracting her from her pajama problem. Juvia curled into herself a bit more, relaxed by the tune. It wasn't familiar to her, but it resonated through her body so nicely she was able to just enjoy the song without much thought.

And that's how she fell asleep for the night.


End file.
